Mistletoe Misses

Chapter 20

Maddox

I t’s after midnight by the time my exhausted body begins the three-block trek from the parking garage to my apartment building in the snow. One block down and icicles have already formed on the tips of my collar and hood.

As if enduring the unexpected drive to Boston and five grueling hours at Adrian’s bedside at the hospital wasn’t enough, I’ve been honked at, screamed at, and flipped off for God knows what. Even the smell of hotdogs didn’t soothe the familiar ache that curled around my ribcage the second I left Ember Falls. No one called me by name when I entered a building, and I haven’t been forced into a hug or kissed once.

Being another body taking up space here used to be my favorite thing about this city. How depressed had I been to find false solace in that? I’ve been back for less than a day, and my world has resumed its usual blank and meaningless status—a grayscale version of the man I want to be. The one I found in Ember Falls.

I never thought I’d say this, but I miss home. Not this dreary place and my boring apartment. The home I found over the last few weeks in the town I once loved as much as baseball. I miss my family, the crazy people in town who treat me like one of their own, Trixie, Sadie, and Carmen. I miss short walks to restaurants and long get-togethers with friends. I miss the fresh air, mountain views, and goodness that lives and breathes in every corner there. I didn’t realize how much all that changed me until I left it.

Every step I climb to the front door of my apartment building takes the same effort as four. Doesn’t help that I’ve ignored my hollow stomach since lunch yesterday. The stress I’ve been under for the past twenty-four hours has replaced any hunger pangs I might have had with nausea and drained me of all energy reserves.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, reminding me I’ve also ignored it all day. In a hurry to get to Adrian’s hospital room, I accidentally left it in my truck, the single digit-temperatures emptying the battery in my absence. I had to charge it on my way home just to get it to turn on.

When the phone started working again, several missed calls and text messages appeared, but I’ll have to check them after I get inside and thaw out. My frozen fingers couldn’t push the tiny buttons right now anyway.

Foregoing more stairs, I use the elevator for the first time since I moved into the fifth-floor apartment. I’m concentrating on my popsicle fingers in their search for the right key on my keychain and don’t see the person huddled on the floor in the hallway until I trip over them.

“Maddox,” the groggy female voice says before she gets to her feet. She sounds aggravated that I woke her up with my big foot, but in my defense, I never expected someone to be sleeping outside my door.

Wait. How does she know my name?

She removes her hood, and long, golden waves tumble out and settle outside red, swollen eyes.

“Carmen? What’s wrong?”

I step closer as she leaps at me, throwing her legs around my waist. After the day I’ve had, I need this and allow myself to soak in the feel of her warm, unwavering embrace until we’ve both had our fill.

Securing herself there, she leans back to see my face.

“Are you okay?” I ask, detaching a strand of hair caught on her wet eyelashes.

“I am, but I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving. I could only think about getting here in time.” It’s probably not the answer she wants to hear, but it’s true.

“I understand. Your mom told me what happened. Would a kiss help?” she asks shyly. “I know it would help me.”

“Come inside.”

She holds onto my coat on our way to the living room couch, then settles on my lap after I sit. Her lips send healing light and energy through my veins, coloring my black-and-gray world with her love.

Drawing back, her eyes glisten in the moonlight while she surveys me. “Tell me about your friend.”

“He responded to a domestic dispute. Nothing out of the ordinary until the neighbors got involved, escalating the call to a brawl with multiple weapons. He took a stray bullet while trying to break it up.” I pause at her gasp. “The bullet missed a major artery in his leg by an inch, but I didn’t know that until he came out of surgery. Because of the fight, it took longer for EMS to get him to the hospital, and Captain said he’d been close to bleeding out. I couldn’t take any chances.”

She nods, understanding I needed to be here for him without my having to explain. “Now, it’s my turn.”

“Your turn for what?”

“To explain. Sadie told me what she said about her acting job, and I was scared you wouldn’t come back and give me the chance. I didn’t want you to think I was leaving you.”

The news and fog of hurt it caused flood my memory. I don’t realize my tired body reacts, giving away my feelings on the matter until she lifts my gaze to hers with a hand on my cheek.

“Maddox, we’re not going anywhere. She got it wrong.”

“What?”

“Yes, she was selected for the role, but we’re not moving to California.”

“How will she …”

“We’ll have to fly out there occasionally, and that’s where her agent lives, but most of the filming will take place in Boston, ironically. Other than her being the obvious choice for the part, we can easily commute here whenever she’s needed on set. It was a no-brainer.”

“You’re not moving?”

“No.” She grins. “Ember Falls is our home.”

Reveling in that good news, I take her hand, kiss her palm, then hold it against my chest. “I was thinking that on my way here. It’s my home, too, and I miss it already.”

“Does that mean you’re not staying here?”

She fights back a smile until I shake my head to confirm.

“What about your job?”

