Monsters Under Mistletoe

1. Brody

Chapter 1

Brody

E very ounce of semen in my body turns to dust as my ex-wife again relays to me the trauma of giving birth to her daughter.

“She ripped me right in two, Brods, I swore to all the gods I was never doing this again,” Piper whispers. “Will is lucky to be alive, too, after how fucking long I was pregnant.”

“You're the one mated to a centaur,” I tease, a smirk rising on my lips.

About five years ago now, we got amicably divorced. Piper wanted a kid and I didn't want to stop her from living her dream. It was hard at first, learning to live alone again and missing the soft affection that came with being with someone. Never once did I regret our choice to split up though. She quickly met Will, a centaur who is head over hooves in love with her and they had their first baby, Julie, this summer. I think all the seasonal joy and people giving the little one adorable gifts for when she’s a bit older is getting to Piper, which is why we are rehashing the birthing story to try and quell her renewed interest in having a second baby.

“Uh-huh,” she hums, her knowing tone echoing around the interior of my car. “and how's Shawna?”

Even at the ripe age of 45, I blush at the mention of my crush. Can a middle-aged man have a schoolgirl crush? I’m not exactly writing our names surrounded by hearts, but she is definitely the person I look most forward to seeing every day. To the point I get sad when I’m here for a workout and she’s getting a well earned day off. She’s the only being I want to see at four thirty in the morning, rain or shine.

“Hey, we are discussing the fire in your loins, not mine. You know Will is dying to have another baby, and clearly you are too.” I say, changing the subject.

“But my vagina,” she whines.

“Is breedable and submissive.” I jokingly finish her sentence. “Piper, whatever you two decide to do, I will support you. You're my best friend, he’s my second best friend, and I will always be the coolest uncle.”

“Rude and right as always,” she agrees.

“Where is Will anyway?” I ask. Usually they do everything together when it comes to the care of the baby. It’s almost freaky to have our morning call without him.

“He’s wrapping presents while I give Julie her morning bottle. Three days to Christmas, Brody, or have you forgotten?”

Shit, I had. Christmas has never been my thing, and since we split up, I sorta stopped celebrating all holidays. Piper's mom tried to invite me to Thanksgiving one year, but I politely declined while internally thinking I'd rather skin myself. I don't want to be around happy people with families when I'm all alone during the holidays.

The closest thing I have to family are my ex-wife and her new husband, and the staff at Olympic Fit.

“I’ll get Julie’s gift in the mail this morning,” I say, body tensing at the idea she might guilt trip me into making the two hour drive to their new house. I want to hang out with my friends, but Will is obsessed with the holidays. He goes all out every year and if I see one more video of him giving a heartwrenching speech about love over a giant fucking nutloaf I’m gonna snap.

I know there’s no bad blood between us, but seeing how he is with Piper during Christmas makes me feel like I’m the worst sack of shit on the planet. We'd always had mellow times, exchanged presents every other year if we felt like it. When we first started dating, we discussed holiday expectations and we agreed every year after that to keep it low key. I always wore a smile when we went to her parents for Christmas dinner, but neither of us used to be the type to watch hallmark movies or hang up lights.

Clearly, I was holding her back more than either of us realised.

And that’s what makes me feel guilty about being invited to their celebrations. They both know I’m a bit of Grinch, for no good reason besides years spent in retail before my cyber security firm took off. I don’t want to bring their cheer down with my grouchy attitude.

“Sure thing,” she says. “But I can always have an extra cup of cocoa ready for a special someone,” she says.

“No.” I rub my hand over my short beard and knock my glasses off centre. I can’t handle any Solstice or Christmas cheer this year.

“Fine,” she pouts dramatically, before turning back to her regularly cheery self. “Will can't wait to show you pictures of his new Christmas sweater.”

I chuckle trying to think of what monstrosity he's come up with this year. “Alright, I better let you go. I'm not gonna get the best stairmaster if I keep sitting in my car.”

“Yeah, yeah, like Shawna doesn't save it for you.”

“Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.” I say in rapid succession before Piper can keep talking.

My phone disconnects the call, I groan. If I'm rude and right, she's overly confident and delusional. There is no way someone as gorgeous, funny, and smart as Shawna would do anything extra for me. She is professional and we have a bit banter, but that's where it ends. To her, I'm just a regular at the gym who's good enough with computers to fix the WiFi sometimes.

If she knew I had a crush on her, she'd politely decline and I'd have to move gyms to make sure she was comfortable. It's better if I keep my shit together and we remain polite acquaintances. Right?