Montana Falls (Red Diamonds #5)

Chapter Nineteen

N othing felt right. The moment I stepped out of the car, feet crunching on the twigs on the drive, there was an instant sort of knot inside my stomach that promised that I would not feel the same about my home as I had when I had left it. It was empty and wrong, and not just because some aggravating gangsters had clearly tried to break in, failed, and then chose to vandalise the outside with a bit of spray paint and beer cans that would be easily cleaned.

There was nothing but memories of ghosts in the walls and I had no idea how my brother had headed straight inside, the second his keys had opened up the doors. Granted, he’d been frowning and having a whispered conversation with Kody, so clearly something was wrong. But he still did it. He walked into our home without an ounce of hesitation, Logan and Kody following, Price only hovering in the garage for me and Sapphire to join.

I stood outside. On the grass. In the quiet.

At least I was quiet for a single second.

“It’s never going to feel like it used to.” Sapphire’s voice was soft as she linked her hand with mine and I felt the cool touch of her rings. “There will be a weirdness when you are inside and it will not be pleasant, papi . But you can do it. You are brave.”

“Yeah? You think so?” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stared at my family home that was now missing one important member of my family.

She nodded and tucked a piece of her short silver hair behind her ear. “I sometimes forget my mama is not home and half expect to hear her heels on the floor or have her dancing in the kitchen. Then I remember she will never do it again and it hurts.”

“Does it hurt just as much each time you go home? Or does it get better?” I wondered.

“Better.” She promised. “As the years go by, I like those memories more than I hate them. They remind me that she lived once – that she was laughing and happy. I still miss her, but I can think of her without crying so hard.”

“So I need to just man up and go inside.” I could do that. Easy. Right?

“If you want to. Or we can sit outside forever and become friends with some wormy things.” She squeezed my hand. “You are also a man, regardless of what you do. Men do not have to be brave all the time. Sometimes they can cry and be scared and not want to confront their ghosts. It means nothing other than that you are human.”

“I can go inside. I think.”

“Then we can go; it will be fine, trust me.” She pulled my hand, encouraging me to head inside if I wanted, but still leaving me more than easily able to stop her.

I didn’t.

I let her lead me into the garage, the smell of petrol and various chemicals like home in my nose. I let her take me up the stairs, not even hesitating on any of the steps as Price followed, offering me a soft smile like he knew exactly what I felt.

I realized as he stayed abnormally silent that he did understand.

He’d not been to his old home once since his parents had died. He owned the place, and my dad had taken him to get his things and sort out his parents’ stuff. But he hadn’t been able to get out of the car then, or any of the other times we’d driven to it. That first time we’d all offered to go inside for him, and everything that didn’t belong to Price had sat in boxes since then.

I couldn’t see him going inside for a while and I didn’t blame him at all.

It was horrible.

My home looked the same, but it did not feel the same and I knew as I crossed the threshold that it never would. My dad was never coming home. He’d died in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by sunshine, sand and sins, and that was where he would stay. It was just the rest of us who lived here now. The rest of us who had to pretend not to feel him everywhere.

I wasn’t surprised my mom had refused to come home. I wasn’t baffled that she’d done nothing but try to escape and drown herself in pills she could easily prescribe. I wasn’t shocked she had barely spoken two words to me or anyone other than Sapphire since dad had died. What could she say? What was there for us to talk about when we had no answers and no way to change anything for the better?

She was broken too, and only she could fix things for herself.

“It feels like we haven’t left.” Logan said softly as he looked around the main room the same way we all did.

Some of my clothes were on the side, folded and washed. The other guys belongings were dotted about in various places, and there was even a handful of Kody’s favorite kitchen tools still sitting on the drainer. A half-burned candle stood on the coffee table, our game controllers there too, thrown about haphazardly. Sapphire’s sneakers were by the door, a pair of her fluffy socks waiting for her on the couch… It was like we had just left and in a way we had – we’d run out of there, fast as anything, concentrating on nothing but getting to safety before more gangsters came to find us.

Now we were back, forced to act the same. Forced to pretend that we weren’t going to be trying to bait a stalker in another day or so, or that we weren’t covered in more scars and trauma than we’d left with.

The only difference was that we were safe here, like we had been for a while at the start of Sapphire’s ‘kidnapping’, and it felt oddly right that we had come full circle now that we neared the end of our fight.

Or what I hoped was the end, anyway. It needed to be.

I couldn’t add another funeral to my list.

“I think we should move all the camping shit downstairs into the lounge. Like we did in the hotel.” Lincoln stood in the middle of the room, eyes everywhere and nowhere all at once. “It doesn’t feel right to sleep apart and I think it’s safer too, for a couple of nights until… until things are dealt with.”

