Mistletoe Misses

Chapter 12

Carmen

C anwe go see Santa?” Sadie asks, yanking me back to reality with a tug on my jacket sleeve.

I look around to gain my bearings. The crowd is dispersing across the empty street and there’s only a quiet snow flurry and buzz of energy filling the air. Did I really just spend the entire parade losing myself in Maddox? Watching one of his walls crumble as he accepted another piece of me was a wish come true, and only Sadie could draw me away.

Although he kept his hands to himself, he allowed me to connect us. No hesitation or concern for what I might do next registered in his body language or eyes. Those windows into his thoughts gave off mostly positive emotions, and I’ll take that all day long. In that one hour, we made more progress than any other since he returned, and I can no longer deny that I’m falling for him all over again.

“I know it’s Frank in a Santa costume,” Sadie continues, “but we always get a picture with him.”

“Sure, sweetheart.” I cup her cheek, appreciating my mature girl and wishing for time to slow down in that department at the same time.

She leaps over my outstretched legs to get to Maddox with Trixie following and my hand slips from his thigh. “Want to come, sweetie?”

His attention moves to her and Trixie crawling into his lap. After the leap we made tonight, I’m begging the universe to make him say yes. I need more time. We need more time for the idea of us to settle in his mind.

“I’d love to,” he says before rising to his feet.

Sadie collects Trixie and reaches for his hand. Surprised, his eyes snap to her before a grin emerges, and she gives him one back, content with his instant acceptance. Unbridled joy sweeps me away like the gentle flow of a river, and my heart might explode if any more beautiful moments happen tonight. But I certainly wouldn’t complain if they did.

Listening to them chat on our way to the tree lighting ceremony, it’s easy to bask in the warmth of their sweet friendship. I laugh and swoon and chime in a time or two until I remember where we’re going. The tree is installed outside the gazebo. The same place where I broke it off with Maddox nine years ago. I’m worried about how he’ll react to being there with me again and if it will shatter all we gained tonight as our lives were that regretful night.

Another block later, I can see the top of the tree, and my heart won’t stop throwing itself against my ribcage.

When we can go no further, Maddox lifts Sadie so she can watch the ceremony over the crowd. Hoping her sweet face will cool my frazzled nerves, I tilt my head up, but my eyes land on Maddox instead. He holds me captive with that pensive gaze of his, and I have no idea what he’s feeling. I’m too frantic to process what I see in him. Given our history, I fear the worst—emotions exploding, a revisit of that dreadful night, unrecoverable setbacks, seeing the cloud of hurt in his kaleidoscope eyes.

I fight against the punch of surprise when his fingers glide down my palm and lace with mine, sending me the opposite message—he’s okay and we’re even better. After everything that’s happened to keep us apart and all we left undone, I have no idea how I got so lucky to have this breathtaking man back in my life. But one thing’s for sure, I’ll never take him for granted ever again.

◆◆◆

We spend the next two hours playing games at the rec center behind Loving’s Park. I’m happy to learn Maddox hasn’t lost his competitive side, and he brings out the same in Sadie. I laugh until I cry at those two going at it with the bobbing for gifts activity and again at the snowball toss.

Best of all was hearing Sadie giggle every time she tossed the beanbags during Rudolph cornhole. Each bag was decorated as a different reindeer, their thin, dangly legs flailing off their square body as they sailed through the air into boards painted as rooftops. Sadie and I faced off against Maddox—the view of him joking and laughing along with her was all the reward I needed—but I’m happy to report, the girls took the trophy, which consisted of reindeer food for the yard. Sadie tried to soften the blow to Maddox’s ego by inviting him to sprinkle the loot at her grandparents’ and Nana’s houses on Christmas Eve.

“They may be too old to believe in Santa, but everyone deserves a little reindeer magic,” she says, too wise for her own good.

He doesn’t make any promises, and I try not to let that bother me. We have a long way to go and had too much fun to ruin it with all the lingering what-ifs.

Just before closing, we enter the lobby to get our photo taken with Santa Frank, owner of Frankie’s Restaurant and Pub on Main Street. He’s been picking up children and smiling through photo after photo all night but doesn’t complain when our shoot runs past quitting time. First, Sadie poses with him. Next, she adds Trixie, then me. After the last shot, Sadie invites Maddox into our photoshoot. He jogs over, picks up Sadie and Trixie in one arm, and smiles for the camera, the other arm resting across Santa’s shoulders.

That photo of the three of us with Santa, symbolizes more than our reconnecting. Maddox is smiling more, and he seems happier—my number one wish coming true. He held my hand and Sadie’s earlier, which means he’s letting us in and emerging from behind his cracked shell. Who knew baby steps could feel so good?

“Thank you for tonight,” I say awkwardly, standing in the hallway outside our apartment once again after Maddox walks us upstairs. Words aren’t forming as quickly as I’d prefer with him looking like he wants another opportunity to follow through on our first kiss.

“Would you … Um.” My hand involuntarily flings itself toward the door in a sudden explosion of nerves. “Like to come in for a bit? I had such a great time I don’t want it to end.”

