Monster in Disguise

11. Catalina

Catalina

" G o grab your bags!" I tell Claudia as we get out of the car. We'd spent all day shopping since we don't have a lot of things.

After the meeting with Marcello, we'd decided to officiate the marriage in three days. That meant that I had three days to get ready for my future. A shiver goes down my body at the thought. Marcello was not who I'd expected him to be.

Sure, he's good-looking and handsome, and I did dream about kissing him but... It's probably never going to happen, and I will respect his boundaries.

There was this sadness that clung to him. I can't put my finger on it; I felt like he'd been holding himself back. From what, I don't know. I'm trying not to read too much into it, especially given my slight crush on him.

I'd explained the circumstances to Claudia to the best of my ability, and she'd seemed understanding. At least, I think so. She's been very excited about being outside Sacre Coeur for the first time. And given her sheltered upbringing, I don't know how much she understands about marriage and what it entails.

When we'd spoken about the terms of the marriage, I'd asked Marcello to bring in a therapist for Claudia. I don't want what happened with Father Guerra to scar her in the future. And she might benefit from it when adjusting to this new lifestyle too.

We head inside the house, but the moment we step in, I hear a noise. It sounds like a scream... A female screaming.

"Claudia. Go to your room! Now!" She looks at me wide-eyed but does as she's told, running up the stairs.

I take the first thing I see, a lamp, and head towards the source of the noise. What could it be, though? There are so many guards around... When I enter the drawing room, I stop in my tracks, my eyes going wide with shock, my mouth hanging open. That can't be what I'm seeing, can it?

Allegra, my brother's wife, Allegra is naked on her knees. A man is mounting her from behind, pumping his hips in and out of her. There's another man in front of her, and she's putting his member in her mouth, sucking on it. I gasp. What is she doing?

The men grunt, and Allegra moans in a high-pitched voice. She keeps sucking the man, and her eyes wander towards me. She doesn't seem in the least surprised to see me there.

In fact, she winks at me. What? The man behind her steps away, and another man, one I hadn't noticed before, replaces him. What is this? This... depravity? This can't be normal.

"There she is, my sister-in-law," she drawls, and everyone's gaze focuses on me. "Join us, will you?" She says, and I instinctively take two steps back, before running up to my room.

How can Enzo allow that in his house? Does he even know? Lord, his son lives here, and he's only five!

As I enter my room, I try to put on a smile and pretend nothing happened. Claudia doesn't seem to notice how rattled I am. Instead, she's excited about her new dresses that we'd bought, and she tries them on.

I attempt to put the scene I'd witnessed out of my mind and focus on my daughter. But Lord, is that what people do in the outside world? I know I'm not very knowledgeable in these things, but surely that's not normal.

It's much later that I find Enzo in his study, immersed in a book. I softly knock and he lifts his head, a smile playing on his lips.

"Lina."

"Enzo... can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, piccola . What is it?"

"When did you get home?" I start, and he regards me strangely.

"Not too long ago." He looks at his watch. "Maybe half an hour ago, why?"

"I... I don't know how to say this but... I came across your wife today."

"Allegra?" He frowns. "Here?" He seems surprised.

"Yes. She... she was cheating on you." I blurt out. Enzo's expression doesn't change.

"Here?" I nod.

"Damn, I told her to keep it out!" He curses under his breath. He knew?

"You... you know about it?"

"It doesn't matter," he says. "Our marriage isn't a normal one. She's... we're not together." He shakes his head briefly, as if annoyed.

"Who was it this time? Was it one of the guards?" He asks as if this is a common occurrence.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "But it wasn't just one." I'm almost embarrassed as I say this. Enzo just raises an eyebrow.

"She was with three men... in the living room."

"Fuck! I told her to keep that shit out of my house." He stands up, clearly pissed. "Damn! Claudia or Luca could have seen her." He smashes his fist on the desk and I keep myself still, though the urge to flinch is there.

