Outback Reunion (Bunyip Bay #6)

Chapter Four

‘Mummy!’ Luna shrieked as they headed backstage, the crowd behind them still applauding. ‘You almost fell!’ She threw her skinny arms around Gabi’s waist and clung tightly. ‘I thought you were going to die.’

‘Fall. Fall. Fall. Fall. Fall,’ chanted Loud Mouth from Gabi’s shoulder.

‘Shut up, Loud Mouth,’ Gabi spat, wrapping her own arms around Luna, her heart still racing. ‘I’m fine, sweetheart. I’m okay.’

Lorenzo appeared a few moments later, two of the tent boys who made sure the tightrope and all their equipment was safe right behind him. ‘Gabi, sweetheart. Are you okay?’

She looked up from the top of Luna’s head to see her father-in-law’s face ashen pale, reminding her of the colour he’d turned late last year when he’d had a minor heart attack in the middle of a show. Despite terrible chest pains and shortness of breath, he’d wanted to continue performing but Eve had insisted on taking him to the hospital to be checked out and Gabi had stepped in as ringmaster for the rest of the night.

‘I’m fine.’ She tried to give him a reassuring smile, not wanting to cause any extra stress on him.

Lorenzo had spent three days in hospital having tests—the longest he’d ever been away from his beloved circus—and then been given medication and all kinds of advice for things to do to make sure it didn’t happen again. At the top of the list were giving up smoking, which he’d done reluctantly, and reducing stress levels.

He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her and Luna. ‘Are you sure? What happened out there?’

‘Um...’ Gabi searched her mind for a good excuse for her blunder. Often performers pretended they’d lost their balance on the highwire or Wheel of Steel, but it was usually part of the act.

Lorenzo could tell that tonight she almost had fallen. He just didn’t know it was because of Mark.

Her father-in-law raised his bushy grey eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

Her heart pounded—she couldn’t think straight so soon after a near fall when her mind was full of Mark.

When they’d met in the supermarket, she’d told him he should come, so she shouldn’t have been surprised to see him in the audience. She hadn’t noticed him when she’d cartwheeled in during their opening song because it was hard to see the crowd from the ground where the lights blinded you. But from the top of the tent, you not only got a view of the whole audience, you could also see their faces much better.

And when her eyes had met Mark’s, everyone else—the people sitting around him and her colleagues, even Luna—had ceased to exist and the connection she’d felt all those years ago came flooding back.

The memories had been like a physical blow, and she’d almost slipped.

The audience had gasped. Anyone who hadn’t been doing this almost all their life would likely have plunged to their death—or at least suffered a terrible injury—yet somehow Gabi managed to correct herself and get safely back to the platform.

But she’d never felt so shaken after an act. All she could think about as she fled backstage was what if she’d seen him while she’d been riding with Luna on the handlebars? The results could have been catastrophic.

Luna was her whole life. Nothing and no one mattered as much as she did. Gabi would never forgive herself if she harmed her daughter. Life would no longer be worth living.

‘Gabi dear, are you unwell?’ Lorenzo’s tone was still concerned but also a little impatient. He needed to get out into the pre-tent to schmooze with the audience during the interval.

Before she could answer him, Luna’s voice wobbled between them.

‘Are you sick again, Mummy? You don’t look so good.’

Gabi’s heart sank, swamped with guilt that she was making her dear father-in-law and Luna anxious. They were both still coming to terms with the loss of Dante; the last thing they needed to do was worry about her.

‘I’m fine,’ she rushed to reassure them. ‘Just lost my balance for a moment. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally.’

‘Fine. Fine. Fine,’ echoed Loud Mouth.

Neither her daughter, her father-in-law, nor the tent boys looked convinced, but there wasn’t time for further interrogation. They could hear the clatter and chatter of the audience spilling out of the Big Top for intermission. They were all needed elsewhere.

‘Well, please be careful. Can’t have anything happening to my right-hand girl.’ Lorenzo squeezed her arm before hurrying back out.

‘You better go get the dogs ready,’ Gabi said, all but shooing Luna after her grandfather. She and her performing dogs were a crowd favourite.

As the tent boys disappeared to take their places selling balloons and other circus merch, Gabi shoved Loud Mouth into his backstage cage. As usual, he squawked in disgust. He hated intermission when he was locked up like a mere prisoner, much preferring the post-show action where he got to perch on Gabi’s shoulder getting selfies with excited guests.

