No Ordinary Love (A Modern Vintage Romance #5)

17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Amara

" Y ou're drunk," I stated unnecessarily when I opened my front door and saw Lucas.

"Not drunk, a little…tipsy." He grinned at me, and my heart stuttered. He was so handsome, and when he let go of that Covington stiffness, he was endearing and charming, the way he used to be when it was just us.

I let him in.

"Like you were," he teased as he removed his suit jacket and threw it on my couch, "when you texted me."

"So, this is tit for tat?" I put my hands on my waist because I wanted very much to touch him, feel him, be with him.

It was easier to resist him when I was angry with him, but, lately, he'd been muddling the waters with his declaration of love; by sending me flowers and telling me how Kath and he were not together.

"I'd text, Tesoro , but you still haven't unblocked me on your phone."

He walked up to me and took my hands in his. He brought them to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.

"You're upset," I remarked.

I loved this man, and I desperately wanted to comfort him. He was sad, and all I wanted was to make him happy. Would this feeling ever go away—the need to see the one you love cared for and well?

"Yeah." He placed my hands on his chest. "I fucked up so much with you."

His heart was beating fast, and my fingers curled into his white dress shirt. For months and months, I'd seen him get dressed in the morning, saw him button his shirt, put on his tie, drink his coffee, and kiss me before he left for work. The everyday life of a couple had been intoxicating for me; it spoke volumes about our intimacy, our closeness, our harmony.

But he'd found it and me boring and comfortable .

I licked my lips and saw his mouth hone in on them. "You have the sexiest mouth," he whispered.

"Lucas, I'm not your old shoe."

He frowned, confused. "You've got to explain that, Tesoro ."

I let out a deep breath. "You told your mother that with Kath, your feelings were all-consuming, and with me, you were… comfortable . I had thought then, like an old shoe. I'm not an old shoe."

I felt stupid explaining myself, but hadn't we gotten into trouble because we had not been telling each other how we felt?

He stroked my cheek with a finger. "Yes, I was comfortable because what we had was healthy for the most part. It was warm and loving. Full of affection and care. I didn't realize that what we had was love of the deepest kind—because we were at ease with each other, because we could be our true selves with one other."

"And Kath?" The words trembled out of me as my eyes filled with tears.

"The past. A childish love that never grew out of its teenage years. A stunted relationship, the resurrection of which had just one allure…," he paused to lick a tear that rolled down my cheek, "The satiation of my ego. Kath was on her knees begging me to take her back and twenty-five-year-old Lucas felt good about that; felt validated."

When I used my right brain, I understood what he was saying, but my heart hated each word. But he was finally telling me his truth. If I ever wanted to be in a relationship with him again, we had to learn to speak to one another.

What the fuck?

Amara, wake up. This man hurt you. He'll hurt you again and again. I wasn't going to ever be in a relationship with him again.

"But the grown-up Lucas, the one who took over a business and was afraid every day to fail, that man had had one woman in his life who had been holding him up, and he hadn't seen it because he was blind." He brushed his lips against mine and groaned. "God, I missed your taste. I missed your voice."

He was ensnaring me, and I pulled away, wanting to protect myself. I hugged myself. I was in a tank top and sleep shorts. It was late when I opened the door and now I felt exposed because of it. This was too intimate. No man had seen me like this except maybe Basil since I met Lucas.

"You balanced me, and since you've been gone, I've felt your loss. I've lost my footing, and I'm falling, Amara," he continued his verbal assault on my heart.

His eyes filled with emotion, and I felt my protective walls crack.

"No," I whimpered, more to myself than him. "Don't do this to me, Lucas."

"Do what, Tesoro ?"

Lucas was a predator when it came to taking what he wanted. He could see I was weak, and he prowled over to me, knowing he had me. I wanted to be stronger. But God, it had been so many months since I'd last felt loved and safe that the temptation to take what he offered without thinking about the future was more than I could bear.

But you have to, Amara. You give in, and he'll eat you alive.

Lucas eats pussy so good, my silly vagina interjected.

"Do what?" he persisted when I remained silent.

"Take advantage of me," I breathed.

He pulled my arms from around me and yanked me against him. "I want you. I always want you. Are you aroused, Amara?"

His voice became gruff and sexier when he was excited and that was affecting me, but not as much as the plea in his eyes.

"You hurt me. You'll hurt me again. What will I do when that happens?" I demanded, holding on to the last vestiges of my control.

"What if that doesn't happen?"

I shook my head. "You lost my trust. You let me go. You didn't fight for me."

"I'm fighting now."

"It's too late."

"Don't say that, Tesoro ," he begged. " Please don't say that."

"Oh, Lucas," I moaned.

He leaned his forehead against mine. "Don't send me away.

"Why?"

"Because I'm falling and failing, Amara. I need help. I need you."

"You want to fuck me," I said bitterly.

He hauled me to him, his hips against mine. I could feel him erect, and my stupid vagina, the one who had as much brains as probably his dick did, got wetter.