"That's what I was worried about too. Luckily only I saw her, but even for my eyes it was..." I trail off.

"Oh, Lina! Of course!" He comes and takes me into his arms. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'll have words with her so she doesn't do it in here anymore."

"What happened, Enzo? You were so in love with each other," I whisper, the situation confounding me. I'd met Allegra before. She'd come with Enzo to visit me. She'd been the loveliest woman, and I could see how much they loved each other. It just makes little sense.

"Not everything is as it seems, Lina. I couldn't give her what she wanted..."

I shake my head. "It's not right."

"Don't worry about it, piccola ." He strokes my hair. "One day, I'll tell you all about it."

"You look beautiful, mamma," Claudia says, resting her head on her hands as she looks at me.

"You think so?" I twirl around a little, examining the back of the gown.

We'd picked up this dress when we'd gone shopping. I somehow didn't want to pass up the opportunity of wearing a white dress at my wedding, considering it might be the only one I'll ever have.

The dress is a creamy white with a high neck and short sleeves. The hem reaches my calves. It's not very skintight, but it molds nicely to my body.

The sales assistant had suggested I try some shorter dresses, and some that emphasized my cleavage too much. Yeah, they hadn't looked bad, but I'd been so uncomfortable in them, feeling extremely self-conscious about myself.

It must be that I've gotten so used to wearing church-acceptable clothing that I've lost the taste for anything on the more daring side.

I smile a little, pleasantly satisfied with my look.

An intruding thought tells me that maybe Marcello will like it too, but I quickly catch myself. It's better to nip this crush in the bud before it's too late. I mean, who knows, maybe he's actually an awful person.

I sigh.

I don't even know if that would be better or worse. Sure, it would be better because then I could dislike him... or at least not like him. But then it would be worse because we will actually live with him and his family.

I sneak a glance at Claudia, and she's admiring her own dress in the mirror. I don't think she's ever worn anything as colorful as that. It's a nice dusty pink, with glitter on the sleeves.

Regardless of the circumstances that brought us to this point... maybe it's for the better? Claudia can finally have a normal childhood, and I will make sure she's safe at all times.

That makes me a little worried though... us moving to a foreign house, especially after the whole fiasco with Father Guerra.

I shake my head, trying to dispel those thoughts. It's not worth it to dwell on that. Surely not everyone is like Father Guerra.

"Are you ready?" She jumps from the bed and nods at me. I take her hand and we leave the room. The ceremony is going to be officiated here, and after that, we will leave for Marcello's house. I'd already packed all of our meager belongings.

As we go down the stairs, I can see Enzo deep in conversation with Marcello. There is a significant distance between the two, and it just reminds me of the fact that Marcello can't stand being touched.

It had seemed odd when he'd said that, but who am I to judge? Maybe he has his own demons to grapple with.

Like I know I have....

Our footsteps echo on the stairs as we descend, and when they both look up, I catch my breath. Enzo's smile is warm and welcoming, but Marcello's expression is difficult to read—almost bored, with a hint of something else lurking within his dark eyes.

As my eyes meet his gaze, I suddenly feel self-conscious in my plain dress. My fingers twitch towards the neckline, but I resist the urge to cover myself up. Claudia tugs her hand free from mine and rushes ahead, her long dark hair flying behind her.

"It's you!" she exclaims, pointing excitedly at Marcello.

I hurry after her, suddenly worried that she might try to touch him. How does she even know him?

"Hello there," Marcello crouches down to be on eye level with Claudia. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth and my heart skips a beat. I've never seen him smile before... at least not like this.

"How do you two know each other?" Enzo asks, suspicion lacing his voice.

"We met briefly at Sacre Coeur," Marcello replies, straightening himself and giving Claudia a tender look before his face becomes blank once again. He turns to me and nods in acknowledgment. An awkward silence settles between us as we both just stand there, unsure of what to say or do next.

