Obsession (Dangerous Love #1)

CHAPTER 25

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ONE FOOT IN HEAVEN

THE OTHER IN HELL

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He held my hand as we made our way out of the cemetery, and Harris lit the path with the flashlight on his phone. The rain was still falling, while the muffled sound of thunder could be heard in the distance. It wasn’t a storm, but I was soaked to the skin and the water splashed in my shoes with every step as I actively struggled not to chatter my teeth from the cold, but it was difficult.

What was strange was the way I felt… inside... I wasn’t aware that we were in a cemetery, and at night. My soul was too intoxicated by the words Harris’ lips had spoken. I could have taken a walk through hell and still felt just as happy.

I walked quietly behind him, with a thousand words in my head but afraid to speak them.

Although I was sure of how much I loved him, he had been braver than me in this regard. I never expected it to happen like this, that he would be the one to say it first.

I knew that one day I would find the courage, that I would dare to tell him how I felt about him, but I hadn’t imagined a response. Never.

Why was I still afraid to tell him that I loved him too?

Because he had said it first. Because he would feel like I felt obligated to say it too.

Damn it! I had wasted my chance, but I also didn’t want to wait any longer, I had the urgent need to shout out loud how much I loved him.

And that shocked me to the darkest corner of my heart: How much I loved him, despite the danger I was in and the danger to come. Despite the enemies who had long been waiting for an opportunity for revenge.

They had been waiting for me.

If I analyzed the situation carefully, I was probably the last one to know that Harris loved me. His friends probably already knew... so did his enemies.

When we were out of the cemetery, Harris held the car door open for me, and I took off my jacket before I got in and started shaking even harder. I had no way of warming up as the water was dripping from my clothes onto the seat. He took off his jacket and T-shirt before getting behind the wheel, starting the engine and turning on the heater. The green ambient light sparkled on his features, on the strands of hair he had pushed back, and on his sculpted abdomen.

This man loved me.

That was the only thing going through my mind, the only thing I could think about as I tried to convince myself that what had happened earlier was real and that I hadn’t hallucinated because of the cold or gotten high because of the hair dye.

Harris revved the engine, pulled out of the parking space and turned the car around to face the street. I hugged myself and blew warm air into my T-shirt, but nothing helped. The hot air was flowing over my body because Harris had turned the heating up full blast and it was coming from all sides. Even my chair had warmed up, but I was still shivering.

Harris pulled over to the side of the road and reached for me.

“Take these off, baby.”

With all the gentleness in the world, he grabbed the hem of my T-shirt and helped me take it off, then pulled down my bra straps. I hesitated for a moment and looked through the windshield.

“No one can see you in here, you know that,” he whispered.

He had the perfect way of speaking at a moment like this, so I nodded and allowed him to remove my bra.

He threw the wet clothes in the back seat and pushed me against the door. I giggled as he lifted my legs and took off my wet shoes. He unzipped my jeans and pulled them down my legs. Eventually my ankles landed over his shoulders and he turned his head to the side to kiss my calf before massaging it. His hands, I couldn’t understand how, were warm.

“You’re so cold, fuck. I shouldn’t have left you there for so long.”

“I’m much better now,” I smiled and tried to get up, but Harris stopped me as his fingers hooked my underwear.

“These are wet too,” he whispered without any derogatory tone, but full of fear.

I could see his face perfectly in the green light. He knew that if he took my underwear off, I would be completely naked, and he lacked self-control in situations like this.

I was the one who slid the panties down my legs, and when I reached my calves, Harris took over. He pulled it all the way down each leg, far too slowly, as the electric current in my womb exploded like an atomic bomb. I’d been crazy about him before, but after the last few hours, after everything he’d said, after I’d convinced myself he wasn’t a maniacal criminal but a scary and fierce protector, nothing in the world could keep me away from him.

I wanted everything from him, out of him.

I pulled back and sat up, then reached for him. I kissed him before he could say anything and wrapped my arms around his neck as I snuggled into him. I could have sworn I could feel his heartbeat as its frantic rhythm beat against my chest where mine was beating at the same speed.

With one hand, I unzipped his pants, and Harris pushed his chair back so he could lift his hips and remove them. I helped him, then threw his boots onto the back seat as well. Because of his height, it was more difficult for him than for me, but he managed.

When he had got his pants off, he tried to pull me back towards him, but I wouldn’t let him. I tried to pull his boxers down his thighs while he struggled for a few seconds and swallowed.

“These are wet too,” I repeated his words without fear, a seductive smile on my face.

He looked at me as if he’d lost his mind.

“Yes,” was all he said as he stared at my lips.

