Nobody’s Perfect

Chapter 30

Either Mom wasn t awake or she was pretending not to be when my alarm went off the next morning. I put on my best suit and headed for my lawyer s office. I clutched the photos Abi had given me along with all my homework under one arm in, you guessed it, a manila folder.

Should I have to take a job as a secretary somewhere, I was going to have a hard time explaining my aversion to folders. And envelopes. And papers with lots of legal words and numbers on them.

Oh well. We d cross that bridge when we got there.

Unless you married Parker. You could even sell one of your two houses and stay in the same cul-de-sac and-

Nope. Not jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. He was cute and he could kiss, but rebound relationships didn t work.

At least that s what people said.

Besides, if my time in New York had taught me anything, it was that I needed to learn to take care of myself before I got romantically entangled with anyone else. I d lost myself with Mitch, and I didn t plan to ever do that again.

Heck, I wasn t sure I d found myself yet, but I thought, perhaps, I could see the true me waving from the other end of the tunnel.

Paloma s secretary called me in, and I took a seat on the other side of the desk, waiting for my intrepid lawyer to finish up an email. Finally she turned to me with a pleasant smile that didn t reach all the way up to her eyes. Are you ready for mediation?

I suppose. I slid the folder toward her, and she thumbed through it. Every now and then, she would murmur, Good.

I sat up a little straighter. For some reason I kept hoping for a gold star for my efforts.

Oh, and I think he gave a Corvette to his new lady friend, I said, cursing myself for sounding like my dearly departed grandmother.

Paloma looked up with an arched eyebrow and then went back to flipping through pictures. She got to the ones of Mitch with Tabitha. I have to tell you, the state of Georgia doesn t care if he cheated on you.

I know, I said softly. I mean, obviously, I care.

And have you been dating anyone?

No.

There was just enough hesitation in my voice for her to skewer me with a glare, but a part of me knew that kissing Parker would not be good. I d seen as much in my mother s eyes, and I wasn t in the mood for a lecture considering we d done the right thing and put an end to whatever we were doing before we could even start.

Vivian, it s better to tell me now.

Well, there was a thing, but we put a stop to the thing because I m still married.

A thing.

Some serious chemistry with my next-door neighbor.

Ah. But you re not dating?

No. We re going to wait until after the divorce is final.

Good.

That settled, Paloma rattled off the demands she was going to make and addressed some of Mitch s things she thought we should concede and others she thought not. I agreed with her almost completely because I mainly wanted him to go away. I just wanted this divorce so I could start over.

Tears threatened, but I shoved my feelings into the mental chest of drawers in the back of my mind. Truth be told, the drawers to my mental chest were getting as hard to close as Mitch s old sock drawer, but my feelings needed to stay there until this was all over. Then, and only then, would I take a week or two to wallow and examine my emotions more closely.

Okay, I think we re on the same page, Paloma said. Let s see if we can get this taken care of through mediation and avoid court.

I held up crossed fingers and pasted on a fake smile.

A part of me wished Mom had come with me, but then again, Independent Woman Vivian was going to have to learn to deal with all of this on her own. I couldn t go running to my mommy, not at this age.

But I did want my mommy.

We went to the conference room down the hall and took our seats with ten minutes to spare before the meeting. I took in a shaky breath, knowing I was paying for that extra time. Even so, I had to agree with Paloma that it was important to get there first. It was a power play of sorts.

Mitch and his lawyer, Ashley, an impossibly tall redheaded woman, came strolling in at five minutes til. He refused to meet my gaze.

Paloma and Ashley started going over our demands. There was a lot of my client this and my client that.

At first I almost drifted off; these were the small things. Mitch s lawyer was capitulating on most of them after only a little fuss. Then, she dropped a bombshell:

My client believes we should revisit selling the house since his wife is having an affair with a neighbor.

I am not!

Paloma put a hand on my arm.

Then Ashley spread out pictures: us sitting on the swing behind the clubhouse in the moment when I thought we might kiss but didn t, then a picture taken through my glass storm door of last night s goodbye kiss. No doubt there.

Paloma s hand tightened on my arm as she froze, but she said nothing and her expression gave nothing away.

My face burned hot, pulse pounding at my temples.

