Outback Reunion (Bunyip Bay #6)

Chapter Ten

‘Thank you.’ Gabi lifted her glass to her lips and took a massive gulp, wishing she could swallow what she’d just said. Or lied. Anything so that she didn’t have to sit here and take his unwarranted pity. He’d gone from looking at her like she was something he wanted to devour to looking at her like someone who’d just received a terminal illness diagnosis.

Silence hung between them a few long moments as she racked her brain for a change of topic, but her head appeared to be completely empty.

What were they talking about before this?

‘Do you mind me asking how he died?’ Mark said eventually.

Yes, she minded. She’d been having such a lovely night and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin it by reliving that awful night.

‘Freak accident,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘He slipped in the caravan after coming out of the shower and banged his head on the corner of the bathroom cabinet. He passed out and...’

‘Shit,’ he said as her voice trailed off. ‘That’s awful. I can’t imagine how traumatic that must have been. How traumatic it still is.’

She nodded. ‘I’m doing okay, but I’d rather not talk about it if that’s okay?’

‘Of course,’ he answered quickly.

Gabi was no longer hungry, but she took another sip of her drink.

‘So, when did you join the circus?’ Mark asked, in what she guessed was an attempt to rejuvenate their pre-Dante conversation.

‘I was born in it.’ When he frowned, she continued. ‘My mum had a lot of issues. She ran away from overly strict and religious parents at sixteen and got in with a bad crowd. Drugs, alcohol, worse. When she realised she was pregnant, it was too late to get rid of me. She had no idea who my father was and went home to her parents, begging their forgiveness and help, but they pushed her away.’

Mark shook his head, clearly horrified that parents could do such a thing.

‘Alone on the streets, she did whatever she could to survive. The circus was performing in her town; she snuck in one night and tried to steal some money and food from one of the trucks while the show was on. Muriel—that’s Lorenzo’s mother—caught her. She wanted to call the police but Eve, Lorenzo’s wife, convinced Lorenzo and his parents to let her work for what she’d taken. They took her in. They gave her a room in one of the trailers in exchange for work.’

‘Performing?’ asked Mark.

‘No.’ Her mother didn’t have the dedication or discipline required for that. ‘She worked in the ticket booth, the food trucks and did other odd jobs as required. Sometimes she helped with the animals. They still had a couple of elephants and a tiger back then. When I was little, I thought it was normal to have wild animals as pets.’

Mark gave a disbelieving chuckle.

‘Apparently, she was a hard worker while she was pregnant, wanting to save money to provide for us, but it went downhill after I was born.’

He frowned. ‘Downhill how?’

‘She didn’t really take to motherhood. From the moment I was born, it was Eve who pretty much looked after me. Mum would earn money in the circus then disappear for a while until she needed cash again.’

‘She’d just abandon you?’ Mark’s voice was loud.

Gabi nodded. ‘Yep. Then she’d return, pretend to be sorry. Saying she was going to change, give up the drugs and alcohol, focus on being a good mother. And she would for a while. She’d shower me with love and affection, and she’d go to NA meetings in the towns we visited. Those times were wonderful, but they never lasted long. One day, when I was eleven, she did a midnight runner. Only this time she never came back. The police found her body a few weeks later. She’d overdosed.’

‘How’s your meal?’ They both startled as the blonde waitress appeared at the end of their table, oblivious to the fact that she’d just interrupted a pretty heavy conversation. Maybe after patrons had downed a few drinks, such displays of emotion were the norm in a pub. ‘Can I get you anything else?’

‘Do you want another drink?’ Mark gestured to the glass Gabi had emptied while telling him her sorry story.

‘No thanks.’ She smiled at the waitress. ‘And the burger was delicious. Just a little too much for me.’

Dante had always made her watch what she ate—telling her that if she put on weight, she wouldn’t be as attractive to watch perform—and so she wasn’t used to eating such big meals.

‘No worries. Just let me know if you change your mind. I can recommend the apple pie and the espresso martinis.’

‘So, what happened after your mum died?’ Mark asked. ‘You stayed in the circus?’

