One Big Happy Family

Chapter 14

14

Blair and Tiffany cornered Dana after dinner.

“Are you all right?” Blair asked. “With Axel being here?”

“I don’t know.” Dana sank down on her bed. “I was so unprepared to see him.”

Tiffany sat next to her. “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with. If Ryan showed up here, I couldn’t be calm about it like you are. I’d want to beat him with something, or leave him out in the cold to freeze to death.”

Blair had a feeling Tiffany wasn’t as bloodthirsty as she sounded.

“Your pain is fresh,” Dana told her. “Axel and I have been apart for months.”

And this last time hadn’t been the first time he’d dumped her, Blair thought.

She simply didn’t understand Axel’s problem. Why was he so determined not to be with Dana? She’d seen them together. Even knowing he left her again and again, Blair would still swear they were in love. She’d seen how Axel looked at Dana, and it was with the total adoration of someone who cared. So what was up with his actions?

“He’s not a bad guy,” Blair said without thinking. “He just doesn’t stay.”

Both women stared at her as if she was crazy. She replayed her words in her head.

“Sorry. That came out wrong. I meant when you’re together, he treats you well. He’s kind and supportive. He makes you laugh.”

“He sucks me in,” Dana said bluntly. “Then he dumps my ass.”

“Men.” Tiffany sighed.

“You got that right.”

She and Dana touched fists. Blair stayed where she was, thinking she had no complaints about Nick. Oh, he wasn’t perfect, but she loved him and trusted him, and she knew he was all in when it came to their marriage.

“He really got shot?” Tiffany asked.

“That’s what I was told,” Dana said.

“That has to hurt. Will he be okay on the sofa?”

“There’s nowhere else to put him,” Blair said. “Huxley is taking the second bed in Paul’s room. There’s the other lower bunk with you and the kids, but Rufus has claimed that. Plus, it would be weird to put Axel there.”

Tiffany grinned. “Yes, it would. No way I’m sleeping with a girlfriend’s ex.”

“You wouldn’t be sleeping with him, exactly,” Dana murmured.

“Yeah, it’s still too intimate for me.”

“The sofa it is,” Blair said, thinking he should be all right there, what with the bathroom on the same level.

“Mom knew.” Dana’s voice was flat. “Huxley called to tell her Axel had been shot and she didn’t tell me.”

“Oh, no!” Tiffany sounded upset. “So you weren’t prepared. How could she do that?”

“I’m going to ask her about it.” Dana looked at Blair. “Nick didn’t know, either.”

“That’s what he told me.” Blair was pretty sure Julie hadn’t said anything to Nick so he didn’t have to withhold information from his sister.

“You think she was right,” Dana accused.

“No, but I can argue both sides. It’s a tough call. Does she tell you so you worry and maybe leave to go see him? Does she not say anything, risking you getting mad? If you didn’t care about him, she could have told you and not been concerned about your reaction, but you do still have feelings.”

Blair could see the struggle on Dana’s face. She wanted to say that wasn’t true, but couldn’t without lying. The heart was a funny organ—often taking its own path when it came to who to love.

“I’m team Dana,” Blair said. “You know that.”

“I do.”

“This situation totally sucks.”

“That it does.”

The next morning Blair set her alarm so she would be up early enough to start breakfast for everyone. She wasn’t sure what time Heath had come home and he was gone before she went downstairs, but there were still nine people to feed.

She and Tiffany had prepared another breakfast casserole the night before. That would take nearly an hour in the oven. There were breakfast meats to cook and the table to set. But when she walked into the kitchen she found that her mother was already there. The oven was on and the casserole sat on the counter, warming up a little.

So far she’d managed to avoid being alone with Gwen. They stared at each other for a second before Blair managed an almost cheerful, “Good morning.”

Her mother nodded. “You’re up early.”

“I thought I’d take care of breakfast. Obviously you had the same idea.”

“Julie usually does it, but with her not here, I knew there was work to be done.”

“There is.”

They both glanced away.

“I’m sorry about Nick’s friend,” Gwen said. “Was he really shot?”

“Yes. He does the repossessions for the tow company. Sometimes they go bad.”

Her mother shook her head. “The whole business is dangerous. I’m glad Nick’s getting out of it. At least when he’s working retail, he should be more safe.”

That was exactly what Blair thought, too, but hearing her mother say it was so annoying. Not fair, but still true. Which meant the problem wasn’t the words, but the woman speaking them. No, she thought sadly. The real problem was her reaction to her mother.

“It’ll take him a while to learn the retail business, but I know he’s excited about it.” She glanced at the clock. “I wonder how Julie’s feeling this morning. She’s got to be sore after that fall, plus her arm.”

The words were out before she remembered her mother’s feelings about the other woman.

But Gwen surprised her by saying, “I’m sorry.”

“For Julie?”

“I suppose, but mostly for what happened with you. When you were little.” She shifted awkwardly. “You’re right—I made the choices I did and that’s on me. I wasn’t there for you, and your point is a good one. I can’t blame everything on being depressed. I guess I’m trying to explain that what I went through was harder than most people realize. I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t find my way out of the darkness to find you.”

