Nobody’s Perfect

Chapter 35

My cat was judging me.

While it wasn t unusual for Lucky to judge me for offenses both real and imagined, her meaning had become clear. My cat, it seemed, wanted to know where my mother had gone.

First, she d looked at the chair in the breakfast room where Mom would drink her coffee. Then she would hop on the middle cushion of the couch and look over to the right where Mom used to sit. Sometimes she would paw at the closed bedroom door, knowing that I was in my office.

You re not subtle, Lucky.

She responded with a meow full of sass.

Well, I don t know how to apologize.

Lucky s vehement meow made me take a step back.

Easy for you to say.

My phone buzzed, and my spirits rose and fell as I saw the name wasn t Mom . Then they surged again because it was Dylan .

Mom!

Yes, Buddy Bear?

Guess who has two thumbs and a B in Latin?

I m hoping that s you, I said. The sound of his excited voice made my heart somersault. I picked up a rag and started wiping down the kitchen counters, even though they didn t need it.

Oh, it s me. Now guess who has an A in English?

I grinned even though he couldn t see me through the phone. I hope that s you, too.

It is! Turns out one bad grade doesn t necessarily sink you in college, at least not if you have shown -he cleared his throat- significant improvement.

I m so proud of you, and I m looking forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving if not sooner.

Oh, I don t think I ll make it home before then, he said, the words both elating me and depressing me all at the same time. I joined an intramural flag football team.

That s my boy! I said.

He paused, and I was afraid he was about to add some bad news.

Hey, Mom?

Yes, dear?

You were right.

Time stood still. This was a moment to treasure, one to sear into my memory banks and never alter or reimagine. No, I d write this down the minute I got off the call. I was?

Yeah, you were right about everything.

And those were almost exactly the words I d started to text my own mother earlier.

Happy tears blurred my vision, my heart practically exploding out of my chest. I tried to listen to everything he was saying, but I could only catch snippets of going to class and finding people with like interests and giving it a chance and going to office hours.

I m so glad, I said when he gave me a chance to speak. I want you to enjoy college.

I will. Oh! I was thinking you should look into TikTok.

What?

TikTok, you know.

Son, I can t dance.

He sighed deeply. There s more to it than that.

I haven t figured out Instagram yet, and now you want me to learn TikTok?

Oh, Mom. Never mind. Gotta go. Some of us are headed to the dollar movie.

I said my I love you to a dial tone, but at least my son was happy and healthy and adjusting. I couldn t ask for anything more than that.

I know I raised a capable woman, a kind and smart woman. I know she is a good mother because my grandson is perfect in every way.

That s what Mom had said before she walked out the door.

But what kind of mother am I?A bad one, I guess.

That s what she d said last.

Finally, I had an answer for her: the best kind.

And just like that, I knew what I had to do.

Hello, my fellow Mom Scouts. As you can see, I m home again. I have some new adventures for you, but those are going to have to wait. It has recently come to my attention that I have overlooked the true original Mom Scout, the bolt from which my cloth was cut.

I read through your survey results, and I m going to tell you the truth: I could use a little grace. We could all use a little grace. I d love to say that, from now on, I will follow conventional wisdom and not read the comments, but that s not fair to all of you who are kind and encouraging.

To those of you who aren t? You might want to work on your Internet Etiquette Badge and your Compassion Badge. I m going to give you a template, because today I ve got to work on my Apology Badge.

Over the course of working on these videos and the sudden fame-thanks for that, Fiona Dahl; I owe you, well, a lot-I lost my way a bit. I wanted my videos to make you smile and to maybe teach you something new.

Unfortunately, in the course of making them, I damaged my real-world relationships. Y all harassed Mr. Always to the point that he doesn t want to join me. I potentially got one friend fired through no fault of her own. I dragged another friend into a situation where she wasn t comfortable. All for some clicks and likes.

And then there was what happened with my mother.

Mom, I just want to say I m sorry. You were right about Mitch. You were right about the cat coming back. You were right about everything. I m sorry for every episode of Jeopardy that we ve missed because I was over here being afraid.

A wise person, your grandson, called me today to tell me I was right about everything. Once I had him repeat those beautiful words so I could record them for all posterity, I realized I d come awfully close to texting you the very same thing not twenty-four hours before. If you saw those three dots, that was me on the verge of an apology I was too chicken to make.

Today is going to be a celebration of all mothers, but mostly my mother, Heidi Stutz Vance Smith Rodriguez Malone Quarles. And I know she s watching-or will be watching-because I recently learned that she watches all my videos. I don t know why that surprised me so much, considering she s been behind me every step of the way, even when I thought she wasn t.

You see, if I d been paying more attention to my mother, I would ve learned to value myself more. For the first time in my life I understand why you kept every one of those names: you were searching for love, and you weren t afraid to keep trying. You have been so brave to keep trying again and again until you found someone worthy of you. You somehow knew the problem wasn t with you but rather what the world told you to do and who the world told you to be.

Real estate agent, mother, defender of justice, wily Jeopardy competitor, and all-around badass, that s you. And next time, with the exception of this video, I promise you will be the first person I call instead of the last.

I poured a flute of champagne and held it up toward my viewers. Take the time today, folks, to award your mom with the Badass Mom Badge. Give her a hug if you re able. Here s to you, Heidi!

I took a sip of my champagne and put it down.

And should any of my real-world friends be listening, I d love to see you again. You know the day, the time, and the place. I really hope I ll see you there, but I completely understand if you don t want to be my friend anymore.