Never Say Never (Haven Harbor #3)

Chapter 22

TWENTY-TWO

GOOD THING WE’VE HAD ALL THAT PRACTISE

D aisy

By the time Tucker and I get into his truck after the party at Catch 21, I’m desperate to get my hands on him. I barely made it through dinner and out to his car. Half of me wants a repeat of what happened in the locker room, and the other half wants to pump the breaks on all the mind-bending sex we’ve be having. I know I need to get him out of my system, but I’ve never been interested in being with anyone else. It has always been Tucker.

His eyes meet mine as he turns out of the parking lot, and he gives me a look that makes it clear he knows exactly how badly I want him. I feel like I’m 15 years old again and madly in love with Tucker. The more time I spend with him, the easier it is to blur the lines of our friendship. It has started to feel like Tucker and I have something real building between us, and as much as I like the feeling, I also find it confusing.

He moves his arm to the back of my seat and threads his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and lean into the touch as he twirls a lock of my hair around one of his fingers then pulls it free. Goosebumps dot my arms. Tucker is a quick study; he has learned exactly how I like my hair played with.

“Tired?” he asks, glancing over at me again.

“A little. It’s been a big day. How ‘bout you, you must be exhausted.”

“Strangely, I’m not. I must be still running on the adrenaline from the win.” The hand that is in my hair tickles my neck.

“I’ve never been prouder of you.”

“Thanks, rebel.”

“Hey, was it just me or was your dad in a strangely good mood tonight?”

“Wasn’t just you. My mom must have read him the riot act before the game this morning.”

“You think that’s what it was? Maybe he’s coming around.”

“Maybe.” His hand slides up and down my hair feather soft. I sigh, focusing on how good it feels. How good it feels to be close to Tucker again.

“Daisy… I’m not ready to say good night. Come back to my house?”

“What about Holden?”

“We’ve been sneaking in and out of our houses since we were 12 years old. I think we’ve got this.”

I laugh, realizing he has a point. “Good thing we’ve had all that practise.”

“Good thing.”

With my grip on the door handle, I push the door open and step outside. I freeze right there when Tucker appears out of nowhere next to me, his hand replacing mine on the handle.

“What’s wrong?” I quickly ask. “Are you okay?”

“You don’t ever need to open your car door around me again.” His blue eyes cement me in place.

My stomach dips at his words, with the way he’s looking at me with pure want in his eyes. I stand here stunned speechless as a shiver prickles my skin. “And why is that? I’ve been perfectly capable for years.”

“I know.” He swings the truck door shut intertwining his hand with mine. “But when you’re with me… you’re going to have to get used to being treating the way you deserve.”

And then he smiles. That ridiculously charming, earth-shattering smile that steals my breath away every time, and I forget that he can be a caveman. I almost forget that I’m only his temporarily.

Ten minutes later, we quietly make our way down the hall to his bedroom, where he shuts the door behind us, and I hear the lock click. Holden’s truck was in the driveway when we pulled in, but the lights in the house were all off, so he must be already in bed.

As soon as we’re inside Tuck’s bedroom, his hands are on my hips, my legs, anywhere he can get them. It feels like he wants to remind me again that I belong to him. His lips find mine, and he’s kissing me as if he’s starved, as if the two times already today that he’s had me in his arms weren’t nearly enough.

When we finally pull apart for air, he rests his forehead against mine as his fingers run the length of my body to the hem of my jersey.

“As much as I love you wearing my colors, I also love the idea of this on my bedroom floor,” he says as he slips the Outlaws jersey over my head.

His shirt goes next as he drags it over his head and tosses it onto his dresser where my gaze catches on a framed photo sitting on a shelf next to a collection of three or four trophies. It’s a picture of me and Tucker on our prom day. He’s wearing a dark gray suit, and I’m standing next to him in my fuchsia pink dress. Neither of us wanted to take the photo—at the time we were barely speaking— but our moms practically pushed us together so they could snap the shot. We both couldn’t help but laugh at how over-the-top excited they were and the photo my aunt took capturing our smiles in that moment.

