Naughty Elf: Humbug (Santa’s Naughty Elf Mates)

Chapter 6

Chapter

Six

“ O ne teaspoon of salt…” Biting his lip, Humbug measured salt into the sauce he was trying to make for Bax’s Valentine’s Day dinner.

Bax loved Alfredo sauce on his fettucine, and Humbug had never made it before. It sounded easy enough, but he was a baker, not a cook. His chocolate tarts? Were perfect where they sat cooling on the wire rack next to the toaster oven.

But, since Bax was working out at the forge, and he was mostly sitting on his ass with the dog watching soap operas, Humbug wanted to do something nice for Bax.

He had cream and milk in a pan, and he was whisking while the pasta boiled. Then he would put in the painstakingly grated parm and pepper and?—

The sound of hissing water boiling over made him jump. “Well, sparkle.” He grabbed a towel, mopping up the water, then stirring and turning the burner down.

Then the smell of burning cream hit him, and he growled, turning just in time to see it boil right over.

“Argh!” He pulled the pan off the stove and tossed it in the sink, which vibrated hard. Which dislodged his carefully shaved parm, knocking it to the floor.

Guffy leaped, licking up the cheese in mere seconds, and he groaned. “Damn it all to the frozen sleigh barn!”

“What’s wrong, honey?” Bax came through the back door on a wave of frozen air, the wind making him gasp. He tended to wear a T-shirt and sweatpants inside, since Bax kept the house way warmer than his place in the North Pole ever had been. But that gave the outside air a chanced to find all his vulnerable spots.

“I burned the cream after the water boiled over, and now I’m out of parm.”

“Oh, man.” Bax’s eyelines crinkled up like he wanted to smile, but he didn’t. He reached out to turn off the stove. “Guffy ate the cheese?”

“Yes.” He tried not to pout.

“Makes him fart like death.”

“Great.” He sighed. “Does anyone deliver pizza out here?”

“No. I can call it in and go get it, though.”

“Oh. I don’t want you to do that.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind. Just let me wash up.” Bax did grin then. “I know you like pizza.”

“Okay.” Gavin cleaned up while Bax was showering superfast, and he tried not to be…sad. He hadn’t left the house since he got there. Not to go anywhere but the forge and the studio.

But he knew Bax wasn’t sure what to do with him, and he was half afraid Bax would just leave him in town.

“Hey.” Bax came out looking incredibly handsome in a heavy cable-knit sweater in dark green that played up his dark hair and gray eyes. “It’s Valentine’s Day. Want to go with me and have pizza in town?”

He opened his mouth to say no, but the scent of a horrifying dog fart filled the room.

Bax wrinkled his nose. “That was fast.”

“Let me go put on real clothes,” Humbug said.

“Cool.” Bax caught him as he passed by. “Thanks for trying.” Bax gave him a happy, hot little kiss.

“I did manage to make dessert.” He waved at the tarts.

“Let me put those on top of the fridge. Chocolate could be lethal for Guffy, and he’ll try it.”

“Oh, holly berry. I would die if something happened to him.” Guffy was his new bestie since he wasn’t hearing anything from Stardust, who had been sent somewhere else by their Santa.

“No dying for anyone. Go on, honey.”

“Thank you.” He ran to the bedroom to put on jeans, a sweatshirt with rainbow hearts all over it, and good socks and boots. He grabbed his coat and his big pom-pom hat on the way back. “Ready!”

“Come on, honey.”

“So where are we going?” He slipped his hand into Bax’s after he locked the front door. He’d learned that even this far out, Bax always locked up because Guffy would go make messes.

“A place called Brown Dog Pizza. So good.”

“Was that what I had on Christmas Eve?”

Bax wrinkled his nose. “No, that was grocery store take-and-bake. Not bad, but not Brown Dog.”

“Yum.” He was used to the one kind of pizza they served at the pizza place near his little condo up north. It was cute. Quaint. Very, uh, bland. He bounced when he got into the truck. “You’re taking me out!”

“I am.” Bax glanced at him as he got them moving. “I should have done this before now.”

“No. I get it. This whole thing is weird. You think I’m crazy; I think you’re a changeling…”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I’m not sure what you are, but you’re magical.”

“Literally.” He winked. “But I do feel like I need to do more than spend your money and bake… What can I do to help your business? I’m a great toymaker. And I’m pretty good at things like websites and social media. I mean, I’m self-taught, but I had ideas for Santa.”

“And he said no?”

“He said there was protocol.” Which there was. Humbug had just never been one to submit ideas in writing and wait years for the wheels to turn.

“Ah. Well, that’s why I work for myself.”