“Me too, but I better get home.”

“I understand.” Disappointment takes over, and my gaze lowers to the floor in a search for a way to stop it. It doesn’t seem possible to crave someone this much—to need their touch more than air to breathe—but it’s because he withholds so much of himself.

I’ve never given up the reins before and let the other person call the shots. Any other time and with teenage Maddox, I always went after what I wanted. With this version of him, I have no say in what happens between us, and that’s only fair. He didn’t get a say when I broke things off, and I refuse to do that to him again. We’ll move at the speed he’s comfortable with, but it doesn’t make it any easier to—

Two scuffed boots step into my view, and his familiar pine scent has nostalgia flooding my thoughts. I’ve missed this closeness and my body’s response to him. Tiny bumps appear in a wave down my arms and legs, and I shiver with eager anticipation. His finger curls under my chin, tugging softly until his handsome face is all I see. Holding my gaze, his eyes darken with a slight sensual haze before lowering to fixate on my mouth.

Yes, please.

His lips part slightly in a decadent tease on his way to me. It feels daring, him tempting me and watching my reaction to this huge step. His hot, rapid breaths kiss my cheek. All I have to do is rise onto my toes, and my lips would be on his.

God, Maddox , I beg. Please don’t stop . I’ve been one thousand percent in and waiting for this moment since I heard he was in town. We need to determine if our spark hits as potent as it used to. Based on my body trembling with need for him, I’d bet the store it does that and more.

My hands clench into fists by my sides, knowing I can’t touch him without permission.

“Maddox …” His name comes out in an airy plea, and I hope he hears how much I want this. How much I want him .

“I have a question.” His stripped-down tone sends an electric current through me, and I shudder from the jolt of it.

Holding his gaze, I urge him to stay and fight through any doubt that might be forming. “Ask me anything.” Just don’t run.

“Can I kiss you?”

Relief gushes through me, providing more bliss than a double-size cup of caramel macchiato. “Yes.”

In one smooth motion, he drops Trixie and frames my face with both hands. His sensual touch is everything I dreamed it would be—confident, possessive, powerful, yet gentle. From that one motion of surrender, my legs waver, and I clutch his wrists to regain my balance. I don’t want to miss one second of this.

His soft lips skim over mine, careful and light at first as if he’s letting the good memories of us back in one at a time before giving in to me. I’d love to know where he finds the restraint. My body feels like a new flame—erratic and aching to consume everything it touches. I need more.

An overpowering moan rumbles in my throat, and his muscles tense in response. I didn’t mean to give him more signals, but this slow anticipation is torture. Nothing compares to being kissed by Maddox Henderson, and I can’t wait any longer.

With my head spinning, I lean into the searing kiss, pouring all I have into it and him until my entire body goes numb. My head takes off like a balloon, floating in a cloud of bliss. I wanted this so badly, and what a relief it is to know the wait had been so damn worth it.

The soft rub of his evening whiskers around his capable lips only adds to his sex appeal. Especially when his hands slip into my hair to angle my head back and deepen the kiss. My own trail up his rigid abs, feeling the strength in them. I can’t help but picture all these muscles and what the bulk of him might feel like pressed against me without all these layers. Hungry for more, I go to grip his shoulders just as he releases me, and I stumble a few steps to catch myself.

“You should give me a warning before doing that,” I say between gulps of air. The sampling of what he’s capable of left me breathless, dizzy with desire, and wishing he hadn’t ended it so quickly.

Leaning against the opposite wall, he’s as disheveled and dazed as I am. His hand scrubs over his jaw as he studies me. The smooth motion brings my gaze back to his wet, kiss-swollen lips and another round of need dashes through my core.

“I thought I did,” he says, the gravelly tone in his voice tipping me off balance again.

“I meant before stopping. I wasn’t ready.”

“Oh.”

“Did you feel it?” I find the nerve to ask. I have to know.

His hands dig inside his pants pockets. “Yeah. Too much.”

The good news bubbles through me like a sugar rush, and I can’t stop my grin from giving away my satisfaction. “I’m glad.” Taking the rare encouragement, I cross to him and reach for his hand. “Are you okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Feeling our chemistry alive and well and then some.”

His free hand tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, his eyes following. “I’m getting used to the idea.”

I’m grateful for the smile he adds as punctuation to that statement because I couldn’t read him. He’s stoic again, pensive, and even that is sexy. The man has a thousand different expressions, and each one makes me swoon. “Good. In case you’re wondering, I’m already there, waiting for you.”

He lowers his head for a safe, tender kiss before saying, “How about we start with a date? Just the two of us?”

Best idea I’ve heard in years. I’m doing cartwheels inside, but I play it cool to not set off his flight reflex again. I’ve already gotten far more than I expected and probably deserve. “Seems like the next logical baby step. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“How about dinner sometime next week?”

The ambiguous time frame means he’s still hesitant to accept the notion of us. He may be getting better at being near me, but our history hasn’t been completely forgotten. If raising Sadie has taught me anything, it’s patience, and he’s worth waiting for.