"Well then," Enzo interrupts, breaking the tension. "The priest is waiting for us in the drawing room. Let's get this done."

The ceremony is short and uneventful, and before I know it, we are signing the marriage certificate—officially tying the knot.

I steal a glance at Marcello out of the corner of my eye. There's still an undeniable distance between us despite our new marital status. I can't help but wonder what he's thinking or feeling behind that impassive mask he wears.

He has a brief conversation with Enzo before turning to me.

"Are you ready?" he asks, his voice devoid of any emotion.

I hesitate for a moment, caught off guard by the question. "Yes... let me just grab my bag," I reply, turning towards Claudia. "Go get your backpack from the room."

She nods and runs off, leaving me alone with Enzo.

"I've had someone take your luggage to the car," he informs me, coming closer to offer some comfort.

"It's going to be alright, Lina," he whispers, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry it had to be like this, but..." His voice trails off, filled with regret and pain.

I give him a quick hug before heading towards the room to gather my things. I can't help but wonder what lies ahead for me now that I am officially married to a man who seems so distant and closed off. But I push those thoughts aside and focus on getting through the day—one step at a time.

Marcello stands in the doorway, his tall and imposing figure casting a shadow over us. My cheeks flush with self-consciousness as I pass by him to meet Claudia by the stairs.

"Time to go?" she asks, her voice ringing with anticipation as I hold out my hand for her.

Marcello catches up with us and leads the way towards the car. The sleek black vehicle sits in front of us, surrounded by a few other cars that I can only assume are for our protection. We quickly settle into the backseat while Marcello takes the driver's seat.

The journey is short, and before I know it, we have arrived at Marcello's house. My mind is still reeling from everything that has happened when Claudia grabs my hand excitedly.

"Come on, let's go see!" she exclaims, her eyes shining with curiosity as she pulls me towards the entrance.

I follow behind her, feeling a little lost in this new world I've been thrust into.

As soon as we step inside, we are greeted by an army of staff members bustling around. Marcello addresses one of them before disappearing down a hallway to our left.

"That's it?" I say, frowning at the lack of explanation or instructions.

Before I can dwell on it any further, Amelia, one of the older staff members, approaches us.

"Welcome," she says with a small smile before turning to me and Claudia. "Signor Marcello has instructed me to show you both to your rooms."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Rooms? As in separate rooms?

Amelia leads us upstairs to the second floor where she opens the door to what she announces as my room. My jaw drops at the sight that greets me – it's like something out of a palace.

The room is enormous, easily bigger than any bedroom I've ever seen. A king-sized bed sits in the center but seems almost small in comparison to the rest of the room. Claudia's gasp echoes my own as she runs towards the bed and jumps on it.

"Is this really our room, mamma?" she asks with wide eyes.

I can only nod, still speechless at the opulence surrounding me. I take a few tentative steps into the room, marveling at the massive closets and luxurious furnishings.

And there's even a bathroom attached! I can't help but open the door and step inside, pinching myself to make sure it's all real. The bathroom is a vision in white and gold, with a bathtub in the center and a shower tucked away in one corner. It's like something out of a dream.

Amelia must have noticed my amazement because she speaks up, "Mr. Marcello wanted to ensure your comfort during your stay."

"Signor Marcello wanted to make sure you have all the comforts."

My heart swells with gratitude, and I turn to Amelia. "This... this is all wonderful. Thank you," I say, voice thick with emotion. She nods in understanding.

"Now for the second room..." Amelia begins to turn and lead us out, but I quickly interject.

"We don't need a second room. I mean... this is too big. Claudia and I can both stay here together."

"Mamma..." Claudia pouts, her eyes pleading with me. I frown, torn between wanting to give my daughter her own space and not wanting to leave her side.

"You want to see the other room?" She immediately nods eagerly.

"But..."

"If they're offering us another room, then I'd like to have my own space," Claudia declares with surprising confidence before glancing down, almost ashamed of her request.