Gabi nodded. ‘The only blood relatives I had were her mum and dad—my grandparents—but they said they were too old to take on a child.’ She was pretty sure that was just an excuse. ‘Dante’s parents had been my de facto parents and guardians until then anyway, but they were happy to keep me and because I’d grown up in the circus, the authorities thought it was probably for the best. Less traumatic than being dumped with foster carers.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Mark blinked and scratched the side of his neck. ‘Who’s Dante?’

‘Dante was my husband.’ She wished she’d said yes to that wine because talking about him unnerved her. ‘Eve was pregnant with him when Mum arrived. He was born a couple of weeks before me, so we grew up together. We were like siblings, cousins and friends all rolled into one.’

‘Until you became more?’ he prompted.

Gabi bit her lip and nodded.

‘When was that?’

‘Hard to say exactly. As the two kids that belonged to the circus, we did everything together, but I guess it was when we first kissed. I was probably about thirteen. Or maybe twelve?’

‘Twelve?!’ he exclaimed, then chuckled. ‘Sorry. It’s just I thought my first kiss behind the toilet block on the oval at fourteen was young.’

Although he wasn’t accusing her of anything untoward, Gabi felt her cheeks flush and the urge to defend herself was strong. ‘We didn’t sleep together until his sixteenth birthday. Dante said giving our virginities to each other was the perfect gift.’

The moment she revealed this, she realised how ridiculous it sounded.

Mark’s expression confirmed this. ‘He asked you to sleep with him as a birthday present?’

‘I wanted to.’ At least, she’d thought she had, and she didn’t want Mark to think her pathetic.

He held up his hands. ‘I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. I’m not judging you.’

‘I should hope not. When did you lose your virginity?’ she asked, desperate to even the playing field. She’d revealed far too much about herself. It was time to peel back some of his layers.

He grinned and leaned back in his seat. ‘Summer I turned seventeen with a girl I met during our local Christmas celebration on the beach. She was there with her parents and her little sisters and when all the little kids were getting presents, we walked into the dunes. I thought we were just gonna kiss, but next thing I know she whipped off her bikini bottoms and climbed on top of me.’

Now Gabi was appalled. It sounded like this girl had raped him. ‘Did you want it?’

Mark gave her a sheepish grin. ‘I was a seventeen-year-old boy. Of course I wanted it.’

‘What was her name?’ She found herself feeling stupidly jealous of this stranger from his past.

He frowned a moment. ‘You know... I’m not sure she ever told me.’

‘Oh God,’ Gabi snorted.

And then Mark laughed too and the tension that had been there when she’d told him about Dante lifted.

‘Do you believe in past lives?’ he asked.

The question surprised her—he didn’t look like the kind of guy to believe in anything so superstitious. ‘I don’t know. Why?’

‘Because... I feel like maybe we’ve met before. And not just eight years ago, but another time. For longer. I feel like... Geez. Forget I said that. I need my head read, right?’ He picked up his beer and downed the dregs. ‘That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard. I’m insane.’

Gabi smiled. ‘It doesn’t sound ridiculous to me.’ In fact, nothing had ever made more sense. It was the only possible explanation for how she felt in his company. ‘I feel exactly the same.’

Mark put down the empty glass and hit her with a bone-melting smile. ‘I wonder what jobs we had, who we were to each other and where we lived. Do you think we were Australian?’

‘Sometimes people say I have a hint of a European accent. I thought that was because I’ve been in contact with so many performers from all over the world and their accents have rubbed off on mine, but maybe I was from another country, and you were too. Or maybe we’ve met in more than one life? Maybe you were a knight and I was a damsel in distress in medieval times.’

He coughed out a laugh. ‘I don’t think you could ever be a damsel in distress. I’ve lost an arm wrestle to you, remember?’

But he was wrong, she wasn’t strong. If she were strong, she’d have left Dante or stood up to him long before he died.

‘Okay then,’ she said, trying to banish her husband from her head once again. ‘Maybe I was a queen, and you were my stableboy in Regency England.’

