Out of Nowhere (Balls and Brawn Bodyguard #4)

18. Chapter Eighteen Seo-jun

Chapter Eighteen: Seo-jun

S eo-jun knew it was a bold move to invite himself on Dex’s vacation. But he hadn’t liked the worry he’d seen flash over Dex’s face, and he hoped that by going with him, he’d be able to shoulder some of the responsibility that must be weighing Dex down.

You also just want to be alone with him, his mind accused. That was true.

After using the rowing machine in the gym for forty-five minutes, Seo-jun went looking for one of their three bosses. Glancing out the sliding glass doors, he spotted Logan swimming laps in the pool, so Seo-jun stepped outside and sat down to wait for him to finish. He handed Logan the towel that had been on one of the lounge chairs when he climbed out of the pool, water cascading down his toned body. Logan was in his early forties, but, having spent half his lifetime serving in the Marines, he had the body of someone much younger.

“Thanks,” Logan said, taking the towel and wiping his dripping face. “You waiting for me?”

“Yes. I wanted to talk to you about taking some time off to go with Dex to California,” Seo-jun said.

Sitting down, Logan rubbed the towel over his wet hair.

“Dex is planning a trip to California?” he asked, squinting at Seo-jun in the sun when he was finished.

Seo-jun nodded. “He’s worried about his sister and wants to visit the facility where she’s staying. I think he could use some support, so I’d like to go with him if you can spare us both.”

“I’ve noticed you and Dex have gotten pretty close over the past year or so.”

Seo-jun grunted softly, unwilling to discuss his relationship with Dex. He hoped the trip would solidify exactly what that relationship was, and, until then, he didn’t want his coworkers speculating. He needn’t have worried; Logan wasn’t the type to assume or to pry.

Logan smiled. “If it’s within the month, I don’t see a problem with you both being gone for a week. Now, if it were next month, there’d be no way. Our schedule’s full. I’ll run it by West and Jase today.”

“Thanks.” Seo-jun paused. “Dex thinks I’m going with him because I need a break, not because I think he needs me there.”

“I get it. No worries.” Logan paused. “What about the flight?”

As Seo-jun’s boss, he was one of the few people who knew of Seo-jun’s fear of flying. He’d admitted it to them when they’d recruited him for the job and assured them that it wouldn’t affect his performance, no matter how many flights he was required to take. Because of that and the fact that Seo-jun had backed up his words with his actions many times over the past couple of years, he gave Logan a questioning look.

“I mean, sitting next to Dex on the flight might clue him in on your problem.”

Seo-jun sighed. So far, he’d managed to avoid embarrassment with his colleagues by taking separate flights when they were paired on assignments too far to drive. He couldn’t do that with Dex.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

With a nod, Logan finished drying off and Seo-jun went into the house. Lord knew, he didn’t want to have a full-blown panic attack in front of Dex. Normally, when faced with a flight longer than a couple of hours, Seo-jun took a prescription subscribed by his doctor that relaxed him enough that he could get through takeoff without losing it and then sleep through most of the flight and, ideally, the landing, which was almost worse than the rest put together. On shorter flights, he just had to bear it, face turned toward the window and eyes clenched shut, his fingers digging so hard into his thighs, they left bruises.

Seo-jun couldn’t sleep through the four-and-a-half hour flight with Dex there with him, and if he managed to stay awake, he wasn’t sure he could hide how loopy the pills made him. But he was equally positive he wouldn’t be able to conceal his anxiety from Dex. The fear that came over him was real, no matter how many times he told himself that traveling in an airplane was safer than doing so in a car. It wasn’t rational, and it wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he tried to will it to.

He could invent a reason to take a later flight than Dex, but his entire motive for going on the trip was to be there for him. Not just for the part where Dex visited his sister, but the entire trip.

That left the choice of admitting his fear to Dex, who, he knew, would understand. But Seo-jun wanted to be the rock Dex could lean on during this trip, and freaking out over something that millions of people did all the time without issue was not going to cast him in that role. His father had always said that a man should never show his weakness, and, although the adult Seo-jun knew better, he still couldn’t shake the thought.

Coming to no solutions he was happy with, Seo-jun decided to continue with his plans and worry about the details later. He had some errands to run, and since he didn’t see Dex when he went upstairs, as soon as he got into his car, he texted him that their trip was a go as long as it happened within the month. While he waited for a reply, he scrolled through flights to California. A couple of minutes went by before Dex texted him back, saying that that was great and thanking Seo-jun for asking Logan for him. And was he sure he wanted to go? Seo-jun replied that he definitely was sure, and that there was a flight from Norfolk International to Fresno Yosemite International early Wednesday morning. With Dex’s okay, he booked it along with a rental car and a hotel.

That task completed, Seo-jun headed out on his errands, feeling lighter, although he still didn’t know how he was going to handle his anxiety about flying. But as there was no way he was passing up this opportunity to be there for Dex, he would just have to find a way to get through it.