Blair forced herself not to respond. She kept her annoyance inside. They’d been over this before.

“Do you think grief became a habit?” she asked instead, knowing her mother would freak at the question, but figuring it was the best she could do.

But Gwen surprised her by nodding slightly. “I think maybe that’s true. It was the emotion I knew and was comfortable with. Happiness, laughter, feeling good were so foreign to me, I couldn’t imagine experiencing any of them again. Maybe if I’d been able to have another baby, I could have moved on more quickly.”

Blair stiffened. “I didn’t know you couldn’t have more children.” She couldn’t imagine that kind of pain. How awful.

“No,” her mother said quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that. There wasn’t a physical problem. I meant I couldn’t do it emotionally. I couldn’t take the chance on losing another child. It would have destroyed me.”

Blair couldn’t understand that, either. Worse, she’d been right there—a living, breathing child her mother hadn’t bothered to notice. Only they’d talked about that, too. Endlessly.

“Once I was a little better, you and your dad had become so close, I didn’t know how to fit in.”

“That’s not on me,” Blair snapped, unable to stop herself. “I was the child. I needed you and you weren’t there. Dad was. He took care of me. If you didn’t like how things were between us, then that’s your fault. You could have done something. Anything. But instead you didn’t even try.”

She braced herself for the fight, but Gwen only sighed. “I have so many regrets. You were always there. You’re my only daughter, and I couldn’t find my way to be what you needed.”

She looked at Blair. “I’m not here because I lost your father. I’m here because I want to be in your life. I want us to have a relationship. I meant what I said before. The wedding was my wake-up call. I saw what I’d lost and it was painful and awful to know it’s my fault. Just mine. I know we can’t go back, but I’m hoping we can find something together for the future.”

“Just like that?” Blair asked. “You’re sorry and you want us to be close again and I’m supposed to say yes? Do you know what you did to me? Do you understand how many years I spent reaching out to you and you didn’t care? I know you were hurt at the wedding, but everything that happened there was the result of your choices. You pushed me away over and over again. I barely know you.”

She had more she wanted to say, but Gwen’s silent tears stopped her. She could see her mother’s pain, feel her regret and disappointment as if they were her own. She hated that she couldn’t simply say what she meant and not care about the consequences.

“You’re right,” Gwen whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying that. Yes, you’re sorry, but it’s been over twenty-five years, Mom. Whatever we had before is long gone and we can’t get it back.”

“But we could start over.”

Blair wanted to ask why they should even bother. To what end? She wanted to walk away and never see her mother again. But for some reason, she couldn’t. And maybe that was the most honest answer of all.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “About any of this. You’ve made your point and I get it, but I don’t know how I feel about it. I need you to back off and let me think. I don’t want to talk about this anymore on this trip. Can you respect that?”

“Absolutely.”

Blair had her doubts. Her mother couldn’t be bothered to respect a closed door.

“We’ll talk when we get home,” she said.

Gwen nodded. “That’s perfect.”

They stared at each other. Her mother pointed to the casserole. “Want to finish breakfast together?”

She didn’t—not really. But saying that would make her sound petty and small. So she did her best to smile, then said, “Of course. Let’s do that.”

“When did we get married?”

Julie was proud of herself for getting out the question without giggling. They were in Heath’s truck, driving back to the house. She’d gotten through all her tests and had passed her night of observation. On the twenty-sixth, she would return to get her cast. Then she would head home, where her primary care doctor would pick up her care.

Right before she’d left, one of the nurses had given her a shot of something wonderful. She wasn’t in pain, she felt good and the world looked all Christmassy and bright.

“We’re not married,” Heath said without looking at her. Still, she heard the smile in his voice.

“Hmm, because Dana said you were her stepdad. That implies something.”

“Only family was allowed in the ER. It was your daughter’s idea, and I appreciated the assist.”

“Dana’s a good girl. I love her so much.” She eyed the radio, wondering if he would mind if she turned it on and sang along with a Christmas carol.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

She glanced at him. “I feel great! You know there was no reason to take me to the hospital. Everything worked out.”

“If we ignore the fractured arm and possible concussion. Plus the bruises and what could have happened to your back.”

She flicked away his words. Unfortunately, she used her left arm out of instinct and felt a jolt of pain that went all the way to her bones. Even with the pain meds from the hospital, she had to catch her breath.

“I can’t believe I fell down the stairs. I’m not usually klutzy.”

“You were dealing with something unexpected.”

Oh, he was right. “Nick.” She looked at Heath again. “He doesn’t want to go into business with me. I don’t get it. I always wanted to join my dad. It’s a family thing. I grew up in the tow yard. I didn’t have a mom, so the guys there really looked out for me. Dad had his girlfriends and they taught me girl stuff. How could he not want the business?”

“People want different things.”

