My December Darling

3. Catalina

3

CATALINA

O ur entire small town is in full-blown Christmas mode by the time my mom, sister, and I head toward the Thimble & Thread alterations shop after saying goodbye to Aiden and Luke. Within the hour it took for us to eat lunch, Main Street descended into complete mayhem, with a hundred volunteers helping set up the holiday decor for this weekend’s Lake Wist-mas Holiday Extravaganza.

Cheery music softly plays from the speakers discreetly hidden along the road as a team of parents prepare hot chocolate to help volunteers fight against the brisk Michigan chill. Children run back and forth along the street, delivering paper cups to volunteers in hopes of securing their place on Santa’s nice list.

Usually, Lake Wisteria lets its coastal-inspired buildings attract visitors, but during this time of year, the architecture is concealed by the thousands of Christmas lights, tinsel, massive lawn ornaments, and blow-up decor scattered around the busiest part of town.

I’m hit with childish excitement at the sight of so much holiday cheer, only for my happiness to be snuffed out at the number of people looking in our direction. Unlike my mom and sister, I’m not a people-person, so I prefer to hang back while they engage in painful small talk.

I stew in silence while they stop to talk to multiple people along the way to the alterations shop. Most are checking in to see when Mom will start selling coquito again, and she gives them all the details before playfully asking them not to report her and my dad to the sheriff for selling alcohol without a permit.

The Puerto Rican coconut drink has quickly become highly sought after in Lake Wisteria during the Christmas holiday season, outselling eggnog recipes three years in a row.

I’m surprised Mom kept my dad’s mom’s holiday tradition alive since making coquito is a Martinez family thing than one from hers, but it makes me equal parts happy and sad to know my grandma’s memory lives on in our small town.

By the time we make it to my sister’s wedding dress fitting at Thimble & Thread alterations shop, I’m ready to call it a day, only to be dragged into small talk with my mom while sipping free champagne.

I watch Gaby with a mix of horror and fascination as she cries at her own reflection in the middle of the room where she is trying on her dress for the second-to-last time before her big day coming up on December 30th.

“It’s so beautiful.” A tear tracks down her cheek, clearing a watery path through her layer of foundation.

I exhale a sigh of relief. For a moment, I thought Gabriela was second-guessing her bedazzled tulle monstrosity of a dress that my dad paid for, but I should’ve known my sister would love to look like a princess straight out of a Dreamland movie. She even had her light brown hair styled today into the same updo she will be wearing on her wedding day in a few weeks’ time, all so she could get a good idea of how she will look.

Mom, a former pageant queen whose dark hair has been permanently coifed for the last thirty years, rushes to dab at Gaby’s cheek with a tissue. “You’re ruining your makeup, mi amor .”

Despite Gaby being twenty-six years old, Mom treats her like a porcelain doll rather than a person with opinions, imperfections, and god forbid, emotions . It used to bother me, but I’ve grown to pity Gaby rather than envy her. It might have taken me a year’s worth of therapy, but I’ve since learned that I’d much rather receive Mom’s disapproval than her full, undivided attention.

In some ways, I even feel bad for my mom, knowing she holds herself to this high standard that sucks the joy out of life. I don’t remember her always being this bad but growing up means gaining perspective about our parents and the fact that they’re people too. People who can drive us crazy, but also people who can make mistakes and have flaws just like the rest of us.

And damn, does my mom have a flaw or two.

Gabriela does her best to fight the tears pooling at the bottom of her eyes but fails when she looks in the mirror again. I have to physically stop myself from laughing at her reaction by biting down on the inside of my cheek hard enough to make my own eyes water.

I love Gabriela, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold back from an opportunity to tease her. It’s practically expected of me as not only her older sister, but as someone who took on the difficult task of helping her realize it’s okay to make mistakes, take some risks, and live a life that makes her happy.

Looking back on it, maybe I taught Gabriela a little too well, seeing as she fell in love with the man I once dated. Thankfully, Aiden broke up with me before we slept together, or else I doubt Gaby would have bothered giving him the time of day.

Calling what Aiden and I had “a relationship” feels like a stretch when we had only been on a handful of dates. He was someone I had met while working at another hospital who happened to move to Lake Wisteria for a job earlier that year, and I was in town helping my family out while my dad recovered from a serious surgery. I wasn’t sure if it would turn into anything, and deep down, a small part of me had hoped.

My selfish need to fill a void in my chest that yearns for a life partner led to hurting the one person I love most in this world, and I still hate myself for not noticing Gaby’s crush on Aiden sooner. She clearly cared for Aiden long before I ever started casually dating him, but she never had the heart or self-confidence to tell me, let alone him. She was afraid he would reject her since they were good friends, so she stood by while he made a move on me.

It took Aiden breaking up with me to realize the negative impact our relationship had on Gabriela, and I haven’t stopped beating myself up over it ever since.

“Let’s see how this looks with the dress.” Mom’s heeled booties click and clack against the floor as she walks over to my sister and places the faux fur bridal wrap around Gabriela’s shoulders. Gaby wasn’t sure about how it would go all together, but I can’t think of a more perfect outfit for a winter wonderland wedding.