“I’ve never been camping.” Sapphire muttered as I clenched my fists, needing the sting of my nails digging into my palms to help calm me down from the sudden urge to sob as I thought of our memories camping in the summer growing up. “But I am down to try indoor first. Perhaps it is fun, and we can do it in nature one time, too.” She snorted half-heartedly. “Once I’ve bought myself a sparkly crown, so I can play woodland fairy.”

Kody moved past her to get into the kitchen, only stopping so he could brush a kiss on her head. “You still have the one you wore here, cica . It’s in my dresser, ready and waiting for you to put it on your pretty head.”

“Why’s it in your drawer, bro? You playing dress up?” Price shook off his odd quiet, forcing humor into his tone like he always did as he headed into the lounge to push the furniture around and make more room.

“I could be a princess if I wanted. I’d look hot in a ballgown and I’d get off on ruling over an army of sycophants.” Kody opened the fridge, checking that it was still working fine before he grabbed some cleaning products from under the sink, Logan joining him.

For a handful of minutes, I stood there watching them all. Price laughing and joking as he used his strength to rearrange furniture. Logan and Kody working quickly and seamlessly as they hurried to give the kitchen a quick dust and clean for the groceries we’d stopped to buy a few miles out from the house. My brother making a trip downstairs, grabbing all of our sleeping bags and camp beds with Sapphire’s help, before the pair started setting them up.

They all worked together. Acted normal.

I just stood there. Silent. Unmoving. Unable to even pretend the same way they all did because I could only think about one thing…

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I headed to the kitchen cupboard on the far right, opening it up with a frown and rummaging through until I found what he wanted, hidden away by the copious amounts of mugs we owned.

“What are you doing, papi?” Sapphire was clearly watching me and when I glanced up, she wasn’t the only one.

Everyone stared at me. Or more importantly, what was in my hand.

A number one dad mug. Handmade. Terribly painted in bright colors and swirls – a gift from a child that was no doubt precious. It was what I’d made when I was little. What I’d gifted him with a toothy grin and far too much pride for the quality.

What I would never be getting rid of.

“He drank from this every morning.” I stared at the mug, eyeing up each mark and sign of age before I turned towards my bedroom, taking the mug with me and hiding it in my top drawer.

As much as I knew the others would want to talk to me – or at least see me hanging around them being relatively normal. I couldn’t do it. Not yet. I needed a single moment in time to lock my bedroom door, slide to the floor beside it, and pull out my phone.

It picked up the first dial after I hit the call.

“Mom.” My voice cracked. “We’re home now. I just wanted to let you know.”

There was a single beat of silence before my mother answered.

“You’re in that house?” She breathed roughly. “Are you okay there?”

“Yeah. We’re okay.” Tears burned in my eyes, proving me a liar. “It’s weird and I… I dunno. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Misha.” She said my name softly, as I heard the sounds of classical music in the background, humming as loud as my pulse. “I’m so sorry, pet. I’m so, so, sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.” The tears slid free. “You can’t help what happened.”

“I wish that was true.” She sniffled enough that I knew she was crying too. “He was my husband, and I shouldn’t have let it happen. I should have kept him safe because you loved him, and you needed him.” She blew her nose before she sighed. “I’m never coming home. I can’t do it anymore.”

“I get it.” My throat got tighter as I wiped away tears with the back of my hand. “You need to heal, however that looks. I’m not going to hold it against you if you’d rather stay somewhere else.”

I wanted her with me. I needed her. But I would never say that to her face or on the phone. It was far easier to pretend that it didn’t cut me up like a knife each time she ignored my call, refused to see me, or did things like this, and insisted she was never coming back to our home.

“Your father got to look upon you as he died. I think he would have been happy with that – I know I would.” She said after a beat of silence. “Misha,” she said my name again, her voice a melancholic rasp, her accent thickening enough that it was almost hard to understand. “I love you. You know that, right? I love you. And that will never change.”

“I know.” I did know it, even if I wanted more from her that I couldn’t work out how to ask for. “I love you too… maybe we can get a coffee or something soon?.”

“I could meet you for a coffee later this afternoon.” She instantly replied. “Bring your girlfriend and we can go to that new place she owns in Hendrix City. I can deal with business and see you at the same time.”

I wanted to snort at the fact she’d called Sapphire my girlfriend, purely because it sounded so normal. I wasn’t going to see my grieving mother, to discuss how I felt after a now dead gang leader had murdered him with a bomb. And I wasn’t taking my gang leader girlfriend with me to a town that other gangster friends would one day rule…

It was just a boy and his girl, meeting his mother. That was it.

