My Bully’s Crush, Vol.1

Chapter 43

*Elena*

“You fucked the whole plastic Barbie family?” I couldn’t hide the disgust in my voice. Mary had set him up on a threesome with three of her five daughters. “Why did she leave the other two out? Were they out of town?” I jeered at him, totally repulsed.

He hung his head down in shame and nodded, and I kept reading, doing my best not to start throwing things or outright losing my shit. This was bad, it was even worse than I thought, and I already knew it was a shit show.

“So, you’re saying you started cheating on me even before they started drugging you, right? Because these years don’t add up.”

“Yes, and no. I wasn’t sure exactly when the drugs started; I only realized once I got clean that it had been going on for much longer than I even knew. It started about the time they started lying to me. They filled my head with nonsense, tried to turn my mind against you, and I fell for it because I didn’t know my mind was being altered.”

“Drop it, Ryder; you should’ve known me better than that; you believed them because you wanted to. Now, what is it that you want? What do you expect to happen?”

“What do you mean what I want? I want you. Don’t snort at me; I hate it when you do that.”

“I don’t give a flying fig what you like or don’t like, now go back to where you came from. Thanks for telling me that you’re even more of an asshole than I thought.” He tried reaching for me, but I moved out of the way.

“I always suspected there was something going on between you and them, that maybe they’d got into your head somehow. But I never imagined that all those years I spent trying to save you were wasted because you kept running back to them, to her. You chose her over me, Ryder, so fuck you. Fuck you, fuck her, and fuck the rest of them. Now get the hell out of my house before I shoot you.”

“Elena, I know I was wrong; I know I fucked up, but that’s why I’m here, to make amends. Half of that stuff I didn’t even remember until lately. And when I remembered it all, I stayed away because I wanted to make sure that I could do better this time around. I wanted to come back to you whole.”

“Come back to me? You climbed into bed with those people, Satan’s bed wench and her plastic Barbie trophy daughters that she pimps out at whim, not to mention that charlatan you call a spirit guide; he’d put Rasputin to shame, by the way, if what you wrote here is true,” I held up the notebook, “and now you expect me to take you back?”

“They’re never going to let you go; they need to keep you as one of their puppets; I guess some demon somewhere needs a host.” I was feeling mean as hell, and even though it had been years since these things had happened, it still hurt like it was yesterday because it was all new to me.

As much as it hurt, I couldn’t help going back to reading the rest of it. “What is this about, Missy?” For the first time, I felt my heart drop. Why were these people talking about my little sister? “Ryder, what is this?”

“I didn’t want to tell you. I…”

“Tell me.”

“When I said they planned to destroy you, that is what I meant. You know that your sister is friends with one of Mary’s grandkids.”

“Yeah!”

“They were going to hurt her and make it look like an accident while she was over there for a playdate.”

“You…what? She would’ve only been three back then. Oh my, oh no, what the hell kind of people are they? My sister? My baby?” I had to sit down before I fell over. I could deal with the threats against myself, but not that child. What’s worse is, it was me who introduced her to that family, me who had been suckered in by them when I was too young and na?ve to recognize what they were.

It never crossed my mind, even after all that they’d done, that they would stoop to this. In fact, I was never really sure about Mary’s part in all of this until today, until his big reveal. I just thought she was a crappy mom with daughters of questionable morals.

But even then, I didn’t understand the evil that she truly was. “They were going to harm Missy? I have to call Mom.” I got up to grab my phone, but the room started spinning. “Ryder, I need some water, please; I’m going to pass out.” He rushed to get me a glass of water and held it while I drank like my life depended on it.

It was taking everything in me to sit still because I wanted to be halfway across town, where my mother lived with her husband and my baby sister. That little girl has been my only solace, my only rock through all this, and to think that I could’ve lost her was more than my poor heart could take.

“I have to call Mom and Missy right now. I can’t wait until the morning. You should go to another room, or better yet since you’ve done what you came for, you should go.” I glared at him to show my displeasure, even though I didn’t really want to be alone.

