My Secret Santa Daddies (Silver Ridge Christmas)

17. Griffin

17

GRIFFIN

T he roads are slushy, and the sidewalks are slippery, but people are out and about again, shaking off cabin fever and trading stories about the blizzard. The town’s pulse, steady and familiar, starts to beat again.

But the lodge… It's quieter than ever.

I’m in the kitchen, staring blankly into a mug of black coffee that’s already gone cold. Cody and Wyatt are arguing in the background, their voices a low hum of irritation. I don’t have the energy to break it up.

We haven’t stopped working the last several days. None of us want to admit it, but we’re scared that the moment we stop moving the reality of Sierra’s absence will hit us hard.

“Man, can you just hand me the damn wrench?” Cody asks.

“Hand it to you? It’s right there, two inches from your foot,” Wyatt retorts.

“My hands are full.”

“The hell do you think I’m doing? I’m in the middle of laying a tile.”

“Can you two quit it already?” I snap.

Wyatt’s eyebrows shoot up, and Cody looks genuinely taken aback.

“What’s gotten into you, Griff?” Wyatt asks, crossing his arms. “You’ve been walking around here like a bear with a sore paw for days.”

“Maybe because this place still looks like a damn construction zone,”

“Bullshit,” Cody says, shaking his head. “It’s not the lodge that’s got you twisted. It’s Sierra.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been off ever since she left.”

“I’m fine,” I insist, but even I can hear the hollow, false note in my voice. “It’s better this way, anyway.”

Wyatt snorts. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. You’re practically a damn ghost without her around.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I finally say, my voice dropping. “You think I don’t feel it every damn minute?”

The admission is out before I can stop it, raw and cutting. I run a hand through my hair, trying to shake off the frustration.

“Look, man,” Wyatt says, his tone softening a bit. “We all miss her and we all sort of fumbled.”

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "It's not that simple. Sierra and I... we've got a lot of history. A lot of baggage."

"No shit," Cody scoffs. "We all do. But that doesn't mean you just give up."

"I'm not giving up. I'm trying to do what's best for her. For all of us."

Wyatt steps closer, his eyes narrowed. "And you think letting her walk away, letting her think you don't care… that's what's best?"

"She knows I care," I argue, but even as the words leave my mouth, I know they don’t sound convincing.

"Does she? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you're pushing her away. Again ."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I want to deny it, to insist that he's wrong. But deep down, I know there's truth in what he's saying. Haven't I done exactly that? Let Sierra believe that I don't want her here, that I'm better off without her?

"Fuck," I mutter. “You guys can’t put all the blame on me.”

“We’re not,” Cody says. “We’re just saying…”

“What, that I should go after her?” I ask, cutting him off. “That I should chase her down and tell her how I feel, like some kind of Hallmark movie? It’s not that damn simple.”

“Why not?” Wyatt asks, hands on his hips. “You gonna tell me you don’t care about her?”

I swallow the denial rising in my throat.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say at last. “None of it matters. She’s gone, and that’s that.”

The words taste like ash in my mouth, but I force myself to believe them anyway.

“Bro. She’s not gone. She’s literally in the same town as us,” Cody groans.

“I told her already. I apologized.”

“When?”

“The morning she left. But I know there’s also shit going on with both of you and her.”

“Last I checked, we’re all grown-ass adults,” Wyatt says, standing up, and crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m sure as hell not going to ask Sierra to choose one of us over the other. It’s whatever she wants.”

“You guys are my family,” Cody says, “You’re not going anywhere. But Sierra’s part of that family too. There are only four people in this world I give a fuck about, and all of them are under this roof, except for one.”

I rub at my temples, trying to push away the headache forming behind my eyes. “She’s better off without us.”

Wyatt sighs, shaking his head. “You really believe that? You think she would have stuck around this long if deep down she didn’t really want to be here?”

“What do you want me to do? Just show up at her doorstep and tell her I changed my mind? I don’t even know if she’ll listen to me anymore. It’s not that simple.”

“No. It really is. But you know what else isn’t simple?” Wyatt asks. “Watching you mope around like a lovesick teenager when you don’t have to be. She’s right there, Griff. And if you don’t want to be alone for Christmas, you better damn well do something about it.”

“You’re so afraid of losing her that you’ve already fucking lost her bro. We all have,” Cody sighs, shaking his head.

“You think she’ll even want to see me?” I finally ask.

“Only one way to find out.”

“Yeah,” Wyatt adds, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You can always say it’s for Secret Santa.”

“You’re both idiots.”

“Maybe,” Wyatt says, clapping me on the shoulder. “But at least we’re not scared idiots.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“You better do more than think,” Cody warns, a grin spreading across his face. “Otherwise, we’ll have to kick your ass for being a coward.”

“Good luck with that.”

I turn back toward the window, watching the snow continue to melt under the pale winter sun.

Seeing Sierra with Jack over the past week, and the way she fit so naturally into the chaos of our makeshift family—it brought something back to life inside me. Watching her play in the snow with Jack, cooking with him, tucking him in at night—it was like seeing a glimpse of the future I’d never allowed myself to hope for.

“She was good with him,” I murmur, almost to myself.

“Yeah, she was. Jack loves her. You know that, right?” Cody says, side-eying me from the kitchen.

“I know. And that’s part of what scares me. I don’t want to put him through more confusion. I don’t want to screw this up.”

“You’re overthinking this, man. Jack’s a kid, but he’s not stupid. He knows when people care about him, and Sierra cares . She’s not going to hurt him.”

“I know she won’t,” I say, my voice low. “It’s me I’m not sure about.”

“Cut the crap,” Cody interjects, “You’ve spent enough time beating yourself up over the past. It’s time to figure out what you actually want.”

It takes me a moment, but I finally voice my desire, “I want her to come back here and live with us. Well, if you guys want her too.”

“Of course we do,” Cody says sounding thoroughly exasperated.

“I just don’t know if that’s what she wants. She left, man. She left us.”

Wyatt sighs. “And? You think we haven’t done something stupid in our lives?”

“This isn’t the same.”

“No, it’s not. But I know for a fact she didn’t leave because she wanted to,” Wyatt says firmly. “She left because she thought she had to.”

He’s got a point. Sierra never would have left if she didn’t think it was what was best for me, for all of us.

“She deserves better than this. Better than all of this,” I gesture around at the cluttered room, at the life I’ve built for myself here.

“I think that’s for her to decide, man. Not us.”

I look at my two best friends, and for a moment, just a moment, I let myself believe that there might be a chance. A chance for us, and our unconventional family to work.

I never really stopped loving her. Not when we broke up, not when I married Anna, not even after everything fell apart.

I suddenly know exactly what to get her for Secret Santa. And with that, I turn and head toward the front door, my mind already racing with plans. I’m not just going to show up with a half-hearted apology. No, I’m going to prove to Sierra that I’m still the man she once loved, and maybe—just maybe—someone she could love again.

It’s a risk. Hell, it might even be a mistake. But as I step outside and breathe in the crisp winter air, one thing is clear; it was a risk worth taking.