‘I doubt it, I’ve never been particularly good with horses. What if we weren’t even human?’ he suggested. ‘Perhaps we were the horses.’

She grinned, enjoying this crazy conversation. ‘You’re right... the possibilities are endless.’

And they kept coming up with more and more ridiculous ones, laughing themselves silly and earning more than a few weird looks from the other patrons, but Gabi didn’t care about anyone but the man in front of her.

How was it possible to feel so relaxed yet also deliciously on edge in someone else’s presence? It wasn’t quite like catching up with an old friend—it somehow felt more than that.

Like he said, somewhere deep inside, she felt like she’d always known him.

‘Last drinks!’ Liam called out across the pub.

‘Last drinks?’ she echoed in sudden horror. ‘What’s the time?’

Mark glanced down at the black sports watch on his wrist. ‘Almost midnight.’

‘Holy shit.’ So much for half an hour. What would Eve say? Hopefully, she wasn’t still waiting in their caravan next to Luna. With any luck, Luna had fallen asleep hours ago and neither of them had realised Gabi hadn’t come home yet.

‘Guess that means you don’t want a nightcap, after all?’

She shook her head, her heart pounding. ‘I’ve already stayed way past my bedtime.’

He nodded. ‘Let me take you home.’

They waved goodbye to Liam and Henri as they left the pub and hurried outside into the near-dark carpark and over to Mark’s ute, which was now one of the few vehicles left. His strides larger than hers, he got there ahead of her and opened the passenger door, putting his palm on the small of her back to gently guide her inside.

Oh lord . That simple touch set every cell in her body on fire.

He smiled at her as he settled into his own seat. ‘I just realised you never told me why you ran out on me all those years ago.’

She blinked, her heart clenching. ‘Isn’t it obvious?’

It took him a second, but she saw the moment realisation dawned. ‘You were with Dante then? You cheated on him?’

The shame was so strong she could barely nod.

‘I just assumed you were single too.’ He shoved the key in the ignition and quickly reversed the car.

Gabi’s head thumped against the back of the seat and tears sprung to her eyes. It had been a magical night, and she didn’t want to end it with Mark thinking badly of her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, trying to keep the quiver out of her voice. ‘What I did that night was unfair. To you and to Dante.’

When he didn’t reply, she squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stay put until she escaped the confines of his ute.

All the ease of the pub had gone, and they drove back in near silence. The generator would have been switched off hours ago, so the lot was dark when they arrived. Everyone would be fast asleep, exhausted from the day and knowing they needed rest in order to do it all again tomorrow.

‘How many times did you cheat on him?’ Mark asked, turning to her as he killed the ignition.

His question was like a cold, hard slap to her face.

‘Once. Just the once. With you.’ Her voice cracked on this last word, but she had to try and explain. ‘I don’t know what happened that night. I was feeling so restless—questioning a few things in my life—and I went out to get some fresh air. I promise I didn’t go out with the intention of sleeping with anyone, but then I met you. And we just clicked. I’ve never felt like I did that night. I’ve felt guilty about it ever since, but the truth is...’ She swallowed. ‘I couldn’t resist you. I’m sorry.’

The tears coming, she put her hand on the door to go, but Mark put his hand on her knee. ‘Gabriela.’

Heart thudding, she turned back to face him.

‘I guess I can understand,’ he said. ‘I mean, I am pretty irresistible.’

She laughed out her relief and a tear dripped down her cheek. ‘It’s true, you are, but I’m still sorry for not being honest.’

He lifted his hand to wipe away the tear and warmth spread from her cheek all through her body when his thumb lingered there a few seconds longer than necessary. ‘You don’t owe me an apology or an explanation. It was a long time ago. I’m just a bit tender because... Tahlia cheated on me.’

‘What?’ Was she insane? ‘That’s why you broke up?’

Mark shrugged. ‘Things weren’t so great before that, but it was the final straw. I guess I just hated the thought that I might have caused hurt to someone else—to Dante—but I know nothing is black and white, and to be honest, you’re kind of irresistible yourself.’

Gabi wasn’t sure if it were his words or his close proximity that stole the breath from her lungs and the sense from her head, but she found herself staring at his perfect lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss them again.