“I’d love to. We can come – say three? We can get afternoon tea like the English do.” A few cakes and things meant we would be together long enough for a real chat, and not just two sips of a coffee before she left again. “I can text you when we leave.” Only to confirm she was still coming, but I didn’t need to tell her that.

I didn’t want to annoy her into ghosting me again.

“That’s perfect.” I smiled at her words and the sincerity that shone through them. “I’ll see you later, Misha… I love you.”

“I love you too,” I wiped my eyes again, forcing deep breaths into my lungs, “bye, mom.”

A small piece of the weight on my chest lifted as I slid my phone back into my jeans. Not a lot. Miniscule, really. But it was enough for me to get back to my feet and join the others in the lounge, halfway through a conversation.

“You also can’t kill the entire O’Malley bloodline.” Lincoln sighed as he fiddled with a camp bed. “You won’t go after the kids – it’s not their fault who their parents are and you’re not that sadistic.”

“I am too sadistic.” Sapphire pouted as she placed blankets and cushions everywhere she could, forming a fort of some kind. “I could be a villain if I wanted to. But every time I try, you stop me from saying my monologue and being evil. Probably because you are El Diablo and are scared that I am coming for your crown.”

My brows rose. “Are you arguing over murdering people?”

“The princess wants to hunt down the rest of the O’Malley’s to make sure that none of them are evil.” My brother drawled, a dark look in his eyes when he glanced my way. “I pointed out the flaws in her plan.”

I grabbed some more blankets off of the side, handing them over to Sapphire as I forced myself to pretend everything was fine and that I hadn’t still got damp lashes.

“When you’re done being a super great villain and can take a break, then I do think we should try camping. You’ll probably love it, and the woods are extra beautiful in summer.” I changed the subject off murder.

She thanked me with a soft smile. “What about a BBQ? I have not had one and I think to eat steak and things cooked like that would be a good time.”

I straightened up as Price came up from behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “We can have a BBQ and a big ass party in the woods, and sleep in a tent. Or maybe even just outside with a hammock and a sleeping bag. I think Mish is right, and you will love it.”

I wondered if he knew I was upset. Or that I’d been crying. Could he feel the tension in my bones? The stiffness to my posture?

Could he feel the grief and pain that had been slowly eating me alive since Elaina had kidnapped me and tortured me, and had been steadily getting worse?

“Can we do smores, Koko?” Sapphire grinned at Kody as he handed out bottles of beer and lemonade to go onto our rapidly growing snack pile.

“Sure, but it’s better if you do me.” He winked and took a seat with her. “I can even do roasted marshmallows from handmade marshmallows, not the nasty store bought kind.”

She perked up at the idea. “Can you make them into fluff that I can lick off your body?”

“I want to be licked.” Price moaned.

“You bring the food, and I’ll bring my tongue.” I whispered in his ear. “It would make our camping trip even more fun.”

He turned on me instantly, bringing his mouth to the side of my head, his voice staying low.

“Do you remember how we used to share a sleeping bag when it got cold?” His deep voice sent shivers down my spine. “We can do the same thing again, only this time I won’t keep my hands to myself and have to pretend I’m not hard every time you touch me.”

A soft gasp escaped my lips as I pretended that his words didn’t go straight to my dick. It was difficult. All I could think about was how tightly tucked together we’d been. How much I’d liked his hands around my waist. His lips against my neck when he was sleeping and softly breathing.

How I hadn’t understood why my entire body had been burning hot with tension that I desperately needed to satiate…

“Okay, loser boys.” Our girl spoke louder suddenly, and I blinked away my desire, finding her staring straight at me from the floor with a wicked smirk. “I have a list of tasks for us to do today, and you will oblige or die.”

Kody snatched her up and pulled her onto his lap. “Well, seeing as you asked so nicely, cica .”

She grinned. “First, we shower and get changed into comfy clothes, and then we cook pizzas together.” Kody tensed and started playing with the edge of her t-shirt. “Well, I can make them with Kody, and you guys can offer suggestions for your toppings.”

“They can grate cheese.” He offered half-heartedly.

“Yes, cheese. That’s nice of you to let them do that.” She kissed his cheek, only smirking a tiny bit. “Now, after that. I want a movie marathon. All the worst early two thousand ones we can find. Something thoroughly, grossly funny.”

“Anything else, your majesty?” My brother grabbed the TV remote, setting up a streaming service with a random movie that fit what she asked for.

