Mistletoe and Memories (Evergreen Hollow Christmas #4)

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The sound of her alarm made Caroline jolt upright in bed, straight out of a deep sleep. The other side of the bed was empty, Rhett had had to leave at midnight to pull a graveyard shift at the fire station. She felt slightly disoriented as she looked over at the clock and realized it was eight in the morning—she’d overslept by almost two hours.

She swung her legs over the bed, grabbing a hair tie as she tossed her hair up on top of her head. It was chilly in the bedroom, and she grabbed her robe, sucking in a breath as she stood up and her head briefly swam, a surge of nausea jolting up into her throat.

It wasn’t exactly surprising that she’d overslept. She had felt increasingly more and more tired every day, wanting midday naps when she’d never napped before in her entire life. And the nausea was wrecking her. It extended well into dinnertime, and anything that wasn’t bland made her stomach turn over. Which was basically all holiday food, and anything that her mother made. Rhonda believed strongly in seasonings, and Caroline had never had a reason to complain about that until now.

She knew she wasn’t going to be able to hide it from Rhett much longer. Only his erratic schedule had made her able to keep it a secret for this long, and he was going to pick up on it sooner or later. She wasn’t going to be able to come up with an excuse either, not without lying. And she didn’t want to do that.

Tiredly, she dug through her dresser drawers, finding a pair of jeans and a loose, soft flannel shirt that was one of her favorites. Right now, exhausted despite oversleeping and wondering what she might be able to keep down for breakfast, all Caroline wanted was to be comfortable.

She headed downstairs to see if there was anything in their fridge that she might be able to stomach before heading over to the inn. By the time she got down the stairs, she smelled the scent of melted chocolate and mint, and hurried toward the kitchen, confused and a little concerned. To her surprise, as she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she saw Jay standing there on a stepstool, layering peppermint bark into a pan with a sheet of wax paper on it. The chocolate ringing his mouth told her that not all of it had made it into the pan.

Caroline pressed a hand to her mouth, stifling a laugh as she looked at her stepson. When she thought she could speak without bursting into surprised laughter, she cleared her throat, and Jay jumped a little guiltily, looking at her.

“What was so urgent that you needed to make peppermint bark at eight in the morning?” she asked curiously, looking at the disaster of bowls spread across the counter. It looked as if Jay had melted the chocolate in the microwave, which made her feel better. At least he hadn’t been using the stove while she was asleep.

He looked at her uncertainly, and Caroline tilted her head, genuinely confused. “Was there a school party that you forgot to tell me about? Or that I forgot about?”

She felt a sweeping sensation of guilt at the idea that Jay might have told her, and it had slipped her mind. Granted, it was easy to let something fall by the wayside this time of year, when the inn was so busy, but she had just talked to Spencer about how worried she was that Jay would feel replaced by the new baby.

If she’d forgotten about something for his school, she would have a hard time not feeling like she was already making those mistakes before the baby had even arrived.

Jay shook his head. “No,” he mumbled, and the way his cheeks turned red as he said it made Caroline instantly realize exactly who the peppermint bark was for.

She felt a wave of relief that she hadn’t forgotten anything. She smiled at Jay, walking to a cupboard at the far end of the kitchen where she and Rhett kept miscellaneous household items.

“Here,” she said, pulling out a roll of clear cellophane leftover from making cookie baskets at the inn for new holiday guests, and a spool of red and green ribbon. “We can use these to wrap it up once it’s ready. It will look extra pretty and festive that way. I think she’ll like that, don’t you?”

Jay’s face split into a grin, and he nodded enthusiastically as he carried the tray to the refrigerator. Caroline set the items on the kitchen table, feeling pleased with herself. Maybe I’ll be better at all of this being-a-mother thing than I thought, she considered, as she went to help Jay start cleaning up. This was her first time trying to do any of the things that came along with raising a child, going in completely blind, and she thought she was handling it pretty well. She knew that Rhett felt the same way. So there wasn’t any reason to think that she wouldn’t also be able to figure out how to do it from day one.

Jay turned back to her as he closed the refrigerator door. “We are going sledding out at the big hill today though,” he said, biting his lip. “Do you think you could drive me and drop me off?”

“Of course,” Caroline said immediately.

She would have to go in to handle guests a little later than usual, but she knew Rhonda wouldn’t mind helping out. Her mother always told her that she should ask for help more often, instead of taking so much on, but she’d been doing it for so many years that it felt like second nature. She knew Rhonda wouldn’t mind her being late that morning though.

She finished cleaning up and managed a few small bites of an apple crisp muffin while Jay ran upstairs to get changed, and then helped him package the peppermint bark once he came back down. She showed him how to fold the cellophane, then stack the bark and wrap it up, and how to curl the ribbon with scissors once it was tied. He was enthralled with the entire process, and Caroline felt warm and happy when they were finished.

It had been a good bonding moment for them, she thought. And she was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her what he was doing, and to ask her for help.