“I guess.” She turned the concept over in her mind. “It’s not like I feel it was an empire that had to continue, but I just didn’t know. I’m his mom. I should have known.”

“You’re not a mind reader. And maybe you should let this go for a while. Until you’re off your pain meds.”

She grinned. “Are you saying I’m impaired?”

“Yes. No heavy equipment operating for you.”

“But I’m so good at it.” Her humor faded. “I was thinking last night that there were signs. He was never interested in learning about the business. He only wanted to do his job and go home. I wanted to know everything, even when I was a kid. There was a message there and I should have listened.”

“He should have told you the truth a long time ago,” Heath said flatly. “This isn’t on you, Julie. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Maybe, but they always blame the mother.”

He chuckled. “Yes, they do.”

“I just wish he’d said something. Am I too scary?”

“No.”

“You don’t want to think about your answer?”

“I don’t have to. Like I said, this is on Nick.”

He sounded so confident, she thought. Yet something else she liked about Heath. She glanced at him. He was so young and handsome. Strong. Steady. He’d stayed with her last night until the nurses had kicked him out, and he’d been waiting the second he was allowed back into her room.

“You were really good to me yesterday,” she said. “I feel bad about keeping you from your kids.”

“They had their mom and everyone else at the house. They’ll be fine.”

“Did you see them last night?”

“I got home late. Everyone was in bed and they were still sleeping when I left.”

“You must be tired.”

He glanced at her. “I’m fine. You’re the one I’m worried about.”

“Don’t be.” She remembered not to wave her arm. “This is nothing. But I appreciate how you took care of me. You’re a good boyfriend.”

“Thank you.”

They turned onto their street. Heath slowed.

“Julie, don’t take on Nick while you’re on pain meds. You don’t know what you’re saying, and if things get heated, they could go south really fast. He was wrong to act how he did, but he’s your kid and you want what’s best for him.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe I’ll never forgive him.”

He smiled. “Not your style.”

He pulled into the driveway. It was a cold, sunny day and the house looked welcoming. Smoke drifted from one of the chimneys and the walkway was freshly shoveled.

“Stay there,” Heath told her. “I’ll come around.”

“I can get out of the truck on my own.”

He pointed at her. “Stay there.”

“You’re very bossy,” she murmured but did as he asked.

As he helped her find her balance in the new snow, the front door opened and Rufus burst out, followed by her kids and, well, nearly everyone.

Rufus darted forward, leaping off the porch and racing toward her. She bent down to pet him, careful to keep her left arm still.

“You’re excited,” she said with a laugh as he circled her, then leaned in so she could pet him. “Did you miss me?”

Nick got to her first. “I’m sorry,” he began.

She shook her head. “Let’s not get into that. I’m fine. Good as new.”

He eyed her sling. “You broke your arm.”

She was also bruised all over and knew once the pain meds wore off, everything was going to hurt.

“It’s fractured. No big deal. I’m getting a cast after Christmas. It’s all good.” She turned and smiled at Dana. “How are you?”

Her daughter didn’t smile back. Julie noticed Huxley, hanging back a little but looking at her pointedly, as if trying to send a message. Only she had no idea what.

“Axel was shot,” Dana told her.

The guilt was instant. “Oh, no. He was and I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure if I should or not, and then there was the whole Nick thing and I fell and you know the rest, but still. I’m sorry.”

“How could you? He was shot, Mom. I had the right to know.”

Julie felt her eyes burning. “You did. I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”

Heath stepped between them, facing Dana. “Hey, she’s on pain meds and she suffered a traumatic injury. Maybe let the interrogation go for a day or two.”

Dana tried to stare him down, but Heath wasn’t budging. She nodded grudgingly before stepping back.

“You’re right,” she muttered. “Sorry.” She started for the house, then glanced over her shoulder. “He’s here, by the way. In the house. Huxley brought him.”

What? “What?” Julie stared at her office manager, who was actually shuffling his feet in the snow. “You brought Dana’s ex-boyfriend to the house for Christmas?”

“He was in bad shape. I couldn’t leave him on his own. It’s Christmas. You would have done the same.”

Julie was less sure about that, but she suddenly realized she didn’t have on a coat and it was freezing outside. Worse, she’d hurt her daughter. The burning turned into actual tears.

“Dana,” she called before her daughter could slip into the house. “I should have told you right away. I’m so sorry. I’m a horrible mother.”

Dana rushed to her side. “No, Mom. I get it. Things were happening and there was no right answer.”

Once again, Heath got between them.

“Enough,” he said sternly. “I’m taking her inside. Whatever else you have to say can wait. Did any of you notice the woman isn’t even wearing a coat?”

He took his off and put it around Julie’s shoulders, then carefully led her inside. Dana hurried after them.

“Mom, I’m sorry.”

Heath kept Julie moving. “Back off, all of you.”

Julie wanted to protest that she was fine, only she wasn’t. She felt lightheaded and more than a little sick. Whatever else anyone wanted to say was going to have to wait while she decided if she was going to throw up or faint.