My Bully’s Crush, Vol.1

Chapter 48

*Ryder*

As she drifts into slumber, I'm left alone with my tumultuous thoughts. The unease is palpable as I lie there, contemplating my next move. When I insisted Zak and Tyler bring me here, they weren’t exactly thrilled, but they understood my desperate need to be with her. Their reluctance stemmed from the lack of a concrete plan, a fact that was starting to weigh on me.

But I couldn’t come to her once it came to light that Janie and her dad, along with Mary and the others, were planning to not only harm her but take her life. The fear I felt at that moment overshadowed everything else, and all I could think about was getting to her, if only to stand in front of her, protecting her from the danger.

They weren’t planning to rush right out and harm her, but for me, it made no difference; even a second more away from her after hearing that would’ve been too much for me to bear. But as usual, I didn’t think about what came next; I just couldn’t ignore the need in me to be next to her.

Tyler and Zak had offered to have someone else watch her, but that wasn’t good enough for me; I wouldn’t have been any good for anything else had I not been able to take care of her on my own, and thankfully they understood and gave in in the end.

They’d lectured me up one side and down the next in such a way that I wondered what kind of wives they had that held them so in check. At another time and place, I would’ve found their circumstances hilarious, but as the days went by, I realized their actions weren’t because they were whipped or any of the other derogatory terms we use to talk about men who are devoted to their women and children, but they were legit men in every sense of the word.

If nothing else, I’ve learned from them how to be a decent man, husband, and father, and when I think of it, had I done things the way they do in the past, none of this would be happening now. The reality is, it doesn’t take much, just love, that’s all. I realize now that loving someone is way more than the physical and runs much deeper. And putting someone else first has its own pleasure. I’ve also learned never to let anyone else interfere between her and me ever again and to trust the trust I have in her.

She had never given me a reason to doubt her, and yet I allowed others to plant seeds of doubt in my mind. She had always shown me nothing but love and kindness, and yet I had misused it, turning it against her. The weight of my shame is heavy, and my anger at myself is intense.

Once the anger at the people around me had subsided, I realized and accepted that most of the blame lies with me, and as hard a pill as that is to swallow, I had to bear it and look internally for the root of the problem so I could work on it. I have a feeling that had I not been working so hard on myself these last few weeks, those two men wouldn’t have brought me here, no matter what I said.

I’m ashamed and pleased that two complete strangers care so much for her. Ashamed that it took me this long to get it right while these two men who’d never met her, never got to see her greatness up close, were so willing to go to bat for her and pleased that they were that they too had seen what she was worth just by her actions alone. Though I suspect, they know more than they let on, but that’s a whole other story.

I listened to her easy breathing, something I didn’t know how much I missed until now, and the warmth of her body close to mine was a familiar joy I never expected to feel again but would fight tooth and nail, never to lose again in this lifetime.

I was unsure what I expected to happen when I rushed here, but this wasn’t part of it. Knowing Elena, I expected her to give me hell for the next twenty years at least, but I guess I’d underestimated that thing that surpasses the love that we both have for each other. That thing inside of us that had died and withered while we were apart, only to burst into flames and come alive the moment we were close to each other again.

I know my actions of late haven’t exactly shown that we share that kind of special bond, but there are some things between us that the public and no one other than us know and would understand. As soon as I saw her again, those feelings were reawakened, and it was as if time had not gone by. Reconciliation after the pain and suffering I had caused wasn’t the unclimbable mountain it had appeared to be in my once fractured mind.

As soon as I laid eyes on her, something in me recognized that special something in her, and all I wanted was to come home. There’s no denying that she’s my anchor, that she’s that one thing in this world that I need to be a complete me. My issue now is, am I still the same for her?

It hit me harder than anything else had in the last five years just seeing her. I didn’t expect the impact or how it would make me feel, and what I felt was not good. I could blame any number of people for what went down between us, but in the end, I was the one she trusted most as she said; I was the one who should’ve protected her and our love.

Now looking back, there were so many things I could’ve done differently, so many ways in which I could’ve thwarted them, but I was too dumb to see it. I’ve decided to stop blaming high for everything that happened in the past; it was the only way I could see to take accountability for my actions so that I didn’t make the same mistakes again. So, in the end, it was all on me.

I was a wretch to her way before any of this happened. Those times when she was the only one who was really there for me, I took her for granted; I took us for granted. I think, in some ways, I never expected us to last, nothing in this town ever does, and it just always seemed as if the odds were stacked against us.

