Only With You (Knights #2)

46

LANDON

Her heavy-lidded eyes sink to my lips as I wet them, aching to connect them with hers, but I stop myself.

“Don’t you want to rest?” I glide my fingers underneath her shirt, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on her stomach. “I can make you some tea.”

She bites her bottom lip, trying to hold back a smile. “I don’t start my period for another two weeks. I just wasn’t in the mood to go to the party.”

My brows jump at her admission. Although I shouldn’t be surprised because I knew that.

“Was it because of Nikki? I’m really sorry about that. I promise I didn’t say anything to her. She must’ve overheard.”

Her chest falls as she exhales a conflicted sigh. “Actually, it wasn’t because of that and I’m over it. We’re not the people we were a few months ago, so it really doesn’t bother me. It was about something else. Although, now that I think of it, I do have to ask you something.”

“Ask me.”

“The day you bought my oatmeal and latte at the Student Union, why did you do it?”

I attempt to snuff my snicker, but it’s futile because it escapes. “Just to be a dick.”

Her jaw goes slack. “So, were you really going to keep it if I hadn’t said anything?” I don’t get a word out before she’s gasping and softly swatting at my chest. “You dick! I was late to class.”

“I’m sorry.” I smile and poke her sides until she can’t help but smile too. “I promise to make up for it. I’ll buy you all the oatmeal and lattes you want.”

“Make it hot chocolate and we’re good,” she negotiates.

“Love, I’ll buy you anything you want.”

She grins. “That’s a dangerous thing to tell a girl. I hope you mean it.”

“It’s a promise.” My gaze dips to her lips before her words resurface. “If it wasn’t about us, what was wrong earlier?”

She drops her stares, fiddling with the sleeve of her top. “Just some sorority stuff.”

“Hey.” I tuck a knuckle underneath her chin and tip it upward, meeting the defeated look in her eyes. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing, just a bunch of bullshit that I promise you don’t want to hear about. I’ll probably talk your ear off about it.”

“Snowy white and electric sapphire.”

“What?”

“When you talk, those are the colours I see in the shape of an aurora borealis. I wish you could see it, because it’s breathtaking.”

Her face softens and my favourite kind of smile tugs on her lips. “Really? Snowy white and electric sapphire? That’s what you’re seeing as I’m speaking?”

I nod, smiling at the elation in her voice. “As you speak, I see it, but even if I didn’t, I still like the sound of your voice. When you’re laughing, singing when you think no one is listening, talking about your students and the instruments you’re teaching them, moaning when I’m fucking you.”

Her face glows. “See, I knew you were obsessed with me.”

“You made it hard not to be,” I blithely respond.

Her skin grows hot beneath my fingers as I raise them up her spine.

It takes her a moment to speak before she relaxes against me and plays with the piano keys tattooed on the crook of my arm and up my bicep.

“I think I’m going to drop my sorority.” Her voice is quiet and a little unsure.

I don’t say anything because I think she’s working up the courage to say more.

“I don’t know why I waited this long to decide that, but it’s just not for me and I can’t pretend like I enjoy it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it was great at first,”—she pauses on a key and smiles as if she were reminiscing, but it fades—“but then it wasn’t and I’ve been waiting for it to get better, but it doesn’t. I know this would gut Mom, because she’s the reason I’m in it, but I’m going to talk to her and hopefully she’ll understand.”

She finishes off, sounding both relieved and anxious. Like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders but replaced with another.

I noticed her distance toward it, and sometimes she doesn’t bother to hide the dread when she talks about it to the girls. I didn’t ask because it wasn’t my place and I didn’t want to assume like I have for so many other things.

Now I hate that I didn’t ask, because it’s been weighing down on her and it seems that it’s been like that for a while now.

“You don’t think your mum will be happy with your decision?”

She drags the tip of her nail over the guitar tattooed on my other arm. “No, she won’t be and she’ll probably say that I should stay, because there’s a semester left, but I don’t think I can.”

Her nail digs deeper, but I don’t think she realises it. She’s not even looking at me anymore. Her eyes are drawn to the middle of my chest and appear distant.

I drop my hands from her back and snake my arms around her waist. “Do you want to talk about what happened, Love?”

That pulls her attention back to me and flashes me a half despondent smile. “No, if I keep talking about it, I’ll lose the courage to talk to Mom. I’m sure she’ll be upset about it, because I just got my dress for semi and I’m not going to use it anymore.”

