Mystique of the Fallen (D’Vaire #42)

Chapter 26

I t’d been an odd day, and Roman was relieved to finally be shutting off his laptop to head home. He’d spent the morning downstairs aiding Council leaders. Later, he’d barely managed to change out of his formal uniform, and one issue after another bombarded him. Although he usually shared lunch with Grant, Roman had scarfed down a sandwich in between two meetings.

The worst part was Roman hadn’t seen or heard from Grant since he’d disappeared in the wee hours of the morning to handle whatever had yanked him out of bed. It was unusual for Roman and Grant not to find at least a minute or two to share a kiss or talk at some point during work hours, but they were both busy men.

Since Grant wasn’t at his desk—nor were the other Venerable Knights—Roman hoped to find his other half at home. Eager to relax for a bit and have dinner, Roman slid his laptop into his messenger bag and zipped it closed. He’d squeeze in more time for work later, as would Grant, but Roman needed some cuddles and to hear about his mate’s day.

Roman waved at the other fallen knights as he cruised through the main lobby of the fallen knights’ headquarters and walked at a brisk pace to the Dérive station. From there, he teleported to the bedroom he shared with Grant.

“Hey,” Roman called out after using his senses to determine Grant was home. Instead of rushing immediately out to find him, Roman slid his bag off his shoulder and quickly changed out of his uniform into a faded T-shirt and jeans.

Weaving a hand through his hair to fix any strands sticking off his head, Roman left the bedroom and headed for the main living area.

“Hey,” Roman said again as he finally laid eyes on the brunet who filled his heart. Like Roman, Grant wore jeans, and he was standing in the kitchen. Roman crossed the distance between them and was ready to drag him close for a kiss when their eyes met. Instead of happiness dancing in his lime-green gaze, Grant’s emotions were shrouded.

“Hey,” Grant replied with a smile that barely lifted the corners of his mouth.

“What’s wrong?” Roman asked, resting his hands on Grant’s hips.

“Weird fucking day,” Grant responded, his voice cracking on the words.

Startled at the tears welling in his eyes, Roman tenderly pulled him into his arms. “Want to talk about it?”

Grant nodded, but he remained mute as he fisted Roman’s shirt. Roman wanted to soothe him, so he caressed his back and cupped his head.

“It’s okay if you aren’t ready to talk. Want me to hug you for a while?”

“Is forever good for you?”

“Yep. We’re immortal, baby. I’m here as long as you need me.”

Swallowing audibly, Grant put just enough distance between them so they could see each other. “I was called out to DC this morning. It should have been this pretty straightforward thing to handle. Or so I thought. All I had to do was get rid of a human harassing a vampire and his mate.”

Roman’s heart thundered in his chest, and a sense of dread crept through him. “Oh?”

“Yeah. Except I went out to talk to the human, and he called me Grant. He recognized me. Blew my mind. It didn’t hit me until later that he called me fucking Grant. I don’t remember my past life, so how did Chander know to give me the same name I had when I was alive?”

Deciding they could both use a moment, Roman pulled away and grabbed two beers from their fridge. “Come sit down and we can talk.”

His tears already dry, Grant studied Roman with a steady stare that unnerved him. “You know why Chander named me Grant, don’t you?”

Roman dropped onto a sofa cushion and patted a spot next to him. “Come here. I’ll explain.”

Grant’s mouth tightened as he quietly strode into the living room. Foolishly, Roman had avoided this conversation for far too long, and he hated that Grant had spent the entire day dealing with the situation on his own.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said. “I could make a thousand excuses for why I didn’t tell you about the past from the beginning, but it turns out that I’m a coward. Our relationship…well, I thought it would move much slower. Let’s start out with what happened this morning. Is that okay? Who did you talk to, and what did they say?”

“Trying to plan on how much you want to reveal?” Grant asked, betrayal lurking in his eyes.

“Absolutely not. I’ll tell you everything I can and answer every one of your questions. I’m looking for a starting point. The easiest way to make sure you get all the facts is to approach this like a case, okay?”

