Mistletoe and Memories (Evergreen Hollow Christmas #4)

Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

Saturday, Rhett finally had a day off, and Caroline had been looking forward to it all week. They’d planned to have a day of family Christmas festivities, including building snowmen in the front yard of their small cottage and picking out their Christmas tree from the local lot. Between Rhett’s busy schedule at the fire station and her own wall-to-wall crazy schedule with the inn, she couldn’t remember when they’d last had a full day to spend together as a family. She was incredibly excited.

She also couldn’t stop thinking about the news that she needed to tell Rhett. The symptoms definitely weren’t getting any better. She’d asked both Spencer and her OB/GYN in Burlington if all of it was normal—the ongoing nausea, the constant cravings for jalape?os at ten in the morning, and her bone-deep exhaustion that didn’t seem to go away no matter how many full nights of sleep she managed.

She’d asked Nora too, and the answer from all three had been the same. It was definitely normal, even if the cravings had shown up a little early. Nora had warned her that sometimes the nausea didn’t go away until the third trimester, and Caroline had looked sadly at the cranberry-orange oatmeal in front of her that she’d been trying to get down all morning.

She needed to just tell Rhett. She was sure that keeping the baby a secret was just making her symptoms worse. The stress of hiding it definitely wasn’t helping the nausea or her exhaustion. And if he knew, he could help. She knew he would. He would commiserate with her through the discomfort, soothe her worries and make her feel as if everything were going to be okay.

If he wasn’t upset about the news.

That was the sole thing that kept hanging her up, that kept her from getting excited and envisioning all the ways they could enjoy this together, all the bright and happy possibilities that came with them having a baby. Because all of that relied on him being happy about it.

It relied on him being excited and not disappointed, or worried, or secretly wishing that it hadn’t happened. And she felt like she couldn’t let herself get excited about any of the good possibilities, while there was still a chance—and very likely, in her opinion—that he would be upset about it.

She tried to push the thoughts away as she got ready for their day out, packing up a winter picnic basket with Christmas cookies, oranges, and homemade hot cocoa mix, as well as a hot thermos of water to mix with the cocoa later. They had pillows and blankets tucked in the back of Rhett’s truck, and had plans for a cozy picnic later.

Looking out of the kitchen window, she saw that Jay was still playing in the backyard, digging in his roped-off ‘archaeology site.’

They still had a little while before they needed to leave, and Rhett would be getting out of the shower any minute. Jay wouldn’t come in from playing until the absolute last minute that he needed to, so she would have time to talk to Rhett about the baby, if she wanted to?—

The day would be so much better if she did, she thought. If it all went well. They could have their family day on the high of excitement about the coming new addition.

Or , the other half of her mind cautioned, it could ruin the whole day, the first day they’d all had together in some time, if he was upset.

But everyone was so sure that he would be happy. Not a single person who knew him that she’d talked to had thought he would be anything other than thrilled. And if she kept waiting for the perfect low-stress moment that wouldn’t risk ruining the day if he was upset, she’d be keeping the secret until it was impossible to keep any longer.

That would be bad, if he found out some other way. Or guessed it, because she’d let it go too long, and then he would be hurt that she’d hid it from him on top of everything else.

She let out a sigh. Just tell him, she thought, as she heard the upstairs bedroom door close, and the sound of his boots on the stairs. There was never going to be a perfect time. She needed to just do it.

She glanced out of the window. Jay wasn’t in his ‘dig site’ any longer, and she wondered where he’d run off to. She felt a spark of concern, but after all, part of the reason Rhett had moved himself and Jay to Evergreen Hollow was so that Jay could enjoy just being a kid, running around freely without worry. They’d already long since gone over the issue of digging up other people’s yards, so she wasn’t overly worried.

And Rhett was going to be in the kitchen any minute, so she didn’t have long to think about it if she wanted to tell him the truth about why she’d been feeling so poorly?—

Just as she thought she’d made up her mind what she was going to say to him, the front door slammed. She heard the torrent of running footsteps that was clearly Jay, and she let out a sharp breath, unsure whether she was disappointed or relieved that he’d come back in at exactly the moment that would keep her from having the conversation with Rhett.

“Hey you,” she said as Jay tore into the kitchen, skidding on the linoleum floor. “I was wondering where you went.”

Jay’s face looked flushed, and she couldn’t tell if it was from the cold, embarrassment, or guilt. “I met Whitney a block away,” he said, eyeing her as if he wasn’t sure of her response. They hadn’t talked about Whitney since she’d accidentally embarrassed him in front of his friends when she’d dropped him off.

Her eyebrows rose, a little startled, and she looked at him curiously, her worries about the conversation with Rhett temporarily driven out of her head. “What for?” she asked, and Jay shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“I gave her a bag of some of the Christmas cookies you made,” he said shyly. “They were really good and tasty, so I thought she would like some too. And I told her straight-up how I feel about her,” he added. “She told me that she likes me too.”

Caroline smiled warmly at her stepson, feeling a warm flush of happiness for him. “I’m so proud of you,” she said firmly. “That was very brave. And it worked out in the end! That’s wonderful.” And now it’s my turn, she thought wryly to herself as Jay bounced over to the counter to help himself to a rogue Christmas cookie that was still on the platter. She was well past the point of needing to take her own advice.

Rhett walked in just as she thought it, and she smiled at him, hoping she would have the courage to tell him later, instead. They had plans to enjoy the later part of the afternoon together, after the snowmen and Christmas tree and picnic, while Jay went to hang out with his friends. That would be the better time for the conversation, she told herself.

“Do we have everything we need for the excursion today?” Rhett asked brightly as he walked in, giving her a quick kiss.

“We still need hand warmers and snowshoes,” Jay said, through a mouthful of Christmas cookie, and Rhett grinned.

“Good thinking,” Rhett said approvingly. “How about you go grab those out of the garage, and put the snowshoes in the truck?” He turned toward Caroline as he said it, and she smiled, knowing he’d sent Jay off to do that to get a moment alone with her. They hadn’t really had all that much time to snag romantic moments alone recently, and she knew he missed it as much as she did.

“It’s nice that he’s so independent,” Rhett remarked as Jay nodded and ran off, putting his arms around Caroline as he pulled her close. “That means we don’t have to worry about him at all this afternoon when we get back. We’ll have more time to ourselves, no interruptions—just the two of us.” He grinned, tapping her affectionately on the nose, and she could see the happy anticipation of that in his eyes.

But it made her spirits sink instead, even as she nodded and plastered a happy smile on her face. All of her courage that she’d been building up to tell him about the baby fled in that moment, hearing him say how much he was enjoying having a child old enough to entertain themselves, so that they could have their own private time as a couple. How much he was looking forward to it.

A baby would take all of that away, for a long time. She knew that very well, from seeing what Nora and Aiden were working through while Madison was still so little.

Jay had taken her advice about being straightforward, and she was proud of him.

But when would she be able to do the same?