I have to bite my tongue from saying anything that’ll upset her more than she already is. I’ve never in my life disliked someone I personally don’t know, but her mum has skyrocketed to the top of the list of people I hate and I add her father to it, too.

The way they dictate her life and make her feel like shit for it. I hope to God I never run into them. I’m not sure I’d be able to hold back.

“On the bright side, I won’t make a fool of myself.” She grins, her nail now tracing over another tattoo.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know how to dance, and before you ask, that includes slow dancing. It’s ridiculous that I don’t know the most basic dance, but trust me, when I say I’m shit, I mean it. I’m like an awkward baby giraffe learning how to walk, and to kind of think of it, I’m doing them an injustice, because I’m worse than that.”

I think back to all of the times I’ve seen her out and now understand why she never dances.

That wrenches a chuckle out of me as I picture her dancing.

Julianna thumps my arms, giving me a less than impressed look.

“What if I teach you?” My hands slip to her hips and down to her bum. “Then you’ll be able to go, wear your dress, and…”

She snakes her arms around my shoulders, pushing her chest against mine. It distracts me, because I get a great view of her cleavage, but then she tugs the overgrown hair at my nape and I lift my gaze.

A smirk tips the corner of her mouth, knowing what she’s doing to me.

“And you’ll dance with me.”

She sits up, brows cinching in confusion. “Dance with you?”

That’s right, I never told her I was going. It just never came up and I agreed to go before all of this happened. I still don’t want to go, but I promised Jagger, and I don’t like breaking promises.

“I’m going to be there. Jagger asked as a favour and I told him I would.”

“Oh…” She rolls her lips together, toying with the clasp of my chain. “Who are you guys going with?”

“With Sienna.”

“Oh…cool,” is all she says, her voice dry and posture now stiff.

I fight back my grin, but it’s hard not to find her jealousy amusing and cute. “I’m just going as a favour to Jag, okay?”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me.” She plasters a smile on her face.

“Don’t do that.” I slap her arse and she jerks. “Don’t smile if you don’t mean it. It was never in my plans to go, but I told Jagger I would and I don’t break my promises. It’s only two dances, one picture, and no after-party. And I want you to know I agreed before you and I began.”

I explain because I need her to know exactly what my plans are. I don’t want her to assume I have any intentions other than the one I laid out to Jagger.

“You really don’t need to explain yourself to me. It’s not like we’re dating, and our contract is going to end next month, so it’s all good.” She shrugs with indifference as if none of this— us matters.

But I can’t call it an us, because there is no us . There is just her and just me , and by next month, it’ll all be over.

Things could change, but I’m too fucked up. I have too many issues. I’d only add more to what she has going on.

Reid calls it avoidant attachment. He said that after I told him I don’t like to attach myself to others because I want nothing to miss when they’re gone.

It’s cynical of me to assume I can’t bond with someone when I have Jagger, Gabby, and Polly, but it’s not like they gave me much of a choice. And it’s also different with them, because it’s all platonic.

With Julianna, it’s not like that.

She sets my soul on fire, makes me feel electric. I mean, goddamn, she makes me feel alive and makes me look forward to tomorrow and the days after. She makes me not hate myself or my smiles. I’ve not told her or even Reid, but for the first time in a long time, I was able to look in the mirror and smile. I was able to forget about the people who made me hate it, because all I could think about was the only person who makes me like it.

Fear takes over my body, and I panic, my heart beating profusely but feeling dull and my chest becoming achingly tight. I swallow, hoping she can’t feel and see the trepidation I’m battling.

Reid also said I have PTSD and complex PTSD, and wants to refer me to a specialist who specialises in that and my triggers. That wasn’t the only thing he said I have going on, and that’s another reason why I can’t be with her.

I’m a walking definition of issues and shit.

“I don’t, but I wanted to.” I clear my throat, my voice thick with heavy and complicated emotions. “Let me teach you.”

“You really are a Disney princess,” she playfully teases. “I should switch your name on my phone to Princess.”

I cock a brow. “What do you have me as?”

Julianna’s eyes go round and she lowers her head. “Uh.” She chuckles awkwardly. “Spawn of Satan.”

I smack her arse again. “Now, I’m going to change yours.”

“What do you have me as?”

“Not going to tell you.”

She glares at me, grabs my chain, and pulls it back to choke me. “Tell me.”

“Stop it,” I grit because this is surprisingly turning me on.

She tugs harder. “Not until you tell me.”

