Not Yet Yours

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Harriet

I ’m sad that the weekend is over if I’m being honest. I had a really good time. It was nice to catch up with Max and Cullen and obviously Liam is good company too, and I really enjoyed the party. It was actually a lot of fun pretending to be a couple with Liam when Dorothy came and sat down with us for a bit at the party. I was pleased Liam’s mom hadn’t been able to make the party though because it didn’t seem right lying to her because she wasn’t pushing Liam into something he didn’t want, but I didn’t know how well she would take the truth. She might not have approved of us lying to her sister. And at the wedding, she just knew me as the maid of honor and I knew her as the mother of the groom rather than as Liam’s mom, and there was no need to lie to her.

We made the most of the last day of our pretend relationship though. We had to vacate our hotel rooms by noon, but we were free to use the hotel facilities for the rest of the day, so we checked out and then spent another afternoon by the pool. Liam even managed to persuade me to join in with the volleyball game today. We had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs and of course, our team won.

We finally left the hotel around five o’clock and halfway home, Liam suggested we stop for an early dinner. I was hungry but I told him I couldn’t go into a nice restaurant like this. “This” being the state of my hair and makeup after a day spent in and out of the pool and spreading sunscreen on myself without being able to shower afterward. Although Liam insisted that I looked beautiful, the liar, he finally relented, and we went through a McDonald’s drive-thru and got cheeseburgers and fries which we ate in Liam’s car in the parking lot.

It's almost half past eight now and we’re about to pull onto my street. I’m not quite ready for the weekend to be over yet, but I can’t invite Liam in, because that will sound like I am inviting him to have sex with me, and as much as I want that, now that we’re home, all of that has to stop.

Liam pulls up outside of my house, but neither of us makes a move to get out of the car just yet. I glance at him and smile, feeling suddenly shy.

“Thank you for a great weekend,” I say.

“No, thank you,” Liam says. “I enjoyed the weekend a lot and that was mostly down to spending it with you.”

I feel myself blush a little bit, but I don’t say anything. I love hearing those words from Liam, but at the same time, they are taking us to dangerous territory. Territory I cannot cross.

Liam shifts in his seat so that he’s facing me, his arm leaning against the seat back.

“I was thinking on the way home,” he says. “And if you’re up for it, I would love to continue what we started now that we’re home.”

I feel any remaining color drain from my cheeks and a roll of nausea passes through my stomach. I shake my head frantically.

“I… I told you I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” I say, throwing out my stale old line that I feel like I have said so much that it has lost all meaning.

Liam is shaking his head as he starts to speak.

“No, no, I don’t mean anything like that. I mean just carry on as we are. I guess you would call it friends with benefits?” he says.

“Well, I’m a grown-up so I’d call it a fuck buddy, but I see where you’re coming from,” I say, using humor to hide the relief I feel that Liam isn’t trying to push for more than I can give him. He laughs too.

“So, is that a yes then? Fuck buddies?” he says.

I know I should say no. I should just end this thing here and now, draw a line under it, and keep it as a nice memory. The thing is though, I don’t want to say no. I like the idea of having Liam in my life as a friend and if he’s a friend who can make me come as hard as he does, then how can I say no to that? It’s like my dream arrangement. I get sex on tap without having to go out looking for it, and I don’t have to commit to anything so there’s no risk of Liam getting too close and learning what happens to those who do.

“Fuck buddies,” I say in agreement.

Liam reaches over the gap between us and cups my cheek in his palm. I feel my breath catch in my throat as he looks into my eyes and starts to move his face toward mine. This is lovely, but it’s the sort of thing I need to keep to a minimum. A loving kiss isn’t something fuck buddies do. I don’t want to hurt Liam’s feelings though, so I need to make a joke out of it.

“Nuh-uh,” I say, grinning and shaking my head. I hold my hand out for a handshake. “Fuck buddies are a little more formal than making out outside of my house.”

Liam laughs but he pulls back and shakes my hand. He takes his cell phone out.

“Do fuck buddies get to exchange numbers?” he asks.

“I think that’s ok,” I say.

I give him my cell phone number and he types it into his cell phone and then he gives me one ring so that I have his cell phone number. I take my cell phone out of my pocket and save his number too. With that done, there is no other reason to sit here and although I still don’t particularly want to go, I know I have to, or I will undermine the point I have just made about fuck buddies.

I open my door and Liam opens his and we meet at the trunk of the car which Liam opens and gets my things out for me. He hands me my bag and smiles at me. He leans toward me, and I pull back.

“Harriet, I swear I get it. You don’t want the romance because that will feel too much like we’re dating. But for this to work, you have to let me be your friend as well as your booty call. And I kiss my friends on the cheek when I’m saying goodbye to them,” he says.

That makes sense and I don’t want to end up being so cold that we just fuck clinically and that’s it without the friends part. I smile sheepishly.

“Ok,” I say. “I’m sorry. I’ve never really done this before, and I guess I don’t know all the rules.”

“Well let’s make our own rules,” Liam says. “Fuck what anyone else says is the right way to do something. We make this work for us.”

“I like that,” I say with a grin. “So, no romance, but a real friendship.”

Liam nods.

“Oh, and one other thing,” he says. I wait and he winks at me. “Don’t go falling in love with me, because I’m pretty sure that falls outside of the boundaries of being friends.”

“Ok, I’ll try not to,” I say in a sarcastic tone and Liam laughs. I force myself to laugh too and it must be convincing because he doesn’t say anything else, he just leans in and kisses my cheek and I let him.

“See you later,” he says and heads back to his car.

“Bye,” I say, and I walk away from the car.

All the way up my path I’m telling myself not to look back and I don’t. I reach my front door and I don’t look back. I unlock it and I don’t look back. I push it open and step inside and dammit, I look back. Liam smiles and salutes and then he pulls away from the curb and he’s gone before I can so much as raise my hand. I go inside and close and lock my front door.

I drop my bag at the foot of the stairs to take it up when I go up and I go into the living room. Everything is the same as it was when I left it on Friday, but in those two days since then, I feel like everything has changed. I sigh and lay down on the couch with my arm over my closed eyes.

Am I doing the right thing with Liam? That’s all that keeps going through my mind. I know I’m playing with fire, but I don’t care. I think at this point, I will live to regret agreeing to this, but I also feel like I would regret letting him walk away from me, so I might as well enjoy myself first before the inevitable regret hits me. It’s not the best logic, but it’s still the best logic I have right now so I’ll take it.

I lay there a moment longer before I go and shower, and I tell myself that I’m overthinking things. It’s just lust that Liam and I are acting on and we’re grown-ups. We can do that without feelings getting in the way. Because there are no romantic feelings. It’s not like I miss Liam already and it’s certainly not like I’m starting to have feelings for him. No, it’s not like that at all.