Mitch leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, giving me an ugly smirk of triumph.

As you well know, Ashley said with a smug smile, Mr. Quackenbush does not have to pay alimony at all if his wife has committed adultery.

What? He started it! I didn t mean to shout, but the unfairness of it all got the better of me. Paloma shook her head, and I shut my gaping mouth.

Well, my lawyer said as she deliberately thumbed through my folder. It seems Mr. Quackenbush ended the marriage first. I notice that you didn t include the time and date stamp on your photos, but I would imagine we d find that those pictures were taken rather recently. As opposed to these.

She put the photos on the table one by one, ending with a money shot of Mitch s bare white ass.

That wiped the smile off his face.

Mitch met my eyes, his own filled with hatred. You know, we could make this all go away, Vivian. Just sell the house and take my revised alimony agreement.

Paloma started to speak, but I held out a trembling hand to stop her. Probably not a wise move on my part, but this man I d spent almost twenty-five years of my life with thought he could stare me down. So help me, I would let my eyeballs run dry and fall out of my head to the conference table below before I d blink.

We sat like that, eyes locked, for what seemed an eternity before Mitch finally looked away.

My client finds such a suggestion patently unreasonable, Paloma said. You could also make all of this go away by agreeing to her rather reasonable requests.

Funny how she called my wants requests but his wants demands. I had to appreciate her use of semantics.

And our lawyers were at it again. This time, they didn t bother cloaking their words in niceties; their kid gloves were off. Now Mitch s lawyer wouldn t concede anything. She brought up my drunken video and said I should settle now because the court wouldn t look favorably on such things.

Paloma only allowed herself a split-second look of surprise in my direction before wading back into the argument.

Then Ashley said that Mitch wanted a portion of any future profits from my YouTube channel since we d been married at the time, and he d suffered business losses from my slander.

Oh, for crying out loud! I shouted.

They ignored me. Ashley pointed out I was lucky that Dylan was old enough to avoid a custody battle.

I shuddered at the thought even as Paloma countered that Mr. Quackenbush hadn t shown any plans for how he intended to help pay for Dylan s college expenses.

I would argue he shouldn t have to shoulder that burden alone. Your client hasn t even begun to look for a job.

Yes I have! Why did no one think I was looking for a job when I d applied to anything and everything, including Angelo s Pizza Palace? And Angelo had said he d get back to me.

My client shouldn t be penalized for choosing to be a stay-at-home mother! Your client even encouraged her to stay home, but now he has a problem with it, calling her a . . . -she paused to consult her notes- cold, dead fish, a real bitch, and, I quote, a flabby freeloader.

Hey, I muttered that last one under my breath! Mitch said.

His lawyer ignored him. No worse than your client calling mine a clich -

Well, he is.

A lying liar-

Also true.

And a dick dentist.

Whoa, one of his patients called him a dick dentist. That wasn t me, I said. I told him not to be a dick. There s a difference.

Ms. Robbins, Paloma started.

Oh, so now I m Ms. Robbins, Ms. Carter? Ashley said.

You well know that words spoken in the heat of anger shouldn t enter into these proceedings, my lawyer continued unflappably.

I would argue words spoken in anger are the truest-

Stop! I said before adding in a softer voice, Please stop. Just for a minute. Or argue without me for a few minutes. Please.

I pushed my chair back from the conference table and went to the bathroom even though I didn t really have to go. I made it only halfway up the hall before hearing voices, a clear indication they d decided to continue arguing without me.

I pulled out my phone to look at the comments and drank in the positive ones:

Great job, Vivian!

You re so funny, Vivian!

That dress looks so good on you.

Ma am. You are a MILF!

How brave to even talk about lice.

Where s Mr. Always? You should totally hook up with him.

Thanks for making my day brighter. I even earned my Stand Up for Myself Badge today.

Saw your interview on Rise and Shine Atlanta -you should be on television!

There were hundreds of supportive comments, and I lapped them up, each and every one.

For God s sake, get off your damn phone, Vivian. We re paying these people by the hour.

Mitch had poked his head out the door, and I looked at him in wonder. There had to be a time I d looked at him with love. On our wedding day. On the day Dylan was born. That Valentine s Day he brought me an impossibly large box of Godiva chocolates. The cruise we took to the Bahamas where we did nothing but drink and read and make love . . .

