Noaz (Van Doren #2)

22. Noaz

22

NOAZ

This morning, Briar made me waffles in the shape of hearts. Not waffles cut into the shape of hearts. He somehow poured the right amount of batter that it didn’t spread into a circle and I was left with hearts.

Last night while I scrolled a blog about the first days with a baby, he brought me a blanket and wrapped me in it. Not because I said I was cold, though I was chilled and mentally contemplating going to get a hoodie or something. Briar is so aware of me that he must have seen me shiver and brought me a blanket.

He’s already learned exactly how I like my coffee in the morning. He’s even figured out that I’m a child and don’t like the crust on my bread—toast or sandwich—and cuts it off.

All little tiny things which make me catch my breath and bring tears to my eyes. Not because I’m a sap, but because I’m so important to someone that they’re paying attention to the things I don’t put much thought into about myself. And they remember. I’ve never been that person to someone. I’ve never experienced this kind of love.

It’s the thoughtful gestures that are there just to let me know he’s thinking about me. All the time. A text when he’s out. When he comes back, he almost always brings something; a single carnation the other day. A little cherry bomb from the bakery in town. Two days ago, he bought me a damn skirt because I’d commented about one that looked just like it when we were watching television.

This man is surreal. It’s like I’ve conjured him from the ether all those times I wished for him on a star. All those wishes manifested into this being.

Setting down my eyeliner, I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m really feeling my makeup today. It’s subtle. Just there to cover some flaws and bring some warmth to my skin. Not to stand out. In fact, I dare say it doesn’t look like I’m wearing any at all.

I strive for that look sometimes. Makeup makes me feel better about myself. It makes me feel beautiful when I don’t always feel that way internally. But I don’t always need it to be making a statement. Even if that statement is one for myself.

As I look at the contours of my skin, I think about all the little things Briar does to show me how much he cares. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not as romantic as I thought I was. Oh, I love being romanced. It’s the best feeling in the world when he does literally anything that makes me feel important to him.

But I’d always thought that I was the romantic one in relationships, but nothing I think to do for him feels big enough to show him what he means to me. I know it isn’t the size of the gesture. Nor that I match him gesture for gesture. I know all that. But I want to do something for him. Something special.

The problem is, I don’t know what to do. I can’t think of anything. We’ve been concentrating on getting ready for baby so much that while we still talk about life and each other, most of our conversations revolve around our baby .

I do know where I can go to get some ideas, though.

Nodding to myself in the mirror, I get to my feet and head into my closet for something to wear. My wardrobe has a wide array of styles since I dress to reflect how I’m feeling. I have super feminine to lumberjack and everything in between.

Glancing at myself in the mirror, I feel like maybe I want neither today. So I opt for some leggings that I usually wear to the gym and a T-shirt. The shirt is maybe a little more feminine than masculine in the fit and with the V-neck, but it looks good with the leggings and covers my crotch so I’m not sharing my junk with the world.

Briar is in the den when I come out. He has his laptop on his lap as he works. For a minute, I admire him. He’s just… breathtaking. And he married me !

Stepping into the room, I sink onto the couch beside him. Briar smiles at me, then I take his face between my hands and kiss him. “I’m heading to the big house to look at the things in storage again.”

“Want me to come?” he asks, already sitting forward.

“No. You can keep working. I likely won’t find anything, but I figure I can finish sifting through while you work so I’m not constantly interrupting you.”

Briar leans forward to kiss me again. “You can interrupt me as often as you want.”

“You’ll never finish that document if I do that.”

He hums in agreement but doesn’t concede.

“I’ll be back soon. Promise.”

Briar nods. “Okay. Love you. ”

My heartbeat skips around at his words as it does every time I hear them. “Love you.” I allow one more kiss before forcing myself to my feet. I could sit here and kiss him all day, but that’s not going to accomplish what I want to.

On my way out, I receive a text from Lorissa, so once I’m in my car and connected to Bluetooth, I call her.

“Hey, boss,” she says when she answers. “You didn’t need to call.”

“I know but I haven’t checked in since… Well, it’s been weeks.” Wow. That’s shitty and uber unprofessional.