We were so young when we started, and the truth is that beyond Hollywood, neither of us had any good examples of what a long-lasting relationship looked like in our personal lives. Both our parents were divorced, and there weren’t that many happy couples around us to look up to. There were no healthy relationships from which to take guidance.

I realized that I would act up when things were at their best, but after much thought, I believe that it was some kind of underlying fear that made me that way—the fear of one day losing her and the happiness she brought into my life.

According to Tyler and Zak, I’m the king of self-sabotage, something I didn’t even know was a thing, but now that I look back on it, it is hitting the nail on the head. I had to lose her to realize what she really meant to me, but I’ll never let that happen again. Now that I have her promise to give me another chance or to at least let me try to earn it, there’s no way I’m going to lose her again.

As for the others, the ones who put a wedge between us, I have lots in store for them. I hadn’t told Janie about the divorce or the fact that she stood to gain nothing because I’d had her sign a postnup that day as well, leaving her nothing.

Once I came to my senses and got the gist of what was really going on, I was bothered by the thought of giving her any of what belonged to Elena by rights, the thought of her and her family or anyone else benefiting from the pain they’d caused her.

The postnup and everything else I’d done that day were so ironclad that there was no way for it to be broken. I have the Saunders family to thank for that, and though I’ll never know why they were so invested—Tyler and Zak’s reassurances that it was because of their nieces seem too farfetched to believe—I’m still forever grateful.

Whatever the case, whoever was behind the screen blasting Mary and the others with daily updates exposing their most well-kept secrets to the world would forever have my undying gratitude. The person had done more in the last few weeks than I could’ve achieved in a year, and their sources of information seemed nonending. I’m only glad that I’m not their enemy, or they’d have made mincemeat out of my ass.

I’ve already suffered a tongue-lashing from them, albeit it was sent in an email that somehow had no return address and no IP either; I'm not sure how that’s done, but whatever. I was warned of what would happen to me if I messed up again and how they would do worse to me than they had the others if I broke her heart again.

I’m not sure why, but more than Tyler and Zak’s threats, that one sticks with me. It came after I’d complained about them telling Elena’s fans to stop wishing for us to get back together. I saw that as them saying they didn’t want us together again and was highly affronted.

Obviously, Tyler and Zak had snitched because how else would this MengeLiNi person know what I’d said in my mini rant? It was only a few hours later that the email came through, blaming me for all that had happened in scorching terms and telling me all that would happen to me going forward if I didn’t get my shit together. And I was supposed to believe that three little girls had written that.

I was brave enough to ask them why they’d addressed the fans like that, and their answer was that I was still indeed married, and anyone wishing for me to get back together with Elena in that state was, in essence, asking her to commit adultery, something they, along with their ‘uncles’ were heavily against it seems.

I was almost tempted to believe that they were, in fact, little girls because of the underlying hint of hero worship for Elena and me in their prose. If little ten-year-old girls were showing me up, then it was a given that I needed to get my shit together, as they put it.

She made a sound in her sleep and curled into my side, and I wrapped my arms more firmly around her. There’s no peace like the peace I feel when we’re together like this. How I’ve missed it, missed her and who I am when I’m with her. Looking back on the last five years without her, it’s a wonder I made it this long. I could actually breathe again, and it felt amazing.

I find myself in a bit of a dilemma now that the dust has somewhat settled, though, because I hadn’t been completely honest with her. Not because I wanted to hurt her, but quite the opposite; what I was keeping from her would hurt her to the core, and that’s why I’ve held off on sharing, but I know that if I want us to be open and honest with each other, there’s no way I can leave here without telling her the whole truth.

Then there was still the mess I’d left at home to deal with. I hadn’t mentioned anything to Janie or anyone else; as soon as I got the confirmation that my divorce was final, my only thought was getting to Elena. Then the phone call where Janie and the others were plotting to harm Elena came right on the heels of that great news, and I was in even more haste to get to her.

I didn’t know that she was being followed, but I’m glad for it because I trust those guys not to let anything happen to her on their watch, but I know now that I should be the one protecting her always. I didn’t realize it before; the thought never even crossed my mind. And it sucks that in the past, I was the one she needed protecting from more than anyone else.

