One Winter Weekend

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

“ O h,” she began, but he silenced her with the gentle squeeze of her hand.

“I watched you walk away from me ten years ago Emily, and it almost killed me. Did you know that?”

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “You said you were fine, that you wanted the best for me.”

“I did, but I also wanted you to stay. I knew if you left and saw what was out there beyond our little town you wouldn’t come back. And I was right. You didn’t.”

“I thought you’d moved on too …”

“I tried, but every woman I met just wasn’t enough. They weren’t enough, because they weren’t you.”

Patrick’s words were so sincere that they tore at the fibres of her heart. Back then, she’d wanted to believe what he’d said when he wished her well all those years ago, but somewhere deep inside, she’d known he was lying. She’d wanted to go to London so badly that she’d ignored it.

Even when she convinced herself he’d move on, it was because she knew she needed to. If left to herself, Emily would have loved Patrick forever.

Perhaps that was why her other relationships had never worked out either; like him, she was looking for someone else while in the arms of another.

“When I saw you yesterday, I thought I’d finally been given my chance,” he continued. “That somehow fate had returned you to me in the most unexpected of ways,” he confessed. “Once I knew it really was you, I didn’t hesitate this time. I was too afraid if I did you might turn away and I’d lose you again.”

“Patrick…”

“Let me say this, please. I don’t know by what means we found each other again here or why, but I do want to find out. I took a step towards you yesterday Emily, but now I need you to step towards me, if you’re as curious and confused about this as I am.”

His eyes were urging her response, but Emily wasn’t sure what to say. This was unexpected.

Wonderful, but unexpected.

“I don’t know if I can take that step,” she admitted finally. “Your life is here, in this beautiful city,” she began, turning her eyes to the twinkling lights beneath before returning them to his face. “Mine’s in London, remember?”

“It’s only a train journey away,” he countered seriously.

Emily considered his words. “You’re right, it is only a train journey away, but how long can we live with that?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, how long could we realistically go with a sea between us, having to trudge from one country to the other? How many times a month should we do it? Should I come to you or you to me? Only on special days, or when work will allow us? We both have demanding jobs that take up our time and energy, Patrick. How much time do you think either of us would have to dedicate to a long distance relationship?”

She could tell her questions were deflating his hopes, but she had to look at the reality of the situation.

They weren’t teenagers anymore. She had a job where people depended on her, and a position she’d worked years and sleepless nights to achieve. He’d done the same. How could she ask him to leave it? How could he ask her?

“You’re saying you don’t feel anything for me then?” he questioned, his tone low.

“That’s not it,” she countered. “I do. I think I always have, but I can’t ignore where we both are either.”

“Can’t we just see what happens?” he asked.

“I really don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to get my hopes up, get more attached to you, and have one of us walk away again. I know I couldn't go through that again. Could you?”

Patrick looked at her for the longest time, his silence increasing her anxiety. Finally he spoke. “No, I don’t think I could either,” he replied, clearly disheartened.

“Do you still want to have me over for dinner tomorrow night?” she asked unsure.

“Emily, I’d rather be with you than anyone else,” Patrick said, brightening a little. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“I’ll be waiting,” she said smiling, but inside she wasn’t sure.

Had she done the right thing?