Not Just for Christmas

Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

T he thing about opening up to Erin about the weird events of his life in the past few years was that it would inject a dose of reality into their relationship which Lewis wasn’t sure he was ready for. Things were great, so why not just let them continue to be great for a little while longer?

He’d been certain he’d tell her after breakfast, but when they ended up back in his bed, and breakfast had turned into lunch, the subject of his life felt like something he could raise later.

In the afternoon they moseyed back to the hotel and he ended up working until the evening. After that they took food up to her room and things had once again felt perfect enough for him to keep his thoughts to himself.

He’d tell her everything soon, though. He’d tell her and he’d realise that it wasn’t a big deal and everything would continue as it had between them. That’s what he told himself while he tried to concentrate on the office work he needed to get done before Erin got up.

Once again, he’d left her sleeping, and crept away to hole up in the office. Molly was snoozing in the corner when Erin messaged to say she didn’t enjoy waking up without him. He replied quickly with a promise that he’d make sure to be there tomorrow.

Ten minutes later, he wandered through to the dining room and smiled at her across the room. He supposed most of the staff had noticed something going on with them, but it didn’t stop him from being as discreet as possible.

He still had a few things to be getting on with in the office, but he lingered behind the bar, checking stock and making sure everything was in order. It was ridiculous how he couldn’t seem to get enough of Erin’s company and was finding any excuse to stay close to the dining room while she ate her breakfast.

He caught her eye and flashed her a flirty smile before deciding he really should get the office work done. If he got that out of the way, he’d have the afternoon free to spend with Erin.

“What the heck?” Ivy’s voice was a mixture of confused and annoyed.

Lewis sighed as he looked up to find her staring across the room at Erin.

“You’re early,” he remarked. She shouldn’t be at work for another couple of hours, and he’d planned to intercept her and explain about Erin still being there.

She completely ignored Lewis’s remark, but at least shifted her gaze away from Erin. “Why is she still here?”

“She decided to stay longer.”

“Are you serious?” Ivy’s shoulders tensed. “She just spontaneously decided to extend her stay?”

“No.” Her mocking tone immediately put him on the defensive. “She decided to stay longer because I asked her to.”

Ivy pressed her palm to her forehead. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I like her and want to spend more time with her.”

“Oh, Lewis,” she said, both her tone and the tilt of her head annoyingly condescending .

“I’ve been having a really great time with her.”

“You’ve slept with her, haven’t you?” she asked quietly.

He blew out an exasperated breath. “I hope you’re not actually expecting an answer to that.”

“That means you have then,” she said, planting her hands on her hips.

“I can’t figure out why this is such an issue for you.” He paused. “Unless…”

“Unless what?”

He gave a half-hearted shrug. “Erin was concerned she was treading on your toes.”

“What?”

He nodded. “She thought you were jealous of her getting close to me.”

It was petty, but he’d mostly only said it to annoy her. He fully expected her to laugh hysterically while telling him how absurd the suggestion was.

He absolutely hadn’t anticipated the way her eyes filled with tears. Ivy hardly ever got upset. Or showed it anyway.

Lewis opened his mouth to speak but only managed a questioning grunt. He had no idea what was going on. There was no way Ivy had feelings for him. He’d have noticed that.

Calmly, she turned and walked away through the staff door, leaving Lewis to try and figure out what had just happened.

He cast a quick glance in Erin’s direction, but she was chatting to Kate, who was clearing her plate.

After taking a deep breath, he went into the hall at the back. Just in time to see the office door close at the other end of the hallway. At least Ivy hadn’t gone far.

“I’m sorry,” he said automatically when he found her on the office couch with Molly nudging her hands from her face while she sobbed into them.

Her shoulders were shaking when he sat beside her and put his arms around her. In fact, her whole body was trembling as she leaned into his embrace and rested her head against his chest.

For a couple of minutes, she cried softly while he rubbed her back and Molly sat alert in front of them.

“Just to be clear,” he said, when she calmed down a little. “I don’t know what’s going on here.”

That got a small laugh from her and she straightened up to wipe at her cheeks with her sleeves. “I know you don’t.”

“What is going on?”

“I’ve just spent far too much time with my family,” she said, then inhaled deeply and reached to stroke Molly. “Specifically, my sister and her perfect family, making me feel like a failure.”

“Laura?” he asked, confused. She was the only sister Ivy had, but they got on well. And they didn’t see each other too often since Laura lived in Manchester. “What happened?”

She gave a dismissive flick of her hand as more tears flooded her eyes. “Nothing happened, but she always seems to have everything together. The four of them are like this perfect little family unit, and everything always seems so easy for her.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “Yesterday, Laura’s youngest asked Poppy why she doesn’t have a daddy. Poppy came and asked me the same question. How am I supposed to explain that she does have a daddy, but he doesn’t want to know her and would actually prefer it if she didn’t exist?”

“You knew these questions were going to come up at some point,” he said, continuing to rub her back.