I wished more and more that I could read his mind, to find out what was bothering him when he looked at me like that, when he seemed so mesmerized that he couldn’t find the words.

I took advantage of his distraction and pulled down his boxers when he stopped arguing and allowed me to take them off.

He was completely naked, I was completely naked.

“Baby...” he whispered again as I stood up, interrupting his words.

I straddled him, and he groaned painfully as he grabbed my hips to hold me above him, then bumped his head against the headrest.

“If you sit here, it’s over. I won’t be able to hold back anymore. I can’t ...”

Another pained groan escaped him and I felt his member twitch beneath me. He was so ready.

“I don’t want you to stop, baby,” I took his face in my palm and leaned towards him while he still held me suspended. I didn’t manage to beat him, not even when I pushed my hips down, he was too strong for me.

“No.” he growled.

“Why not?”

The desperation in my voice was clear, as was my impatience.

Harris opened his eyes and looked directly at me, more intensely than I could bear.

“I love you and I want you more than anything in the world, you know that, but this will not happen until you feel the same, if ever. I promised you it would be different this time, that I’d fix everything I did wrong in the beginning, and even if, fuck…” his head bumped against the headrest again and he gritted his teeth and I thought I heard them crack, “even if it’s the most painful thing I have ever done, I will abstain. I promised to abstain and I will never break a promise to you again.”

I wanted to scream.

Just that, scream as loud as I could and punch something because what was happening was so fucked up. He refused to sleep with me because he thought I didn’t love him back.

Oh god!

I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. How could he have imagined that I didn’t love him after all I’d been through and stayed?

But I didn’t say it back.

That was actually the problem. I hadn’t responded to his confession, and now it was too late for me to do so. I couldn’t say it now because it would ruin everything, because he would think it was an unimportant confession that I would say quickly to convince him to let go of my hips.

After how he’d said, an “I love you too, Harris” wasn’t going to cut it.

I struggled to calm myself and pressed my forehead against his. I pulled back, and he let me sit on his legs without touching his member.

“And it’s not just about that,” he continued before I could find the right words, “it’s also about what I am and what I do. When the time comes, Katherine, you will be mine forever. I will be yours. But we can’t start until you know… know everything about me,” I pulled back to look at him, “before you accept everything,” he continued in a serious tone, and the heat inside me suddenly cooled and was replaced by a shiver of fear.

“There’s more?”

He sighed.

“Unfortunately, yes, baby. I’m afraid that you actually… found out nothing. Nothing from the present. I have only told you about my past.”

“And the present is much harder than the past, isn’t it?” I guessed bitterly, and he didn’t even blink.

“More dangerous,” he corrected me as a shiver ran down my spine.

Harris forced himself to his limits and pulled me against him until I felt him hard and massive against my stomach, but it wasn’t the right position.

His lips reached my forehead as his head fell back.

“I’m a criminal, Katherine.”

It was no longer a whisper, because his words felt like the cold daggers of death, like the most terrible curse ever uttered.

It was the ultimate confession, the one I had been running from for so many days.

“And I will have to give you the time to figure out if you will accept me, not take you in the throes of arousal. I love you in a way I can’t even explain, and because I love you, I can’t be selfish with you.”

I put my hands on the back of his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. I understood him and loved him even more for it, because he was proving to me in an impressive way that he didn’t just want me for sex, that it wasn’t just “fun”.

And in all of this, he had just admitted in the simplest and deadliest way possible that he was a criminal.

Even though I knew he had killed Marcus, Olsen and that he was going to kill Joshua, I had managed to get him out of the shadow of a criminal and make excuses for him. I didn’t want to ask him how often he killed, if he felt an ounce of guilt for it, or how many people he had killed so far.

I wasn’t ready for those answers.

I wanted to go back to my seat, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Stay here,” he whispered into my hair, and I didn’t disagree, even though the peak of passion was over for both of us.

He put an arm around me, then stepped on the gas.

The car fell silent as he drove us back into town. I looked out the window to see the cars fly past us like lightning in a thunderstorm, or maybe we were the ones flying past them.

“Where do you want me to take you?” he finally asked.

“Anywhere but home,” I whispered.

I didn’t have the strength to have a conversation with my father too, if he was home at all.

Harris looked at his watch and I realized it was close to 9pm. The storm had brought the darkness early. My skin had dried and I no longer felt the cold, but my hair was still a little wet. I was so lost in my thoughts, in what I’d found out in the last two hours, that I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was naked in Harris’ arms.

I wrapped my legs around him and rested my head on his chest as he drove like he had the last time, watching the monitor on the dashboard. His lips were on my shoulder and his hand occasionally stroked my back. I didn’t know where he was taking me, and I didn’t care, but I turned my head as the car slowed down.