Would it be as explosive as she remembered?

Or had she imagined how good it was?

Maybe she wouldn’t even enjoy it now.

And then suddenly she wasn’t just staring but moving even closer, helpless against the magnetic pull, and he was also moving towards her. At first it was just a simple brush of two lips, a featherlight touch, but like petrol thrown on cinders, seconds later, it was everything .

Mark traced the seam of her lips with his tongue, and she opened for him willingly, delicious sensations swimming through her as they all but devoured each other. Helpless against her lust, she slid her hands beneath his top, relishing the feel of his hard muscles rippling at her touch. One hand on the back of her neck, planting him to her, she moaned into his mouth as his other hand moved to her breast.

‘Oh, Gabriela,’ he groaned, his thumb tweaking her nipple through the thin cotton of her sundress.

She groaned right back. In her haste to get ready, she’d stripped off her leotard and not bothered with a bra before pulling on the maxi dress, which meant it almost felt as if he were touching her bare skin.

‘You’re so fucking gorgeous.’

Her nipple pebbled at his words, a shot of pure lust and desperate need pulsing between her legs. His touch on her breast wasn’t nearly enough. She was already ready for Mark to bury himself deep inside her and take her to heights she’d only fantasised about for the last eight years.

And he seemed to be right there on the same page.

His mouth moved from her lips to her neck, then gently teased the bare skin at her cleavage as his warm palm landed on her thigh, pushing up the thin material of her maxi dress to get access to exactly where she wanted him. Needed him.

Gabi closed her eyes, her head flopping against the seat’s headrest as he found the apex of her thighs and palmed his hand against the soaking wet cotton of her panties.

‘You want me, don’t you?’ His fingers hadn’t even broached the barrier between them but already she felt her inner core muscles twitching in anticipation of the pleasure he could give.

She couldn’t lie. She couldn’t resist. She couldn’t speak.

She simply nodded.

Mark sucked in a breath as he pushed the cotton aside and dipped one finger inside her. ‘I want you too. I want you so fucking much.’

His words and the need in his voice had almost the same power as his touch to unravel her.

Or at least she thought so, until he began to caress her even more intimately, sliding his finger back and forth, in and out, discovering that spot deep inside her that Dante had never managed to find and—

Dante! The thought of her husband was like a bucket of ice dumped over the top of her.

What the hell was she doing?

He might be dead, but she was still a parent. She had responsibilities. Priorities. Her daughter was—hopefully—sleeping mere metres away, and here she was about to lose a lot more than her head in the front seat of an expensive but dusty ute like some kind of sex-mad, teenage floozy.

No better than her own mother!

Summoning every ounce of willpower she possessed to push his hand away, Gabi yanked down her dress and put as much distance between them as was possible in the confines of the cabin. Her hormones were screaming at her, and her pulse raced where his lips had been on her neck moments earlier, not to mention the throbbing between her thighs. Even if she wanted this, she didn’t deserve it.

‘Fuck. I’m sorry.’ Mark ran a hand through his hair and puffed out a sigh. ‘I didn’t mean for that to get out of control so quickly.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘but I can’t do this.’

He nodded sadly. ‘I understand.’

Yet, despite his words, he must think her a cocktease. She was the one who’d come on to him! If only he knew how hard it was for her to stop. For the first time in years she’d felt something good when a man touched her, but that didn’t mean she should give in to those feelings.

Her hand shaking, she undid her seatbelt and forced herself to look at him. ‘Thanks for a great night, Mark.’

‘Please, let’s not end things like this,’ he said. ‘Can we swap numbers? I’d love to hang out again before you leave town and keep in touch this time after you go. No expectations. Just as friends.’

Gabi closed her eyes; lord, he was making this difficult. Part of her wanted to accept this offer, but she knew that the way she felt about Mark, just friends would never be enough. She got the feeling that with him, it would be all or nothing, and all simply wasn’t an option. For multiple reasons.

Sometimes it was better not to taste the icing if you couldn’t eat the whole cake.

