O Goalie Night (The Ottawa Otters #1)

Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

FOSTER

M y brother’s name sounds foreign as it leaves my mouth. Cody’s voice sounds different, too.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard it in a decade, or maybe it’s because this time he’s not telling me to fuck off.

Lose my number. I never want to see your face again.

Those were the last words my brother said to me before he actually pushed me out of our childhood home and slammed the door in my face.

All I can do is stand here and stare at him. In my mind, I always picture him how he looked that day. Red-rimmed eyes filled with hatred. Bloated face and wiry frame.

It’s almost like I’m looking at another version of my brother. He’s got a full beard, which is funny because he was never able to grow one. Flecks of grey pepper it along with the rest of his hair.

He’s put on at least forty pounds since I’ve seen him. Cody’s always been a couple inches shorter than me, but he’s standing tall, looking healthy, maybe even a little soft around the middle .

“Hi!”

I find the young girl staring up at me. The girl with my brother’s eyes and my mother’s name.

“Hi,” I manage, my voice thick. “I’m Foster.”

“Like the goalie?”

“That’s me.”

“No way! I’ve got your jersey! My dad does, too. Our last name is James too!”

It’s too much. It’s all just too fucking much.

“That’s great.” My smile is forced as I look at Beth pleadingly. “We should get going.”

“How do you know Ms. Michaels?” Amelia asks, seemingly oblivious to the tension between the adults around her.

“I’m a friend of her brother’s.” My eyes involuntarily meet Cody’s as I say the word “brother” and he flinches.

“Cool! I don’t have any brothers.”

Good to know.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Amelia.” Beth says before nodding at my brother. “It was nice to meet you, Mr. James.”

“Cody, please,” he tells her.

I walk off the ice not knowing where I’m going, just needing to get away. I feel Beth at my side, her concern palpable.

“Foster, wait.”

I turn to face my brother who’s followed me off the ice. Beth gives me a questioning look and I nod at her. She squeezes my arm before returning to keep Amelia company while she waits for her dad.

Her dad. Cody is a dad .

My brother stands a few feet in front of me looking torn.

“I don’t know what to say,” he admits.

“That makes two of us.” What do you say to the man who disappeared from your life a decade ago without looking back?

“Look, Foster, I know a lot has happened, but this isn’t how I wanted the family reunion to go, believe me. I mean, Christ, it’s been ten years.”

Does he think I don’t know how long it’s been?

“Who’s fault is that?” The acid of my tone burns on my tongue.

His shoulders sag and I know that my words hit their mark. “Mine. It’s my fault.”

“Daddy!” Amelia calls. “You can get his autograph later. I wanna skate!”

I can’t help but laugh without humour at the idea of my brother wanting my autograph.

“I’ll be right there, Sweetie.” He sighs, looking up at me. “I have to go. Can I…would it be okay if I reached out sometime? There are a lot of things I want to tell you.”

My head aches and I clench my fists to keep from screaming.

“I’m not the one who changed my number.” I glare at him. “But yeah, sure. Give me a call.”

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon…little brother.”

My throat stings as he walks away from me. I haven’t been anyone’s little brother in a long time and I feel like my chest is going to cave from the sudden grief.

Beth joins me on the bench and we change out of our skates quickly. We don’t speak as I lead her through the back hallways of the rink to the rear exit .

My hands grip the steering wheel, my eyes focusing on the road ahead as light snowflakes drift lazily down from the sky. The windshield wipers flick back and forth as the highway stretches out before us, a ribbon of asphalt dusted with white. The hum of the tires against the cold pavement provides a steady rhythm to my scattered thoughts.

I turn the heat off entirely. I want to be cold. To be numb. Despite everything that just happened, I feel a sense of calm driving through this quiet, snowy world. I feel in control, if only of this car.

“Are you okay?”

I’ve been so absorbed by thoughts of Cody, I almost forgot Beth was here. We’ve driven almost the entire trip in silence.

“Not really.” It’s the truth.

“That’s okay.” Her tone is soft as she rests a warm hand on my knee. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

A new thought occurs to me. I have a niece, and Beth knows her better than I do. I feel angry. Not towards Beth of course, but at Cody. It’s his fault. How could he not tell me he had a child?

“What’s she like?”

Beth frowns at me. “Amelia?”

Hearing my mother’s name hurts more than it should. I simply nod.

