Morsel

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Outside, the winter wind whips past me. A lamp hangs from the mobile home, lighting the back of the property. I stare down into the shadowed offal pit, at the decaying meat covered by salt and flies. I should probably rotate the older leftovers out and mix a new batch of ground meat soon. Even if it’s a risk to bring my ground meat to the processing plant, Jerry always likes it, says it gets him high because it’s fermented or something. I don’t know if he’s right about the fermentation, but I admit, I enjoy sharing what I have. It’s nice to give protein to others, especially knowing that back when I was a kid, I didn’t have that option or anyone who did that for me. And I like my ground meat better than the supermarket variety. When I blend the animals together, it’s easier to convince myself that the final product has a human flavor, even if it’s only a subtle hint of it.

The flies swarm me for a few seconds. When they realize I’m as much of a part of the fields as they are, they grow disinterested and leave me alone.

I may have tasted Mona’s blood, but I’m not a cannibal. I didn’t hurt her; she hurt herself. On top of that, she did it for me. If I didn’t consume her, it would have been rude. Wasteful.

A memory flashes; in it, I’m ten years old.

You shouldn’t have pissed him off, my mother had said. There’s no such thing as leftovers in our family. You know that.

Things were never good, but that night was especially awful. My mother couldn’t leave me at home, so she took me camping with her boyfriend. They drank beers, and he even gave me a few, but when he fed me a third hot dog, I couldn’t finish it right then. I wanted to eat it. My stomach was full though. I just needed a few minutes to digest.

You beg for food like a little bitch, and this is what you do when you get it? he asked. Is my food not good enough for you?

Then he punched me so hard, I fell to the ground and threw up.

Once I finally stopped vomiting from the impact of his fists, I crawled to the tent. My vision was blurry, and I could barely move, but that didn’t stop my mother and her boyfriend from coming into the tent and fucking right in front of me. He barreled into her. Slapped her. Choked her. Bit her so hard, a blurry patch of red streamed down her breast. She panicked, writhing underneath him. He growled, and that primal noise made my mother moan as if she liked it. As if she wanted more. As if she needed it.

A cold hand snakes behind my back. I jolt and swing around.

Mona stands next to me. The flies rise to greet her. She gives me a funny look.

“What’s that?” she asks as she motions to the dark hole in front of us. “It smells.”

“An offal pit,” I say.

“Huh. I didn’t realize that was a thing here.” She clears her throat. “You butcher animals at home too?”

I scratch the back of my neck. “Not exactly. It’s another means of preserving meat.”

“Oh. Cool.”

I keep my eyes on the pit. In my periphery, I see Mona’s bare toes sinking into the dirt, and I wonder if there’s a chunk of animal flesh—a scrap I accidentally dropped—that’s mixing with her feet. I’m too careful to drop meat, but there’s something appealing about mixing her flesh with my collected meats, especially without her knowing. Like she could end up in the offal pit one day, and I’d eat her in a meatloaf.

When it comes to her, she’d never make it to the pit. And I wouldn’t have any leftovers.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she says. “I guess I was trying to figure out why you don’t go after what you want.”

I grit my teeth. Scare me? I wasn’t scared. I was just…resisting the urges. For fuck’s sake, I was trying to protect her! I’m close to crossing a line I may not be able to come back from. I don’t want to scare her.

I can’t say that though.

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” I say quietly. “I freaked out. You were just trying to indulge me.”

“And get a good picture,” she says with amusement. “I want to thank you for taking me and my project seriously. It’s refreshing to meet someone who isn’t so resistant, you know?”

Her words dance in my brain. Did she just thank me?

I left her in the kitchen, and yet, for some reason, she appreciates me.

She’s right; I do take her seriously. So fucking seriously that I know there’s real danger in our relationship. Mona is willing to cut herself for her art, for me, and if we keep doing this, I don’t know where it will end.

I’m not a cannibal. I just have these ideas in my head, and Mona does too. We’re both adults. We can make our own informed decisions.

And I can stop again like I did tonight. Even if she wants me to eat her, I don’t have to go all the way.

I broaden my chest. “No, really. Thank you for including me.”

She takes my hand in hers. Her small, dainty fingers envelop me in their coldness. It must be too chilly for her out here. That can’t be good for her muscles. For her meat.

A shudder rolls through my body.

Mona tilts her head. “I want you to meet my friend and teach him how to be like us.” Hopeful curiosity blooms across her face. “We’ll show him how to create true art.”

The mobile home lights gleam in her eyes, surrounded by the dark makeup. Tension wraps around my gut, my head buzzing with cautious thoughts. Having another man with us ruins the intimacy of our roleplaying. He’ll be a voyeur. A person casting judgment. A barrier to destroy.

And the idea of destroying her friend fills me with vibrating energy. Would Mona like seeing me prove to her friend I’m the alpha of our small trio?

“Will your friend be participating?” I ask.

“Not if there’s no purpose for him.” She squeezes my fingers. “We’ll take it easy though. Just sex and roleplay. We’ll teach him, and you can demonstrate how beautiful taking my flesh can be. Can you do that for me, Kent?”

Nerves braid their way into my thoughts. I don’t want to share her; at the same time, I want to do this for her, like she cut herself for me. I want Mona to need me. To rely on me. To not have any choice but to be mine. My lover. My flesh. My meat.

My spine tingles. It’s not a choice. I have to do this for her.

“Okay,” I say.

“You’re so good to me,” she says.

And the rest of the night fades into a blur.

I get to see her again. She even invited me this time.

Mona wants me.