Mixed Connection (Cypress Lake Reunion #1)

18. Chapter 18

18

Lo

We need another Benny’s date.

I need waffles.

You’re obsessed, and YES.

“And now that your home is reinforced, how are you feeling about being in the space now?” Donna’s calm voice comes through the speaker of my laptop.

We’ve been on video for a while now, over the years I’ve grown to enjoy the support of having a therapist like her in my life. Her home office is a lovely sage green with white sheer curtains swaying on either side of her open window.

After Paloma and I shared a drink, I decided to text my therapist. I need a chance to sort through my emotions and talk to her about my insecurity of being “emotionally abandoned,” as she calls it.

I so badly want to drop my head against my desk, frustrated with feeling like I took a step back, which is why talking with her is so important. Even though I no longer need weekly or even monthly sessions, I like to reach out when I am feeling a bit on edge. Like when I decided to finally make the pact with Lo. I appreciate the security I feel expressing my thoughts and concerns with Donna.

“I feel okay, I guess. I mean, the worry that it will happen again is still there, given that it’s still so fresh. But I feel better. Jameson has stayed the last few nights since it happened.”

“It sounds like Jameson makes you feel safe. Tell me more about him,” she prods.

“He does. For once, I feel taken care of and—” I swallow before saying the next word—“seen. He makes me feel seen.” I take a moment to breathe in and I anticipate her next question, having been with her long enough that I know she is going to refer right back to me, to have me dig a little deeper.

“That’s a wonderful thing to hear.” She watches my facial expressions change, my confusion clear on my face, a gentle smirk graces her aging features.

“I was expecting—” I mimic her calm demeanor— “dig into that feeling a bit more. Or have me talk about the pact I made with Paloma. You sound pleased, happy even.”

“Well, of course… But more importantly, are you happy?”

I nod my head. “I am. When I walked into Cypress Lake High, he was the last person I expected to see. He wasn’t even on my radar, but now that he is, I feel like I was missing a piece of myself before.” I chuckle at how cliche I sound. “Not that he completes me, but that he adds to me.”

“You should be incredibly proud of allowing yourself to experience the happiness you’ve created by saying yes. One small word that can change or open so many avenues in life. And you’re doing it.” Her encouraging words feel like a hug and I sit with them, thinking about what she just said. Saying yes used to feel impossible but now, it is starting to feel like second nature. Like, why wouldn’t I invite new adventures into my life, no matter how big or small? Could a yes lead me to frustrations or heart break, of course it could.

“Jameson is the kindest, funniest, sexiest man I have ever met, and Donna, I want him to make me his first choice so damn bad. I won’t lie to you,” I admit.

Am I attaching an insecurity a bit? Yeah, maybe, I’m human. But it’s truly because I see a future with Jameson. One that I want. Saying yes to Jameson leaves me open to the risk of heartbreak, but it’s one I am willing to take. No matter how confident I am in him, in us, the little voice from years of wanting my parents to choose me rears its ugly head.

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be his first choice.”

“And what if I’m not?” I question her, knowing that she won’t give me the answer but wishing she would all the same. “What if this one thing that I want is just—” My thoughts stop because what if I’m not enough.

“I can’t answer that question for you. What I can say is that your intuition won’t steer you wrong. You’ve worked so hard on yourself the last few years, bettering your coping skills to handle whatever life throws at you. And this is no different,” she reassures me with a gentle smile.

“But what if—” No, fuck that. Fuck the what-ifs. I need to claim why I’m so consumed with not being an option. “This feels scarier. It feels different.”

“Cassidy, it is different. And different is okay. I have every confidence in you being able to navigate this. Treat this like any other relationship—not one with a hot man,” she says chuckling lightly. “What would you do?”

I sigh before responding, “I would look at the relationship objectively and trust the foundation we’ve started to build. If this is meant to be, it will be, and I will have faith that we will both make the right decisions for ourselves.”

“See, you have those natural instincts within you. Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want because of what-ifs or else you’ll be stuck in the same place.”

“You’re right.” I smile at her, feeling a twinge of confidence build in my chest. “Thanks, Donna. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I think we both just witnessed how far you’ve come from our first sessions. You figured it out on your own. I just nudged you a little bit,” she says. “Our session is up for the day, but I’m so glad you called me for a check in. It was lovely to hear from you, Cassidy.”

“Thank you as always, Donna. Have a good rest of your day.” We end the call and I take a deep breath.

Jameson has done nothing but show me he is trustworthy and honest. The questions that linger in my head are more of my own insecurities, and not anything he has or hasn’t done. I trust him and I think it’s time for us to have a conversation about what we are doing.

“Phone for you, Cass. They say it’s important!” Brianna yells from the back storage closet. I shake my head, pulling myself out of my thoughts before standing to pop my head out, looking at her as she covers the mouthpiece of the phone and shout-whispers at me, “They sound panicked and asked to speak to the owner.” She shrugs, her eyebrows climbing to her hairline.

