My Bully’s Crush, Vol.1

Chapter 46

*Ryder*

I was as nervous as I was the first time I touched her. Back then, my nervousness stemmed from the newness and, yes, the fact that I was so in awe of her that it was like a fairytale come true just to breathe her in. This time my hands shook with emotion because I never thought I’d be here again.

I know I have a long way to go and that there’s so much more that needs to be done on my part, but the truth of the matter is I’ve never been able to keep my hands to myself when it comes to Elena, and it used to be the same for her. This was always the one place we were compatible, and I’d missed this closeness more than my next breath.

With each bit of her flesh, I revealed I held my breath, waiting for her to stop me and hoping with everything in me that she didn’t. Earlier, she’d said that it was just sex, but for me, it was so much more. I needed desperately to reforge the bond between us, the bond that I’d thought was so irrevocably broken.

And when she trembled beneath my hands, I sent up a silent prayer of thanks that I hadn’t destroyed this as well, that I could still move her with my touch. I kissed the first tear that fell from her eyes, “Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I won’t hurt you again, I promise; please believe me.”

As hard as it would be, I would’ve stopped if she asked me to; nothing has more power over me than her tears. And when I imagined the nights she’d spent crying because of what I’d done, what I’d allowed to happen to her, to us, I pulled her into my embrace and held her gently against my chest.

I felt as if I’d won the world when her arms came tentatively around me and swallowed the first sob, taking the sound into my lungs as I covered her lips with mine. It felt like coming home, like everything good in the world was right here in my arms, and I, too, was brought to tears.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered the words against her lips as I moved my hand between us to touch her heat. My heart thudded against my chest as the heat of her softness pressed into my hand, and still, I waited for her to stop me, to pull away.

Her body felt so familiar, and yet there was a new element to the way I touched her and the way she responded. Unlike times in the past, I didn’t take it for granted that she was allowing me access to her body. I realized it for what it was, how precious she was.

I made a silent promise to myself that I would never again overlook her worth or how much she meant to me. That I would never let her down again, no matter what the circumstance.

She had no idea of the thoughts that filled my head as I made my way down her body with my lips and fingers, and when I got to her core, spreading her legs open wider to look at her, the way her scent filled me with memories of some of the best times of my life.

How had I gone so long without this? Without her? In the past, I would’ve gorged myself, too immature, and too much in a rush to appreciate, but not this time. Tonight I took my time as I held her open with my fingers to accept my tongue. Her taste, once so familiar, washed through me like a wave, and I felt my cock respond.

I throbbed and leaked onto the sheets as I forced myself to take my time and not rush, to give to her as selflessly as she’s always given me. Her cries and the way she gripped my hair told me that I was doing it right and that she, too, remembered the times we’d shared such bliss.

Only this time, instead of selfishly thinking only about my own needs, I found pleasure in giving. Her responses filled me with something more than pleasure; they filled me with a joy I had no name for. A pleasure so deep I felt it in my heart and soul.

My tears mingled with her juices as they ran down my chin; her cries rang in my ears as I gripped the warm flesh of her hips and ass, bringing her closer to my mouth and tongue to devour.

The pain of her fingers digging into my scalp only added to my enjoyment until she came into my mouth, and that loud scream I remembered so well rang through the air. I never understood what that meant before always saw it as some badge of honor that I could bring her to climax, but now I saw it as the gift it truly was.

And when she pulled me up her body to settle between her thighs, her eyes looking into mine, fever bright with lust and something else, something that made my heart beat harder, I slid into her wet heat until I bottomed out.

We both held our breaths, neither of us ever believing that we’d be here again, and the moment was poignant, imprinted on my brain, never to be forgotten. It was the moment I felt truly alive for the first time in years, the moment I realized what I’d almost lost and what I knew I’d fight never to lose again.

We moved together, never taking our eyes off each other’s, and I felt she was looking into my very soul. I was no longer afraid of what she’d see, so I kept my eyes open to hers as I moved ever deeper into her, feeling her stretch around me.

Was it bad that I felt a certain kind of satisfaction at her tightness? When we were together before, I was always amazed at how tight she’d get when we went for any amount of time without having sex.

Now she was almost virgin-like, which meant she hadn’t been with anyone else, something I’d silently dreaded but would’ve understood. She was so tight I knew from the strain on her face that I was hurting her a little. I felt both parts elated and worried for her, but I knew I couldn’t stop, not even if my life depended on it.

I had to leave her eyes when I lowered my head to take her lips with mine, and the double pleasure made my hips speed up on their own. Her legs came around my ass, pulling me in deeper, and I wrapped my arms more securely around her pulling her into my chest as the bed rocked and knocked into the wall behind us.

