Neon & Nets (Venom Next Gen #1)

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Sofia

Cash and Kingsley end up throwing a giant bash for their anniversary this year. It’s not even a big milestone—as far as I can tell, there’s no such thing as a theme for your twenty-eighth anniversary. It’s just a gap year between your twenty-fifth and thirtieth. That’s how things are in our neighborhood, though. Our folks will throw a party at the drop of a hat just because they love getting together. It’s found family at its finest.

I go through the motions of getting dressed up and helping Dad make tiramisu to take to the party, but once we’re there, I feel… numb. I spend so much time with my parents’ friends, and they’re lovely people. Really. I just can’t talk to them about what’s going on with me. Or with Knight. Or with… me and Knight? Phrasing it that way makes it sound like we’re a couple, though, and not just friends with benefits.

Even if I’m starting to think I’d like to be more than that.

But it’s so obvious that any time he flirts with me or makes a move, it’s a joke. At least I get to determine the punch line. The way things stand, it’s Ha ha, this is all for a project! not Ha ha, a hot, rich, and famous NHL player like me would never fall for a nobody like you!

I don’t even know what to blame my insecurity on. Not my weight, because Mom wouldn’t be ashamed of that. Not my brains, because Dad’s always telling me I’m smart enough to do anything. No, there’s something else, something nobody has ever named for me, but that I’ve always felt right down to my bones, which makes me not good enough to be in a real relationship with Knight Hale. Since I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how to fix it.

If I asked, I’m sure everyone at this party would tell me there’s nothing wrong with me. That I’m fine just the way I am. But if Knight and I got together, I’m equally certain that those same people would look at us together and wonder why he settled.

Because while I have a lot of things, I don’t have everything .

“It was nice to see you at The Puck Drop the other day,” Cooper says, startling me out of my reverie.

“Oh, yeah.” I force myself to smile. “It was delicious. I should go more often.”

“Bring Knova by next time.” He looks toward the pool and narrows his eyes. “And Viktor, if you must. Even if he did break one of my chairs.”

“Wait, what?” I blink. “How?”

“Clowning around after a win. Showing off. How else?”

Toni approaches, a wine cooler in each hand, and passes one to me. She laughs when she hears Coop grumbling about the chair. “Coop, sweetie, that was years ago.”

Coop’s brow furrows. “Was it?”

This is the other problem: not only have these folks known us forever, but they never forget. If I spill the beans about Knight, I will be stuck hearing about it until the end of time.

Thanks, but no thanks.

“Here.” Toni grins. “You look like you could use a drink. Is school getting you down? You’ve looked miles away all night.”

“Oh, yeah.” I twist the cap off my drink. “I’ve got my thesis on the brain.”

“You’ll do fine, Sofia, I’m sure.” Toni pats my arm. “You’re smart, and you’ve always been the best student. ”

Except, she can’t be sure. Nobody can. Just like nobody can predict when my unspoken deficiencies will reveal themselves, proving that I’ve been inadequate this whole time.

“Excuse me,” I say and dip through the crowd. I need to catch my breath, and I can’t do that here.

Knight, Viktor, and my little brother Arturo are clowning around in the pool. I pass them and keep going, skirting around the edge of the party, through the house, all the way to the front porch. I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as the door closes behind me.

“Hey, there, Sofia,” Cash says.

I startle so badly that I almost drop my drink and only barely manage to catch the sweating bottle before it tumbles to the ground.

“H-hey, Uncle Cash.” I clutch the bottle with both hands. “I didn’t realize you were out here. Seeing as it’s your anniversary event and all.”

“Needed a breather.” He nods to the empty porch swing. “Sit with me?”

I can’t very well rush back to the party, so I take my time settling onto the swing. He stares out at the grass, giving me my space.

“Any tortoises move in yet?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Dad’s staying positive, though. He’s convinced it’s because the habitat isn’t finished and not because tortoises aren’t native to the desert.”

Cash smiles and takes a sip of his beer. “How about you?”

“My tortoise hasn’t shown up either,” I deadpan.

This time, Cash doesn’t laugh. He raises one eyebrow and lowers his drink. Oh, boy. I guess it’s time to face the music.

“See my lawn?” He points to the spot where Knight fell. I only know that because I was there; as far as I can see, there’s nothing wrong with the grass itself, but then again, I’m not attuned to the lawn’s needs like he is.