When had I stopped looking at him through that lens and instead started seeing him as he was now: scowling, impatient, angry?

How did he see me? Could he not remember the last time he d looked at me with love? I tried to think of the last time I d felt his love, really felt it.

I couldn t.

There had been pecks on the cheek, special dinners, mechanical sex.

To say everything had changed when I found the divorce worksheets wouldn t be accurate. Somehow, I d fallen into a false contentment long before that.

Vivian. Seriously!

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off as I entered the office. Juvenile? Sure. Did it make me feel better? Marginally.

Well, it s looking like we re going to have to go to court, Paloma said.

If your client would just-

You re not budging on anything, Ms. Robbins! For heaven s sake, we re not going to compromise if you re not willing to.

We re not going to compromise.

As if these lawyers were really part of our struggle.

Paloma gave me a pained look of sympathy, and I felt awful for such uncharitable thoughts. By we, she meant her and me. Sure, I was paying her to represent me, but I could tell that she cared about me, too.

Did Ashley care about Mitch?

The jury was still out on that one.

Fine. We can try this one more time in a week, Ashley said as she slid papers into her satchel, but that s it.

Paloma threw her hands up in frustration. I don t think that s going to change anything. You know what we want.

Yeah, everything, Mitch muttered.

It took everything I had not to mutter, You should ve thought about that before you took up with another woman .

I silently awarded myself the Colossal Restraint Badge.

What bullshit, he said under his breath. None of this is fair.

Now, that s something we can agree on, I said.

I don t get what you re complaining about. I ve been paying for your house and food and everything for almost twenty-five years. It should be your turn to get a job and take care of yourself.

Our lawyers looked at each other.

My anger rose and ebbed into something colder. You say that like I sat on a cushion and ate bonbons while you did everything. Nope, I gave up employment prospects to take care of you and Dylan, and I don t regret it for one second with the possible exception of the predicament you have left me in. Know what I think?

What? he asked, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

I think that you are jealous.

He snorted. Of what?

You thought I would go quietly. I did not. You thought no other man would really want the woman you d discarded, but Parker did. And Parker is younger than you are. Quite possibly better looking than you are.

You re being ridiculous.

I shrugged. It was all well and good as long as you were the one with a new, exciting sexual partner ten years younger. Then you realized you couldn t just sell the house and make me live in a cardboard box somewhere. Maybe the bloom is off the rose with your new woman. Maybe she s stopped shaving her legs or cooking special meals or stocking the fridge with your favorite beer. Killian s Red. See? I remember. Maybe she s told you to do your own laundry.

I will happily do my laundry to get rid of you.

Maybe you re realizing that if Dylan has to choose between you and me for Christmas, he just might choose me. And you can t do anything about it because he s legally an adult. Maybe you re realizing all the newness isn t as much fun as you thought it was going to be and that you ve pissed away almost twenty-five years of marriage because you were afraid of turning fifty. Maybe, now everything isn t as exciting because you aren t sneaking around behind my back, you re realizing that Tabitha could just as easily dump you one day, and then what would you do? Come crawling back to me? I don t think so. Maybe you re afraid you ve made a great mistake and you ll end up living out the rest of your days alone in a sad, beige apartment.

Vivian, you re being ridiculous.

Oh, if only I had a dollar for every time I d heard that one. I d have two dollars from today alone.

Or maybe, I said, the words slipping past my tongue even though I wanted to call them back, maybe you re afraid that Tabitha won t dump you and that you ll be starting over again with a new baby. A newborn after you turn fifty. How can you retire now knowing that you have another kid to put through college? So much for your plans to retire early and travel, huh? You ll be sixty-eight before you can retire . . . if you re lucky.

His face could only be described as stricken.

I couldn t wait to tell Mom about how I d told his sorry ass off. She d-

Dammit, now she was mad at me, too. All because she thought I d broken one of her stupid rules.

Mitch muttered a succession of obscenities and stood from the table. He turned to his lawyer. I ve heard enough for one day.

Ashley cast me a strange look but followed him out the door.

Well, Paloma said once they d left. I think we need to have a little chat about your definition of a thing, Ms. Quackenbush.