“I know!” He glanced sideways, noting Bax’s grin. “But I could help.”

“Sure. You can look at my website tomorrow. I have the commissions side and the webstore side, but I think my sales site sucks.” Bax drummed a little bit on the steering wheel. His hands were never still.

“Cool!” Woo. He didn’t dance too much more, but he was so tickled. Jingle, how cool would it be if he could help make Bax’s life easier instead of harder.

He wanted to do all the things for his lover, because that was what Bax was. And it really had nothing to do with his own doll-forever thing. He just wanted Bax.

“I’ll take all the help I can get.”

He reached over to put a hand on Bax’s knee. They’d settled into a pattern of having meals and sex together, watching movies and stuff, but they rarely talked about anything personal. So he was going to try something.

“Want to play a game of questions?”

“Sure. What kind of questions? And what do I get if I win.”

“Um. I guess it’s not exactly a win-lose kind of game? But I could give you a kiss per question? Payable whenever.”

“Sounds good. I will offer the same.”

He beamed, because they both liked kissing. A lot.

“Okay, so I’ll start. What’s your favorite color?”

“Charcoal.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s soothing. What’s yours?”

“Turquoise blue. Like the sky when it clears off after a snowstorm and is really cloudless and cold.”

“Neat. I’ll have to look. It’s supposed to snow again next week.”

“You do have summer here though, right?”

“Yep. Okay, my turn. What’s your favorite pizza topping?”

“I like veggies most, but really, anything but lutefisk is fine.”

Bax glanced at him, one eyebrow raised. “Lute-who?”

“Fisk. It’s a preserved white fish.”

“Okay ew.” Bax shook his head. “Why would anyone put that on pizza?”

“Well, you know. Elves.” He shrugged, car-dancing to the radio. He loved the music Bax listened to. It was kind of gothy, but definitely had rhythm and melody and all the fun stuff.

“Huh. Sounds horrible.”

He grinned. “Hence me liking the veg pizza. What do you like?”

“All the meats. Though I also love a mushroom pizza.”

Bax was so subterranean. And he said he wasn’t a dark elf changeling.

“I dig mushrooms.”

“We should get one mushroom and one half and half meat and veg.”

“Or just a supreme. I like those too, as long as there’s no fish.”

“Done.” They didn’t drive into town, exactly, he thought. In fact, Bax kinda steered around it out to the ski village. He’d studied all the maps. He knew the area, even if he was seeing it all for the first time.

“Hmmm.” He pondered his next question carefully. He knew what movies Bax liked. Lord of the Rings style fantasy, action-adventure, and light horror. No torture porn. He knew Bax’s music. He knew what Bax did for a living, and he knew Bax’s art intimately. He’d spent hours staring at various pieces.

“Do you like to read?”

“Yes. And two for one, I like fantasy, thriller, and cozy mystery.”

“Cozies? Really?” That was so cool! He loved the Elf Who series…

“Yep. And, of course, Stephen King.”

“Scary.” He grinned. “I adore cozies, though.”

They talked all the way through the drive, getting seated, and ordering at the restaurant, where they did order their pizzas as well as garlic bread and drinks.

It was like a date. It was a date. Humbug had never really had one of those. They even lit a little candle on their table and gave them a free beer or glass of wine for Valentine’s Day, which made Bax flush a dark pink.

He reached across the pizza bones almost an hour later to touch Bax’s hand. “Thank you for this. I needed to get out of the house.”

“I could tell.” Bax sighed. “This is such a weird thing, Gavin, but I don’t want you to worry that I’m going to kick you out.”

“Good? That’s good. But I need to contribute. I’m really a hard worker.”

Bax gave him a wry grin. “I know. My house is cleaner than it’s ever been, and the way you churn out baked goods, I’m going to have to start jogging again to keep from blowing up.”

“I like to bake.” It was his turn to flush.

“I love it. Hell, you could sell your stuff to local coffee shops.”

That made him brighten. “Do you think so?”

“I do.”

“Hmmm.” Okay. He needed to do research. Which meant he needed his own laptop. He closed his eyes. Dear Santa, I need a phone and a laptop. Just to get me started. My birthday is in a week. Please?

He would see what happened with that.

“Where did you go?” Bax asked, squeezing his hand.

“Just making a wish.” He beamed at his lover. “Now, should we go home for dessert?”

“Oh, hell yes. And we also need to burn some calories.” Bax signaled for the check. “Right?”

“At least two or three thousand,” he agreed.

Now that Bax knew what his knot was? He liked to use it a lot. So did Gavin. It was a win-win.

It was Valentine’s Day. And it was turning out to be a really good one. The best one ever.