Never Stop

36. Via

Chapter thirty-six

Via

Two weeks later

" T hank you for meeting me here; I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Via. I think this is a huge step." Dr. Carr says as she pats my shoulder. "I'll give you some space. I'll be right over here if you need me."

Appreciating the privacy she's granting me and the comfort of her presence, I nod. She walks away, going to stand under the oak tree just a little off in the distance.

I hate to admit it, but I haven't been here since the funerals. Although my family was cremated at Liam's request, their remains were still buried, and I've never had it in me to visit them here.

To me, they're not here at all. They're in my heart. If I'm being honest, visiting them here made it all the more real. A reality I've never been able to face.

Until now.

Running a hand across their tombstone, specifically over Natalie's name, my heart lurches in my chest. It's been almost seven years now, and it still feels like it was just yesterday.

"Hey, it's me, Via," I whisper into the void, hoping they can somehow hear me. "I'm sorry that it's been so long since. . . You know." I let out a sigh, feeling kind of silly talking to a rock.

"Liam is gone," I whisper. "He's gone. It's over. It's finally over." My voice cracks as a tear spills out, trickling down my cheek.

"I'll never be able to get the justice for you all that is deserved, but I can rest easy now knowing that he cannot hurt anyone else. That includes me." I sniffle, wiping more tears away frantically.

"He can't hurt me anymore," I whisper, more as a confirmation to myself.

"Mom and Dad, I've been so angry with you both. I've spent the past several years harboring so much anger towards you that it converted itself into making me numb. You were supposed to protect me. You loved me; I know you loved me, but you never kept me safe where you should have. You looked the other way when I needed you most. I deserved better. Natty deserved better. Hell, Liam even deserved better. He deserved to be called out on his ways and gotten the proper help." My voice is small as it cracks, and the sobs begin to rack my body. I take a few deep breaths to try and get my emotions under control before continuing.

The truth is finally out. I've never admitted my feelings towards my parents before. Not fully.

"Although I've harbored my anger towards you both, I don't blame either of you."

"You guys tried to be good, loving parents. You tried the best you knew how. You didn't deserve to leave this cruel earth in the way that you did. I've loved you and missed you fiercely every single day. It's time for me to let the anger go."

"Natty," I sob out her name as I drop my head into my hands and sit on my knees.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you like I promised to. I'm so sorry."

My hands are shaking, and my heartbeat is racing at the same pace as my thoughts. I could no longer push down my emotions, so I let them flow freely through me. For the first time in a long time, it wasn't unbearable to feel the pain. It's actually freeing.

My sister was too young and deserved so much more from her short life. I don't think I'll ever be able to rid myself of my guilt about Natalie. After all, I made a promise to her that I was never capable of keeping. I couldn't even protect myself. The guilt may remain, but the burden of it doesn't feel as heavy.

After a few moments, I start to settle. It's not until then that I hear her voice. "Via,"

"Mhm," I murmur, wiping away the last of my tears.

"I am so incredibly proud of you. After all of these years, you finally got off your chest what you've been holding on to."

Dr. Carr reaches her hand out to mine, pulling me up off the ground and gently hugging me. This gesture probably crosses many lines, but it's exactly what I needed at this moment.

"How do you feel?" She asks as she releases me, and we make our way out of the cemetery.

I let the question mull over in my head a few times before rushing to answer.

How do I feel?

I feel like I get a second shot at life. I have the opportunity to live the life I've only dreamed of. I feel guilty for that. Also. . .

"I feel reborn and refreshed," I say, with a genuine smile pulling at my mouth.

She returns my smile with a nod. "Good."

"I can't believe this is it, Iz," I say as I glance around, taking in our home with all my belongings packed in boxes.

I've lived with Izzy my entire adult life, and officially moving so far away from her feels weird. She was the one to help me to pick up the pieces when everything around me shattered. She's been such a magnetic force in my life, and the thought of not being only one bedroom away from her is hard to fathom.

"It?" She scoffs. "Bitch, this is far from it! This is just beginning for you, V. You're not getting rid of me that easily." Her laugh is deep and wicked, and I can't help but chuckle.

"Anddd, we have tonight! Girls' night with wine and greasy ass pizza. You're so going to fucking miss me!" She coos as she runs into the kitchen to grab our cheap bottle of Moscato and two glasses.

"You know I'll miss you," I say as she approaches me, handing over my glass that is filled to the brim.

"I know," she smiles sarcastically and playfully frames her face with her hands. "How could you not?"

"Seriously, though, Iz," I pause, sipping my wine. This may be the cheapest Moscato on the shelf, but it's delicious!