I didn’t feel like walking away and leaving the mess for someone else to clean up, not like in times past, but I hated the thought of being the one to hurt her even further. Still, I can’t leave it to someone else to do. There’s so much that needs doing, but without her consent, my hands are tied unless I make good on my threat and take her out of here against her will, which might not be the best move at this point, but something I’m giving serious thought to.

There’s one other option, but even that might draw her wrath. Knowing how loyal she is, even to those who’ve wronged her, I find myself less ready to share the last bit of news that I’ve been withholding, but now as the day grows late and I have to leave soon, there’s no way to put it off any longer.

If only she’d agree to leave with me right now, but I know she won’t. She has a life, a life that went on without me. There were times when we were together when people claimed she was feeding off of my fame, which I found laughable even then since she was the child star while I was the new kid on the block.

I’m not sure what it says about my effect on her since she’d blossomed more without me than she had when we were a couple. She’d branched out in ways that no one expected, and no one was prouder of her achievements than I am. I see why her enemies had been frothing at the mouth for the past five years, but there’s something I could’ve told them about my girl. She’s one of those people who come out swinging when backed into a corner.

Once I started looking back at the last five years through new eyes, it was clear to see the path she’d blazed and the heights she’d reached each time she came under attack. But something else I know is that when she’s hurt, when her heart is raw and wounded, she’s at her best. I’m not sure how that works; when I’m feeling attacked, I usually lick my wounds after raging out, but Elena has always been more levelheaded than I will ever be.

She has the grace and carriage of a queen, always has, and she’s smarter than most of the people in this town. Why Mary and the others who are after her haven’t noticed this about her yet is beyond me, but I guess that bunch only sees what they want.

There are still some things about the whole situation that bother me as well now that my head is clear. Even though we’d pieced together some of the reasons why Mary hated her and had gone to such lengths, and the fact that Matt and Scott saw her as a threat, as someone who would stand in the way of their program where my career and success was concerned, Mary’s part in this whole thing seems out of sync with reality.

For someone who’s made as many strides as she has with so little to offer, namely her talentless daughters who had all achieved millionaire status in a matter of five years and whose name was on everyone’s lips both here and around the world, why would one young girl’s refusal to be managed by her make her go to these extremes?

No matter how I searched, though, there were no answers, and I couldn’t exactly go asking, or it would show my hand too soon. The other thing that’s bothering me is the real reason why Tyler and Zak are here. They’ve been with me long enough for me to realize that there was more at play here than them trying to help me.

Saunders had only touched on it a little when we met at the cabin, but he didn’t trust me enough to tell me then. Maybe I’d earned their trust, if even a little, in the last few weeks. As if I’d conjured them with my thoughts, my phone rang on the night table where I’d left it, and the readout showed that it was Zak.

“What’s up?” I tried keeping my voice low so as not to wake her.

“We’re coming to get you, be ready in five.”

“So soon? I….” I felt nervous. I knew this was coming, that I had to go back if only to clean the house, but I wasn’t ready. After five years apart, the thought of even an hour away from her left me feeling cold, especially when there was so much left to be done between us.

“There’s something we need to discuss. I can give you half an hour but no more.” He hung up before I could argue, and I wondered what was going on. They’ve both been very secretive unless it had something to do with me and my situation, and I was so focused on getting her back that I didn’t really mind or pay too much attention to what else they had going on.

But now that I think about it, they were always very interested in the phone calls going in and out of my house between Janie and the others, not to mention their interest in the church. I wondered before why they insisted on me going there to meet with Matt without question or the fact that they let me see Scott whenever he asked, and yet they never asked me what went on in those meetings, though they always seemed to know or have some inkling.

Was this about more than money? That was the impression they’d given me that I was being used for money by all involved. So why do I have the feeling that there’s something more at play here? Even with what Saunders had shared, I still don’t know enough.

At least I know that she’s safe, that she has more than me looking out for her, and that’s all that really matters to me right now. I hated like hell having to wake her up, but there was something I needed to tell her before I left. I wish I had more time, and maybe I should’ve told her this sooner so we could deal with it together, but there was so much more to get through.

“Elena, baby, wake up. I have to go soon.” She fussed as she always does when awakened before she was ready to get up. For a moment, she looked like the innocent young girl I’d met so long ago with none of the worry lines I’d no doubt help put on her face, just fresh-faced and innocent with that heart of gold that shone in her smile.

My heart, which was already filled with her, burned with the newly awakened love, and I couldn’t help pulling her in and holding on for dear life. Please don’t ever let me hurt her again.