"Don't talk about what we do like that," he warned. " Ever . We were honest in bed with each other. Always ."

We were, but I didn't want to cave. The more emotional distance I could maintain, the better.

Better for what? Break the dry spell, woman, and get laid . Though emotionally, it would be better if you picked a one-night stand at a bar than do the horizontal mambo again with Lucas because your heart will be involved and will eventually break…again.

"I don't know what you want from me," I cried out in exasperation.

"Everything. I want it all," he growled. "Kiss me, Tesoro ."

"Lucas—"

He nibbled around my mouth and nuzzled me. I could smell the whiskey he had been drinking. I could smell his cologne. And him. Vital. Irresistible. Mine .

"You love me?" I demanded.

"More than my life."

"I won't share."

"You're the only woman I've wanted since I met you. The only woman I've been inside since I met you. The only woman I have ever loved as a man."

"I don't know if we can be in a relationship again. I'll always be scared that you'll leave."

"Then I'll work hard every day so you don't ever feel like that again. So that you'll know my heart and know I'll never leave you because I can't live without you."

He was saying all the right things. I knew he wasn't being flippant. Lucas was a thoughtful man. He hadn't chased me down when I first left because he hadn't been sure of his feelings. But now he was, and he was here , begging me to not send him away, promising me the world.

"Your mother?" I had to know.

"Can go fuck herself," he said and shocked me. I'd never heard him say a single bad thing about his mother or even his sister. He'd admit they could be difficult at times, but he always found a way to make excuses for them.

I could send him away. Of course I could. He'd leave eventually. He'd keep trying for a while, but then he'd give up. He'd have to. No one could keep putting themselves through rejection forever.

But where would that leave me?

I still loved him. And he was telling me he loved me, too. I believed him, because Lucas didn't say things he didn't mean. In the two years we'd been together, he'd told me I was beautiful, that he cared about me, that he was crazy for me—but he'd never said he loved me.

I'd been a fool to move in with him without hearing those words. But I'd been so madly in love, I'd leapt without thinking.

But I'd grown up since then. I didn't take those risks anymore. We'd go slow this time. No moving in. No building a life together until we both were certain.

However, I'd give him comfort and take the same from him.

"Come to bed," I said softly. He smiled then. "Thank you, Tesoro ."

I was nervous as I took him to my bedroom. He'd never been here before. No other man had, except maybe the bedframe and mattress delivery guys.

I filled the bedroom with warm colors. A lot of rust and yellow because I needed solace. I was a moody decorator—and our bedroom in the townhouse had been more masculine so Lucas would be comfortable, and the artwork had been bolder, more colorful. When we'd moved in together, I'd been happy, and that showed in the colors I chose. When I'd set up this bedroom I'd been thinking about healing.

"You always make everything feel like home," he whispered, looking around. He then closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "You smell the same, Tesoro ." He opened his eyes and smiled at me. "You smell like you're mine."

Say what you may about caveman behavior—in the bedroom, it seriously worked for me.

Lucas pulled me into his arms and kissed me. Finally , kissed me. It was brutally erotic in its softness. A part of me had thought when we got together again, we'd devour each other, but I realized neither of us wanted that. We both wanted to savor. It had been so long since we'd touched, and suddenly, the thought of rushing it seemed vulgar.

As he kissed me, he walked us toward the bed.

My back hit the mattress, and then he settled himself on top. His lips met mine again, and he ran his hands up and down my sides as if re-learning my contours.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "You want this?"

A part of me wanted to scream, yes , another part wanted to scream, oh god, yes .

"I do."

"I love you." There was such sincerity and honesty in his voice that it undid me.

It used to be so easy to say the words to him, but now they were stuck in my throat. My eyes filled with tears, and he shook his head. "No, Tesoro , no. Don't be sad. We have all the time in the world. I'll gain your trust. I'll show you how precious you are to me."

He placed his lips back on mine. This time, his kisses were deep, drugging, and slowly, the heat between us became more. A tiny part of me wanted to push him away, but he felt so right, and this felt so good that I asked that small part to take a break for the night so I could be with the man I loved without worrying about how weak and pathetic I was.

"No, baby, get out of your head." He nuzzled below my ear, which he knew was an erogenous spot that made me mewl in pleasure.

I wrapped my arms around him and got lost in his touch, his kiss. His tongue dueled with mine, and when his hand ran up my body to cup a breast, it was almost a relief because I ached for him. His fingers found my hardened nipple, and he squeezed in that way he knew I liked. I felt heat pool between my legs where he lay hard. I moved my hips without thinking, and he groaned into my mouth.

He continued to kiss me, only breaking long enough to help me get my tank top off. He looked at my breasts with lust, like he used to, and I melted under his reverent gaze.

He took a nipple in his mouth and suckled. "Fuck, Amara. You taste so fucking good."

My fingers delved into his hair, pulling his head close, increasing the pressure on my nipples.

"Lucas," I whimpered when he bit me gently.