I normally have all my calls routed to my cell phone during the day but I’ve been trying to delegate a bit more now that we’ve brought on Brianna full-time. Initially, she wanted to stay part-time but when she started talking about an art showcase she was going to miss out on, I may have mentioned we needed someone here to assist during the day, which we do. I didn’t want her to feel pressured to say yes, having shared her work boundaries early on. B came in the morning one day and asked me if I would consider giving her a few more hours a week so she could save for the showcase. It felt natural to give her a permanent position, now she can make more money and have benefits. I told her by the time the showcase comes around, she would have accrued enough time to take the week and half off, paid. She leapt out of her chair and into my lap. I would have given her the time off regardless.

I wave a hand back at her and quicken my pace to the office. “Shaken Tropes, where your next steamy chapter is a sip away. What’s your pleasure?” I say, not really knowing who to expect. “Hello, are you the owner of-of Shaken Tropes?’’ Her voice is tight but pleasant, and B was right, she does sound panicked. The line goes quiet, or as quiet as it can given the heavy breathing on the other side.

“Yes, one of them, I’m Cassidy. How can I help you?” We don’t often get complaints. Honestly, I have never had to take a call like this. Or at least what I’m assuming this is. A muffled cough comes through before they continue speaking.

“I, um. Well…Fucking hell.’’ The last two words are more of an angry whisper to herself. “Okay, well. I’m not sure if this is something you even offer, but my sister is getting married in a little over a month and I’m sorta-kinda planning her bachelorette weekend. I’ve got all these really fucking great literary events happening during her weekend, but one drunken night she yelled about wanting to go dancing in a library and your bar is the closest thing I could find to it. Please tell me this is something you can accommodate… pleeeease tell me you have a library we can dance in.”

Gobsmacked. I think she said all that in one single sentence, I don’t remember hearing her take a single breath as she stammered through her request. We normally like to keep the music low and vibey but I can’t bring myself to tell this girl no. She clearly wants to give her sister the best bachelorette party she could ask for and somehow I don’t think any of our customers would mind. If this takes off and our customers love it, we could make Dancing in the Library a monthly thing. Imagining music jamming in the background as people dance, drinks in hand, while others joke and talk with their friends over our loaded potato wedges. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, holding on to it with my teeth as I grin. “Actually, yes, I do have a library you can dance in.”

“I knew it was a longshot but I—wait…You do!” The anxiety and panic from her voice are in the rear view. Replaced now, with a giant sigh of relief and joy. “Thank, fuck. Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I hate calling people. It makes me so nervous. You saying yes wasn’t a part of my script.” She laughs.

I’ve never been a fan of calling people either, if I can find a way to send an email, I will. I give her all the details and let her know not to worry about the deposit she was begging to pay me. She isn’t renting out the whole space and this feels like a small gift I can give to someone. It sounds like she could use a pick-me-up and I’m glad to be the one to deliver.

I learned her name is Candice. Her sister, Jennifer, is getting married in the next couple of months to the love of her life. Both her and her sister have always loved romance novels and Jennifer’s soon-to-be husband works in publishing. It sounded like Candice has a wonderful brother-in-law-to-be who could have been “written by a woman”—her words, not mine. But we both laughed nonetheless.

She apologized multiple times at her last minute request but again, they planned to come and enjoy what we already have. Which is exactly why, as soon as I ended the call with Candice, I dialed Lo’s number. I gushed about throwing the bachelorette party here. The library that I promised we had, now needs to get done as soon as possible. We have to turn Shaken Tropes into something those girls can really get down in.

I make my way back into the office to get all the details into the calendar so I don’t forget. I scribble a note for Lo on the desk calendar, she is going to get in touch with Crew Construction and Consult. I make it a point to emphasize that we all need to have a sit-down meeting to get it done, and if need be have Anderson call me directly. All hands on deck as they say.

I’m so glad I’m not working tonight, I’m exhausted from this week. My delicious bulldozer has been staying over at night, fawning over me until he devours me later in the evening. My skin warms thinking of the things he said to me this morning. I’ve come to think of him more and more as mine. Even though the commitment absolutely scares the shit out of me and we haven’t spoken about what we mean to one another, it pops up unbidden in my mind. I’m falling head over heels for him and I don’t want these feelings to end. I make my final notes in the calendar and close the office door, before making my way upstairs.

Loosening up my shoulders, I feel lighter already. This bachelorette party is exactly what I need after the break-in. Something I can throw my creative brain into and get back to normalcy. I’m not one of those people who can stay still when life throws punches, I need to be busy. My parents’ passing forced me to focus on finishing school and get Shaken Tropes off the ground. Keeping my mind focused on the future is how I find my sunshine.

Just as I’m slipping my feet into a pair of my fluffy slippers, my pocket chirps. I’ve never been so glad to be home alone when I see who text me because the goofy grin has become a permanent fixture on my face. Maybe he isn’t as much of a bulldozer as he is sunshine.

Bulldozer

Hey Babygirl, I’m jumping in the shower and heading over to you afterwards!

Before I can reply another text from him comes through.

Bulldozer

How do you feel about a change of plans?

What kind of change are you thinking?

Bulldozer

If I said it was a surprise and to dress comfortably, would you be down?

Oh! A surprise?