“Yes, but until now Poppy’s been so accepting of not having a dad. It threw me that she suddenly wants to know why she doesn’t. I don’t know how much to tell her. I feel as though I fobbed her off and didn’t explain properly.”

“She’s six,” Lewis pointed out. “I think it’s fine not to give her all the details yet.”

“You’re right, and I know that really. I just seem to question myself constantly. ”

“I guess that’s normal.” He pursed his lips when they descended into silence. “So you being upset has nothing to do with what I said before?” As much as he’d like to just let that issue slide, he thought he should probably address it.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not in love with you if that’s what you’re worried about. I realised we were never meant to be anything more than friends that time you ungracefully stuck your tongue down my throat when we were teenagers.”

“As I recall, you were pretty ungraceful with your tongue, too.”

She smiled as she ran her fingers under her eyes, catching the leftover tears. “I’ll be honest, sometimes I wish there was more between us.”

His eyebrows shot up.

“I only mean hypothetically. When I watch you with Poppy, I think it would be nice for her to have more family other than just me.”

“She has more family.”

“Yes, but you know what I mean. Some sort of father figure.”

“Poppy seems to be doing fine without one so far. You’re an amazing mum and you’re doing a brilliant job raising her.”

“Are you trying to make me cry again?” She drew in a steady breath. “If I’m really honest, I don’t think Poppy needs a father figure, but maybe I’d like to have someone.”

“Why do you say that as though it’s a terrible thing?”

“Because I’ve spent the last six years focussing on Poppy and it feels weird to think about what I want out of life.” She tapped the arm of the couch. “Don’t laugh at me, but I recently downloaded a dating app.”

“That’s good. You should do something for yourself.”

“It’s not going great so far. I got stuck with writing my bio. I don’t have a lot to say about myself except that I have a daughter, and I’m not sure how many men are going to be attracted by a single mother harping on about her kid.”

“I think there’s a lot more to you than the fact that you’re a mother.”

“It doesn’t feel like it most of the time.” She rubbed at her forehead. “Anyway, tell me what’s going on with you and Erin. I take it you really like her?”

He couldn’t help the way his face cracked into a smile. “I really do. And I know you’ll say I hardly know her, but I can really imagine this turning into something long term.”

She gave a resigned sigh. “Do you really think she’s genuine?”

He hesitated. While he was almost certain she was genuine, there was a tiny seed of doubt in his head that refused to go away. “Yes,” he said firmly. The doubt might not go away, but he could do his best to ignore it.

“Does she know about your situation? Have you discussed it with her, I mean?”

He grimaced. “Not yet, but I will soon.”

“If you see this being a long-term thing, then you really should talk to her about it. Also, bringing it up with her is probably a good way to find out if she already knows.”

“I’m going to talk to her about it soon, but I really can’t see it changing anything.” That’s what he’d keep telling himself.

“You know I want you to be happy.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m worried about you, that’s all.”

“Will it make it better if I tell you I took time off yesterday and the day before?”

She gave a dramatic and mocking gasp. “That’s actually good. If she continues to motivate you to take time off, I might come around to her.” She checked her watch. “You could take time off today, since I came in early.”

“Why are you here two hours early?”

“Needed a break from my family,” she said lightly. “I love them, but it was getting a bit much. Plus, since Poppy is more than happy to get extra time with her auntie and cousins, I decided I could make up for all those times I arrive late.”

“You’re only ever a few minutes late,” he pointed out. “And no one cares.”

“ I care. I was always a punctual person before Poppy came along.”

“You really don’t need to make up for the times you’re late. If you needed a break from your family, you could have said you were going into work and spent the two hours doing something for yourself.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Not as devious as me, obviously. Go off and do something if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I enjoy being at work.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You created a good atmosphere here.”

“We all did,” he said, and received a poke in the ribs.

“From time to time, you could just take credit for what you’ve done for this hotel.”

“It’s always a team effort,” he said, and meant it.

Ivy gave him a look of sheer frustration. “Anyway, I’m here and can handle things. Why don’t you go and do something that doesn’t involve the hotel?”

“I have a few things to do here first, but I was planning on taking time off this afternoon, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t believe there’s anything you need to do right now that you can’t pass off to me or just leave for later. Take the whole day off.” She raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you could use the time to have a chat with Erin about everything.”

He pouted, because she was right that there was nothing so urgent that he couldn’t put it off. And that he should bite the bullet and have what was fast becoming an overdue conversation with Erin .

“It’s beautiful outside with the snow,” Ivy said. “You could go for a walk.”

Molly lifted her chin and barked once, showing her approval of that idea.

“I suppose I have no choice now,” Lewis said, giving Ivy a playful shove. “Thanks for that.”

“Sorry,” she said, but looked thoroughly amused.

He kissed her cheek, happy to see her smiling again.

“Okay,” he said to Molly, who was bouncing around in front of him. “We’ll find Erin and see if she wants to come for a walk with us.”

And he’d find a way to explain everything, and hope it wouldn’t change things between them.