‘I don’t have a mobile,’ she lied, extracting her hand from his. ‘Good night, Mark. See you in another life.’

Then, once again, she found herself fighting tears as she climbed out of his ute and fled towards the gate, not daring to look back for fear she’d change her mind. She fumbled with the latch as she let herself into the lot and hurried in the direction of her caravan.

‘That looked like quite the kiss!’

Gabi jumped at the sound of her mother-in-law’s voice and looked across to see Eve sitting on a folding chair outside her and Lorenzo’s van.

Shit.

‘What are you doing awake? You weren’t waiting up for me, were you?’

Eve chuckled. ‘No. Luna fell asleep after a couple of episodes of Friends . I left the dogs guarding her and came back here but I’m struggling with insomnia at the moment. Bloody menopause. Lorenzo’s snoring was making me homicidal, so I thought I’d come out and listen to my book in this lovely fresh sea air, to try and calm my middle-aged rage.’

Gabi laughed nervously at this confession. ‘What are you listening to?’

Her mother-in-law had always loved books—she’d been the one to introduce Gabi to romance novels when she was probably too young to be reading them—but she waved her hand in dismissal. ‘Oh, just some cheesy historical romance. Never mind about that. Looks like you had a good night?’

Good didn’t even come close. Even with the tense parts, the night had been amazing.

‘Yep. Great night,’ Gabi managed. ‘Well, guess I better go check on Luna.’

She couldn’t get out of this awkward situation fast enough. It was mortifying that Eve had seen her and Mark in much more than a scorching lip-lock. Hopefully the car doors meant she didn’t bear witness to any below the belt action. Thank God she’d worn a dress, because she was almost certain that had she been wearing a top, he would have ripped it off.

And had that happened, she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to stop.

‘My son didn’t know that man, did he?’ Eve said before Gabi had even gone two steps.

She couldn’t quite decipher her mother-in-law’s tone—was she amused, disappointed or even just perplexed?—but she couldn’t continue the lie, not when Eve had asked her directly.

‘No,’ she whispered, shifting her head slightly, unable to meet the older woman’s gaze.

‘Then how do you know him?’

Gabi sighed. ‘Years ago, when we did a show in Melbourne, I went for a walk late one night and found myself in this pub. Mark and I got talking and...’ She shrugged, unsure how much she was willing to admit. She didn’t want Eve to think even worse of her than she likely already did. It was bad enough kissing a guy merely six months after your husband had died, but even worse sleeping with the same guy while you’d been in a relationship with said husband.

‘And we hit it off,’ she said firmly. ‘I haven’t seen him since, but we ran into each other in the supermarket on our first day here. It was quite a shock.’

‘A nice one, I’d say, judging by the way his ute’s windows were heating up.’

Oh God. The only things heating up right now were Gabi’s cheeks. This was doubly embarrassing because Eve wasn’t only her mother-in-law but for most of her life she’d been as good as her actual mother, and no one wanted to talk sexy times with their parents.

‘It was just a kiss,’ Gabi said defensively. Technically, she was single, and she hadn’t gone all the way with Mark anyway. Not this time.

‘Darling,’ Eve said with a chuckle. ‘You don’t need to feel guilty. I’ve lost count of the number of men I’ve slept with while married to Lorenzo.’

What?! Gabi blinked, shocked not only by Eve’s confession but also by the fact that she’d spoken it while her husband was sleeping mere metres away. Hopefully her father-in-law was as heavy a sleeper as his son was.

‘I didn’t sleep with him!’ she objected, focusing on the matter at hand.

‘I don’t mean tonight,’ Eve said smugly.

A chill swept over Gabi; it was like the older woman could see right through her. What else might she know?

She couldn’t bring herself to verbally confess her past indiscretions, but a jury of twelve would not be necessary to find her guilty. Her silence and the shame that burned her cheeks spoke volumes.

‘Don’t beat yourself up so much,’ Eve said, as if reading her mind. ‘We’re humans, not saints. Lorenzo cheats on me too. Some of the circus tourists who pass through are too bloody nimble to resist. I don’t blame him, and I’d be hypocritical if I kicked up a fuss.’