Bulldozer

You’ll love it and I promise to feed you…

I get to be with my man and he’s going to feed me? I’m down! *kissy face* I’ll be ready when you get here.

I press send and then realize what I sent and I think about editing the text but he’s already read it. Shit. Though I may have jumped the gun, it feels completely right and a soft smile washes across my face when I see his three little bubbles turn into a reply.

Bulldozer

I like being yours. See you in a bit, Babygirl.

Unconsciously my lips part and I read his text again. He likes being mine. The thought of a surprise date, mixed with his words, gives me a bounce to my step.

I’ve never been a spontaneous person, but Jameson makes me want to try new things. He makes me want to put myself out there and I truly don’t even care what we are doing as long as I’m doing it with him.

Without a second thought I punch in Paloma’s number and video call her.

“Hola, you beautiful bitch! What’s up?” Her voice comes through the line and it matches her smile.

“Jameson just told me he likes being mine and switched plans up on me! And I need help choosing something comfortable, but an outfit that will keep his eyes on me.” I bite my bottom lip with excitement.

“Babe, you are worried about his eyes being on you and he just told you he likes being yours?” she shouts through the phone, shimmying her shoulders. “I don’t think you will have any issue with him keeping his eyes on you. Have you seen how he looks at you?”

I know she’s right, so I tell her so. “I don’t know where we are going. He told me to dress comfortably.”

I rummage through my closet, grabbing a few different options that we can pick from. We both settle on a pair of textured, light-purple shorts; there is a small ruffle around the opening of each leg, giving it a fun flair to the comfort they offer. I give the drawstring a quick tie before pulling on the white, cropped graphic t-shirt. It’s a thrifted tee I bought years ago and decided to cut a few inches off the bottom to give it a bit more shape and style.

“What do you think?” I sing-song as I slide on my ruffled socks and sneakers.

“Those shorts make your ass look incredible.” She bites at the air and I stifle a laugh.

She’s not wrong, taking a longer look at myself in the mirror I take in the simple outfit I have on. The cropped tee is just long enough to end right at the top of my waistline, showing the faintest amount of skin. I add on a few layering necklaces and bracelets.

“Seriously, you look hot. Spray on some perfume and get lotion on those thighs. Ow. Ow!” She mimics howling noises before she snickers.

“I love you, Lo.”

“Love you more.”

Ending the call I go to do just that. Walking into the bathroom, I unscrew the top of my vanilla bean whipped body butter and slather it on my legs. The soft shimmer in the lotion makes my skin glow under the lights; I feel comfortable and sexy as fuck. I spray on my favorite perfume to all my pulse points, including my ankles and behind my knees. If there is even a small possibility that they’ll be wrapped around his head, I want him to experience just how good I smell.

Before turning off the bathroom light I adjust my hair, it’s been a good hair day for me. My curls are still wild and sticking out wherever they choose but it’s a low frizz day, a win is a win.

I curl my lashes and use my fingers to rub a peachy-coral blush on my cheeks before applying dark-brown mascara and my chapstick. I’m keeping things simple. I don’t want to fuss over myself while I’m with him. As soon as I get my chapstick in my bag, I hear a knock at my door and the smile is right back on my face.

“Coming!” I shout to the door, knowing it’s Jameson.

Pulling open the door, the first thing I notice is his megawatt smile and how he has his locs tied up in a low bun, lengthy pieces hanging over his shoulder. I all but throw myself into his arms and he takes the opportunity to kiss me. My body molds into him as he deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist. His tongue licks at the seam of my lips and I open easily, taking him in as much as I can.

He slows the kiss and plants one more soft kiss on my forehead before he’s lowering me so my feet are fully on the ground. “Hey to you too, Babygirl!” His voice alone makes me melt.

Jameson looks so damn good. I love that he can pull off the clean and buttoned-up look like he did for the reunion, but I think his casual and laid back vibe is my favorite. His wide shoulders fill out the black graphic t-shirt which has large red letters across the front of his strong chest. Smiling up at him, I slide my finger into the buckle of his black belt. His brown Dickies land just above his ankle with a distressed hem meeting his white socks and black vans.

“So where are we going?” I ask as he walks ahead of me. Hand in hand we make our way down the stairs.

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” He follows that comment up with a panty-dropping smile.

“Oh, confident, I like it.” Pulling my bottom lip into my mouth on a grin I can still taste the strawberry flavor of my chapstick he all but kissed off, and I smile back at him. I will be climbing up this man’s body tonight.

He takes the few back roads like a pro, turning the music on quietly to give us something to listen to. Within a few minutes he is slowing down near where the Night Market is held, pulling into a parking garage nearby. He’s at my door, unbuckling my seatbelt before I get the chance to even consider it.

“Oh my God! The Night Market.” My cheeks perk up, I love this place. They’ve always got something interesting going on and I never really know until I’m here or had the chance to scope out the scene on social media…but by then it’s packed.

He must have checked into this earlier and found something happening that I’d enjoy. Unless someone is familiar with Cypress Lake they wouldn’t know this is here. Jameson grabs my hands and pulls me towards the center of the market.