“Well, I’ve only taught her for a few weeks.” The corners of her mouth turn up. “You know, as an educator I’m not supposed to have favourites, but if I did, she would be one of them. She’s very kind towards all of her classmates. She has a wonderful sense of humour, but finds it hard to reign it in sometimes. She’s very strong in math, so much so that she seems almost bored during lessons.”

I shake my head slowly. Unbelievable.

“What?”

“You just described my brother.” I clear my throat, gripping the steering wheel. “He was great at math and he hated it. Thought it made him a nerd.”

Cody was a gifted student. His grades were excellent, despite him putting in very little effort. He even won a scholarship to Waterloo, but didn’t take it saying university wasn’t for him.

“What happened between you two?” Beth asks hesitantly.

I blow out a breath as I pull into my driveway and park the car. I don’t want to have this conversation, but if I have to talk to anyone, it might as well be Beth.

“It wasn’t one big fight; more like a gradual falling out. I moved away for hockey at fifteen. We talked a lot at first, but over time he got more and more distant. I came home for the summer that first year and he was hanging around with new guys he’d met at work. I was still training everyday of the off season and all he wanted to do was drink or get high. We grew apart. My mom had told me it was just a phase that he’d grow out of and to focus on hockey. So I did.”

“I went back to my junior team in Quebec in September.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “My grandfather died the next month. When I came home from the funeral, Cody wouldn’t even talk to me. Acted like it was my fault. Again, my mom just said to give it time. Focus on hockey. I didn’t know at that point that she was sick.”

Beth puts a gentle hand on my leg, and the words continue to tumble out of me. “She was gone a year later. I kept trying to talk to Cody, but there was this wall between us. Anytime I brought up Mom or Gramps, he’d get angry, so I stopped trying. It was okay, for a while. We fell into this routine of talking to each other as long as it wasn’t about anything that mattered. I invited him to come visit me for his birthday. When we went to a bar with a few of my teammates, he just kind of lost it. Got really drunk really fucking fast. And angry. Wound up punching a guy at the bar and then tried to fight one of the bouncers. I had to bail him out of jail.”

I’d never felt so hopeless. I was only twenty; I didn’t know how to take care of myself, let alone someone else. “My coach got wind of what happened and he wasn’t happy. Sat me down and gave me a long talk about addiction. When I told Cody that I think he should get some help, he told me he hated me and never wanted to see my face again. And until today, he got his wish.”

“I’m so sorry.”

I look up to find tears streaking down Beth’s beautiful face.

“It’s okay, really.”

“It’s not,” she insists.

“Okay. It’s not. I just never expected to run into him like that. He looks so…different. Says he wants to talk.”

“Do you want to talk to him?”

“I don’t know what I want.” My jaw aches from clenching my teeth. “I want the last ten years of my life back.”

She squeezes my hand in hers. “You can’t get the time you lost with him back, but you might get the next ten years. ”

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but one thing I do know is that I’m grateful Beth’s here with me.

“You may be right. You’re very smart.” I raise her hand to my face and kiss the back of it. “And so attractive.”

She laughs and tries to pull her hand away, but I hold it tight. “I don’t want to talk about my brother anymore. I want to talk about you and me.”

Her mouth forms a little “o” making me want to kiss it. “You and me?

“Yeah.” I search her eyes before just going for it. “I like you, Beth. So much. I think you like me, too.”

“So much.”

That statement alone is enough to mend the fractured heart in my chest.

I push a stray lock of hair off of her forehead and say, “Good. So…do you want to date me?”

“Like, out loud?”

I burst into laughter and she swats me on the arm. I adore this woman and I don’t want to fight it anymore.

“I wasn’t going to alert the team publicist or anything. I don’t want to keep this a secret, but we can take it slowly and tell people, if and when you want to.”

“I want to,” she insists, pushing the hair back from her face. “I think quiet is a good idea, for now, at least. Especially until we get Ben used to the idea.”

Knowing her brother, that could take a while. Ben has made it clear that he does not want any of his teammates pursuing his sister. Given how much stress his current relationship woes are causing him, now is not the time to tell him. We’re better off to ask forgiveness than permission .

“So, we’ll date quietly.” I smile at her as I lean across the seat. I stroke her cheek, tilting her face up.

“Quietly,” she agrees as she closes the distance between us, her mouth meeting mine.

I pull away, resting my forehead against hers.“You’ll have to be quieter than you were last night or everyone’s going to know.”

She blushes, but says “I don’t remember it quite that way. Maybe my amnesia’s back?”

“If that’s your way of asking me to refresh your memory, I accept.”