I stare at the photo as my heart spasms in my chest.

“I’ve had that photo on the shelf since the day I moved in here.” Tucker’s voice surprises me, and my breath hitches. I cross the room, taking the frame from the shelf to get a better look at the photo. I trace my fingers over the glass, remembering that day.

“Why?”

“Why do I have it on the shelf?”

“Yes.” My voice is quiet, just above a whisper.

“You were the most important person in my life for a very long time, Daisy. You still are.”

I stare at the photo wide-eyed, barely able to believe that he’s had a picture of me in his room this entire time. My heart is sliced wide open; it’s bleeding all over his floor.

“Does that freak you out?” he asks, looking at me with curiosity.

“That you have a photo of me in your bedroom?” I pause. “Not at all. I like it. I’m just a little surprised. I assumed I didn’t mean much to you.”

“You have always meant everything to me,” he says softly, moving to stand behind me, and pulling my body back into his. “You’ve always been my person, and you will always be my best friend.”

“We used to be so close.” I pause, lost in memories. “Did you know that when you asked Ruby to prom, I was devastated? It broke my heart. I know it sounds silly, but I always pictured us going together. I only said yes to Josh because I knew I couldn’t go with you, and I always felt guilty about that… like it wasn’t fair to Josh that he was some sort of consolation prize.”

“I wanted to ask you,” Tucker tells me. “But I was too scared. I thought you’d say no and then knee me in the balls.” He laughs softly into my hair.

“The thought did cross my mind a time or two.”

“I’m really sorry I never asked you, Daisy.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Tucker grips my shoulders and spins me around to face him. There’s an intensity in his eyes, and as much as I know he wants to strip me naked, like it always is with us, it feels like he wants to take his time with me tonight. Something between has changed.

My fingertips trace the tattoos that cover his chest, up to his shoulders and then down his arms. “I’ve always wondered about these.”

I’m mesmerized by the patterns, the pictures. There are so many of them, and this is the first chance I’ve gotten to really look at them. The other times Tuck has been naked in front of me it’s either been in the dark, or we’ve been too frantic, too feral for each other, for me to admire them. So tonight, I want to catalogue every one of them.

The tattoos that wrap around his arms like vines. The ink on his ribs. I want to know the story behind every single one. Tucker swallows hard when my finger reaches a small yellow daisy in the space over his heart. My heart is in my throat when I see my initials etched in the center of the flower.

“You tattooed my initials on your body.”

“One of the first tattoos I ever got.”

A wave of intense emotions crashes over me, tears stinging the back of my eyes. “When?”

I trace my fingers over each petal, swallowing the lump in my throat. My vision blurs with the tears that I’m trying not to shed. For so many years I have wondered why he pushed me away. I’ve never really understood it. Now, hearing him say that I’ve always mattered to him—so much that he has my initials tattooed on his chest—just adds to my confusion.

“I was 18. The summer after we graduated, that’s when I got the flower on my chest. Then on your birthday—our birthday—I added the initials. You’ve always been close to my heart, Daisy, even when you couldn’t stand me.”

I press my fingertips to my cheek to stop the tears that have spilled over. “We weren’t even talking then, Tuck. I thought I had done something wrong.” I swallow. “Why would you ink my initials into your skin after you did everything you could to push me away?”

His thumb swipes a tear from my cheek. “Daisy—"

I look into his eyes, trying to figure out what he’s thinking. None of this makes sense to me. I honestly think Tucker is oblivious to the fact that he cracked my heart in two. Ten years later, it still hasn’t fully healed. After everything that has happened between us, I need answers. “Tucker, what did you mean when you told me you didn’t have a choice? I need to know.”

My voice cracks, but I force myself to hold his gaze. Tucker sighs, wiping a hand across his forehead.

“Please,” I beg, heart clenching. “I need you to tell me everything.”