‘Be good,’ she told him, but then took a moment to slow her breathing and prepare for the very likely possibility of seeing Mark again.

Would he try to speak to her? Did she want him to?

She didn’t know the answers to the myriad questions whirling through her head, but she couldn’t take any more time to ponder. Kids, overhyped from fairy floss and sugary soft drinks, would already be lining up next to the teacup ride.

‘Gabriela!’

A husky voice sounded behind her as she left the tent to go in the front way, and she almost lost her balance again when she spun around to see the man himself standing right behind her.

‘I didn’t mean to scare you,’ he said, reaching out and steadying her.

His touch on her bare arm felt like fire and their faces were so close that she could see a tiny red mark on his skin where he must have cut himself when shaving. As she inhaled, she smelled a woody cologne mixed with the scents of hot dog and tomato sauce; not usually aromas that turned her on, yet she had a sudden, almost-irrepressible urge to thread her fingers through his thick hair and drag his face to hers.

To find out if he still tasted as good as he had all those years ago.

But she was older now, wiser, so instead of giving in to baser instincts, she pulled away, ignoring the thumping of her heart.

‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, glancing around. This was the circus’s private backstage lot, where they kept all their trailers and caravans. If her family or colleagues saw her here with him, there’d be no end of questions.

‘You told me to come.’

Gabi shook her head. ‘I meant here . Out the back.’ Although why she’d told him to come, she had no idea. What had she been thinking? It wasn’t like anything could happen between them again. Not just because of Luna and her responsibilities to the circus but because he was married. ‘Didn’t you see the signs?’

He shrugged as if such rules didn’t apply to him. ‘I wanted to see you, to check you were okay after—’

‘I’m fine,’ she spat, shuddering as she recalled how he’d literally thrown her off balance. Thinking about that again made her furious—whether at herself or him, she wasn’t sure. ‘Nothing happened. Pretending to fall is part of my act.’

‘Right, okay. I’m glad to hear it.’ He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave her a bewildered smile. ‘Wow. It’s so weird that you’re here. That we—’

‘I can’t chat. I’ve got to get inside and help.’

It was true but being in his presence also unnerved her, bringing back feelings she’d tried to forget.

He stepped back a little. ‘Okay. But will you meet me after the show? We could take a walk along the beach or go to the pub for a drink?’

‘Will your wife be joining us?’ She couldn’t help her jealous tone. She’d been too bamboozled to notice who was sitting on either side of him, but she imagined Tahlia must be here too. Maybe he’d come to the circus not because of her offhand invitation, but because they had little kids.

Mark blinked. ‘Tahlia?’ His eyes went dark a moment before he shook his head. ‘No. We’re not together anymore.’

‘Oh.’ That threw her almost as much as running into him in the supermarket had. ‘Since when?’

‘Middle of last year. We... It’s a long story. Are you with anyone?’ His gaze fell to her ring finger, but it was bare.

She’d married Dante while she’d been pregnant with Luna and afterwards when she’d lost the small amount of weight she’d gained during pregnancy, the ring had been too big. They’d never got around to having it resized because wearing a ring while performing could also be dangerous.

‘No.’

He hit her with a grin that made her toes curl. ‘I can’t believe you’re here in Bunyip Bay. I never forgot you. Always wondered why you did a vanishing act on me.’

Gabi sighed. ‘That is a long and complicated story, one I really don’t have time for right now.’

‘Then we should definitely get a drink after the show,’ he said, running a hand through his thick hair. ‘I can show you the bright lights of Bunyip Bay and you can tell me why I woke up to an empty bed and no way to contact you.’

‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Mark.’

He frowned, which didn’t hinder his attractiveness one little bit. ‘Why not?’

Since he’d shaved, his dimple was visible again. She reckoned it was that dimple that had led to her downfall all those years ago. They should really be illegal on grown men.

She swallowed and shook her head, trying to ignore the way being so close to him made her feel. ‘What did you say?’

‘Why not?’ he repeated.

Gabi huffed out a laugh. ‘Because of what happened last time we were together.’

‘I know I was young and inexperienced...’ His lips quirked. ‘But it wasn’t that bad, was it?’

She couldn’t help but reassure him, her body heating at the memory. ‘It was anything but bad.’

‘Excellent. Then you’ll meet me later.’

