Out of Nowhere (Balls and Brawn Bodyguard #4)

10. Chapter Ten Seo-jun

Chapter Ten: Seo-jun

S eo-jun hadn’t wanted to take the job in Cherokee. Not when Dex had just been hurt on his watch. The way Dex had been so vulnerable in the hospital—confused and clingy, refusing to let go of Seo-jun’s hand—had brought out a protectiveness in Seo-jun he hadn’t realized he’d had. He’d wanted to stay and make sure Dex was all right. But almost as soon as he and Jase had gotten Dex home, Logan had told them the owner of a casino in Cherokee had asked for a few night’s help with security. As Kris and Scott had just finished a much longer case and Colt was technically on vacation, although he was sticking around home, and literally everyone else had something going on that kept them from leaving town, Seo-jun had had to take the case. And then a few nights had turned into two fucking weeks.

He’d called Colt the night he’d checked into his small room at an inn that didn’t have televisions—just board games—and no cell service. Seo-jun had had to use the rotary phone beside the bed. It had taken him three tries to figure it out. When he’d asked Colt how Dex was doing, Colt had reported that Dex was still confused and that he’d asked for Seo-jun. It had taken everything in Seo-jun not to jump in his car there and then and drive back to Redding. The intensity of his feelings surprised him.

Instead, he’d asked Colt if he could speak to Dex.

“‘lo?” Dex’s voice sounded worryingly weak.

“Dex. This is Seo-jun.”

He heard rustling on the other end of the line.

“Dex?”

“Where are you?” Dex asked, sounding groggy. Maybe he’d been sleeping. He hoped Colt hadn’t woken him to talk.

Feeling awkward, Seo-jun cleared his throat. He wasn’t accustomed to having conversations like this. He wasn’t accustomed to having conversations, period. But this was Dex, and somehow, with Dex, everything was easier.

“I’m on a case in Cherokee, North Carolina. I’m calling to see how you are.”

“But we’re on a case. At the gym. Aren’t we?” Dex sucked in a breath. “God, my head hurts.”

“We finished that case. You got hurt, remember? Get some rest, and I’ll see you soon,” Seo-jun said. “Let me talk to Colt.”

“Okay.” There was a pause and then, “Seo-jun, I’m sorry I let you down.”

Before Seo-jun could say anything, Colt was back on the line.

“I told you he was confused.”

“Take good care of him.” Seo-jun hung up. Did the owners of the hotel that they advertised as “quaint’ and “technology free,” really think guests would be pleased with having to use this dinosaur of a telephone?

He still felt like getting in his car and driving back to Redding, but, of course, he couldn’t do that. Not and keep his job.

Dex was blaming himself, but it was Seo-jun who was at fault. He had been the one to suggest that Dex go back alone to Brand’s apartment for a nap. He’d become complacent because they hadn’t had any indication that Matt Pierce was in the area. Dex could have been killed. The thought made Seo-jun physically ill, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

When Jase called him ten days later and told Seo-jun he’d be joining Dex on another case, Seo-jun worried.

“Are you sure he’s ready for another case?”

“He says he is, and the doctor’s cleared him. Catching a vandal isn’t exactly putting him on the front line. And you’ll be with him.”

Seo-jun grunted in agreement. He would do better this time.

Without any phone service or television in the inn, Seo-jun didn’t have much to do except to read and to think. His thoughts inevitably landed on Dex, but as he contemplated what they were to each other and what they might be in the future, Seo-jun was forced to do something he’d avoided for a long time, and that was to confront his past. Over the years, he’d realized what was wrong with his relationship with Haru. He realized that nothing about it had been right. And, eventually, he realized that none of it had been his fault. A few years ago, when Seo-jun still lived in New York, a therapist had verified all of those realizations as well as let Seo-jun know that he wasn’t a creep or weird because he hadn’t been traumatized by his five-year relationship with Haru. Seven if he counted the two years they corresponded solely online. He’d thought he was in a normal relationship. It had never occurred to him until long after they were over that Haru, being so much older than Seo-jun and having all the power, had groomed him from the very beginning. Seo-jun didn’t like to think about it, but that’s what happened. And, although Seo-jun didn’t have nightmares or get triggered by things, that period in his life had shaped the adult he became. And, now that he was contemplating a serious relationship for the first time in ten years, he knew he had to makes some changes. To open up. To trust. Fortunately for him, Dex made it easy. It was other people he found it harder to deal with.