One Enchanted Summer

Chapter 29

CHAPTER

TWENTY-NINE

Quinn

I need to tell Grayson, but I can’t. He’s already struggling so much. He’s not hiding it very well. He’s stressed about his job at the park, but he’s even more nervous about the movie. He’s spent his whole life dreaming of these two things, and when he finally reaches them, he gets injured. I don’t want to add anything else to his plate right now. I’m worried about how he’s going to respond. I honestly have no idea how he’s going to react. I hate being with him and feeling like I’m lying though. I’ve given him his space as he’s been healing, but really it’s an excuse. Every time I’m with him, I feel horrible. I absolutely hate lying to him. I have to just tell him.

“Quinn,” a voice says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I stand up and follow the nurse through the door.

“How are you doing?” she asks kindly.

“Good, fine, yeah,” I say and the nurse chuckles.

I follow her into a room, and she says someone will be in shortly. I perch awkwardly on the table and look around the room at the pictures of babies on the wall. A soft knock sounds on the door, and another nurse comes inside.

“Hi! I hear we have some good news in here!” she says cheerily.

I nod. I’m starting to feel emotional, and I wish I weren’t alone.

“Wonderful. Let’s do an ultrasound and see how far along you are,” the nurse says.

She rubs cold gel on my stomach, and I tap my hands on my chest in anticipation as I wait. I stare up at the roof as she moves her little device around, and then I hear a thumping and I quickly turn my head to the screen.

“There it is,” the nurse says. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”

People always say they feel their heart in their throat, and I never understood it until this exact moment. I feel like I can’t swallow as the emotions course through me. I can hear my baby’s heartbeat. There is a baby growing inside of me.

My baby.

A heartbeat.

My baby’s heartbeat.

“Congratulations, mama. You are 9 weeks and four days along,” she says as she points at a tiny little bean on the screen.

“That’s it?” I ask in awe. “It’s so small.” I’m absolutely amazed looking at it.

She wipes the jelly off and prints off a small ultrasound picture for me. I stare at it and can’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes. This tiny little bean is incredible. How can I already love it so much? I didn’t plan for this. I wasn’t sure I wanted this. And now I’m crying over a tiny blurry spot, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Can I ask about the father?” the nurse asks in a gentle tone. “We have a lot of resources for single moms.”

I wipe my tears. “He doesn’t know yet.”

The nurse nods. “Are you safe? Do you feel safe telling him?”

I nod quickly. “Yes. It’s not like that. He’s just had a lot going on, and I didn’t want to add any stress.”

She looks down at the ultrasound in my hands. “Well, maybe this is exactly the kind of news he needs to hear.”

I smile at that thought. I hope she’s right.

It’s been a week since my ultrasound ,and I can’t put it off anymore. I have to tell Grayson. He’s been pretty quiet lately, besides a few texts. I think he’s struggling more than he’s willing to admit, so I’m going to take him a care package with all of his favorite candies. Gertie is getting suspicious that something is going on with me. I’ve been trying to hide my symptoms, but it’s becoming difficult. She’s smart enough to know that things are weird between Grayson and me, so she’s going to start putting things together and making assumptions pretty soon.

I knock on Grayson’s door and hear a muffled “Come in” from inside.

I step inside and see Grayson sitting on the couch. He’s wearing his usual basketball shorts and t-shirt, but they aren’t as sharp as they usually are. It looks like he wore them yesterday too. The room is a little messier than usual. I know Grady isn’t staying here anymore so it must be hard for Grayson to clean up with his leg.

“I brought you something,” I say, holding up the basket.

Grayson smiles, but I can tell it’s forced. “Thanks.”

I set the basket down on the coffee table, and sit next to him on the couch. “What’s going on?” I ask.

He sighs, and I can see the internal thought process as he debates his response. Finally, his shoulders sag, and he admits, “I’m off the movie.”

My heart sinks for him. “Oh, Grayson,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”

“She found out about the extent of my injury and says they can’t wait for me.”

His voice is pained. I reach out and take his hand in mine, rubbing slow circles on it with my thumb. I wish there was something more I could do for him. I feel helpless; I can only imagine how he must feel.

“I’ve worked my whole life for this,” he continues.

“At least you’ve still got the WOE show,” I say in an effort to try and comfort him.

He shakes his head. “But the movie is done. After all this, one stupid accident makes me lose it all.”

“But you didn’t lose it all,” I reply.

He levels me with a look. His tone is harsh. “I did, Quinn. I did lose it all. I put everything I had into this. I’ve been working constantly, and it still wasn’t enough.”

I hate that this is how he feels. He didn’t lose it because he wasn’t good enough. I know that’s not how he sees it though. He’s in so much pain, physically and emotionally. I can feel it in each of his words.

“Grayson,” I say gently. “It’s not your fault. It was an accident. They chose you -they liked you- but you’re physically unable.” I motion to his leg. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“Because I can’t get better!” he bellows. “It is because of me!” It comes out loud and strained.

“The doctor said it’s going to take time,” I assure him. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Maybe it’s a good thing you got injured, it gives you a break. You’ve been pushing yourself too much.”

He glares at me now. The look shocks me. “Really, Quinn? Is that helpful? Telling me not to put pressure on myself? The only reason I’ve gotten to where I am now is because I push myself. I am constantly getting better because I am working to better myself. You think I push too hard, I work too hard? That’s how I got to where I am. You obviously don’t understand.”

The pain and spitefulness in his voice stops me. It almost feels like he slapped me. For a moment, I’m reminded of Collin. I quickly tell myself that Grayson isn’t Collin, but it still hurts.

“I’m sorry you’re struggling.” I calm myself down enough to say. “I was simply trying to remind you to give yourself some time. Try to be patient. I think you’re too hard on yourself,” I reply.

“Well, Quinn, unless you’ve magically become someone who can actually help me, I don’t really care what you think.”

His words are a punch right to my heart. I stand up in a rush and fight back the tears. He doesn’t deserve to see me cry right now.

“You know what? If you want to sit here feeling sorry for yourself, that’s on you. That’s your choice. Throw yourself a pity party. But you do not have the right to talk to me like that. After everything I’ve been through, you especially should know that I’m not going to sit here and let you treat me like crap.” My voice is strong and unwavering.

Grayson’s face falls, and I instantly see remorse.

“Quinn,” he says, but I cut him off. “No. I’m going to leave, and when you’re ready to grow up, you can call me.”

I practically run to my car. It’s not like he could chase me right now anyway, but I can’t hold myself together for one more second. I close the car door and instantly break down. I’m trying to breathe through my heaving sobs when I realize I didn’t tell him I’m pregnant, and that makes me start crying even harder.