Nightcrawler (Trackers #1)

Chapter Eight

RAVEN

Book title: How to Train Your Flagon

Author: Constance Browning

Publisher: Self-published

Genre: Erotic romance/Historical fantasy

Review/rating by Nightcrawler: 2 stars

Synopsis:

Set in eleventh century Normandy, this historical erotic romance takes place almost immediately after William the Conqueror and his Norman invaders have beaten Harold Godwinson at the Battle of Hastings in 1066. Standing beside him in glory is the book’s hero, Sir Wulfgar, whose knights ransack the English countryside and capture the beautiful maiden, Sylvanna, with the help of his enchanted jewel-encrusted flagon of wine. Their love story is one born of blood and sacrifice and becomes one of the strongholds of the New World order with the help of the more than twenty-five sons he begets on her.

My Review:

Dear Lord, let the woman rest.

Though the synopsis of the book made me anxious to grab this title from a first time Indie author, by the end of it, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and rock back and forth with my thumb in my mouth. Normally, I’d admit to being a little bit of a sucker for historical romance. But when you throw in an enchanted flagon which miraculously seems to cause some sort of transformation in poor Sylvanna’s lady-parts, allowing her to conceive each time the relentless Wulfgar inserts it prior to their coupling, how could I have resisted? I will state here that I wish I had…oh how I wish I had.

Sylvanna is a maiden when her father, an English lord, is slaughtered by Wulfgar, claiming a keep and lands awarded to him by William the Bastard. But her virginity is stolen after a drunken Wulfgar bursts into her chamber holding his enchanted flagon. He throws her down on the bed and ravages the beautiful raven-haired girl and they—the flagon and him—have their way with her. She is impregnated that very night and so begins a thirty-odd-year odyssey of having sons. She never has daughters with this dude but that’s probably a good thing with a horny flagon lying around.

After every birth, she is assisted by a wizard who teaches Sylvanna how to turn the flagon on Wulfgar himself. This is where things start to get really messy. One night, after Wulfgar and his instrument of fertility have done their magic with her, he falls into a drunken sleep. Sylvanna tests her newfound hold over the flagon and inserts it into his anus, impregnating the knight who immediately begins having ass babies.

I know, right?

Normally, mPreg is fine with me, but the birth of these babies by a man who wouldn’t know a douche if one ran up and squirted him in the face, is the reason this title has earned my negative two-star review. I won’t tell you how the book ends because…trust me, unless you’re into scat…you really don’t want to know.

I typed out the review of the last book I’d read on my phone before posting it on my Bestreads page as I lay in Trigg’s bed the following morning. Rolling my head on his pillow to look at the man who slept in the easy chair beside me, I smiled. A sliver of early morning light filtered into the room between slats in the Venetian blinds at the room’s single window, allowing me to admire his profile. Dark stubble had grown out over his square jaw and for the first time, I got a chance to study his thick, black eyelashes. I couldn’t help but be charmed by his good looks.

As I recalled the kiss he’d given me the night before, I reached up and touched my lips. It had been the best first kiss of my life. He’d straightened, looking slightly surprised at himself, and immediately wished me a good night, disappearing into the bathroom. I’d fallen asleep listening to the sound of the shower running. I really hoped there’d be more kisses in our future. The man was perfection. I’d woken when it was still dark, feeling a hell of a lot better than I had the night before, but now, the painkillers had worn off. I was more achy than anything else. I knew I’d feel a lot better in a few days. I healed fast, convinced that my mostly healthy diet was the reason for it.

My bladder was full and since I didn’t want to wake Trigg, I decided it was worth a try to make it to the bathroom without bothering him. I sat up, keeping a hand over the wound in my side and stood with little effort. I made it to the bathroom, closing the door behind me, and using the toilet. I took note of my face in the mirror. The dark circles from last night were gone which was a relief. I decided I needed a shave although I grew very little facial hair and never any chest hair. The hair on my chin never came in even, so I couldn’t grow a decent beard, which was kind of disappointing since they were all the fashion rage at the moment. The lack of a beard came with my Native American heritage. The hairs which had sprouted over the last couple of days just made me look messy.