I think about all the years I dedicated to the department and wish my decision to resign had been a harder one to make. “I planned to make it official tomorrow … later today,” I correct since it’s already morning. “But I wanted to wait until Adrian was stable, so I could tell him first. We’ve been through a lot together on the force.”

“Maddox, that’s wonderful. I bet our police department would love to have you.”

“I’ve already been offered the job.”

“You have? When?”

“Another Nana errand. She must have sensed I was thinking about it and sent me to help the chief’s wife, conveniently before he left for work.”

“She’s good.” Her eyes shift to our hands as she contemplates her next words.

“What is it?”

“The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I’m so happy you’ve chosen to stay in Ember Falls,” she says easing into her question. “How are you feeling now … about us?”

There even being an us again fills me with a pride I haven’t experienced since I was a teenager. “I feel like keeping it going—no more holding back, no hesitations, no fears. How does that sound?”

“Like my next love song.”

“I could go for a song right about now.” Her soft, sensual tones have a way of soothing me no matter the situation, and I love the way her eyes make love with my soul when she delivers the lyrics. “Sing for me, Carmen.”

With a kiss, she stands and removes her coat, the moonlight casting a soft glow on her through the curtainless window. She takes my breath away in any situation, but in the intimate darkness with her singing softly to me with no overpowering music or rowdy bar patrons, I’m more than speechless. I’m in love.

You will be the song I won’t stop singing

The future I believe in

The best part of my day

You will be my comfort and my laughter

My happy ever after

My favorite choice I’ve made

It’s nice to know the best is yet to come

It’s nice to know our lives have just begun

Through every line of the new lyrics, I hear our story and find myself again. Only I’m better than I was before because this stunning woman makes me better, whole, stronger.

She finishes, blushing under my dumbfounded gaze until the words I should have said the second I saw her again flow from my lips. “I love you.”

She sucks in a breath, her lashes blinking faster than I would be comfortable with if I didn’t know she’s fighting back happy emotions.

“Maddox, I love you, too, and always will.” Lowering to her knees before me, she runs her hands up my outer thighs.

Her touch sends my system swirling with a sudden surge of need. “I thought that was my move.”

“What?”

“Getting on my knees.”

A playful grin rolls across her lips. “The way I remember it, you chickened out.”

“I did no such thing. I saved it.”

“For what?”

“Later.” In rising, I pull her to her feet and into my arms. “First, we have to make up for lost time.”

◆◆◆

Five hours. That’s how long I proved to my girl how much I love her. Taking in the view of her in my bed, I can’t believe I’m not continuing what we started earlier. My teenage self would be grossly disappointed, but I have bigger plans that need to get underway. Once everything is set into motion, we can experience more of those lazy, lingering mornings for the rest of our lives.

I leave her a note and the spare key and make my way to the hospital. Stepping outside, the weather matches my mood again. Last night had been unkind and dreary. After a life-changing few hours with Carmen, the sun shines cheerfully down on me from clear skies.

On the way to my truck, I stop by the bagel stand and order my usual. No one asks about my day or when I’ll be back just to visit, and that’s fine. I’ll soon be free of this place, left to endure it only when I attend a Red Sox game or visit during Sadie’s rehearsals.

Traffic is hell at this commuter time of day, and I get to Adrian’s room twenty minutes after visitation starts.

“You’re back.” His voice sounds like he swallowed razor blades for his last meal. Despite enduring emergency surgery yesterday, he’s sitting up in bed like it’s any normal day, white bandages covering the top of his hand, forehead, and thigh. He turns off the TV and flings the remote onto the nearby tray with a clank .

“Where else would I be?” I reclaim the stiff chair my ass put a permanent dent in yesterday and roll it up to the bed.

He eyes my coffee. “That smells amazing.”

“I would have brought you one, but I didn’t know if you were allowed to indulge yet, and I didn’t want to end up beside you. Your doc is scarier than Captain.”

“She’s great, right?” His brow pops up twice before a grin emerges.

“I take it your flirting talent wasn’t injured in the shooting.”

“Nope. Just my ego. Damn drug dealers should never win.”

“Agreed, but they haven’t. You know who they are, and they haven’t killed you yet.”

A nurse stops in to bring breakfast—I’m glad there are no razor blades on the plate—and check his vitals. The task could have taken less than five minutes if they’d stop flirting. Even in his condition, he can’t help himself. He reminds me of Jamie but on a humbler scale.

“So,” he begins when the nurse reluctantly pulls herself away. “Is my condition really this dire or is there another reason you stopped by today?”

“I thought you were going to die last night, so forgive me for making sure you’re alive this morning.”

“Thanks, man. I feel the love.”

My eyes circle to the ceiling and back before confessing, “And I needed to talk to you.”

“I knew it.”

Taking a deep breath, I set the coffee cup aside and lean forward with my elbows on my thighs, my legs bouncing with pent-up energy. There’s no reason for these nerves. I know he’ll offer his support. “I’m resigning today.”