"Baby, there's nothing to be embarrassed about," I start to reassure her, but then I try to put myself in her shoes. She's never had her own room. We've always shared a small space at Sacre Coeur.

I sigh, realizing that maybe she needs her privacy now more than ever as she grows up.

"Fine," I say with a resigned tone. "Let's see the other room."

Amelia leads us across the hall to the second room, which turns out to be smaller but just as luxurious as mine. Somehow, I had assumed our rooms would be next to each other for convenience.

She opens the door and we step inside.

"Wow..." Claudia breathes out in amazement as she takes a step forward into the room. "This is incredible."

The room may be smaller than mine, but it's decorated specifically for a pre-teen girl. The wallpaper is a soft shade of pink adorned with glittery gold illustrations. The bed is also pink, complete with a canopy draped beautifully over it. Actually... the whole room is so pink, it's almost blinding.

"Signor Marcello made sure the room would be ready for Signorina Claudia. He wanted everything to be perfect," Amelia mentions with a half-smile, gesturing around the room.

Truth be told, the effort is visible, and I'm surprised that he took the time and care to ensure my daughter's comfort in just three days.

"I love it, mamma!" Claudia exclaims from the center of the room, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"I'm glad you like it." I smile at her affectionately, feeling grateful for this unexpected act of kindness from our host.

"Your luggage will be brought in shortly."

"What about Marcello's sister? He mentioned a sister." I turn to Amelia with curiosity.

"She... she's on this floor too. A few doors down. I must apologize that she wasn't here to greet you. She's been rather indisposed lately..." Amelia explains with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'd like to meet her."

"I'll make sure to let her know," Amelia replies before bidding us goodnight and leaving us to settle into our respective rooms.

I don't know what I expected from this marriage, or from moving to this house, but it certainly wasn't being this ignored.

I'd met Venezia right before dinner, and she'd been... unpleasant would be an understatement. She'd been downright rude to me. After a tense first meeting, we'd gone on to the dining room, where she'd continued to drop hints about her displeasure, until she outright insulted me.

"Couldn't you have found another wife... you know, one without a child?" she impudently asked Marcello. I'd immediately turned to Claudia, trying to gauge her reaction. I didn't want her to be ashamed of our situation...

Damnation!

She looked just as stunned as I felt, as she turned her hopeful gaze towards Marcello. Their eyes met, and I could see a twitch in his upper lip.

"Venezia, Catalina is my wife, and you'd do well to respect her," he'd said in a stern tone.

Venezia had huffed and immediately left the table, but not before violently throwing her cutlery at her plate.

After the incident, Marcello had offered a short excuse for his sister's behavior, and we'd continued to eat in silence. I'd tried to initiate conversation a few times, only to be shut down. I wasn't sure that he wanted to interact with anyone, so I'd just taken to talking to Claudia. After dinner, Claudia had gone to her room, and I'd stayed a little behind, trying to engage Marcello in conversation, but it had backfired again.

He'd nodded at me, as usual, then he'd turned and left.

And so, here I am, hours later, about to knock on the door of his room. After a couple of hours of deliberation, I'd decided that I needed to see where we stand.

I know he's put in place some boundaries, but surely he doesn't plan on ignoring me for the rest of our lives. We still have so many things to talk about... like schooling for Claudia, booking her therapy. Also about me...

What am I supposed to do with myself? I'm not used to lying around doing nothing, and it's pretty clear my basic cooking or cleaning skills aren't required here as Marcello has an army of staff. That simply leaves me with nothing to do.

I take a deep breath and, closing my eyes, I knock. There's some noise on the other side of the door before a voice says,

"I told you, Amelia..." The door opens suddenly, and my eyes go wide as I take in Marcello's casual appearance.

The Marcello I am facing now is a stark contrast to the man I first met. His appearance is disheveled; his white t-shirt wrinkled and slightly stained, black sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Stray strands of hair fall across his forehead, lending him a rugged and unkempt look.