At first, I was skeptical about her having a wedding during the busiest time of the year, but Gaby wanted to get married on her and Aiden’s anniversary date. Our family in Puerto Rico decided to make a whole trip out of it and come visit us for the holiday, so I guess it all worked out.

“What do you think?” Gaby turns and faces me.

Putting our different fashion tastes aside, she looks stunning, even if her makeup is a little heavier than usual, but that’s not the reason why a painful knot forms inside my chest.

As the older sibling, part of me thought I would be the one to get married first, but Gaby beat me to it. I’m happy she found love, but the lack of it in my life makes me feel…sad? Lonely? Slightly hopeless, knowing I’m the reason why I haven’t found someone in the first place.

To put it bluntly, Aiden isn’t the first man to find a reason to leave, but he was the one I couldn’t escape by moving to a new city and taking on a job.

“Cata?” My sister asks with a furrowed brow.

“You look like a beautiful princess.” I fight to get the words out without giving my emotions away.

“Really?” Gabriela’s fake lashes tease her browline with how fast she is blinking.

“If a single compliment brings you to tears, I wonder what my maid of honor speech will do,” I tease, hoping to ease some of my earlier heaviness.

“You have to write it first.” Gabriela lets out a wet laugh.

“ Shh .” I walk up to her and spin her around like we used to do when we were kids so we can both look at her reflection in the mirror. “Aiden is going to be beside himself when he sees you in this dress.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Plus, I already have a bet with the other bridesmaids about him crying during your first look, so I need him to pull through for me and have a full breakdown. Bonus if he pulls out the handkerchief.”

Gabriela makes a face as she turns toward me. “You did not.”

“Of course. Like I’d ever miss out on an opportunity to make a little money.” I waggle my brows.

She frowns. “If I knew you were strapped for cash, I would’ve been happy to lend you some.”

I give her a little shove, and we both laugh.

My mom gasps behind me. “Wait! We forgot the tiara!” She takes off running to the front door of the wedding dress shop, leaving Gabriela and me alone for the first time all day.

“God forbid we don’t try on the tiara,” I say, making Gabriela chuckle under her breath. “Seriously, how did you manage to not kill her while planning the wedding?”

“For the most part, it wasn’t too bad.”

“Except for the fact that you’re having a church wedding despite Aiden being an atheist.”

Gabriela’s shush comes out like a hiss. “Mami doesn’t know that.”

“She hasn’t put two-and-two together yet with all those Masses you attend?”

“Nope. Aiden just dips his head and pretends he’s praying the whole time. Works like a charm every Sunday.”

“Let me guess. He’s sleeping?” As someone who has a similar nocturnal schedule, I get it.

“Of course! Between paying for the wedding, saving up for a new house, and wanting to earn enough days to have a proper honeymoon, he’s working every night shift possible.”

I tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “He’s a good guy.”

“You would know since you dated him too.”

Gabriela is the only one who can manage to make me laugh hard enough to have my eyes water.

She pulls me in for a hug. “I’m so happy you’re sticking around for the whole month.”

“Really?” I ask, somewhat surprised by my sister’s confession. Ever since she got engaged, things have felt tense between us, so I expected her to be a bit more hesitant about my presence.

“Of course.” My sister’s cheeks flush. “And who knows. Maybe you love it here so much that you decide to stay longer.”

“The agency is already reaching out to me about my plans for next year.” I chose to be a traveling pediatric nurse for a reason, and it has nothing to do with how competitive the field is. Plus, I get to visit a bunch of new places, so what’s not to love?

The loneliness, for starters.

I shove the thought aside.

“Do you have to leave so soon after I get married?” Her watery smile makes my chest tighten uncomfortably, so I respond in the only way I know how.

“You know me. Can’t stay in one place for too long before I get the itch.” Exploring new places through my camera lens has become my favorite pastime, and it’s helped me step out of my comfort zone. I’ve met new people, learned to put myself out there, and shed some of my shyness in the process.

I can’t imagine settling down in Lake Wisteria again. At least not yet .

I thought I’d have my life figured out before I came back. I’d hoped to meet someone special first, and I have serious doubts that it’s going to be possible in our small town. Not to mention that I’ve sworn off all men from Lake Wisteria after everything that happened with Aiden and my sister.

It seems less messy and risky to search elsewhere.

And how is that going for you?

I press my lips together to stop myself from scowling. Constantly being on the move for my job means that I’m not able to build long-lasting connections, so I’m the only one to blame for my pitiful relationship status.

“It’s so nice to have you home again though.” My sister yanks me back into the conversation.

“Same.” Visiting twice a year somehow feels like long enough at the moment yet also never long enough as soon as I leave.

“You know what? I’m going to make sure you have such a good time here that you’ll never want to leave again.”

“Best of luck,” I say with a tight throat. I wouldn’t put it past Gabriela to try, but there is no way I’m sticking around after she gets married.

No matter how much she wants me to.