Merry With a Scrooge (The Love Beach Holiday Collection)

13. Vail

Vail

My eyes are glued to the woman in the seat next to me.

She’s wearing a simple summer dress except with the way it hugs her body, the way the hem flirts around her thighs, there is nothing simple about it or the way my body reacts to it.

In particular my cock.

The fucker has been in various states of hardness since she came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel and water droplets on her shoulders.

Droplets I wanted to suck at with my mouth, lick off with my tongue.

I had to grab my bag a race behind the bathroom door. Even locked the damn thing to put another barrier between me and the woman who I knew was dropping that towel to get dressed in the other room.

That was hours ago.

And my brain has been as sluggish as you would think with all my blood pooled in my groin.

It took all my self-control to leave her house, to get in the car and drive. I headed south of Love Beach until we found a nice cafe right on the water down the coast to stop at for brunch.

After indulging in a breakfast feast Laney insisted on a walk along the shoreline to enjoy the warm summer day before we got back in the car and headed farther south where we stopped in this quaint seaside town.

We’ve been browsing the shops for hours—her hand in mine—and I have to admit, I’ve enjoyed picking up a few gifts for Christmas.

I still have a lot to do, a lot to make up for considering my non-existent gift giving in the last year. After Felicity took Kavan and didn’t show for our wedding, I wasn’t in the mood for anything, least of all holiday festivities.

But today has lifted my spirits, and in spite of the possibility I won’t get to see Kavan I’ve bought a few gifts for him and others.

We finished exploring the shops and are currently seated at a table overlooking the water, a meal of fish and chips spread out in front of us.

I haven’t dated much, more hookups than dates if I’m honest. And the last five years I was pretending to be a family man. Not that there was anything pretend about fathering Kavan.

Today has shown me what I’ve been missing. Or maybe it’s not the day but the person I’ve spent it with.

For hours three words have burned my tongue. I shouldn’t say them—shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on Laney. Not on a first date. Except this isn’t a normal first date.

We’ve known each other for decades. We were together for some of the stories we’ve shared while wandering in and out of the stores. It’s been great getting a new perspective on past events through her eyes.

Although I could have done without the knowledge that she lost her virginity in the pool house of her family’s estate the year she turned seventeen.

I remember the boyfriend too, I didn’t tell her that, but I remember the pimple face shithead who got to be her first.

My only consolation is that it wasn’t an experience she wanted to repeat.

We haven’t talked about any other past relationships and I’m glad. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy lunch with the way acid scalds my throat at the thought of her with other men.

“You’re staring.”

I smile. “It’s a beautiful view.”

“You’re not looking at the view.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Vail.”

“Too much?” I sit back in my seat. Cross my arms.

Her head tips to the left slightly as she studies me. “No. I think you’re being genuine, I’m just not used to it from you.”

“I won’t ever lie to you. I lied to myself about you for long enough. Never lied to my ex either but what I did by letting her put a ring on her finger equates to one.”

“Does it?” She picks up her drink. Takes a quick sip. “You told her to go pick a ring when she said being married would give you Kavan. Doesn’t sound like a lie to me. Well, except for the part where she left you at the altar and you don’t have Kavan. Like she said. That’s definitely a lie.”

“Other than him, I kind of ignored her. Except for events where I needed a buffer?—”

“From me.”

“Yes, from you. We lived like roommates more than an engaged couple.”

She shakes her head. “I still don’t get that. She had access to you.” She waves a hand indicating my body. “And she chose to let you have a separate bedroom?”

“She was happy with the arrangement.”

“Not too happy with it if she left.”

“She left because I wouldn’t take three months off to tour Europe for our honeymoon.”

“Three months off? There’s no way you could take three months off work.”

“I know. It’s why I said no.” I shrug. “They went without me.”

“That’s where she went when she left?”

“Yes.” I hate knowing she took Kavan with her. I’d seen the itinerary she wanted. It was extensive—exhaustive. I can’t imagine what he thought. What he thinks now.

“Stop.” Laney leans over and puts a hand to my cheek. “Stop looking back.”

“How do you know that’s what I’m doing?”

“I know you.” She smiles. “You can’t change the past, Vail, but you can change the future. Let’s concentrate on that.”

“Okay. But you realize the future is you and me, right? You’ll be the woman I marry.”

Her mouth opens and closes so many times I laugh.

“You look like a fish.”

“Hey.” She taps my face with her palm. “You just said I was beautiful.”

“You are. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Now you’re just blowing smoke.”

I grin. I love it when we banter. The last few months in the office have been refreshing because of her sass and the way our conversations often turn into a sparring match of words.

“I like seeing you happy.” Her words have the smile freezing on my face.

Am I happy?

Is that what I’m feeling right now?

It’s hard to judge when I can’t remember the last time I acknowledged my own happiness. I’ve spent years making sure Kavan was happy. Making sure his mother didn’t bother me, which I guess equates to making her happy.

But did any of that really make me happy?

Am I happy now?

“You’re thinking too hard for a first date.” Laney smiles at me and bumps her shoulder into mine. “I thought we were leaving the past in the past and concentrating on the future.”

“We are. But I’m not sure we can do that. I don’t want to make more mistakes when it comes to you. I’ve made so many already.”

“I wouldn’t call them mistakes.”

“No?” My actions affected so many people.

“You would have married her.”

I nod. “Yes. I would have if she’d turned up at the church.”

“And you would have stayed married for Kavan’s sake.”

“I would have.”

“That’s not a mistake, Vail. Misguided in some ways, but not a mistake. That little boy deserves the best life, and you would have given him that regardless of the blood running through his veins.”

“What if she lied about his biological father not wanting anything to do with him?”

“She didn’t lie about that.”

I stare at her. Her words are full of knowledge and my heart squeezes. “You know who he is?” It’s a question but I already know the answer.

“Yes.”

“And this is what you were going to tell me last—” I shake my head. “This morning when I got here?”

“Yes.”

“Is it good or bad news?” I know what I want, what I’ve always wanted and should have sought as soon as I decided to fill the role of Kavan’s father.

“It’s good. But you’re still going to have to wait to have Kavan back in your life.”

I can tell she doesn’t want to tell me everything, and not because she’s not interested in sharing. Her reticence is because she’s seen me get my hopes up time and time again over the last few months.

Swallowing, I drag a hand over my chin, rubbing back and forth before I can get the words out. “But I will have him in my life.”

“Yes. And if all goes to plan that will happen before Christmas.”

My insides are chaos. Excitement and fear and love and overwhelming gratitude for this woman. “I love you.”

Her eyes widen.

“I know this is only our first date.” I smile. “But I’ve held this inside me so long. I don’t need you to say it back, don’t expect you to. I’m going to earn your love, but I can’t not give you mine. I want to build a life with you. I want you to help me raise Kavan. Work beside me at QVE. Grow our family when you’re ready.”

“Vail.”

“I know, I know, it’s too much. I shouldn’t put this pressure on you. I promised myself I wouldn’t and here I am doing it anyway. I can’t help it, can’t hold it in any longer. When we get back to Love Beach I’m going to call your brother, ask him to come out to the cottage.”

“You want to tell Quade you love me?” Her mouth is curled up in a small smile and I’m helpless to stop myself from leaning over and tasting her lips.

I’m aware of where we are, aware of the need to keep this kiss under control and even though it physically hurts to pull back, I do it. “Yes. I want everyone to know I love you.”

“We should get married now.”

I freeze.

My heart, my lungs, my brain.

Frozen in this moment.

In this beautiful moment where the woman I love suggested we get married.

Except I’ve been here before.

With someone else.

And look how that turned out.