It didn’t sound like a question and that should annoy her. He wasn’t the boss of her and she didn’t need another controlling man telling her what to do. Especially not one who didn’t even really know her! But although it went against every grain of common sense in her body, she accepted.

Maybe she owed him some kind of explanation.

‘But I can’t stay for more than one drink and I’m not sure exactly what time I’ll be able to get there. Could be an hour or so after we finish.’

His smile stretching from ear to ear, he nodded. ‘Not a problem. Good luck with the rest of the show.’

Outside, Gabi found Muriel managing the line at the teacup ride. This was not good. Muriel did the ticket booth before the show, but generally just wandered around pestering the audience during intermission.

‘Where’ve you been?’ hissed the older woman, narrowing her eyes at Gabi.

‘Sorry. Had to pee.’

Muriel shook her head angrily as she stepped aside—even bathroom breaks weren’t permitted on a night as busy as this one. Crossing your legs was one of the first things you learned growing up in the circus.

***

Every night after the show, Gabi and Luna put the dogs in their crates, wrangled Loud Mouth into his night cage, then retreated to their caravan to change out of their costumes and scrub off their make-up. This was followed by a quick supper, before they’d both collapse into bed, ready to do it all again the next day.

As Luna washed her face and brushed out her hair in their tiny bathroom, Gabi could hear Loud Mouth just outside admiring himself in his mirror, ‘Gorgeous bird. Gorgeous bird. Gorgeous bird.’ She chuckled as she stripped off her leotard and scanned her tiny closet for something appropriate to wear to meet Mark.

What was appropriate for a drink at a country pub? Just because this wasn’t a date, didn’t mean she shouldn’t make a little bit of effort. The problem was that her wardrobe was in mostly two camps—sparkly lycra costumes on one side and old shorts, jeans and t-shirts she wore on build and travel days on the other. The only thing vaguely appropriate was a yellow maxi dress she’d picked up in an op shop when she’d been on the hunt for romance novels.

‘What are you doing?’ asked Luna as she emerged from the bathroom to find Gabi staring at the dress.

‘Um... nothing.’ Shoving the dress back into the closet, she grabbed her PJs from beneath her pillow and threw them on instead, deciding to wait until Luna was asleep before she got ready. ‘What’s it going to be tonight? Vegemite on toast or Weetbix?’

These were Luna’s favourite post-show snacks and Gabi usually had whatever her daughter chose.

‘Vegemite, please,’ Luna said, crossing to the fridge.

As Gabi popped bread in the toaster, Luna poured herself a glass of milk, heaped in more Milo than was probably healthy, and slid into their tiny booth where they ate at an equally tiny table. There was barely room for one person on each side, so it was hard to imagine that Dante also used to sit there with them.

When Luna was born, she’d slept between them in their bed and as she grew, the caravan seemed to shrink. Even when she was older, when Luna slept on a tiny pull-out bed rather than with them, being intimate became harder and harder. Luna was a deep sleeper—she’d probably sleep through the caravan catching fire—but Gabi often tried to use her as an excuse not to have sex with Dante. Maybe it was motherhood or maybe something else, but any libido she’d once had seemed to have shrivelled up and died. Sometimes Dante would just storm off in a huff, go sleep elsewhere on the lot—returning in the morning and pretending they hadn’t upset each other—other times he’d insist and drag her out with him, and they’d do the deed under the Big Top, behind the ticket box or in one of the food trucks.

These outdoor trysts always felt seedy to her, but she got the impression he liked it even more this way.

It appeared she wasn’t the only one thinking of Dante, because as she put Luna’s toast down in front of her and slid into the booth opposite, Luna said, ‘Can you tell me a story about Daddy?’

Gabi swallowed. This wasn’t an unusual request, Luna often wanted to talk about her father, and Gabi knew it was important to keep her memories of him alive, but it felt weird to be discussing her husband when she was planning to sneak off and meet another man.

Did Luna somehow sense this?

‘Um...’ She hadn’t poured herself a cup of tea or made any toast—too nervous to eat—but now she wished she had a warm mug to wrap her fingers around. ‘Which story would you like to hear?’

Luna took a bite of her toast, thinking. Gabi expected her to ask something about games they’d played together or specific towns where Dante had taken Luna off exploring, but she surprised her with, ‘Tell me about when you met Daddy for the first time.’