He stopped in front of the garage, and I got goosebumps at the thought of having to wear those clothes again.

He turned off the engine, and then it was dark again. I could no longer feel his breath on my skin as he leaned back.

“Say something, baby. Your silence is killing me.”

I searched his face and touched his cheeks with my fingertips.

“I have a thousand thoughts, but I have no idea what to say.”

“Tell me your thoughts, no matter how bad they are.”

Were my thoughts bad? I had no idea as it had been a tough day, and I kept caressing his face.

“I have to process all this. Get used to what you told me.”

“Accept?” he added, bitterness coating his tone as the question didn’t feel appropriate.

I shook my head, even if I knew he couldn’t see me.

“No, I have already done that. I accepted what you are the day I found my bed covered in blood. I avoided you in those days to protect my father, I was afraid for him. I only wanted to run into your arms, and now, after what you have told me, that desire is even stronger.”

He was silent for so long that I began to move in his arms. Finally, he pulled me to him and his lips touched mine. As I took his face in my hands, something moistened my fingers.

The shock blocked my heart.

He was crying.

Surrounded by darkness, without sobs, so quietly that I hadn’t heard him. The tears of a demon. A demon who, for the first time in his life, felt the consequences of the destruction he had caused.

“Whatever happens to us from now on, Katherine, whatever decision you make, I want you to know that this was real. For me, it was and is the most real thing I have ever felt. I loved you from the moment I first saw you, but I proved it to myself when you left my side, when your absence felt like pure agony. I know who and what I am, it’s too late to change it now. I would, if I could, give up my entire past so I could love you like a normal person.”

I stopped breathing, I could only feel his breath on my lips as he hugged me tighter.

“I can only offer you the love of a criminal, a monster. Dirty, dangerous, bloody, but,” he took my face in his hands, “I want you to know that no one will ever love you the way I love you. In my inferno, you are the angel I will protect at the cost of my life, and I will unleash hell on anyone who dares to come after my angel again. I swear it.”

I was crying too, but I only realized it when he wiped away my tears.

I had to tell him, I couldn’t put it off any longer, I should have told him from the start.

“Harris...”

My whisper faded as his phone buzzed next to my thigh.

Harris sighed and looked at me, then he picked it up and I saw Jay’s name flash on the screen.

“Answer it before he comes barging in here,” I encouraged him.

He sighed again and then answered the phone. It was so quiet I could hear Jay’s voice.

“You okay, bro?”

“Yeah, I am just hanging out here for a bit. I’m with Katherine.”

“Ah, okay, just checking up on you.”

“Since you called, make yourself useful and bring us some clothes. Ours are wet.”

“So why don’t you...”

“Jay,” Harris interrupted, slightly annoyed.

“What?”

Harris expelled a breath, and I giggled.

“Get V on the phone.”

There was a muffled sound, then V’s voice.

“Reporting for duty,” she greeted.

“I need some clothes from my room, and something from you for Kath.”

“Right away,” I heard her giggle before Harris hung up the phone.

I raised an eyebrow. That was more like it, Spikey Boy could have been tutored by his girlfriend.

“What were you going to say earlier, baby?”

Oh, just that I already love you more than anything in the world and would probably be willing to die for you any day.

“Nothing important, let’s get out of here first.”

I felt him smile and he kissed me. V came out of the house, holding some folded clothes.

I was a little embarrassed because his friends had probably already figured out what had happened and why we had asked for clothes, and that it wasn’t just because of the rain.

She brought the clothes to the car and shoved them through the barely rolled down window.

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” she smiled.

I crawled back into my seat and struggled back to reality. V had brought me a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and they were easy to put on.

When Harris pulled into the garage, I preferred to get out of the car without shoes, while Harris had only put on the shorts she’d brought him.

V, Jay, Ty and Ken were all standing around an almost completely stripped car. They were all very serious and trying hard to be respectful, but I could see the smile playing on V’s lips while Spikey Boy turned red in the face as he tried to stifle his laugh.

That was until they got a better look at me and their amusement turned to shock.

“Wow, that’s a nice change,” V commented.

I shoved my hands into my back pockets and Harris stepped up beside me, his arm quickly wrapping around my waist.

“Did you have something to do with this?” Jay attacked Harris directly while pointing at my hair.

My boyfriend raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, come on, Spikey, don’t be mad. Now you’re the only blonde in the group again,” I joked, and V and Ty started laughing while Ken was still doing his best to refrain.

Jay looked at me like I was the biggest disappointment in his life.

“Since when do you care about my girlfriend’s hair color?” Chided Harris.

“I have a feeling you’re in for a beating again,” Ken whispered as V laughed as loud as she could.