They loaded up in her car, and she drove him to the slope. Jay was slumped down in the passenger’s seat, playing a game on his Switch, but as soon as they got close, she saw him sit up straight, tucking his game away and looking out of the window. His friends were already waiting at the slope, and she saw his cheeks turn red as a girl with blonde braids and a red beanie waved enthusiastically at him.

“Is that Whitney?” Caroline asked, and Jay nodded.

“Yes,” he mumbled, grabbing his backpack, and Caroline hit the button to roll the window down.

“Hi there!” Caroline called out as Whitney started to walk toward the car. Jay shoved the door open, clambering out. “I hope you both have a good day!”

“Don’t say hello!” he muttered, clearly embarrassed as he shoved his bag onto his shoulder and closed the door. He hurried away from the car, past Whitney, and Caroline bit her lip, realizing that she probably shouldn’t have said that.

She had wanted to be encouraging, and show Jay that she was supportive of him. That she thought it was good, and sweet that he had a first crush, and she didn’t want to discourage him from exploring that. She wanted him to talk to her, and be open about what was going on in his life, and she’d thought that was the best way to show it.

Clearly, that had just upset him.

She watched him run off, joining the other kids with Whitney trailing behind. She felt awful as she watched him go. So many parents said that they were making it up as they went along, that no one did all of this perfectly, but was that really true?

What if she’d just made a mistake big enough to screw up Jay’s budding crush—what if he was so embarrassed that he avoided Whitney, and that hurt her feelings? She might have just been responsible for a huge misunderstanding between two kids, and she was the adult. She should have known better.

Logically, Caroline knew she was overreacting. Blowing it all way out of proportion. But she wasn’t feeling very logical just then.

She found herself driving toward the fire station, instead of back to the inn. Her thoughts and emotions felt jumbled, all over the place, and she felt like she needed to talk to Rhett. He would help reassure her; he always did.

He was inside when she walked in, organizing equipment and loading it into one of the big fire trucks. She bit her lip as she walked over, feeling more uncertain than she ever normally did. Lately, she had just felt emotionally unbalanced all of the time, and it was uncomfortable after so many years of being the rock for everyone around her. The calm, steadfast, reliable one.

She didn’t feel like that right then, that was for certain.

Caroline saw Rhett look up at the sound of her footsteps and turn, his face breaking into a wide smile as he saw her. He looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes, but he still looked happy to see her there.

“Hey, Caroline. I didn’t expect to see you stop by. Slow morning at the inn?” His mouth quirked up as he said it; he knew as well as she did that there was no such thing as a slow morning at The Mistletoe Inn this time of year.

“Not really,” she admitted. “I overslept and found Jay making peppermint bark in the kitchen for Whitney.”

“Whitney—oh, yeah. The girl he has a crush on.” Rhett chuckled. “Good for him, trying to win her over with skills in the kitchen. He’s starting off right.”

Caroline felt herself crack a small smile at that, even though she still felt weighed down by what had happened. “He asked me to drive him to the sledding hill to meet his friends. She was there and I said hi when I dropped him off. It seemed like I embarrassed him. He was pretty upset about it.”

“Kids get embarrassed easily. Especially with stuff like that. I wouldn’t worry about it,” Rhett said easily, tossing a bag into the back of the fire truck. “He’ll forget about it by the time he gets home.”

“All the same, I thought I was doing the right thing, and it turned out to be a big mistake.” The words rushed out, full of all the worry and frustration and tiredness that was pent up inside of her. “I don’t even know how to parent him correctly, how will I be able to?—”

She broke off, just short of almost letting the news about the baby slip.

It wasn’t the right place or time to tell him. He was at work, and they were both tired, and they should have that talk at home, in private, where they could hash out all their feelings and worries.

But a part of her couldn’t help feeling that she should have just let it out, that it would have been better to just say it and get it off of her chest. That this was a good lead-in to why she’d been keeping it a secret, to why she was so afraid that this wasn’t going to turn out well in the end.

“Hey,” Rhett said, dropping the other bag he was holding and walking over to give her a hug. “There’s nothing to worry about, okay? I think you’re doing a great job with Jay. You have been since even before you were officially his stepmom.” He squeezed her tightly and took a step back. “It’ll all be all right, I promise.”

Caroline nodded, pushing a piece of hair out of her face. She wasn’t sure that was true, but she couldn’t tell Rhett that without letting slip the other thing that she couldn’t bring herself to tell him yet. “Thanks,” she managed, giving him a quick kiss. “I should be getting back. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Love you.” He returned the kiss, turning back to the fire truck, and Caroline let out a breath.

“Love you too.”

The minute she was back in her car, she opened her phone to the group chat that she had with her sisters, typing out a hasty message as she felt all the worry come flooding back in.

CAROLINE: I have to tell Rhett about the baby soon. But I just can’t. I need you guys to tell me what to do, I’m panicking.

The panic remained as she pulled out onto the road to head back to the inn, feeling more out of control of her own life than she had in all of it prior to that moment.

She was always the one everyone else came to for advice. But right then, she couldn’t even seem to take her own.