‘Don’t speak with your mouth full,’ Gabi said automatically, ‘and you know I don’t remember meeting your dad. I wasn’t even born when Granny Eve and Pa Lorenzo took my mother in. I knew Daddy all my life. We both grew up here in the circus, just like you.’

‘I forgot,’ Luna said with a slight pout. ‘Do you think Daddy would have liked Bunyip Bay?’

‘What’s not to like?’ Gabi said with a nervous laugh.

Luna nodded and then dropped the Dante topic as quickly as she’d raised it. She prattled on about everything they’d done that day as if Gabi hadn’t been there herself. They’d managed to steal a few hours at the beach again that afternoon and she was still on a high from the sun, sand and water. Gabi tried not to be impatient as it was good to see Luna happy about something again, but she couldn’t stop glancing at the little plastic clock on the wall.

How long would Mark wait?

‘I think Bunyip Bay is one of my favourite places we’ve ever been,’ declared Luna. ‘Can we go back to the beach again tomorrow?’

‘I don’t see why not. Maybe if you go to sleep now, we can even get up early and watch the sunrise.’

Luna frowned. ‘But the sun doesn’t rise over the ocean in the west. It sets here.’

‘Oh, you’re right. Sometimes you’re far too clever for me, young lady, but dawn’s still magic by the ocean, I promise.’

‘Do you think we’ll see a bunyip? Maybe like many animals they come out at dawn and dusk.’ Luna took another bite of toast and Gabi willed her to eat faster. ‘What is a bunyip?’

‘Um... I think it’s some kind of mythical creature from a story told by First Nations people, but I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be found in a river or lake, so I don’t know why this town is called Bunyip Bay. Maybe we can try to find out tomorrow.’

Maybe if Luna ever went to bed, Gabi would get the chance to ask Mark.

‘Are you not going to eat anything?’ Luna said, staring at the empty space in front of Gabi where her supper would usually be.

She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry.’ If she ate anything right now, she was liable to throw up. Whether this was due to nerves, excitement, or something else, she wasn’t sure.

Luna shrugged and kept on chattering. When she’d finally finished her toast, Gabi snatched up the plate and mug and dumped them in the sink. ‘Go brush your teeth and climb into bed, munchkin.’

Reluctantly, Luna did as she was told.

Gabi kissed her goodnight, switched off the main light and then hurried into the bathroom. Due to the amount of stage make-up she wore, taking it off always took quite a while and by the time she was finished, Luna was usually fast asleep. Tonight, after Gabi stripped her face of its circus decoration, instead of putting on her night cream, she slathered on moisturiser and a layer of foundation. She topped this off with a swipe of mascara on each eyelash, a dab of blusher on each cheek and some pink lip-gloss. Then she pulled her hair out of captivity and shook it loose around her face.

The person looking back at her from the mirror was like a stranger. Usually she either had layers and layers of performance make-up or none at all, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d let her locks hang free.

Should she put it back up again? Maybe put on a little eyeliner?

Argh. She hated feeling so on edge. So unsure of herself. It reminded her too much of when Dante was alive, and she’d second guess everything she said.

After a firm talking-to, during which she reminded herself that not only was she a grown-arse woman who’d given birth with no drugs and could ride a bike on a highwire and therefore shouldn’t be so nervous about meeting a mere male for a drink, she left the bathroom.

‘What took you so long?’ came Luna’s voice from the bed.

Gabi’s heart sank. ‘Why aren’t you asleep yet?’

‘Not tired. Can I ask you something else?’

Just fabulous. The one night Gabi had somewhere to be, Miss Usually-Zonks-Out-the-Moment-Her-Head-Hits-the-Pillow was wide awake and wanting to chat.

She somehow managed not to sigh or scream her frustration as she climbed into bed beside her daughter. ‘Well, I am tired, so one question and that’s it.’

‘Do you think Daddy still loves me?’

‘Oh, darling,’ Gabi said as Luna snuggled her lithe body in at her side. Although she was small for seven, she had strong limbs that many adults would envy. ‘Of course he does. Daddy will always love you and so will I.’

Luna sniffed and tightened her grip on Gabi. ‘I miss him so much it makes my lungs hurt sometimes.’

‘Aw, sweetheart.’ Gabi pressed a kiss to her head; that guilt once again swirling inside her. Seven-year-olds shouldn’t have to deal with such big emotions.

‘Do you miss him too?’

‘Of course I do,’ Gabi said quickly. ‘Now, get some rest.’