He raised his head. His eyes were drowsy, aroused. He stood up, and as he watched me, he kicked off his shoes. He took his shirt off. The intensity of his gaze made me feel luxurious. He was all mine right now, like he always was when we were together, when it was just us .

Before he took his pants off, he pulled my sleep shorts down to my ankles and threw them aside. I lay naked like an offering, and my hands moved to my breasts and squeezed.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Hold them together. Will you let me fuck your tits?

Yes." I smiled lazily, my whole body on fire, and the rightness of what we were doing rang through me. I already knew there would be no regrets in the morning.

He took his pants off, and before I could fully appreciate his thick cock, he spread my thighs, pulled them apart.

"I've been dreaming of tasting you." He lowered his head to my drenched pussy, and my whole world centered on his tongue as he stroked my slit.

My back arched in pleasure, and I groaned when he latched onto my clit, biting gently. Each time he bit me, the pleasure and pain of it made me whimper, and each time, he'd soothe me with his tongue. While he drove me mad with his tongue, his fingers, first one, then two, were inside me, stroking my G-spot, which he'd unerringly found the first time we had sex and never forgot.

"You taste like heaven. I can't get enough of you." His voice was low, rough, harsh, like the words were being torn from him.

My hips jerked up, chasing his mouth, his tongue. "More, Lucas. More."

"I know, I know, love. I know."

He kept playing with my pussy, and it felt amazing. No other man could make me feel the way Lucas did.

But was sex with Kath better?

I stiffened, and Lucas lifted his head. "Tell me what you're thinking."

I smiled uneasily. "Nothing, just—"

"You went rigid, Amara. Did I hurt you?"

He was so attuned to my body that he'd notice even the slightest shift in my mood. Had it always been like this? Yes, it had, and that's what made him such a good lover; it made us so good together.

"I…it's stupid," I admitted.

He kissed my stomach. "Tell me, Tesoro , or I'll edge you all fucking night."

I almost laughed out loud at that, more out of hysteria than because it was funny. I was already desperate, wanting to come so badly.

"I wondered if sex was better with…." I couldn't say her name, couldn't bring her into our bed.

"I won't talk about a woman I've been with, Amara; that's not fair to you or me." He didn't look angry or annoyed, just affectionate. "But I know you're feeling insecure. And I made you feel that way. Tesoro , the best I've had, I've had with you."

"Me too," I confessed, feeling stupidly happy. "Now, could you go back to…you know—

Making you come?" he teased.

"Yes."

He went back to work but pulled away right before I was going to let go. "Lucas," I protested.

"I want you to come on my cock." He surged up, and I felt the tip of his erection against me. "Contraception?"

"Still on the IUD," I told him.

"I'm clean. No one. There's been no one but you and—"

"Just get the hell inside me, Lucas."

He rubbed his swollen cock against my clit and then slid into my pussy, slowly, wonderfully filling me up.

"Amara, I need it hard." His eyes were closed as he moved inside me.

"Lucas." I put my hand on his cheek. He opened his eyes. "Give it to me hard, honey."

We knew each other's bodies well. After all, we'd had a lot of sex. There were times it was slow and sweet; other times it was rough and fast; and sometimes, when we were overcome with emotion, it was both at the same time.

His hips snapped and he thrust hard into me. He kept his pace forceful but slow. His cock hit my G-spot at every downward stroke, and my release built up again, bigger than before.

"More," I pleaded, "I need to come."

"You'll come with me," he growled. " With me . Got it? This first time, I need us to…."

He seemed to lose the capacity to speak as he ground inside of me. I raised my hips so I could feel him deep. I knew exactly when he lost control. He began to groan loudly; his rhythm went haywire. We were now both frantically seeking our release.

He hit my G-spot relentlessly, and a violent orgasm ripped through me. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him close, raising my hips, wanting to feel all of him, wanting to let him feel what he did to me. In response to my pussy pulsing around him, I felt his erection jerk, and he roared as he went balls deep again.

We lay on the bed like sailors in a shipwreck, exhausted but happy to be alive. Lucas rested his face against my neck, so I looked to my side to see the damage. I'd pulled the bedspread off, and the fitted sheet had come loose sometime during our vigorous sex session.

I giggled, and Lucas looked up at me.

"We'll have to make the bed," I told him.

It used to be an old joke because we always made a mess of the bed.

He said what he always did, smiling because he was doing what I was; reclaiming us, bringing the past into the present, removing the taint that had set in when we were apart. "Fuck it. My dick is happy being inside of you and doesn't want to leave."

The three words almost spilled out of me then, but I wasn't ready to say them, not yet.

He kissed me softly. "I'm gonna clean you up and make the bed, and then we're going to get some sleep."

"Yeah?"

"It's simple. All you need to do is stay. Let me do all the work." I knew he was talking about more than the state of my bed.

"Okay, Lucas. I'll stay…for now," I agreed, my heart galloping, my fear of getting hurt visceral.

He rewarded me with a big smack on my lips. "Thank you, Tesoro . I promise I'll work hard to change for now to forever ."