After shaving and another sponge bath, I felt a little less grimy but I still needed a bath. I made up my mind to ask Trigg to take me home after his friend Vonne’s visit. He’d do a dressing change and give me another dose of antibiotics, and then I supposed I’d be free to go home. I wanted to stay in Trigg’s orbit as long as I could, but not this way. I didn’t like feeling like an imposition on anyone and I wanted him to have his bed to sleep in tonight. A soft knock came at the door and when I opened it, I found my host standing there wearing a deep scowl.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? You could have taken a fall or—”

“I’m fine,” I interrupted him, putting the palm of my hand on his chest. When he didn’t step back, I felt a pulse of electricity go through me. A spark lit his dark eyes as I went on. “Really, I’m fine, Trigg. I feel a hell of a lot better. You’re a worrier.” The corners of his lips turned up.

“How’s my patient?”

Vonne appeared in the doorway with a big grin on his face. The smile was warm and the deep laugh lines around his eyes and mouth told me that expression was normal for him. Trigg dragged his gaze away from me and backed up, and I noticed how both men watched me with skeptical looks.

“I’m good, Vonne.” I shook his hand. “I feel like a new man.”

Vonne chuckled, and Trigg grunted as I walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge, bracing myself with both hands. They stood over me, and I looked up at them. Vonne turned to look at his friend. “Why don’t you stop cluckin’ and go make some coffee?”

When I snorted, Trigg scowled at us both but he complied, walking off to the kitchen with Stanley following close at his heels. I smiled at Vonne. “He’s the grumpy sort,” I said under my breath.

Vonne threw his head back and laughed. “Don’t I know it! Been in a lot of foxholes with that boy. You should see how he gets when he ain’t eaten for a while. That word hangry was invented ‘cause-a him.”

I smiled at him, nodding as he helped me out of the baggy T-shirt and bent to begin unwrapping my torso. “Not bad,” he said, getting a look at the bandages, front and back. He patted me on the shoulder as he straightened. “Bleedin’ has stopped. Let’s get these bandages changed and then I’ll give you another shot of antibiotics.” As he began working, he whistled a catchy tune. “How’s the pain?”

“Good…I mean fine, just a little achy.”

“Glad to hear it. You’re an easy patient.”

“I got a great doc,” I said, smiling at him.

He smiled back. After the bandages were changed, he asked me to get up and lower my “drawers” so he could give me the shot. It made me wince, but the pat he gave me on the shoulder helped take the sting away. “Take it easy for a couple of days but as long as you continue to feel better, you won’t need a medic,” he said. “You know if you feel feverish or anythin’, you need to call me right away.” He nodded to Trigg who was walking back over to us carrying two cups of coffee. He handed each of us a mug. “He has my number,” Vonne said, nodding to his friend.

“Keep him clear of medical professionals until those wounds are healed up. You know the drill. We wouldn’t want them askin’ questions. Call me if there’s complications.” He turned to me. “I think you can resume normal activities in a couple of days.”

“That fast?” Trigg asked, looking doubtful.

We both turned to look at him. “I’m fine, Trigg. That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier.”

“Don’t mind him. He was our superior out in the field, so he’s always mothered us. It’s just the way he’s wired.”

“You make me sound like a pussy,” Trigg grumbled under his breath.

Vonne laughed. “Hardly, Trigg.” He turned to me, lifting an eyebrow. “You know how Miguel here got the name Trigg?”

“Vonne—” Trigg warned.

“How?”

“One day we was buried up to our calves in mud, sloggin’ our way through some steamy jungle,” Vonne said. “We wasn’t necessarily tryin’ to get noticed if you know what I mean.”

I nodded.

“Anyway, he was out on point as usual, when he suddenly lets out a high-pitched holler and the next thing I know, we’re droppin’ face first into mud. When we looked up, we seen he’d drawn his sidearm and blown the head off a twenty-foot python which was just hangin’ around waitin’ for someone stupid enough to walk under the tree he was roostin’ in.”

My eyes widened as I looked at Trigg over my coffee cup. He was standing there with both arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed, giving Vonne a half smile. When his lips turned up into the tiniest of smiles, I knew Vonne might be stretching the truth, but not by much.