"Catalina," he says with surprise in his voice as he takes in my presence. I steel myself for the conversation that's about to happen, knowing it won't be easy.

"Can we talk, please?" My request seems to catch him off guard, and he narrows his eyes at me suspiciously.

"Is it urgent?" He keeps the door only slightly ajar, hiding the interior of the room from my view.

"Yes, I think so," I lie. But if this is the only way I can get him to listen to me, then maybe it is urgent after all.

He ponders my words for a moment before slowly nodding his head. "Go to the study and I'll meet you there in a few minutes. It's the second door on the right." He gives me no chance to reply before shutting the door. At least he didn't say no... right?

I follow his instructions and find myself in a lavishly decorated study. Clearly, Marcello has good taste and wealth. A few minutes later, he appears and takes a seat across from me at the desk.

"So? What did you want to talk about?" His intense gaze makes me squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

"My daughter, Claudia. I wanted to discuss her education," I blurt out, trying to appear confident and serious. But it's hard when faced with such a handsome man dressed in nothing but casual clothing. How would his hair feel under my fingers... soft or coarse?

Marcello clears his throat, bringing me back to reality and causing a blush to creep up my cheeks. Damn it, was I staring? I hope I'm not making things awkward.

I straighten my posture and continue, determined to be taken seriously. "She will need a teacher. There was a grammar school at Sacre Coeur, but it leaned more towards Bible study. I'm afraid she's missed out on a proper education."

"I see. You have no reason to worry about that," Marcello interjects smoothly. "I've been searching for a governess for my own sister, Venezia, as she too is behind in her studies." He grimaces slightly. "If you'd like, we can interview potential governesses together and decide on the best fit for them." His offer takes me by surprise, but I can't help feeling grateful for his understanding and willingness to help.

"Really?" My tone is perhaps too enthusiastic, and I notice I unconsciously bend forward. I try to lean back a little before continuing. "That would be great, thank you. I want to make sure she gets the best education, but also in a safe environment."

"I agree." He gives a brisk nod.

"I also want to find a therapist for her. The sooner, the better. I wouldn't like for what happened to her to scar her."

Marcello tilts his head as he regards me.

"How bad was it?" he suddenly asks.

"What do you mean?" I frown at his question.

"What exactly happened with Father Guerra? Did he..." From the corner of my eye, I notice him clenching his fist.

"It didn't go too far, thankfully. When I came across them, he had his hands up her skirt." I shudder, remembering the events of that night. "But he could have... Lord, he could have done so much worse..." I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself. Just the thought of that man doing something to my baby girl...

"You did well, Catalina. You did very well." He praises me, even though what I'd done had been murder.

"I killed him..." I whisper, and close my eyes shut, trying to block the memory of the spilled blood.

"He deserved it. He was a vile human being, and you protected your daughter. What you did was very brave." He adds, and I look up to see his expression. His eyes are almost warm.

"He wanted to kill me," I confess. Would I have killed him if he hadn't attacked me? Maybe...

"Stop blaming yourself. It's over."

"It's not... I keep remembering..." I shake my head.

Marcello stands up and starts pacing around the room.

"The first time is certainly the worst."

I whip my head around to regard him. Does he mean...?

"You've killed someone before?" I dare to ask.

He gives a dry laugh.

"Someone..." He muses before chuckling again. "Yes. I've killed someone." He pauses before saying, "I've killed many someone."

I'm stunned at his admission, more so because I thought that maybe he was different. I know that my family was... is involved in that type of shady business. But considering what I'd heard from Sisi about him, I thought he might be different.

With one last look, he turns to leave.

"Wait," I call out.

I'm not finished. Why is he always so ready to ignore me? Am I so contemptible?

"I'll have Amelia compile a list of therapists – female therapists. She'll bring it to you. If that's all..." He turns once more and opens the door to leave, and if I wasn't so anxious I might have rolled my eyes.

"There's something else."

He pauses, closes the door and leans against it.