“Angel.” I grab her hand to stop her, but I’m already semi-hard, and I know she feels it because she jolts. “I have you as Angel. Are you pleased with yourself now?”

Her expression warms. “You have me as Angel?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to change it to Pain in My Arse .” I groan, pausing as my dick twitches. “Jesus Christ, Julianna.”

She looks at me innocently. “I didn’t do anything. Just light choking. I didn’t know it’d turn you on.”

“Well, neither did I,” I gruffly say, dragging my fingers through my hair.

“Wait, so you’re telling me I’m your first?” She smiles and looks a little too proud.

“Yes, now get off, because I’m going to teach you how to dance.”

She rolls her hips slowly in a way that drives me crazy. “But don’t you want to?—”

“It’ll happen,” I cut her off, gripping her hips firmly. “Don’t think I forgot you wore someone else’s number. You’ll pay for that.”

The desire in her eyes matches the tone in my voice, but before I act upon my impulses, I lift her off of me.

I adjust myself as I stand and go to her record player. I look through the vinyls before I settle on The Righteous Brothers.

“Unchained Melody” starts playing, and when I turn, a beautiful smile grows on her face.

“I didn’t know you had a thing for The Righteous Brothers.”

“I have a thing for whatever you do.” I reach for her, and with my leg, I push the coffee table against the couch.

We stand in the middle of the living room. Hand in hand, her other free hand on my shoulder, and mine at the small of her back, I bring her close until she’s flush against my body.

“Just follow my lead, okay?”

“Okay,” she replies, looking down at our feet.

“Look at me.”

She keeps her gaze glued to our feet. “Trust me, you’re going to want me to look down.”

“Trust me, I want you to look at me.”

When she finally does, I forget it all and almost tell her how I feel, but panic rises and I don’t.

“Relax.” I squeeze her waist and she squirms, faintly giggling. I do it again until I feel her body loosen against mine. “Okay, that’s better.”

I usher her to move, but she stops and winces when she steps on my foot. “Sorry, we might be here all night.”

“I have all night.”

A triumphant smile quirks on her lips. “I knew you liked being with me.”

“Also inside of you.” I return a smile of my own, but it becomes arrogant at the drop of hers.

Julianna shakes her head, her smile returning, and follows my lead. She occasionally steps on my foot, but nothing a little redirecting won’t help. She quickly gets the hang of it because like everything else, she thinks a little too much into it.

I’m not sure she realises she’s leading, and I’m doing nothing but following her. But I don’t say anything because I like this, holding her, feeling her heart pump close to mine, listening to the faint sound of her hum and how her delicate fingers tangle in my hair at the nape.

“You’re good at this. You should become a teacher,” she teases, looking up at me.

“Teacher? How do you not know I don’t want to go into the NBA?”

“You don’t talk about basketball a lot. Not the way Jagger or Saint do. You’re at one of the best Division I schools, yet you’re only here to piss off your stepbrother. I can tell you enjoy the game and you’re really good at it, but I don’t think you’re passionate about it. Not in the way you’d want to make a career of it.”

I’m speechless, but I shouldn’t be. Julianna always picks up on things.

“You’re right. The NBA has never been my end game. I like to play, but I don’t think I could deal with more years of loud noises. It gets overstimulating sometimes.”

“It’s settled, you’re going to be a teacher, or a tutor. You’re very good at that, too.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, and oh! You should come to class with me tomorrow where I teach the kids. Even if you don’t teach, it’d be good to drop by and see them. They’d love to meet you. You have some fans there.”

“Okay, I’ll go with you.”

“Really?” she excitedly asks.

“Yeah, I’ll go with you.” I’m not very good with kids, but I’m definitely better than Jagger. I don’t know why, but they make him nervous.

After a beat, I say something I’ve never admitted to anyone.

“Music,” I quietly confess. “I want to pursue something in music. The sheet you saw the other day isn’t the first thing I’ve composed. I have more.”

“Will you remember me when you become famous?” she says genuinely, like she really believes in me. Believes that it’ll happen.

“I’ll think about it,” I muse, earning a scowl from her. “I’m going to spin you now.”

I lift her hand and twirl her until she faces me again, then a grin breaks across her face.

“I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go to semi and then drop it.”

I smile at her optimism. “Will you save me a dance?”

“I’ll think about it.” She playfully shrugs.

Something strikes me and I can’t believe I didn’t ask before. “Who are you going with?”

“Finnick. I had asked him before…you and I.”

“Oh.”