“Anyway, we’re all covered in slime and mud, but we stayed right where we was so as not to be spotted by one of the enemy, and all the while this headless snake was hangin’ limp from a tree branch, bleedin’ into the mud. After a while, we kept goin’, knowin’ it wasn’t anythin’ but the Staff Sergeant takin’ care of us like he aways done.”

Warmth flooded my chest as Trigg’s face reddened.

“Anyway, after that, we all called him Trigg, ’cause he was the fastest gun in the west.” Vonne fluttered his long lashes at Trigg. “And he was all ours,” he singsonged.

Trigg and I just laughed. As we finished up our coffee, Vonne told a couple more stories, only stopping when he could tell my side was beginning to hurt from laughing. Before he left, my caregiver hugged me gently and wished me well, asking Trigg to follow him out.

TRIGG

“Thanks, man,” I said as we stepped out into the hall.

Vonne turned his thousand-watt smile on me. “I think you like him.”

“What?” I frowned at my best friend. “Him? Raven?”

“Raven, is it? You called him by his first name,” Vonne said, smiling as he stood there swaying back and forth with his backpack on his shoulder like we were two girlfriends sharing some fucking gossip or something. He poked me in the chest. “You like like him.”

“You’re full of shit,” I groused, looking down at my feet.

“ Uh uh , don’t do that. You can’t lie to me, Miguel. I ain’t seen anyone ever make your face light up like when you look at him.”

I looked up, narrowing my eyes at him. “You’re so full of it.”

“No, man, I’m not.” He shrugged. “And what’s not to like about him? He’s nice as hell, he’s easy on the eyes, and he’s got a dick, don’t he?”

“I haven’t seen it.”

“Don’t he?”

I snorted. “You’re an asshole.”

“Did I mention he’s got a dick?”

“Vonne—”

“And because of somethin’ terrible that happened to you when you was a kid, Miguel, you can’t let anyone get close to you.”

I said nothing, just stared at him.

“I have known you since we was comin’ up, boy. You can’t fool me. I knew you back before they died. You forget I saw what it done to you and if it hadn’t been for Cassidy and Mike, you coulda taken a very different path.” When he suddenly dropped his pack and pulled me into a hard hug, I melted against his shorter frame. I hugged him back but still, he wouldn’t let me go. “Let yourself be happy, boy. It’s time you let yourself be happy.”

I felt tears well up in my eyes and because I didn’t want to start blubbering in the hall, I turned him loose. “Thanks again, brother. You know how much I love you, right?”

“Love you too,” Vonne said, bending to pick up his medic’s bag.

“Hey… ah …thanks for everything you did for him, Vonne.”

“No problem, brother. Anytime. Just keep him safe and I won’t have to do it again.” At my nod, he slung his bag over one shoulder and grinned widely. “See you later.” He lifted his hand and waved, and I returned it, watching him as he walked down the hallway, the same hallway I’d practically carried Raven down twenty-four hours ago. He waved one last time before going through the fire door to head downstairs.

I turned and walked back into the apartment. Raven was sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxer briefs and the T-shirt I’d given him. His jeans were halfway up his legs but when he saw me, he held up a hand as if to stop whatever it was I was going to say.

“I have to get home, Trigg. I can’t stay here and impose on you anymore.”

I walked over, trying not to frown at his stubbornness. “You need to rest. You heard Vonne. He said you have to rest for a couple of more days.”

“And that’s what I’m gonna do but I’m gonna do it from my own house. I have to talk to my assistant Judy, who’s been blowing up my phone with messages, so that I can rest. I promise, I’m going to be okay to take care of myself for a couple of days.”

He was looking up at me with a plea in his gorgeous navy-blue eyes. I deflated. He was right in a way. He was a grown man with his own life and I couldn’t keep him from it as much as I’d grown accustomed to having him around. Besides, my lousy apartment was nothing to write home about. He probably had a really nice house and really nice neighbors with dogs, who waved and smiled greetings as soon as they saw him.

Just like I’d had…once upon a time.

“Okay, I understand. If I were you, I’d want to get home to all that. Let me help you get dressed.” I bent to take the waistband of his jeans in hand when he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Get home to all what?” Curiosity swam in his eyes, but it was more than that. He really wanted to know what I’d meant by it, and I really needed to learn how to shut my damned mouth.

“I just meant I bet you have a real nice place.”

“Oh…yeah, it’s…fine.”

