Neon is the Colour of Vengeance (Flappers and False Gods)

THE REQUEST

So much had changed in the months since Samuel had found out about Evan. They had found a sort of peace and Hugo felt that he had regained his trust in his acting as double agent. Samuel showed a keen interest in his relationship and seemed to genuinely want Hugo to be happy, but none of that meant he would let Hugo go just because he asked him to.

In his heart of hearts, Hugo was sure that Samuel would refuse his request, but he had to try. He would do anything for Evan. What they would do after he said no was something Hugo couldn’t bear to think about.

His hand shook slightly as he knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Hugo entered and habitually took up the seat in front of Samuel’s desk.

“What can I do for you, son? How’s Evan?” He seemed in a good mood which boded well.

“He’s…well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Is everything okay?” Samuel sat forward in his chair, looking concerned. He and Evan hadn’t spent much time together beyond one family dinner a few weeks prior, but Samuel always made an effort to enquire about his wellbeing.

“Evan is…struggling.”

“With what?”

“The things we do. The things I do.”

“That’s always a danger when you bring someone in from the outside.” Samuel clasped his hands on his desk. “He’s a civilian but he knows the world. I’m sure he’ll come around. Partners always struggle at first if they weren’t in the life before. Mariam did. She couldn’t stomach the thought of hurting people, but she came around. She understands now and we’re happier than ever.”

“I don’t think he ever will. He’s a doctor…” Hugo wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs.

“What are you saying, son? You worried he’s going to leave you?”

“I know that I owe you everything.” Hugo fought hard to keep his voice steady. He wanted to do this. He had to, but his nerves threatened to overwhelm him, nonetheless. “You have given me everything. Done more for me than anyone else ever has. Everything I have I owe to you, and I am more grateful than I have words for.”

“But?” His voice was gentle, encouraging.

“I love him, and I will lose him if I stay here.” The words left him in a rush.

“What exactly are you asking?”

“I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me as long as I can remember. Since I was a little kid, your word has been the only law I’ve followed, but I think I’m ready to be done now.”

“Done?”

“I’d like to retire. With your blessing. I want out.” It was as if a massive weight had been lifted from his chest and he could breathe at last. He’d said it.

Samuel pondered Hugo; his head tilted slightly to the side. He didn’t look angry or worried, just thoughtful.

“It’s not that simple for a man like you.” He rubbed his chin. “You’ve got enemies. It would put you and Evan in more danger. You can’t just turn civilian.”

“Not in this city, no, but we’d leave. Start fresh somewhere new.”

“It’s war out there, kiddo. I don’t know if we can win it without you.”

“I won’t abandon you if you need me, but I think I’ve shed enough blood for the cause.”

“And that’s really what you want?”

“It is. I’m tired of killing.”

“As soon as you felt that way, you were no use to me as a soldier.”

Hugo stiffened in his chair.

“I’ve got plenty of soldiers; I don’t have plenty of sons. If that’s what you want, okay.”

“It is.”

“You can’t fight a war that your heart’s not in; it’ll get you killed and that is the last thing I want. I’ve said it all along, kiddo. I just want you to be happy.”

Hugo did something then he hadn’t done since he was a small child. He got to his feet and walked around the desk to hug his father. “Thank you,” he said into Samuel’s shoulder as the man returned the hug.

“You’ll always be my Little Wolf. I don’t care how big you get. Go home to your man, I’ll work out the other details.”

Hugo was so happy it was like being drunk as he burst into his living room. Evan jumped up from the couch where he had clearly been worrying in wait.

“He said yes.” Hugo ran to Evan and embraced him, picking him up and spinning him before setting him back on his feet to kiss him thoroughly. “We’re free.”

Had he not been so blinded by hope and happiness, Hugo might have seen the dark clouds on the horizon.