“Next week sounds great.”

“Will you and Sadie be coming over for the Sunday get together? Aaron and Kendall will be home by then.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. We plan to be there. We’ll probably head downtown for the Spectacular events afterward. Maybe we can persuade you to come with us.”

“We’ll see. Sundays are my only drama-free day to work on the bookshop since it’s closed.”

“Alright.” I hold back my disappointment and put on a smile. “If you need a break, there will be a bake sale and plenty of holiday activities to re-energize you.” Good grief, I sound like a low-budget commercial.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” When awkwardness switches off the current bouncing between us, he calls for Trixie and ends the night before I can find another reason to delay the inevitable. “Will you tell Sadie good night for me?”

“Of course.”

Collecting Trixie when she trots over, he pecks my cheek on his way by. I watch him escape down the hall and disappear into the stairwell, marveling at him yet again. I’m worse than a cheap commercial. I’m a cliché romantic comedy with dramatic overactors and a predictable plot.

Beautifully broken male character guards his tender heart from the female character because he’s been hurt before and doesn’t want to ever feel that again.

Female character pines after him all hours of the day and night, always coming up with ridiculous excuses to spend time with him in hopes of tearing down his walls once and for all.

Whichever absurd scene I’m acting out each time we meet, I know our second chance movie will have a happy ending if my beautifully broken Maddox can release his big, tender heart from its cage.

◆◆◆

Maddox

Arriving at the apartment before sunrise, I’d planned to make some progress before the Sunday gathering, but I’ve accomplished next to nothing with Carmen’s kiss on the brain. Doesn’t help that the location where it happened and the woman herself are just a few feet down the hall.

Standing outside her door last night, I promised myself I wouldn’t get carried away. That I’d stay controlled and use the moment to assess my ever-changing mindset where she’s concerned. Want her. Run away. Give an inch. Take two. Let feelings in. Empty them out and start over. I thought I could handle touching her like that. I thought I was strong enough.

At first, I was proud of myself for keeping the kiss somewhat contained, but damn, if she didn’t destroy my every expectation and send my dormant desire into overdrive anyway. Fire shot through me everywhere her body pressed against mine. Then, who we once had been flooded my thoughts as if we’d never lost it, and I panicked. Especially when that moan of pleasure fluttered in her throat and sent my resolve to keep things in a safe zone up in flames. I could feel myself crossing every line I drew and had to take a step back before I did something I shouldn’t.

That’s when regret set in, and it hadn’t let up since. I wish I would have shown more of me, but I’d been afraid to scare her, let her down, disappoint her. Would I be enough? Would she feel the same after experiencing that side of me? Would it ruin how far we’d come? I couldn’t get out of my head and allow myself to truly enjoy it. And even I know how ridiculous and stupid that is. If I want to try being with Carmen again, it’s time I act like it.

The next opportunity she allows, I won’t restrain my emotions. Giving myself permission to set them free is the only way to determine if my developing feelings are real. I need to let go, and when I do, I can only hope she’ll catch me.

◆◆◆

Until I hear activity next door, I keep busy quietly cleaning and measuring for new cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom. I’m writing down the last size I need to order when my phone chimes with a new text message.

Aaron: Dude, you said you’d be here.

Me: You’re home already? I thought you weren’t arriving until the party.

Kendall: Surprise!

Me: Best one ever. I’ll be there as soon as I can.

Cooper: Don’t bother.

Me: What does that mean?

Aaron: He’s just messin with ya. We couldn’t wait.

Me: Wait for what?

Kendall: Surprise!

The thunderous noise of three sets of boots pounding on the back staircase has me tucking my phone away and rushing toward the storm.

Kendall emerges first and launches herself into my arms, wrapping me in unconditional love. A few seconds later, Aaron adds himself to the hug, making Ember Falls finally feel like home again.

“What is this?” Cooper asks, strolling into the apartment.

“A hug. Might do you some good to get one occasionally,” Kendall scolds, always on Cooper for following in my grumpy footsteps and embracing it ten-fold. The things soldiers see and do in the Army can do that to a person, and he’s served longer than me.

“I get and give plenty of hugs, thank you.”

“To someone other than Mom and Izzie,” she clarifies with a wink.

“Whatever. Anyway, I was referring to this … Is it an apartment?”

Stepping back from my two siblings, my arms open to the small living room. “Welcome to Nana’s nest egg.”

“I love the color,” Kendall says, guiding a hand over the light gray walls.

“Does she need money or something?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah. She’s barely making what’s required to keep the lights on—I checked the books—and she hasn’t done any building maintenance in years. You’ll never hear her admit any of that, though.”

Cooper inspects my handiwork in the kitchen. “Not bad. Can we help?”

“I’d love that, but not today. We have a party to go to, and I want to hear about college life.” I insert myself between Kendall and Aaron and drape an arm over their shoulders. “Coop can drive while you fill me in.”

“Great.” Cooper complains. “Now I get to hear it for a third time.”

“You’ll live. Let’s go.”