Fire shot up my spine as she arched her back and came again, pulling my seed from me. There were times in the past when we were in a rush when we couldn’t wait to have each other; those times, we used the pullout method because she was allergic to the pill, and I hadn’t had time to reach for a condom.

I thought this time would be the same, but when I tried to pull out at the last second because I was too lazy to leave her before then, my body had other thoughts, it seemed. I couldn’t leave her, didn’t want to; something in my brain had shut down, and my body took over, driving into her over and over again, harder, faster, deeper, until I spilled my seed inside her for the first time.

I can’t put into words what that felt like, cumming inside the woman I love with no barriers between us. A light went on in my head like the sun peeping from between the clouds, and I felt something, some virtue, leave me and enter her with the flow of my seed that seemed never-ending.

I had never come so hard and long before. I could blame it on the fact that it had been a long time since I’d been with anyone, but I knew that there was something else at play here. Something that even I had no name for.

***

We spent the night like that, wrapped around each other, with me always buried deep inside her. Sometimes it was fast and hard, sometimes slow and intense, and each time I came inside her, reforging the bond that we’d lost, I felt more and more at peace with myself.

She wasn’t saying anything other than her screams and moans that told me how much she was enjoying herself, but it was her touch more than anything that told me we’d crossed the impasse. Still, I wasn’t dumb enough to think that all was forgiven and we could just pick up where we left off, and I was right.

We’d both drifted off after our sexual marathon, too tired to move away from each other, our limbs still entwined as we dropped off into oblivion. I woke. I don’t know how long after, but it couldn’t have been too long because the darkness of night or early morning still crept through the windows when I woke with a start.

“Out, get out, get up, and get out of here.”

“Elena, what’s the matter?” Gone was the sweet amiable woman I’d made love to half the night, and in her place was a virago, spitting fire with menace in her eyes.

“Did you really think it was gonna be this easy? That you were just gonna walk back into my life fuck me and then go back to the way things were? You’re very sorely mistaken. Get out of here.” I’m not going anywhere, but I’ll hear her out. She seems to have forgotten that I like nothing more than fucking her out of one of her snits.

“Elena, calm down.” I kept my voice low and nonthreatening but made no move to leave her bed.

“Don’t you dare talk to me as if I’m having a mental breakdown? I’m very clear about what’s going on. Right now, I need you to leave. If you don’t leave, Ryder, this will be the end of us.”

“No!”

“No? What do you mean no?” When she started looking around in a huff, I knew she was looking for something to hit me with. That temper of hers still hasn’t gotten any better. I knew, though, that she needed time. Something I wouldn’t have understood before, but since I was trying to be a better man for her, I thought it prudent to give in, just this once.

“I’ll leave your bed, but I won’t leave you here in this house alone, not knowing what I know now. I can’t leave you here on your own.”

“Fine, I’ll hire security or something, but I don’t want you here.”

Could’ve fooled me. She damn near drained me with her greedy ass, and now she’s kicking me out of her bed. I didn’t say that out loud because she really would hurt me, and I didn’t mention how hot she was when she was mad for the same reason.

“No way. I walked away from you once. I will never do that again. And another thing, no one will protect you like I can. I need a shower anyway; go back to sleep.” Crazy ass woman.

She threw a few more insults at my head as I left the bed and headed for the en suite bathroom, hiding my smile of victory before she did me bodily harm. She forgets how well I know her, and I know her reaction was out of fear. Fear of me hurting her again, something I have no intention of ever doing again.

But there was something else I knew. Elena only acts like this when she cares deeply. If she really wanted me gone, she would never have let me see her vulnerability, she’d have been cold and detached, and I’d have felt lower than a roach when she was done with me.

The smile disappeared as soon as I entered the bathroom and turned the shower on. The day’s events came down on me hard, and I was finally able to breathe. All at once, everything came crashing down on me, not just the last five years but these past few months when I was fighting so hard to get back to her.

I went into the shower and cried bitter tears of regret. Tears I’d been holding in for way too long but was afraid to give in because I knew they wouldn’t stop once they started. I cried for us, and what we’d lost and for the pain I’d caused her.

I cried for the innocence I’d stolen from her and for the girl she used to be. I cried for the life we should’ve had together, but mostly I cried for the pain I’d caused her because of my own ignorance. I cried hard enough to leave the old me behind on her shower floor in my tears, just letting it all flow out of me, making room for the man I was becoming.

I didn’t feel the first bite of pain when my hand connected with the marble wall the first time or when the blood flowed from my torn flesh to mix with the water’s warmth. That, too, was my way of releasing the pain of the past, and when I dunked my head under the water’s flow, it was to wash away the last dregs of a past I never want to revisit.

By the time I turned the water off, I’d cried the old me out of my system. I’ll give her all the time she needs to work her anger and resentment out of her system, but I’m never leaving her again.