As I looked at her, I remembered what Harris had told me. She was an explosion of color, joy and strength. Whatever she had been through in the past was healed now, and I had to be careful she did not remember it because of my curiosity.

“Blondes are the sexiest people,” Jay said, shrugging as if he’d said something normal.

Harris narrowed his eyes.

“Ah, right, I just remembered something,” I broke away from Harris and walked towards Jay as his curious eyes were fixed on me.

I punched him as hard as I could in the stomach, “that’s for the text you sent, asshole.”

He bent over, coughing as another wave of laughter sounded, even Harris.

“Yeah, it’s not like I’ve already gotten enough punches for that text. Thanks, Kath,” she said between coughs.

He looked for a chair and threw himself on it. He was only pretending, because I knew I hadn’t hit him that hard.

As I started to laugh, Harris wrapped his arms around me from behind and lifted me up.

“By the way, your child has to be turned in as soon as possible or you’ll both fail the class,” Ty announced, pointing at the damn doll.

Poor little doll, it had the worst parents in the world. It didn’t make a sound, as if Ty had pumped it full of sleeping pills.

“No problem, they’re already working on the second one,” Jay said.

I took an energy drink from the table and threw it at him. I hadn’t expected it to hit him, but it hit him right on the head.

“Auch!” he shouted, staring at me urgently.

I covered my mouth with my hand while Harris laughed his ass off behind me.

“I’m starting to hate you,” he attacked with a furious glare, and I put on my cutest face.

“Does that mean you didn’t hate me until now? Aw, how sweet.”

Jay stuck his tongue out at me, just like a child.

“Are you hungry?” Harris whispered in my ear as the laughter died down and Jay went to get an ice pack for his head.

I nodded vehemently.

“Starving.”

Half an hour later, we were all in the living room, lying on the couch or on the floor, with lots of pizza boxes, soda cans and beer around us. I was in Harris’ arms, picking the arugula off my piece. I couldn’t stand arugula, but he ate it for me and licked my fingers every time I fed it to him.

I’d had a hot shower and V had lent me a bra too. I smelled like Harris’ shower gel and all I wanted to do was lie down in his sheets, on his mattress, with him.

My father had called and sent me a total of five messages. I had only replied to one, saying that I was fine and needed time to cool down.

It was the first happy meal I’d had in a long time that made me feel like part of a family again. I ate until my stomach threatened to explode and I laughed a lot with them. Jay argued with Ken about what movie they were going to see.

After we’d eaten, the others were already buzzed from the beer. V licked a lollipop while she chose a movie by herself. She had her phone connected to the TV and was flicking through the Netflix movies while Ken and Jay fought over the remote. It was hard not to laugh every five minutes around them.

Ty had taken a seat on a chair, with his laptop resting on his legs and his headphones plugged in.

I looked at them lovingly. I didn’t know Ken’s story, but Harris had told me about the others. They were his family.

I hoped that one day I would be one of them.

We collected the empty cartons and cans and carried them into the kitchen, where we struggled to shove them all into the garbage can. Harris hadn’t had a beer, and neither had I after learning the reason for his alcohol ban.

After we’d washed our hands, he put his arm around my waist and spun me around to face him.

“I have a surprise for you.”

I arched an eyebrow, curiosity coursing through me. He just smiled and pulled me behind him as we walked down the stairs into the garage.

“Harris?” he smiled again when he heard his name and turned to me, grabbing my waist.

“I want you to meet someone,” he said, and I looked around, but there was no one there.

He led me to the front of a car hidden under a silver cover.

I waited, confused.

Harris smiled as he grabbed the edge of the cover and pulled it off in one motion.

I wasn’t ready for this. Especially not to the color.

My mouth opened in astonishment, then I smiled in fascination.

“Wow,” was all I could say.

It was a Mustang, one that was not at all to Harris’ liking. Its color was a hypnotizing blood red. I loved it at first sight. Of all his cars, this would be my favorite, even though the Ferrari was special too.

I had never seen such a beautiful car in my life.

It was only much later that I noticed the details.

There was a wing drawn on the side with a word neatly scribbled into the feathers. “Wild”.

I knew that wing.

Harris pulled me to the other side, where the same thing was drawn, with the word “Angel”.

It was my tattoo, but perfected.

“This is the redhead,” Harris said with a soft smile.

I looked at him and blinked a few times, then I understood what he was talking about.

The redhead. That redhead.

I couldn’t help laughing as the realization washed over me.

“Oh, you tricked me so well, like a real con artist.”

I tried to stifle my laughter and wiped the tears that came out with it as he smiled beside me. Such a sweet and genuine smile.

“Do you like it?” he asked as he hugged me.

“Yes, it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s all yours.”