Grant’s expression didn’t change, and Roman felt like scum. This was the man he loved, and he’d kept a secret from him. Grant deserved better. Roman planned to explain that too, but first it had to be about what Grant wanted.

“I went outside to ask a lawyer who called himself Reginald Bradley to leave a vampire and his mate alone. Reginald recognized me immediately. He called me Grant. Told me we loved each other. That we’d been together since I was thirteen. According to him, I never looked at another man. But I’m a fallen knight, and my instincts were shouting at me that it was a truth he believed, not necessarily the entire story. Did you know him? Reginald Bradley?” Grant teared up again. “You know what? I don’t even care if he was lying. Tell me about us. You knew me, didn’t you? I need to know what our relationship was in the past.”

Although Roman dearly wanted to comfort Grant, he knew it would be unwelcome until he confessed everything. “In one of those weird parallels life gives us, you and I met outside that same townhouse. You were a private investigator, and you were trying to get a photo so the case against that human who nearly murdered his now-ex-spouse would get thrown out.”

Grant’s lip curled in disgust. “Okay, I hate that about myself. Mikhail and Raney mentioned a private investigator this morning. They told me he was there for a while, then disappeared. That was me?”

“The former you, yes. But that man is dead. We met one day, and, well, it didn’t go well. You didn’t believe in mates. I had to practically bully you into taking my number, and you kept calling me a zombie.”

“Bradley called me that this morning. A zombie. It made me furious.”

“Because that’s not what we are. You told me you wouldn’t call me. But you did. In the middle of the night, you called me pissed off because you kept puking on Reg , as you called him. What I remember most was that you told me you’d loved him once and that maybe you still did.”

“Not exactly the tale Bradley was trying to feed me this morning,” Grant muttered. “Did our relationship grow from there?”

Again, Roman shook his head. “We spoke twice more. I wanted to send you some information about the Council. You mentioned an aunt who wasn’t an actual blood relative who I could mail it to, but you were concerned because she wasn’t a tolerant person. I suggested dropping a box off for you at a Dérive station. To my surprise, you picked it up. In our last conversation, you told me you’d decided to break up with Reginald. You asked me to give you some space. Your plan was to move away. I don’t know where. I agreed to wait to hear from you, unsure if I ever would. I didn’t. We never spoke again. I found out you’d died when I went to the Ascension Center after Chand had resurrected our first fallen knight. I was fucked up. Stunned. I couldn’t even tell Chand your last name. I didn’t know it. He gave you Valerius. I looked it up. It means strong or healthy. I liked that.”

Grant set the drink he had yet to touch on a coaster and massaged his temples. “I…I don’t know what to think.”

“I took time off while you were training to straighten out my thoughts because the truth is…I didn’t like you. I’m sorry. You were my mate, but I was losing hope. Then I met Venerable Knight Grant Valerius. You are nothing like him. The old Grant. He was a mystery. One I didn’t particularly want to unravel. There were no comparisons in my head. All I had was this awful secret that I didn’t know how to handle appropriately. I waited too long. I know that. I hope you can forgive me. But I also understand if you need some space to sort your thoughts and decide for yourself what this all means.”

“Did I smell like limes?”

“I smelled limes,” Roman said. “But I also smelled your car when we met. It was pretty rank. Human Grant didn’t keep a tidy car.”

“Okay, that’s gross.”

“You had some nice blond highlights, if that’s any consolation.”

Grant appeared shocked. “Really? Huh. At least I had good fashion sense.”

“Your clothes were stained and could’ve used a round in a washing machine.”

“Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have any other secrets?”

Roman tensed, and it wasn’t lost on Grant, who frowned. “Just one, but it doesn’t feel right to fess up right now. You have too much on your mind. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about your past. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t intend to hurt you. What I wanted was for you to have a fresh start without any of that shit fucking with your head for as long as possible.”

“Do you know what’s harder than learning all this? Knowing that you can’t give all of yourself to me. I thought that was the kind of relationship we had. Up until today, I thought I understood you despite those weird moments when your back would stiffen or you’d get quiet. I’d wonder for an instant if you had a secret, but I’d shrug it off. That’s not my Roman. He’s too straightforward for that.”