“It’s looking good,” I say, falling into his three-word rhythm.

“Mm. Now it is. Took some fixing.” He sips his beer again, his eyes still fixed on that patch of grass. “Funny thing, though. Knight won’t talk. He’s being cagey.”

“About the grass?” I ask.

“About the bike. About Viktor’s plan. All of it.” Cash swivels his head toward me. “What’s going on? Are you two…?”

I slump back against the porch swing. “I’m confused, I guess.”

“Confused about what?”

“Dad says I’m too picky.” I pause and lift one hand to count on my fingers. “Dammit, I lost.”

Cash barks a laugh. “Talk to me, kiddo. Say what you need to say with as many words as you need to say it. Get it off your chest.”

I sigh and curl my legs under me, arranging my skirt around my knees. “My dad thinks I’m picky when it comes to guys. That my expectations are too high.”

“As they should be.” Cash nods. “You’re too special to just be available to anyone.”

I snort.

He tilts his head to one side. “You don’t think so?”

“I think having standards is a good thing. And I think I have an acceptable number of standards.” So far, Knight is the only guy who reaches those standards. Maybe if I dated more, I’d find someone else who fits the bill. Trouble is, I don’t want to. But the truth is, no one else makes my heart race, makes me feel alive while still making me feel at ease, like Knight does—and that terrifies me. Normally, I could tell Uncle Cash just about anything. But not this. Not about his own son. “Anyway, it prompted me to turn the question of whether I am too picky into a whole master’s thesis.”

“So I hear. Brilliant plan. Keep going. Where does Knight come into this?”

I take a deep swig of my wine cooler. I should have picked up something that would pack a bigger punch… Jamaican Me Crazy is not going to cut it for this conversation. “Well, he offered to help me figure out if I’m picky by recreating moments other girls have found icky. You know those moments where they make a snap decision that a guy just isn’t for them?”

Cash hums. “Like nose-picking? Ball scratching? Lighting their farts on fire? What are we talking here?”

I puff out my cheeks. “Um… guys in animal slippers… wearing goggles in a swimming pool…” I cock my head toward the grass. “Getting hit by a bike…”

Cash rubs his temple with one hand. “Fucking Viktor. Continue.”

“He’s working his way down the list, and…” I bite my lip. Knight is Cash’s only son, and despite being a man of few words, he’s super proud of him. As he should be. And Knight’s dad is the last person I should be having this conversation with.

“What’s the goal of this experiment?” Cash asks. “I’m not a sociologist, but if you’re having Knight do all this, it seems like you’re either testing your own tolerance for icks… or testing to see how far he has to go before he puts you off.”

I whimper and press my forearm over my eyes. “Why must you break out the compound sentences for moments like this?”

“Oh, my bad.” Cash pauses while he thinks over his next words. “You like Knight.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, even though he can’t see them anyway. “I’m so screwed.”

“Are you, though? What’s so bad about it? ”

“I don’t—” I’m just sitting here, and yet, somehow, I’m breathing like I’ve just run a 5k. I don’t know what words are going to come out of my mouth next.

I don’t want to fall for someone who will never like me.

I don’t want to lose my friend over a one-sided crush.

I don’t want to stop doing what we’re doing because I’m afraid that if I’m honest about my feelings, I’m going to get burned so bad that it ruins me for all other men. At the end of the day, I really do want to be a wife. Have a family.

Okay, maybe not literally ruin me. But Knight’s the closest I’ve ever come to falling in love, and I’m worried that if it doesn’t work out, I’ll never be able to open up to anyone else again.

Dramatic? Maybe. But it feels true.

The front door opens, and Dad’s head pokes through. “Cash Denaro ! Sofia! Two of my favorite people! May I join you?”

If Cash shares what I just told him in confidence, I will literally lie down and decompose into his lawn. Let the earth take me.

He waves for Dad to join me on the porch swing. “Come on out. We were just talking about your future tortoise.”

Dad immediately launches into a detailed description of his backyard habitat, and the pros and cons of various materials. I sit quietly and sip my drink, trying to calm my racing heart.

Until Knight and I hooked up, everything was copacetic. Now, the dynamics have shifted. Something has to give.

And I’m afraid I’m going to be the link that breaks first.