For the first time, I felt real fear, and being alone was the last thing I wanted. Even if the only available company was my snake of an ex. The fact that I felt safer, more comforted with him here was to be ignored at all costs. I won’t be following my stupid heart ever again where he’s concerned. The stupid thing had already done me wrong once.

“I’ll be in the next room; call me when you’re done.”

“Fine, but don’t make so much as a peep. If Mom finds out you’re here, she’d call out the National Guard.” Though I should probably let her.

I waited for him to leave, then made the call, choosing to FaceTime instead so I could see for myself that they were both okay. It took monumental effort on my part not to show the fear and angst I felt or to mention any of this to my mom, but I got through it fine once I convinced my mom that the late-night call was just me missing them.

Knowing how close Missy and I were, Mom bought the story, and I was able to get off the call without being found out. Ryder appeared as soon as I hung up, and I hated how at ease I felt with his presence.

Sometimes it’s hard to separate the man he’d become from the boy he’d once been. It’s that boy, that sweet, adorable boy who’d won my heart that I still see when I look at him. It’s those memories that I still hold so dear because I’d known him before the industry turned him into just another clone like so many before him.

If I could’ve wiped my memories of him before the change, maybe I wouldn’t be so hung up on him now and would’ve moved on, but those memories and those images of a better time have been etched on my heart and refuse to go away.

That’s why no matter what anyone says or has said over the years, I could never just give up on him. So why am I giving him such a hard time now that he is here? Was it really because it was too late? If so, why can’t I let go? He’d given me the closure I so desperately needed.

Knowing everything that I do now, shouldn’t my heart move on? Why does it insist on holding on to something that no longer exists? No matter what, we can never go back, and he will never be that innocent boy again. Instead, he’ll forever be the man who crushed my dreams.

I looked at him now, hoping for something to change, for there to be no feelings at all, but it was still there. He mistook my look of despair and rushed to reassure me.

“You don’t have to worry; everything is taken care of. No one is going to hurt Missy. I love her too, remember?”

“What do you mean everything is taken care of?”

“There’s something I haven’t told you about yet.”

“More secrets Ryder? Aren’t you tired yet?”

“It’s nothing like that, and I was going to tell you once we got that other stuff out of the way. It’s about the deal with Saunders. The deal with Saunders and that MengeLiNi person online, it’s all a front.”

“A front for what?”

“It’s a crazy story. After I saw you in Europe, I went into hiding. Mom had hired a private investigator by then, and somehow his probing brought him to the attention of Saunders, and that led to three little girls getting involved.”

“What little girls? What’re you talking about?”

He told me some convoluted story that was too crazy to be a lie, and I felt myself slipping further down the rabbit hole. “And these people are protecting Missy?”

“And you. That car that has been following you, I’m pretty sure it’s them. They all seem to drive G-Wagons.”

“I don’t understand any of this; why would they go to so much trouble for someone they don’t know?”

“I think there’s more to it. Something to do with Mary and the church; they’re just using me as a cover of sorts. As to the MengeLiNi nieces, I think they’re fans.”

“Are you telling me that three little girls are responsible for doing all of that stuff online?”

“Yeah, I know, right.”

“But where did they get all the information?”

“I have no idea, but if you think they’re good, imagine the guys and whoever they’re working with. It’s scary.”

“I wanna meet these people.”

“Who? Tyler and Zak?”

“Yes, I want to know what’s going on. This is all just too crazy.” I wanted to hit him again, but I had no excuse this time. “And I don’t trust you.” One last dig because physical violence was off the table.

“Those fucking plastic Barbies are evil.”

“Yeah, they are, and so is Janie. I never understood why she was ok with the plastic Barbies, as you call them, being around, knowing my history with them, why it never seemed to bother her.”

“You really are dumb.”

“No, really, I was convinced that she was this good girl. Matt sold me on that one. Even before the whole wedding fiasco, he was trying to push the two of us together. I never really understood why. It started after our first breakup.”

“Which was his doing, if you recall.”