Grant rose jerkily from the sofa, and Roman was on his heels in an instant.

“Grant,” Roman said. Although Grant moved to walk away, Roman grabbed his arm gently, and their eyes met. “My secret. The last one. The one I wanted to save for a special day. Well…you deserve to know everything. I love you. That’s the other thing I’ve been keeping from you. But only because I’m apparently completely lacking in romance. I wanted to officially offer you my heart in a moment you’d never forget.”

To Roman’s immense relief, Grant turned to face Roman. Grant hesitated for a moment, then burrowed into Roman’s chest. With a heavy sigh, Roman wrapped Grant firmly in his embrace.

“I’m so fucking sorry about all of this,” Roman said.

“I hope you mean the past life shit and not loving me.”

“Don’t be absurd. I’m honored to offer you my heart. Fate has been too fucking good to me.”

“Roman?”

“Yeah, baby?”

Grant lifted his head from Roman’s chest and finally smiled. A genuine grin lit up his green eyes. “I love you too.”

Roman kissed him softly. “Thank Fate for that.”

“I think I understand why you didn’t tell me about the old Grant.”

“It wasn’t a secret I planned on keeping forever. You deserve the truth, and I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you before you bumped into Reginald.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t nicer to you in the past.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for a past you cannot and will not recall. That person is not you. Your experiences are different from his, and your path is not the same. You’re only responsible for the decisions you’ve made as a fallen knight. Not as a human.”

“Still, it sucks being called a zombie, and I used that to your face.”

“On some level, I understand that humans have been conditioned to think poorly of us, but it also pisses me off.”

“Bradley looked like he saw a ghost when I tapped on that window,” Grant said. His gaze narrowed. “Why did he tell me we were so in love if I was planning on breaking up with him?”

“I don’t know, baby. Maybe you guys worked things out.”

“Hmm, I need to give this some more thought.”

Roman held Grant close and rubbed his back. “I understand. It’s a lot.”

“I’d much rather remember that you told me you loved me today.”

Smiling, Roman kissed Grant’s temple and closed his eyes to appreciate his mate’s beautiful heart and the quick forgiveness he didn’t deserve. “I do. I love you. I fell so hard and fast I didn’t realize I was completely sunk until you’d wrapped me around your finger.”

“You are the other half of my soul, Roman. I don’t give a shit who I thought I wanted to be with as a human. You and I belong together.”

“I agree. No one could ever complete me the way VK Grant Valerius does.”

“Even though I don’t have blond highlights?”

Roman chuckled. “Yes, because you’re beautiful, with or without them.”

“Roman?”

“Hmm?”

“For the record? You always make me feel special. I don’t need anything fancy. I love you exactly how you are.”

“Could you do me one favor?”

“Anything,” Grant promised.

“At least yell at me for lying to you?”

“Nah, I’ll let the guilt eat you up instead. Much more effective revenge for you, Calixtus.”

“Shithead,” Roman teased, then pulled away to frame Grant’s beloved face in his hands. He kissed him tenderly. “You’re definitely a shithead. But I love you. And I’m here for you if you want to talk about anything. Including the past. Okay?”

“Good, because I’m still sorting my thoughts. Also, calling me a shithead is marginally better than being accused of being a zombie, but knock it off.”

“As you wish, baby,” Roman replied, brushing their lips together again.

It was an unbelievable relief to finally have no secrets resting between them, but that didn’t mean Roman’s regret had melted away. He should’ve revealed everything before the past slapped Grant in the face and blindsided him while he was working. Grant had forgiven him, so Roman couldn’t allow his guilt to linger. But he also couldn’t wash it away in an instant.

In the meantime, he’d encourage Grant to discuss his thoughts and feelings about what he’d learned to help him cope as best he could. The other thing Roman needed to do was plan something romantic for Grant. It was the least he could do to show Grant how special he was to him. Roman hated that the first time he’d told Grant he loved him was amid confessing how he’d lied to him since the day he was resurrected.

Grant deserved far better.