I nodded as I helped him get into his pants. “I’m sorry about your shirt. I threw it away. It was kind of—”

“Full of holes?” he asked, grinning at me. We were standing close again, close enough for me to kiss him if I wanted to. I lifted my hand to my hair and ran fingers through it when Raven took a step closer and slid his hands around my waist bringing our bodies into contact. He looked up at my hand. “I told you…you have a nervous tic.” I dropped my hand. “Are you nervous because you’re so close to me or because the last time you were, you were kissing me?”

“Neither…I guess, maybe…well, yeah, maybe the kiss part.”

Raven smiled, making those navy-blue eyes dance. “Do you maybe wanna do it again, Trigg?”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to or if it was some kinda fluke or something.”

He snorted, tightening his hold on me. “A fluke?”

I felt myself turning red.

“If you don’t mind, I’d really love it if you’d kiss me again, Trigg,” Raven said.

I looked down at his lips, wondering for a split second when I’d started thinking of him as Raven instead of Mathis, knowing only that it had happened at some point in the last twenty-four hours, probably when I’d realized I wanted to tell him everything about me and everything that had happened.

“Trigg?”

My mind snapped back to the present. “Miguel…I mean I’d really like it if you’d call me Miguel.”

“Well, then, I’d really like it if you kissed me again, Miguel.”

I did then. I slid my arms around him, making sure I didn’t press on his back wound and fused our lips together. It felt like sparks went off in my brain as his mouth opened to me. Our tongues brushed together, and I drank him in, desperate to claim him as a warrior would. The kiss grew hotter as our tongues slid together, doing that ancient dance lovers did with each other. I felt like I’d known him all my life, comfortable with him like I’d never been with any other lover even though the kisses may not ever get us to that point. Still, I felt drawn to him as I’d never been to anyone else. Kissing Raven as the man named Miguel felt different.

He kissed me back with great enthusiasm and I was sure in the knowledge that by the time the kiss ended and our lips parted, I wanted to do it all over again. By the way he looked at me, the way his body pulsed against mine with sexual energy, and the way he was panting, I had a good idea that I wasn’t alone in that desire. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips as I finally loosened my hold on him and took a step back.

“That was really nice,” I said, lifting my hand to run it through my hair. I dropped it when his eyes followed my actions. “Son of a bitch. Now I’m gonna think about what you said about being nervous every time I do that.”

He chuckled, and I smiled because I really liked to hear that. “We should… ah …probably get you home, Raven. You said you have calls to make, and I admit, I gotta do that too.” I glanced at the stack of bills on my bar top as reality came crashing in. I looked back at him. “Gotta get me some work or I’m gonna find myself out on my ass next week.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Nothing for you to worry about.” I squatted in front of him and looked up, meeting his gaze as he looked down with a frown on his face. “Sit on the bed and I’ll help you into your shoes.”

“Oh! Okay.” He sat, and I laced up his boots. “ Um , you know, if your boss—I think you said his name is Jamie?”

I stood. “Yeah. What about him?”

“You know, if you need work, I can ask my boss. Maybe they’ll have something for you?”

“You mean a bounty?” I was puzzled. Surely, he wasn’t suggesting I go to work for the insurance company.

“Yeah. I mean considering how well we worked together on that Gemma Monroe retrieval, maybe we could do a couple of jobs together.”

I snorted, walking away from him and going to the counter. The bills with the red notices stared up at me and I deliberately ignored them as I snatched up my keys. When I turned back around, he was standing a few feet away.

“Don’t laugh, Miguel.” Hearing him say my name felt really good. “I mean it. I think we worked well together once we, you know, actually worked together. I haven’t had the greatest experience working two-man jobs with the other guys at my workplace. There’s a level of trust and rapport that takes time to build. We had instant chemistry.”

I smiled. “Bad chemistry.” He stared at me, and I found myself sighing. “Okay, you’re right. Once we realized we were there for the same reason, we worked well.” I stepped up to him and looked down at his mouth. “And knowing you don’t trust the people you work with in our business, makes me a little bit—” I had to be really careful here. Protective was the wrong word even though it’s what I felt. I smiled inwardly and deliberately lifted my hand to run fingers through my hair.

He laughed and the sound of it followed us out of the apartment.