"I'm really worried about you. You've been so off lately. Now you'll be here all alone. I don't get why you won't move in with Maverick. The man is nuts about your crazy ass…"

"Are we seriously going to do this tonight!? Don't be a damn buzz kill!" Izzy rolls her eyes and lets out a huff. I can tell she's suddenly uncomfortable and, as usual, trying to avoid this topic.

I don't speak; I just nod and give her a pointed stare, standing my ground with her for once.

"I just want you to know you can talk to me. What kind of shit friend would I be if I saw you falling apart and didn't voice my concerns. You know damn well you wouldn't keep your mouth shut if it were vice versa."

"That's the thing; it was vice versa for so long. I sat back and watched your whole life crumble around you while you were barely treading water to stay afloat. You rarely, if ever, let me in." She takes a breath, shifting onto the floor in front of the couch, leaning her head back on the cushions, and looking up at me. "Maybe we are more similar than we realize. There are just some things I need to deal with on my own, too, V."

I slip off the couch and sink onto the floor next to her. Once our eyes connect, I reach out for her hand, and she obliges. I give her hand a soft squeeze like she always does for me when I start to get anxious. I always found this to be the kindest gesture she could provide. It was always a tiny physical reminder that I'm not alone. I can only hope she takes the same from it now that the roles are reversed.

Izzy huffs as she shakes her head and then lets her head fall back to the couch again, looking up at the ceiling intently.

"Fuck it, let's get into it." Her voice is soft as she speaks, and I know that her agreeing to talk about whatever is going on is a big deal for her, and I need to tread lightly.

She's still focused in on the ceiling above us and can't see me, but I nod in return. We sit there in the buzzing silence for a few minutes before she speaks up.

"I can't move in with him." She pulls her hand away from mine, running both of her hands back and forth over her face. I stay quiet, giving her the space she needs to process her thoughts and letting her take the lead.

"I love him, and I hate hurting him. He's so good to me. Too good. I don't deserve it, V."

Her head drops to the side, and our eyes lock. A piece of my heart crumbles when I see the utter sadness in her expression. I offer her a soft nod, signaling she has all my attention.

With a sigh, she continues.

"You know how everyone thinks Mav is my first boyfriend? Well, he isn't. I was in love before him. The guy was perfect, but the timing wasn't. I broke both of our hearts. How can I move forward with Mav when I'm not capable of giving him all of my heart? Because there are pieces of it I'll never get back. They'll always belong to him ."

I let her words sink in for a bit. I know we all have our secrets, but Izzy is physically incapable of keeping them, especially from me. The girl is too outspoken to hold anything in. Trust me, I know more about her than I sometimes wish to. Part of me is sad she never felt comfortable enough to share this with me before now, but the other part of me knows that for years, her main priority was helping me muddle through the trenches of my life.

I've always hated that she felt like she had to put so much of her life on hold to take care of me. I'll be forever grateful for the sacrifices she made to support me and see me through the darkest days. I'll never take her or that for granted.

I just can't help but feel terrible. Izzy always put me as her main focus, even though apparently she was hurting at points, too, and she never let it show. She was always there for me. Was I truly always there for her? I thought I was. Now, I just don't know. The reality of it all hits me at once. Her love was always so fierce that she pushed her troubles down while suffering in silence for me . If that isn't the purest form of love and genuine friendship I don't know what is.

Then it clicks .

"Holy fuck, it's Jett!" I damn near scream as I jump to my feet in shock, clasping both of my hands over my wide-open mouth.

Izzy talked to Jett for a bit after I distanced myself from Ander. She asked me if it bothered me that they still spoke, and I assured her it didn't, and truly, it didn't. They had been good friends since they met each other. We all knew they were having sex and were fuck buddies, but neither of them ever led any of us to believe it was anything more. We knew Jett had always wanted more from her, but she would insistently refuse.

They would talk on the phone constantly, and she would go to their ranch to see him every now and then. Then, one day, everything stopped. She brushed it off as if it were nothing and would refuse to talk about it.

Thanksgiving at the ranch, and Izzy distancing herself. Jett went to check on her. The way they look at one another when they're in each other's presence.

How the fuck did I not see this before now?

Izzy doesn't speak. She doesn't move. She is as still as stone. Only moving to take one deep breath after another.

Chill out, Via.

"I'm sorry, Iz."

She snaps out of her daze and stares at me pensively with an expression that I can't quite decipher.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry that you went through so much alone. You've been the most amazing friend to me. I seriously couldn't ask for or get better than you. Now, it's my turn to return the favor."

