Mountain Refuge (Mountain Mutineers #1)

Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Elijah

W e were nearing the end of our first summer up on the mountain. The kids were flourishing more than I could have hoped in our secluded hideaway. Lucas was showing his joyous personality a little more each day while Belle was growing bolder and stronger. I worried constantly over her safety. I knew that scrapes and bruises were a rite of passage for children, but I still cringed each time my baby girl got hurt. If I wasn’t, I knew her Uncle Corbin would be there to pick her up and make it better. I was so proud of how much she’d grown past her trauma. It was very rare for her to wake with a nightmare nowadays, and her bed wetting had stopped too.

I knew that there had been some instances where she’d wet the bed in the middle of the night due to a terror dream and she had Gertie help her clean up and change. She would then beg Gertie not to tell me. Not because she was afraid of getting in trouble, but because she didn’t want to add to my worries. Of course, Gertie would inform me in the morning so I could keep track. I wanted to identify any triggers that might be occurring prior to her having a nightmare and if they differed from the instances that resulted in her wetting the bed. We simply didn’t tell Belle that I was aware of her secret. When we’d first arrived at Corbin’s cabin, those occurrences were once to twice a week. Gradually, it became once to twice a month. Now, it had been almost two months since her last nightmare. I was so proud of her ability to move on.

Corbin had taken Belle into town multiple times over the summer. I was terrified when he’d suggested letting her come with him to drop off his furniture to Jack’s store. Belle really wanted to see the town, as well as meet Super Jack. Corbin knew of my fears and assured me that, with her short pink hair, no one would recognize her. Beyond that, he swore that he would not let anyone take her away from him. I knew I could trust Corbin to protect her, but that didn’t stop my mind from panicking as soon as they drove away on his four-wheeler trailering his furniture.

I swear I couldn’t breathe the entire time they were gone. I hoped I had hidden my fear from Belle. I’m still not sure if she saw how relieved I was when they’d finally gotten back. Thankfully Gertie had taken care of Lucas for me, so he wasn’t affected by my panic either. Corbin definitely saw it though.

Later that night, after the kids were asleep, Corbin told me that he wouldn’t take Belle into town again. I was so relieved by his declaration—only to remember how excited Belle had been to go into town with Uncle Corbin. She’d met Super Jack and had ice cream and played on the playground and ate a giant hot dog and helped Uncle Corbin move his furniture and met the lady who ran the bakery… She’d be crushed if I told her she couldn’t go back.

Corbin yet again questioned if I wanted to go with them on their next trip, but I quickly shook my head. I knew my anxiety would be worse if I went to town too. My face was on national television. We’d been able to alter Belle’s appearance enough that I was sure no one would recognize her as Lydia Gunther. But me? A beard couldn’t change my body type, height, or eyes. Plus, who would believe spoiled, rich Lydia Gunther was the happy child rolling around in the mud all day?

I couldn’t do it or risk it.

So Lucas, Gertie, and I remained at the cabin all summer long. It wasn’t as isolating as I figured it would be. Like winter, summer had its advantages and disadvantages. The heat was definitely something to get used to. Some days it felt like I was baking after taking only a few steps outside.

I was learning a lot from Corbin about mountain life. I could now successfully chop wood—to Belle’s enthusiastic applause. I was also learning how to manage the water and food stores. I wasn’t up for hunting or gutting, but I had helped Corbin cure the meat. Belle was utterly disappointed that I would not allow her to go hunting with Uncle Corbin. She stomped around the house all day, refusing to play or do her studies. Even Lucas couldn’t bring a smile to her face. I was not one for rewarding bad behavior. However, I did tell her that, perhaps , we could revisit the possibility of her going hunting with Uncle Corbin next summer. While that did not immediately cheer her up, she did tell me that she would take hunting lessons from Uncle Corbin until I felt satisfied she would be safe enough to go with him.

My little angel. I knew what she was doing and, though I was aware of the manipulation, I allowed it. She had, after all, agreed to take lessons before doing the activity. I could make Corbin drag out those lessons for a very long time.

Over all, the summer was amazing and I was shocked with how quickly it had gone by. I was beginning to grow muscle too. Nothing like Corbin’s, but my body was slowly becoming more defined. I certainly wasn’t complaining—and neither was Brooke.