“About time.”

The response I expected still makes me chuckle. “Was I really that bad?”

“Yes, and then some.” A touch of annoyance flows among the sarcasm, and given the way I took off, I deserve it. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

I smile at that. “Like what?”

“Happy.”

Ouch. “That’s because I haven’t been for a very long time. I thought I was okay with that. Turns out, I didn’t realize what I was missing.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

He takes a bite of egg, grimaces, then pushes the tray away and refocuses on me. “There must have been some dramatic things happening over there to cause so much change in such a short time.”

“Buddy, you have no idea.”

“I’d like to. Tell me about it.”

Until it’s time for my meeting with Captain Emory, I fill him in on the magic of Ember Falls and my plans for when I return.

“You’re one lucky son-of-a-biscuit.”

“I guess I am. Who knew?”

“Not you. That’s for damn sure, or you would have done this shit years ago.”

It’s one of my biggest regrets. Right after letting my broken heart fester and stop me from going after Carmen soon after she left. I ran instead of fighting, and I’ll never forgive myself for it.

“Maybe I’ll be lucky like you and find the woman of my dreams on my trip,” Adrian says, grinning.

“I hope you do, buddy. I highly recommend the lifestyle.”

“What lifestyle? Monogamy?” He puffs out a breath of disapproval.

“Exactly. Ever heard of it?” I tease. Like Jamie, he has no problem showing off his bachelorhood pride.

“She’d have to be special to warrant that impulse, and I seriously doubt the perfect woman exists.”

I beg to differ but keep it to myself. One day, he’ll learn as I did.

◆◆◆

“Hi, Captain. Thanks for meeting with me on such short notice,” I greet, closing his office door and taking a seat when he motions toward the chair.

“You better have a good reason for coming back here before your time is up.”

“You’re not happy to see me?” I joke.

His elbow lands on the desk, and he raises a thick finger to start the count. “I’ve got a wounded officer, four with the flu, two on maternity leave, and one dumbass who needed a longer admin leave than necessary. What do you think?”

That last dig is aimed at the dumbass sitting across from him. “Did the investigation come back yet?”

“A week after you left. It didn’t even need investigating.”

“You took me off rotation for no reason?”

“Are you complaining?”

I pause to mull it over. If Captain hadn’t found a reason to send me away, where would I be now? “No.”

“With that settled, let’s get to the point of this meeting. I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“Alright.” I drop the letter I wrote at a patrol room desk on top of his.

“What’s that?”

“My resignation … effective immediately.”

“Maddox, I didn’t send you away to make you quit.” His big brother voice is back, poking at my conscience. I haven’t hated my job. I just hated who I became in it.

“I know. You did it to save me, and it worked. I’ve found myself along the way, and that version of me doesn’t have a purpose in Boston. I’m moving home and starting over.”

The side of his mouth tips up with pride. “I’m happy for you.”

“You’re the second person to tell me that today.” It feels good. “I’m happy for me, too and have you to thank for it. It’s been a long time.”

“I didn’t do anything but give you an ass-kicking when you needed it. You did all the hard work.”

“I’m indebted to you anyway and always will be. Thanks for having my best interest in mind for the unnecessary punishment.”

“Wasn’t a punishment. It was a kick in the ass. Totally different.”

Laughing, I rise and reach out a hand to my superior, mentor, and friend. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. Now, get. I have more blasted paperwork to do, thanks to you.”

“My bad.” I go to leave him to his blasted work, then stop by the door. “Merry Christmas, Captain.”

He looks up. “You too, brother.”

From there, I make my way through the station, saying goodbye to the friends I’ve made over the last five years. It’s embarrassing how few that number turns out to be, but that just means I have no regrets leaving it all behind.

Exiting the garage, a text from Carmen plays through the truck speakers.

Carmen: Everything okay?

Me: Better than okay. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you.

Carmen: Are you on your way?

Me: Be there in thirty.

Carmen: Good. If we hurry, we can beat Sadie home and surprise her with the good news.

Me: Hmm. What news is that?

Carmen: [eye roll emoji] That you’re moving to Ember Falls.

Me: Oh that! Think she’ll be excited?

Carmen: More than. She’s been wanting a little brother or sister.

I slam on the brakes, snatching up the phone to read the message myself as if the robotic text reader is messing with me. The driver behind me honks, then darts past in the other lane.

Me: That’s a big leap. We just had sex for the first time today.

Carmen: That’s usually how it happens.

Carmen: But I wasn’t suggesting right away. When we’re both ready.

Me: I’m not hating the idea.

Carmen: We’ll talk when you’re loving it. We have all the time in the world.

Me: Thank goodness for that. I love you.

I don’t wait for her reply. With our future on my mind, I push on the gas and head toward the apartment for the last time.