“Yeah, I know, but back then, I thought he was just looking out for me. I didn’t think anything of it when he introduced me to Janie and her dad; it was done so casually that there was no room for suspicion.”

“Everything he did since then was calculated, but I didn’t see it because by then, I was so hooked on shit that I didn’t really care. Now I know he got me hooked on drugs and just took over my life for his own gains.”

“Poor you and the stupid teenager who did her best to save you ended up with the shittiest end of the stick.” I wish my mind would make itself up. One minute I wanted him here, though I won’t be caught dead telling him that, and the next, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

“Do you know that no one wants me to get back with you? No o who loves me, none of the people I like and trust. None of the people who were there for me when you broke me wants me to get back with you or to ever even look in your direction.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I talked over him and kept going because I needed to get it all out because I had no plans of seeing his face ever again.

“And now you’re here asking me to go against their wishes for you one more time. Why? Are you going to finish me off this time, Ryder? Is that it? Is that what your narcissistic ego needs? Is it because you didn’t get what you wanted from me? I didn’t show myself to you the way you wanted me to. I didn’t react to your barbs when you were tearing me down in the press?”

“I never….”

“Shut up. Do you have a point to prove now? Is that why you’re here? You got clean, so you came to see if your little puppy was still on the leash? Ok, here it is, Ryder; I love you, I love you with all my heart, and I know that I will always love you because, unlike you, my love is not something that can just be turned off and thrown away in the trash.”

“But you know what? I’m going to find somebody who is going to love me and who’s going to accept that I have a love for you, but that love has been broken beyond repair. And that person is going to love me enough to want to heal your mistake, but that person will not be you.”

“I don’t accept that. I’m sorry, but there’s no fucking way.” He advanced, and I retreated.

“What are you gonna do about it, Ryder?” He kept coming until I was almost backed up against the kitchen island.

“What am I gonna do about it? You really want me to show you?”

“What are you talking about? Sex? Is that what you plan to do? Same old same old. Sex is nothing. I’m not the same little virgin you once had. I had plenty of sex when you weren’t around.”

“Say that shit again.”

“You wanna step out of my face?”

“No, I’m not gonna step out of your face, and I’m not going to leave. You wanna hurt me, go ahead, hurt me, hurt me all you want to hurt me. I deserve it. But I’m not leaving. And don’t you ever throw sex with someone else in my face again? Do you understand?”

“I understand that you lost your little toy, and you’re sulking. You have pets, Ryder. When your dog has chewed his little plushy toy to bits, and it’s no longer any good, and you’re afraid that pieces of it will probably choke him or something, don’t you go and get them a new one? You already got your new toy. I’m sorry if she’s broken, but I am nobody’s replacement.”

“I will never ask you to be that. No one can replace you; it’s impossible. I learned enough to know that without you, I’m only half a person, that the best part of me is missing. I couldn’t breathe, Elena, don’t you understand? I was only half alive without you there beside me.”

“I know that I will never, for as long as I live, be able to repay the debt that I owe you. I know that I am absolutely lost without you, and I can never make up for what I have done. Nobody knows that better than me, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.” He had tears in his eyes, and I was not prepared for that.

“Don’t you dare, Ryder. Don’t you dare cry in front of me; don’t you do it. Don’t use your tears against me, don’t, just don’t.” My voice broke on the last word because I couldn’t bear it. I’ve never seen him cry, never seen him in so much pain.

“You’re telling me not to cry, and you’re crying. Why are my tears more precious than yours? Why are you crying? Do you know what your tears do to me? I can’t bear to see you cry; you know that it tears me up inside. Don’t weaponize your tears against me.”

“Fuck off, Ryder, just fuck all the way off. Go home; I’ve had enough.”

“I can’t, don’t you understand? I will die without you. Don’t turn me away. Your memories are not enough anymore; I can’t breathe, don’t you understand? I need you to survive. As selfish as it sounds, I can’t live another day without you. I won’t.”

Why are you my burden to bear, Ryder Sumner?