Brooke was, aside from my children, the light of my life. We didn’t visit each other every day. That journey was just too far, but we remained in constant contact. She purchased two-way radios from Jack’s store. They were crap during storms or high winds, but most of the time they worked wonderfully. We were able to chat into the wee hours of the night, staying up like teenagers past our bedtimes.

Corbin taught me how to drive the four-wheeler and, after many journeys to Brooke’s cabin with Corbin, I eventually felt confident enough to travel there on my own during clear weather. Like Corbin, Brooke was also using the summer to prep for winter. I helped her where I could too. I usually brought Belle with me, and sometimes Lucas. While they weren’t much help, it was a change of scenery for them.

The times when I went alone were pure heaven. We hadn’t had sex yet, but that anticipation almost made the relationship sweeter. The almost was for when I thought my blue balls were going to kill me.

Brooke was so sexy and funny and brilliant. She was constantly surprising me with how adept she was at mountain life. I loved watching her work. She even built a tire swing for Belle in her backyard. I was falling head over heels for her.

When we could grab adult-only moments, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. While we hadn’t had intercourse, we’d done most everything else. Just last week, I’d pinned Brooke up against a tree and made her come with my fingers. Due to the kids being close by, I’d also had to cover her mouth with my other hand. I’d never been one for adventurous, outdoors escapades, but damn I don’t think I’d ever not want to have Brooke. Anywhere.

The kids and I had slept over her cabin a couple of times. The first time, Brooke had taken the couch again. But the next time, Belle had invited her into bed with us. Since then, any time we stayed over, it was in her bed with the kids between us. Some nights, we barely slept, just stared at each other with our hands clasped over the children.

It was near perfect. A glimpse of an optimistic future.

As summer started to die down, I started growing restless. Upon waking that morning, it felt like I had imaginary ants crawling all over my body. I couldn’t scrub myself hard enough in the shower. I was twitching and itching all through breakfast, to the point where I caught the glances shared by all over one year old. I hadn’t figured out why until I realized the day’s date.

Two years ago, Belle had watched as her birth father had flogged me, scarring me mentally and physically. I hadn’t even realized what my body had been trying to tell me with my increased anxiety, my dark mood, and my inability to sit still. The date explained the increase in my nightmares as well.

I knew that Corbin and Gertie could tell something was bothering me. Corbin knew about my scars and what had caused them, but I’m not sure he’d put the timeline together from the story I’d told him.

Hell, if it hadn’t been for Corbin’s scheduled trip to town tomorrow, I’m not sure I would have put it together either. As Brooke had once said, you stop paying attention to dates and days of the week up here. Time was different on the mountain.

But my body had still known. Subconsciously I’d still known.

I decided to take a walk after breakfast. I didn’t want the kids to grow worried by my foul mood, nor did I want to say something to them I’d later regret. I figured the best choice was to remove myself from our little mountain haven for the day.

There was an overlook a few miles away from the cabin. We’d brought the kids here multiple times over the spring and summer for picnics. I hadn’t even realized that was my destination until I’d arrived .

I couldn’t change the past. I knew that. And I’d never for one moment, even in the worst of the pain, regretted taking the punishment Gunther had deemed his daughter worthy of. I would never have forgiven myself if I’d stood by and watched as my daughter was punished, regardless of whether that punishment would have been the same as mine.

Sometimes I wondered if Gunther had chosen a stricter punishment for me because he saw how attached his daughter was to me. Maybe he thought he could break that bond by making me bleed.

Regardless, I would have taken that punishment ten times over to save my daughter from that monster.

I knew that to the marrow of my bones. Yet…every time I saw my scars in the mirror or felt one twinge or pull when I moved in a certain way… I wondered why I had stayed all those years.

I knew why I stayed. I’d never abandon my daughter. Lydia or Belle, she was mine . From the moment I’d held her in that delivery room, she was mine.

It wasn’t until Gunther had started bringing Belle around his business associates that things had become bad. If we’d remained invisible, I’m not sure I would have run with the kids. I might have stuck it out until Lucas was eighteen and then they would be legal to make their own decisions and choose who their father was.