"I'm listening."

"What am I supposed to do?"

Marcello frowns at me. "What do you mean?"

I bring my hands to my lap and I start fidgeting. Marcello doesn't exactly make it easy for me to talk to him.

"What should I do all day? I mean..." I trail off, trying to find the right words. "Venezia and Claudia will have their lessons, but what about me? Is there anything I can do around the house?"

"No. There's not," he replies.

"Then?"

"What do you want to do?" he asks me and I still. What do I want to do? I have no clue.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "At the convent, I did my share of chores and that was that."

"Then let me ask you differently. What do you like?" His eyes glint in the dimly lit room, and I find myself lost in them.

You.

I quickly shake myself when I realize my train of thought. Surely not... no, of course not. That was just a rogue thought.

"Me?" he asks, his tone half-amused and half in wonder.

Damnation!

Did I say that out loud?

My eyes go wide at the realization.

I fake a cough. "What do you like, is what I meant." I internally cringe.

"That's not what I asked." He raises an eyebrow at me challengingly.

"Well, I don't know what I like." I shrug, trying to immerse myself in this subject and forget my earlier blunder.

Lord, I bet my cheeks must be flaming still.

Focus!

"There wasn't much I could do at Sacre Coeur, I'm sure you realize that."

"What about before?"

Before? That's a strange thought... Can I even remember what I was like before?

I shrug again. "I used to sew sometimes."

"And you couldn't continue at Sacre Coeur?"

"I mended a few of our clothes, nothing creative. I didn't have the materials..."

"That solves it then," Marcello says, sounding almost eager to get rid of me. "Start sewing again." He brings his hand up to check his watch. "Goodnight then."

This time he actually leaves.

What ?

As I enter my room, the emptiness feels heavier than usual in the wake of Marcello's sudden dismissal. My heart sinks as I realize that he may not enjoy being in my presence. It's a sobering thought, one that sends waves of insecurity and self-doubt crashing over me.

With a sigh, I undo the buttons of my dress and let it fall to the ground. The fabric pools around my feet as I make my way to the bathroom, drawn to the promise of solitude and warmth. I notice that there are already a few sets of clean towels laid out for me.

In the bathroom, I can't help but eye the deep porcelain bathtub longingly. After a brief deliberation, I decide to indulge in a warm bath, hoping it will somehow ease the weight on my shoulders and clear my mind.

I grab a couple of towels and lay them on the countertop before undressing completely. As I stand in front of the wall-length mirror on the other side of the bathroom, I try to see myself as someone else would. As Marcello would.

What does he see that makes him recoil in disgust? Is it my features, which I know are not ugly? Or is it something deeper, an unspoken flaw that only he can see? Every time I catch him avoiding looking at me, I can't help but feel inadequate and unworthy of his attention.

But when I turn slightly, there is no hiding from my biggest imperfection.

I trace my fingers over the bumpy white scar tissue that covers my back, each bump representing a painful memory from that night. The last time I dared to look at it, the scar had still been angry red and raw. But now, years later, it has faded into a reminder of what happened to me.

The knife slicing into my skin...the unbearable pain...the darkness that consumed me.

I force myself to push those memories aside, but they still linger in my mind.

What would Marcello say if he saw this? What would he think of me?

The chill of the air against my bare skin snaps me back to reality, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. I turn to the half-filled tub and slide into the warm water, closing my eyes and allowing myself a moment of peace. My hand glides over the surface of the water, droplets clinging to my fingers like precious jewels.

What would it feel like to be touched by him? To be loved and desired?

I try to imagine his hands on my body, his lips on mine, but it's all just a fantasy. A dream that will never come true.

I submerge myself completely, letting the warmth surround me and soothe my troubled mind. But it's only temporary relief. Deep down, I know that I'll never be fine.

Not when I carry another man's initials imprinted on my back as a constant reminder of what happened that night.

And certainly not when I know that Marcello will never love me in return.