He motions for us to sit on the bed and when we do, he looks down at his hands and then blows out a breath before he starts talking. “After you left that day, the day that I kissed you in the living room, my dad asked to speak to me in his office.” He swallows. “He saw us kiss… and as I’m sure you can imagine, he wasn’t happy.”

Tucker casts a sideways look at me, and I nod for him to keep going.

“He told me that it never should have happened. He said that we were too young to know what we were doing. He was upset, saying that you trusted me, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you.”

“You told him he was wrong, right? We both wanted that kiss.”

“I couldn’t,” he says through a lump in his throat. “I know I should have, but I… just couldn’t. You know how he is, Daisy.”

“So, you thought you would just stop talking to me?” I ask, struggling to understand. “Why didn’t you just tell me what he said?”

“Because of the ultimatum.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask, shaking my head as my stomach turns. I know that Uncle Mark can be tough, be he loves me. He would never do anything to hurt me. He loves Tuck too, even though their relationship isn’t easy.

“Dais,” he croaks. “He forbade it. He told me that if I didn’t stay away from you, he would send me away to some stupid boarding school until I graduated. I didn’t know what to do. I was chasing a football scholarship and worried what leaving the team would mean for my future. And if I left Reed Point, I would never see you. At least if I was here, even if I couldn’t be with you, I could be around you. I could still look out for you.”

“He made you stay away from me.” My entire body tenses as an unrestrained anger rips through me.

I never knew what to think. It ate at me for months. All I could guess was that Tucker just didn’t want me. I was sick when I saw him at school in the weeks following our kiss. The first time I had to see him with a girl, it just about killed me. Reliving that pain is not something I want to do, but I know we need to finally work through this.

I’m overwhelmed, so angry, but the sadness I feel outweighs everything else in this moment. I shake my head and try to move away from him, but Tucker puts his hand on my thigh, keeping me next to him.

“I didn’t have a choice, Dais. He told me we were family. He was your godfather; we were practically family. He said I would only hurt you, and honestly, I thought maybe he was right. I was a kid, I was fucking up left, right and center back then, doing stupid shit. He said it could never work between us, but it would destroy things between our families. That your mom and dad would never forgive me if you got hurt. It wouldn’t be worth it. I know that I was idiot to listen to him, but at the time, I was really scared. But I know now how hard it was for you, and I’m so sorry for that.”

“You could have just told me,” I say through the pain in my throat. “It broke my heart not knowing what I had done for you to stop talking to me. All I wanted was a reason. I felt so lost, and I missed you, and I wanted the chance to fix what I had done wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Daisy. It was never you. Do you understand me?” he says reaching for my hands.

“You broke my heart, Tucker.” My voice trembles. “That kiss meant everything to me, and for years you let me believe that it meant nothing to you.”

I think back to every message I sent that went unanswered, every time he looked the other way when he saw me at school. The way my heart broke again and again.

“Daisy—"

“No, I need to get this out,” I says in a choked whisper, cracking my heart wide open for him. “You knew me. You knew how much our friendship meant to me. And you knew what pushing me away would do to me. How could you do it? How could you hurt me like that?”

“You think I wanted to hurt you?” he shouts. “You think it didn’t kill me?”

“Then why did you do it? Why didn’t you just tell me what your dad was doing? We could have at least figured it out together.”

“I was 16. My dad is a powerful man. He never issues threats that he doesn’t back up.” Tucker shakes his head as if he’s reliving the memory. “I wanted to stay at Heritage. I was scared to go away. And worst of all… if I did leave… who was going to be there to look out for you?”

He hangs his head, and even though I know I’m treading in dangerous waters, I stay here with his hands in mine.

His glassy eyes meet mine. “I knew I couldn’t have you, but if I left here and never saw you, that would have killed me, Daisy.”

“Why, Tucker? Am I missing something here? Because I’ve watched you date practically every girl in Reed Point, all while keeping any guy who showed even an ounce of interest away from me.”