I shook my head at that ridiculousness. Gunther would have never allowed us to remain invisible. I was pretty sure the only reason he hadn’t bothered us for the first five years of Belle’s life was because she wasn’t yet useful to him at such a young age.

Arms encircled my middle. I was sitting on a large rock facing the expansive horizon of the Montana forest. Despite not seeing who was behind me, I’d know her touch anywhere.

My hands immediately went to hers at my waist. I closed my eyes and leaned back against her. I didn’t know how she’d found me, but I was so grateful she had. Brooke quieted the noise. She made all the bad disappear with just a touch.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head.

We’d talked a lot about what Belle and I had gone through at the hands of her birth father, but I wasn’t ready to talk about this. Perhaps I didn’t want her to see me as damaged. In all our fondling and make-out sessions, I’d never allowed her to remove my shirt or put her hands on my bare back. I wasn’t sure if she’d picked up on that but, even if she did, she didn’t know why.

She moved herself closer, pressing her chest to my back. We remained like that until the sun started its descent. It couldn’t disappear fast enough, ending the anniversary of that horrible day.

I’m not sure which one of us moved first, but Brooke ended up in front of me straddling my lap. Her blue eyes seemed so bright this evening. I loved her eyes. They seemed to sparkle whenever she was being humorous or mischievous. Even in my delirium from being exhausted, I never forgot how her eyes were the first thing I’d noticed about her. They were so beautiful, so emotional.

I knew she was worried about me, but I wasn’t sure how to explain the turmoil going through my mind. I wasn’t even sure I understood it.

I leaned my head forward, resting my cheek against her chest. God, I loved her tits. They were perfectly sized handfuls of goodness. The few times I’d tasted them, all I’d wanted was more. Where she thought they were too saggy, I only saw perfection. Like me, she couldn’t see herself clearly.

“How did you know I needed you?”

She wrapped her arms around my head, holding me closer. My grip on her hips tightened. With our current positions, there was no way she couldn’t feel my arousal pressing between her legs. What I wouldn’t give to remove our clothing in that moment.

“You were supposed to meet me at my cabin this morning. When you didn’t show and weren’t answering your radio, I reached out to Corbin.” I felt her lips brush against the top of my head.

Shit. I’d forgotten about our plans. At least she hadn’t assumed I’d purposefully stood her up. Unintentional or not, I still felt bad. She’d driven all the way up here and I wasn’t even in the mood to talk.

Her touch felt like a soothing balm, like aloe on sunburn. It was the calm I needed to clear my head.

“Sorry,” I mumbled into her chest.

Running her fingers through my hair, her nails massaged the tension out of my scalp. “It’s okay. I’m glad I found you, though. Corbin wasn’t sure where you were headed exactly, but you left an easy trail for me to track.”

I liked that she’d made the effort to even try, rather than just wait at the cabin for me. I felt bad about pawning off Lucas and Belle on Corbin and Gertie. I really did rely on them too much. Brooke, too.

“I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but it’s not like you to brood. I’m worried about you.”

For some reason, I didn’t like that description. “I wasn’t brooding.”

Her chest vibrated with her giggle. “Yes, you were.”

“Sulking, maybe,” I allowed. She smelled good. She must have been in her garden earlier; she smelled of dirt and greens.

“All right. Fine. It’s not like you to sulk .”

I knew she was right. This wasn’t like me. Maybe I was due a bad day after all we’d been through. It had been eight months since we’d run .

I looked past her right ear, out at the vast horizon. There was nothing but trees and rocks for miles. I knew the land well enough by now to know which direction the mountain river was in, but it blended into the foliage too much to be seen at this distance. There was nothing like nature to make a man realign his priorities.

Up here on this mountain, we were safe and protected from everything. The influence of society, the dangers of man, the expectations of modern life… There was nothing around us and yet I didn’t feel alone.

My eyes slid back to hers. I reached up, placing a lock of her hair between two fingers and threaded it down around her face. Brooke was, without a doubt, the most important person in my life—aside from my children.

She knew most of my secrets and had accepted me. It was time she knew the rest.

“Take off my shirt.”