Lorissa laughs. “Not a big deal. I have everything under control.”

“Catch me up.”

“By our estimations, we’ve reduced the NYC Aryan Order down to half of what it started with. We’ve stopped delivering some to the police department since they’d been releasing them with claims of ‘ insufficient evidence against them ’ every single time, which was bullshit since I pretty much hand-delivered said evidence that unequivocally incriminated them. There’s not even any exaggeration. It’s real evidence.”

“Wow. All of them?”

“Yep. So I’ve stopped sending any of them their way.”

To be clear, my crew doesn’t actually deliver one of the gang members to the police stations. We do so by anonymous tips, making sure the evidence and criminal are detained and can’t get away before the police arrive.

“Something bigger is going on there,” I note.

“My thoughts too, but I figure we can talk about that when we’re done exterminating the Aryan Order. ”

“How’s it been since we killed Smith?”

“Oh fine. I made his next-in-commands our primary targets once Smith was dead. Just keep cutting off the Order’s head, you know? It seems to be working well enough. We’ve removed any semblance of leadership, so they’re running around scared and directionless, which makes them sloppy and easy prey.”

“Good to hear.”

There’s a lull in our conversation before Lorissa says, “You’re not coming back, are you?”

She doesn’t sound upset about it. Nor does she sound surprised. However, I wince anyway. “No. When I left, I had every intention of returning home, but… things happened and I’m ready to live a more peaceful life. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. What’s going to happen to the crew?”

“That depends. Are you comfortable in my shoes?”

“No one will ever be able to fill your shoes, Noaz,” she says, laughing. “But yes. The crew respects me and listens well. But I’d love to be able to call when I have ideas. Or maybe need a different perspective?”

“You can call me anytime.”

“You don’t mind being my mentor?”

I smile. “Not at all, Lorissa. I’m very happy to impart any wisdom I have on you.”

“Thanks. And will you still be my point of contact?”

I tilt my head. The way we run these clean-up crews or ‘squads,’ as Oxley calls them, is that they’re completely aware of who’s heading them. Meaning they know that I’m Noaz Van Doren. It’s always been our philosophy that if we’re asking them to kill people, then we all need to trust each other implicitly. Which means there are no secret identities.

It also means we’re very careful about who we bring into our ranks. This isn’t a situation where you immediately extend trust to someone until they break it. We need someone who won’t break it right out the gate.

“For now, yes. I will personally let you know if that changes.”

“Okay, cool.”

I catch up with Lorissa for a few more minutes as I change my course and head to the business office. I need to let Jalon know about the NYPD just so it’s on his radar. We’ll have to look into which precincts need some further scrutiny once we’re finished with this gang.

When I’m parked at the office, I send Briar a text to let him know I changed plans to stop in and speak to Jalon first. I receive a heart in return.

The Estate alone employs over a hundred people between the gardens, the farm animals, the upkeep of the grounds, and the house staff who oversee every living accommodation on the property.

We employ about the same number of people in the office. The vast majority of them tend to the… shall we call them ‘legal companies’? We have one of the directors from nearly every company under the Van Doren Technologies branch under this roof. Sometimes those directors rotate out so there’s always someone with personal knowledge of how Jalon wants the companies run at the actual company, but the point of having a director here is so there’s always a liaison between Jalon and each company.

There are also a dozen who work here who know the truth behind the Van Doren name—Jalon’s confidants .

I find Jalon in his corner office overlooking the lake, just as I knew I would. He’s sitting in his chair, looking regal as he gazes out the window.

He turns his chair to the open door when I knock. He rarely shuts himself behind a closed door. He’s always said he likes to be accessible and there isn’t such a thing as an open-door policy if the door is closed. A closed door means a meeting is going on, or there’s an occasion when someone needs to concentrate on a task without interruption.

My brother smiles as I step inside, closing it behind me. Jalon inclines his head to the chairs in front of him. I sit and report what Lorissa told me about the police. His frown says he’s coming to the same conclusion we did before I even get to my opinion.