“Daisy, none of those girls really mattered to me because none of them were you. And I know it’s not fair, but if I couldn’t have you, then I couldn’t stand to see anyone else with you.”

My pulse beats like a drum as I try to understand what Tucker has just said. I’ve spent the past 10 years believing that I meant nothing to him.

“But you didn’t want me.” It comes out a whisper.

His eyes find mine, and now he’s the one who looks confused. “I said I couldn’t have you. I’ve wanted you every day since that kiss. I wanted you before that kiss. There isn’t a time in my life I can remember my world not revolving around you.”

My eyes well until two tears fall down my cheeks. My head spins. And then I remember to breathe again.

“I spent so long trying to understand… and then I just convinced myself that you didn’t want me,” I sob. “You were just gone after that day.”

He pulls me into his chest, his hand sweeping through my hair as I try to stop the tears that are already leaving a mark on his T-shirt. “Daisy, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I never talked to you. I should have said something. I know now how badly I handled the situation.”

“You were scared,” I say through my tears. “It wasn’t all your fault.”

He pulls back, removing his fingers from my hair, framing my neck with his big, strong hands. “Can you forgive me? What do you need from me? Anything. I’ll do it.”

I search his gaze, not sure what I expect to see; I find pain in his deep blue eyes, but I also see the concern, the care he has for me. He looks so sure, so confident, and it has me wondering how I never saw it before. If over the years, I refused to see the want behind his eyes for fear of being wrong.

“I am so angry at your dad. I’m not sure how I’m going to forgive him, but of course, I forgive you, Tuck. You were just a kid.”

Tucker leans in, pressing his forehead to mine, his beautiful blue eyes clear and honest. I wish he hadn’t kept this from me, but the truth is I’m only mad at my uncle for putting Tucker in that impossible situation.

“I never forgot that kiss,” he whispers. “I couldn’t if I tried.”

I close my eyes as more tears fall. “It changed me forever. It has been imprinted on my heart, permanently tattooed there.”

I want to tell him that I’ve loved him since we were kids, that I’ve never been in love with anyone but him, but I don’t. Instead, I keep going, asking him where we go from here.

“What do you want, Tuck? What comes next?”

“I want you. I want all of you. No hiding. No sneaking around. I’m done with the secrets,” he whispers, his eyes blurry and red. “Be with me, Daisy. All in with me. I don’t want you going anywhere… because I won’t survive losing you again. My heart can’t take it.”

His words hit me straight in the chest. I am jarred by his vulnerability. “I want a say in us, Tuck. I need you to be honest with me from here on out. This is about what I want too. And I want… you.”

Tucker cradles my face in his hands. “If you’ll have me, Daisy, I’ll do anything to be with you.”

“I have waited my entire life for you to say that.” I run my finger along the side of his jaw. “Please tell me I’m not dreaming this?”

Tucker laughs, dropping his head on my shoulder. Then he reaches for my hands, placing them on either side of his face as he looks into my eyes. “Real. This is real. I’m here in front of you telling you I want you. And I’m praying like hell you want me too.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more.” I nod, my bottom lip trembling.

“It’s you and me, Daisy. From now on, we will figure things out together.” His lips brush over mine. “I’m not letting you go. Never again, Dais. No more stupid rules. You’re mine, do you understand? I don’t give a shit what my dad has to say. I am done letting anyone get in between us. It’s you and me, Dais—”

I silence him with my mouth, my hands gripping both sides of his jaw. Tucker’s mouth clings to mine as if he’s afraid to let me go, deepening the kiss before his tongue licks the inside of my mouth.

And I melt into him, swearing to myself that I’ll never let him go. That I’ll never again allow anyone to come in between us. It will be Tucker and me against the world.

He pulls me by my hips until I’m straddling him, and I lower myself onto his lap. He kisses a trail down my neck. “Tucker… I’ve missed you a lot.”

“I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Let me worship what’s mine.”