Only With You (Knights #2)

23

JULIANNA

I can’t believe I willingly admitted that.

I can’t blame alcohol this time or whatever poor excuse my brain is desperately trying to come up with.

My admittance makes my body tingle and my face burns under the heat of his stare. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, or if he’s thinking anything at all. He said he wouldn’t judge me and true to his word, he hasn’t made a single comment or looked at me like I’m some kind of freak.

Chill out. He’s clearly unaffected, so I shouldn’t be bothered.

“What are you majoring in?” I ask and feel proud of myself for sounding nonchalant, because internally, I’m freaking out.

He stares at me seemingly impressed, or maybe stunned I asked that and not about his chromesthesia. I still want to ask, but he looks a bit on edge, uncomfortable even. Never thought I’d see Landon look out of his element, and while I enjoy throwing him off, I don’t want to do it like this.

“Mathematics and Musicology.”

“Two majors? On top of basketball…wow. That’s impressive.” And something I wish I could do, but I can barely manage with one degree. I can’t imagine trying to do a second one.

He shrugs, aloof. “I guess.”

“You guess? You have no idea what I’d do to be able to double major, especially in Music—wait.” I pause, comprehending what he just said. “Aren’t Mathematics and Musicology part of the graduate program?”

“That’s another question. You sure you want to ask that?”

That only leaves me two more questions, and quite frankly, that’s not enough. I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface and if I’m being honest with myself, I want to know more about him.

“You’re impossible. Can you make that part of my question?” I bat my lashes at him, flashing him my sweetest smile.

But he kills my smile with the shake of his head and a clipped, “No.”

I huff discontentedly. “Fine, make that a question.”

His eyes draw to my lips before they flick away and a faint smile on his face makes a special appearance. It’s minuscule, but it’s one nonetheless. But like all good things, they must come to an end because it’s gone now.

“I skipped a few grades and was in an early college program in high school. So when I came to NCU, I started my master’s program. I could have started in high school, but didn’t feel like it. And I don’t care to get my Ph.D., so I opted for a dual degree again.”

My jaw physically drops. Did he say again ? As in, this is his second time doing a dual degree. Or maybe third? Is that possible? There’s just no way.

I incredulously stare at him. “H-how? You skipped grades? And you’re doing a dual degree again ? Just how?”

I shouldn’t be surprised, because the girls did say he graduated valedictorian.

“I have hyperthymesia.”

Of course he does. Now it all makes sense, how he’s able to always remember everything down to the detail.

“Wow.” I bite back a smile.

His eyes narrow in on my lips like he knows what I’m trying to do. “Spit it out.”

“First of all,”—I take a drink—“I’m sorry I ever called you a dumb-ass. And second, you’re like a Disney princess. You can hear color. You can remember everything. What’s next? You’re going to tell me you have superpowers?” I arch a brow, staring at him expectantly.

The expression on his face tells me he doesn’t find this as amusing as I do, but he doesn’t seem as annoyed. His eyes look lighter and his demeanor is less tense, more laid back.

I don’t think his eyes have ever looked like that, but I like it.

“I’m sorry. I’m done making jokes, but if it makes you feel better, I’m jealous.”

His brows scrunch together. “Why?”

“It’s no surprise I’m struggling.” I draw my gaze down to my nails to distract me from his probing eyes. “If I were as smart as you are, life would be much easier and I’d be able to make my pare—well, life would be better.”

“There’s nothing great about remembering everything.” I flinch at the contempt in his voice. When I shift my attention to him, he stares at me vacantly. “If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have this godforsaken ability. Your failing grades have nothing to do with you not being smart. You are smart, but you second-guess yourself and your mind is never where it should be. So don’t give me the ‘I’ve never been good at math’ bullshit. You are, but for whatever reason, you lack confidence. I advise that you find it.”

I’d be mad at the way he snapped at me if I wasn’t dumbfounded with what he just said.

“Can we move on now?”

I shake my head and chug the rest of my drink. Thankfully, it isn’t hot anymore, so I didn’t burn myself, but somehow, it still feels like I did. A knot forms in my throat and my chest feels a little heavy.

I don’t know why I thought this was going to work out. I can’t believe I thought we were making progress.

Setting my mug in the sink, I force myself not to look as agitated as I feel. “I don’t have it in me to deal with your mood swings. I have to work tomorrow and you’re not worth losing sleep over. Night.”

I stall in my spot, waiting for him to say something, to say anything, but it never comes. My stomach sinks, because I realize what I’m doing. I never wait for him to say something. I’m always marching off, but this time as the seconds tick by, I… wait …hoping he’ll say something. And he does, but not what I hoped.

His fingers rise, brushing his chain. “Night.”

I walk to my room, but each step feels crippling and my chest hollow.

I rub my temples, hoping that’ll alleviate the massive hammering in my skull.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I desperately tried, but every time I closed my eyes, I thought of that stupid asshole and how he was only a few feet away from me.

Even now, it’s all I’m still thinking about and I hate myself for it because I’m certain Landon isn’t thinking about me. I bet he slept just fine.

I should’ve stayed in my room, but I convinced myself everything would be all right. But I jinxed it.

Last night wasn’t as bad as it usually is, but I walked away with a heaviness in my chest I’ve never felt before. And I’m still feeling it.

Grabbing my purse, I slip out of my room and find Gabby and Polly in the kitchen. They’re making breakfast while Bad Bunny filters from the speakers connected to the TV.

“Morning,” Polly chirps. A tired smile graces her face, the hangover still evident in her eyes.

“Morning,” I say to both of them as I step into the kitchen, but halt, noting how spotless the kitchen almost looks. If it weren’t for the things they’re using to cook, it would look immaculately clean. “I’m sorry about the mess. I swear I was going to clean it up.”

“Mess?” Gabby smiles, seemingly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“The mugs and the stuff I left out. I meant to put it up last night, but I…” I push past the thick knot in my throat. “I was exhausted and forgot.”

“No, we made this mess.” Polly rubs her eyes and yawns. “I swear we’re not always this messy, but we’re starving.”

He cleaned up? When? I never heard anything last night and I was up for a while.

“Is something wrong with the flowers in the trash?” Gabby interrupts my thoughts, dragging my focus away from Landon to the stainless steel trash can.

“Huh?”

A small crease forms between her brows and stares at me, bemused. “There are white roses in the trash. I didn’t take them out, but they look perfectly fine to me.”

“White roses? White…ro…ses.” No he didn’t . I stalk to the trashcan and sure enough, they’re in there. Some of the petals have wilted a little, but other than that, they look great. “Oh, they, uh, they had…bugs. Yeah, they had bugs, so I threw them away.”

“Oh, okay.” My answer seems to be enough because she nods. “So where did you get the electric blue and white half moon lobelias?” She points at the table where a small clay pot sits, filled with a bunch of tiny white and blue flowers.

How had I not noticed them before? They’re so bright, they’re hard to go unnoticed.

“Um…yesterday?” I don’t sound sure, but it’s the only good response I can muster.

Thankfully, they’re oblivious to my internal turmoil and my battling thoughts of denial and disbelief, because there’s no way Landon bought me flowers.