"There's even more that I never told you. The reason I ultimately pushed him away… It's bad, V. For some reason, after seeing him again, it's all fucking haunting me. I'm such a piece of shit because Mav has no idea. I haven't told him anything. I mean, I told him Jett and I used to sleep together. I never went into details… I can't find it in me to tell him that there's still something there."

She flashes me a sad smile that doesn't meet her eyes as tears run down her face.

Izzy never cries, and just the sight breaks my heart in half. I want to fix whatever this is for her, and knowing that I can't fix it hurts.

I guess this is exactly how she felt for so long with me: that feeling of needing to make something better, but then the punch of reality in the face that you just can't.

"Whatever it is, we will work it out together. You are not alone in any of this anymore. Not even for a second."

"This is the last one," Ander says as he effortlessly hauls the overstuffed box up the staircase leading to the door of the house. I follow closely behind, taking him in. Wearing dark, worn-out jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and his signature all-black Converse. The man is a work of art and looks damn good no matter what he's wearing and especially wearing nothing at all— a masterpiece.

I hold the door open for him to enter with the box. Instead of hurrying through, he stops and kisses my forehead, leaving me standing there stuck in place and grinning from ear to ear.

After he sets the last box down, he reaches out his arm for me to come to him, and as I do, he quickly pulls me to him.

"Did you honestly ever think this would be our reality?" I ask, my voice soft, barely even a whisper, as I look over our living room, crowded with boxes of my belongings.

Seeing everything I've collected throughout my life packed into boxes and lying in a room of the house that built me draws so many emotions from me.

"Thinking it was possible and believing it would actually happen are two different things when it comes to us. One thing I know for sure is that I never gave up hope. How could I? You're the light."

Ander pulls me in closer and hugs me from behind. His arms are tightly wrapped around me as he leans down and places a kiss on my neck. His warm breath dusts over my skin, sending a shiver through me.

"What does that mean?" I ask, a soft giggle escaping me as I lean into his embrace.

"You're the light. Without you, my world is a dark abyss." His words are soft and firm, demanding attention. I peer over my shoulder, looking into the depths of his beautiful brown eyes as he continues speaking.

"You came into my world like the wild-haired, bright-eyed, annoyingly optimistic, radiant ball of feisty chaos that you are, and I haven't been the same since. There is no me without you. I've lived without you, and I was an incomplete puzzle; you were always the missing piece. You've lit up my life from day one, Rosie."

"So, did I think we would ever be here again? I'm honestly not sure, but I've always hoped my heart would be led back to its home."

I've spent so many years fighting against our love. I've quite literally done everything I could to destroy what was inevitable between us, all out of fear. Even after my attempts, we were still drawn to each other like a magnetic pull had its hold on us, and we had no control. I never thought life would lead me here. I never thought I would be led back to him, but spending my life with Ander is where I was always meant to be.

Three months later

"It is him! It's Bear Anthony!" The piercing voices echo through the coffee shop's quiet atmosphere as people approach us with their phones' cameras on and ready.

"Uh-oh, Mr. TikTok, it appears you've been spotted in the wild," I whisper with a giggle, and Ander grumpily rolls his eyes.

"This shit will never feel normal." He says with a grunt as his eyes lock with mine, turning to me for comfort.

I gently squeeze his hand, which is already interlocked with mine.

"Deep breaths, superstar."

Another eye roll.

"Can't people just say hello and continue their day? Why all the dramatics?" He whispers into my ear, his voice low and husky laced with annoyance before he pops his head up, forcing the most painful fake smile I've ever witnessed. I can't help but snort out a laugh, granting me a soft shove from Ander.

The truth is Ander will never be comfortable with being spotted in public. He's still reluctant to get the attention he receives. His popularity has spread like wildfire since he dropped more songs recently, and he's been recognized more frequently. He loves the music, but his quiet, introverted soul wasn't built for the fame.

After much convincing, he signed with a label, and his first tour will start in a few months.

His first stop is Chicago . Chicago was supposed to be our city. It was where we dreamed of running off for college. It was where we were supposed to start our lives together. It's wild. The paths life maps out for you.

Maybe it was always in the plans; we just got them wrong.

The dreams we only hoped for ourselves when we were kids and didn't know much about life have become our reality. Instead of him chasing me around the world, I'll be following him.

I'll follow him anywhere. I couldn't ask for more.

Ander is chasing the music, and I will be right alongside him, capturing every moment through my lens.

We may have long months of traveling ahead, but the island will always be home—a safe place to land in between.

Our place.