“I want to get drunk and play dares, too.” She replied, as she got to her feet and headed my way. “Now, disperse, minions. I wish to be eating and watching movies in the next thirty minutes.”

She grabbed my hand, pulling me and Price away from the lounge and toward the bathroom. She pushed us inside and pulled the door closed with a command that we finished in the shower before she’d topped the first of the pizzas with enough cheese to kill a man.

Price turned the shower on as I opened the door back up, remembering my afternoon plan.

“Saph,” I waited until she turned back, before switching to Spanish so my brother didn’t understand. “I called mom, and she answered me this time.”

“ That’s good, baby. Did she make you feel a little better ?”

“ A little. But she also said she was free to meet me this afternoon. For a coffee and a cake or something at that café in Hendrix city .” I bit the inside of my cheek.

Sapphire cocked her head. “ Want someone to come with you? Well, one of us will have to come for protection. But do you want anyone in particular ?”

“ You. She said to bring you too and I know you can handle it if things turn bad .” I grinned. “ What with you being a villain and all .”

She laughed but then frowned suddenly, hard enough to make my brows pull up in question.

“Did your mom ask to see just you? Or… anyone else?” Her pretty blue eyes darted to Lincoln and back to me as she stepped closer.

“ Just me. But I don’t think it was meant maliciously. It was more like I asked to see her, and she suggested later… I’m sure he would be welcome .” Even as I said it, I wasn’t sure if I believed myself.

Lincoln had told me he’d confronted our mom and that he was… not mad, but kind of frustrated, I guessed.

She’d also not mentioned him once, whenever she’d actually answered the phone to speak to me, or when she’d come back to us from the hotel she’d stayed in.

“ He won’t want to come .” Sapphire whispered my thoughts out loud. “ I think he is still angry in his heart. But I will talk to him and see what he says. Now go shower and let Price take away the sadness in your eyes .”

“ You know I’m sad?”

“I know how to read people. Especially my people .” She moved and trailed her fingers over my cheekbone. “ I am really sorry for all this. For the bad things and the trauma you faced. It was never something I would have wanted or been willing to give up to get my revenge .”

“ I don’t blame you .” I promised. “ Even if I hate it too and sometimes just want a break to forget .”

“ When this is over, I would like to go away .” She breathed. “ On a long vacation, around the world, doing nothing but relaxing and seeing things you have never seen before. And I know that won’t make up for the bad things or what we lost. But I figured it was a good way to start with our new life. That’s a bit… bit different.”

I was more than eager to run away from my problems, but when I added in her, Price, the rest of the guys, and a worldwide trip? Then hell yeah I was in. I couldn’t think of a better way to pretend that everything in my life was fine, or for us to celebrate catching the last piece of Sapphire’s nemesis puzzle.

“ I think it’s a good idea, but only if you make me a promise .” Some more of my sadness chipped away as I teased her.

“Anything.” She promised.

“ You can’t drown Linc in the ocean, or push him off a mountain .” I offered her my pinky finger with a deadly serious expression. “ You also can’t feed him to a shark or leave him in the middle of the wilderness .”

“ What about if I -”

I snorted. “No.”

“ But I could -”

I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closer. “Sapphire.”

“ Fine .” Her eyes rolled as she giggled. “ I promise not to do anything wicked to him that he does not consent to happily. Is that good enough for you, Misha?”

I kissed her hard and fast, savoring the taste of her sweetness on my tongue, and the lightness she always made me feel. “ That’s perfect. Now go be a good girl and make us some food – I need to let it settle before we play dares and I make you fuck me in front of everyone .”

“ Is that your first dare? Because I am happy to do it. Though I would think the game would be over super fast on account of all the testosterone in the room that would want to prove itself .” She wiggled her brows.

“ Good point. We can do that last .”

“ We should do you last. After everyone else .” She kissed me again, her tongue tangling with mine between each word. “ I think that could be fun, seeing as you mentioned it before .”

Her hand reached down, cupping parts of me that were more than eager for her ideas, before she pulled back with a wicked grin and my cheeks turned red.

“Have a nice shower, papi . I hope it’s not too hard.” With an evil snicker she walked away, heading into the kitchen to help Kody – or to stand there looking pretty whilst he did everything and refused help – and left me with an issue I needed solving.

Luckily, I had a way to do that even without my girl present.

“Shower’s nice and hot,” Price called to me through the bathroom door. “Grab me a towel before you come in here, please; I don’t need to make the others cry when they see my pretty cock looking all glorious and squeaky clean.”

Yeah. I didn’t need Sapphire at the moment. I could wait till later.

After a long, hard shower… with Price.