“I’ll make a note to look into it,” Jalon says.

“I also wanted to tell you… I’m not going back to New York. Not to work,” I say quietly.

Jalon’s smile is soft. “I know, Noaz.”

“I should have said something sooner. I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fine. Does Lorissa need help?”

“No. She’s amazing. I daresay she can operate the crew better than I can.” I pause, watching Jalon nod. “I hope you’re not disappointed.”

Now he frowns, his head tilts slightly to one side as he studies me.

“I’m the youngest and the first to leave.”

“Loren’s the youngest,” Jalon counters, his lips twitching in a smile .

Sighing, I shake my head. “You know what I mean. I don’t want to disappoint you.” Of all the people in my life, Jalon is the single person I would never want to feel that way about me or something I’ve done.

I’m a little surprised when he gets up and comes around the desk. He pulls me to my feet and for a single second, I’m afraid he’s going to throw me out. Then I feel stupid because he hugs me fiercely. “I’ve known since you were a kid that the first opportunity you had to have a family, you were going to take it. You thrive in a family environment. That’s why you’ve always been with me and my boys. It’s what your heart wants, and I’m so damn proud of you for finding the perfect family for yourself.”

I cling to him as if I were a little kid again. “Thanks, Jalon.”

“And I’m not disappointed. I’m as far from disappointed as I could get. I knew this was coming, which is why I always pushed you to train someone to fill in. And you have; Lorissa is wonderful.”

“She really is,” I agree.

He kisses the side of my head and lets me go. “Stop worrying about this. Concentrate on your family and we’ll take care of NYC.”

“Lorissa will be keeping me up to date,” I say.

Jalon nods as he retakes his chair. “Keep me apprised. I’ll take some cursory looks at the NYC police department while she finishes with the Aryan Order.”

“Thanks.”

I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying the weight of the possibility that my brother would be disappointed I wasn’t returning to New York on my shoulders until it lifted. I feel lighter now .

While I intended to go to the big house to track down some of Briar’s friends, I know at least one of them is here. Levis took an internship with Van Doren Technologies for the summer while he decides what path he wants to take in his career.

Which means he’s around here somewhere. I pause at the directory by the elevator until I find his name. Conveniently, he’s on the same floor as my brother. Apparently, sexy interns who look like they could karate chop you in half are housed on the top floor.

However, his room is on the opposite side of the building. I find him inside his office, the stand-up desk facing the window that overlooks the garden. He’s leaning against the desk as he reads something on his screen.

I knock on the door, and Levis looks up. He offers me a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey. You have a minute?”

Levis nods, stepping away from the computer, and gestures to the two plushy leather chairs on either side of a side table. The entire little corner looks like it belongs in a coffee shop.

I shut the door behind me and take a seat with him. “So, this might be a little strange, but I want to do something for Briar. He’s… the sweetest person alive and I want to do something special, but I’m coming up short. Suggestions?”

Levis grins. “You already have, Noaz. The only thing he’s ever wanted was a wife, kids, a house, and a happy career. We’ve exchanged wife for partner, but otherwise, you’ve already fulfilled everything that he’s wanted.”

“Except career.”

“That’s on him alone. He’ll figure out what he wants to do soon enough. ”

“Have you?”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Honestly, I’ll probably stay on for another month or so and apply to grad school.”

“Do you think Briar wants grad school? I could support him with that, though that’s not really helpful for this conversation.”

Levis shrugs, shaking his head at the same time. “He’s never mentioned an interest beyond his bachelor’s degree. But Noaz, you make him happy. I’m not sure there’s anything else you could offer him to make him happier than you already do.”

“He’s just so thoughtful. He does so many little things that are so… swoony.”

He chuckles. “That’s who he is. Trust me when I tell you it makes him just as happy to do those things as it does you. He’s wanted someone to love his entire life. He is Prince Charming.”

Sighing, I say, “Thanks.”

Levis nods.

While I appreciate this insight, I think I’m going to try Honey Bee. Checking my watch, it’s probably close to the time she’ll be getting home. If nothing else, maybe I’ll catch her and Myro red-handed.