Gabi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d always thought her parents-in-law the perfect couple. They were very touchy-feely and were always doing little things that showed how much they cared about each other—making cups of tea without having to be asked, doing a chore so the other didn’t have to, showering each other in praise and compliments. Laughter often drifted from their caravan. Then again, people would probably have said the same about her and Dante.

The shock must have shown on her face.

‘I can’t believe you didn’t know.’ Eve chuckled again. ‘And here we thought keeping secrets wasn’t possible in the circus. Did Dante know about...? I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten his name.’

‘Mark,’ Gabi clarified. ‘And yes, he generously forgave me.’

Eve snorted. ‘I loved my son more than anyone, but if he led you to believe that he didn’t do the same to you, I’m sorry. I’d hoped I’d raised him better than that.’

Gabi blinked, her heart hitching. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Darling, it’s the way of the circus. Hell, it’s the way of life. Monogamy is a social construct—we’re not biologically built to be faithful. Tell me, did Dante always go back to your caravan at the same time you did?’

No, he did not, but Gabi had never assumed he was with other women those times. She’d simply thought he was giving her the cold shoulder for something she’d done—he’d certainly made her think that most of the time. Had he been cheating on her? She shuddered at the thought of unknowingly performing alongside women who had been fucking her husband. Perhaps he’d even slept with one of the Saad sisters—they had a bit of a reputation.

She couldn’t work out whether she cared more about the cheating or that being oblivious made her feel like a fool.

‘Sometimes he didn’t even return at all,’ Gabi admitted.

‘There you go,’ Eve said, her tone slightly apologetic. ‘You should have gone home with Mark and bonked his delicious brains out. Actually, let’s be honest, it’s not his brains you’re interested in, am I right?’

Gabi coughed out a laugh in disbelief. Did she even know her mother-in-law or had grief warped Eve’s sensibilities? Even if she was right about her son, surely she’d expect Gabi to spend a respectable time in mourning. ‘Dante has only been dead six months!’

‘What’s that got to do with anything? You’re not dead, are you?’

Gabi shook her head—tonight she’d felt more alive than ever—but Eve was wrong about not being interested in his brains. She’d loved listening to Mark talk about his career and the farm and the plans he had to adapt and grow their family business. His passion for the land and the future of farming only made him more attractive.

‘Well then...’ Eve pushed herself out of the folding chair, making Gabi think she hadn’t been unable to sleep but had actually been waiting up for her. ‘I’m going to try to hit the sack again. See you in the morning, darling.’

As Eve slipped inside her caravan, Gabi continued the few metres on to her own, hoping she wouldn’t wake Luna. She was too exhausted to deal with her daughter’s middle-of-the-night chatter and all the questions she’d no doubt have about ‘Daddy’s friend’.

But Loud Mouth had other ideas. ‘Bout bloody time. Bout bloody time. Bout bloody time,’ he squawked as she passed his night cage.

‘Shut up,’ she hissed, before opening the caravan door as quietly as possible.

Basset was staring up at her from his position beside Luna, and Gabi stilled as the little girl stirred. Shit.

Thankfully, Luna merely rolled over and hugged Basset closer to her little body.

As Gabi undressed in the bathroom and washed the day’s sweat and make-up off in the shower, all she could think about was her conversation with Eve. Was that how people survived the pressures of circus life? How could she not have known, having grown up in this world?

She’d heard the statistics about adultery—apparently almost everyone did it—but despite her own indiscretion, deep down she hadn’t wanted to believe them. Maybe reading too many romance novels had given her unrealistic expectations of relationships. Hers with Dante had certainly never lived up to what she read between the pages. Or maybe she was just na?ve to believe in the kind of love that made you want to be faithful to one person. The kind of all-consuming, self-sacrificing, yet also life-affirming love that gave you security. That made you feel like you were home wherever you were, as long as you were with that one special person.

Your soulmate .

For years Gabi had beaten herself up for not feeling that way about Dante, and when he’d changed from looking at her with adoration to looking at her with something like repulsion, she’d blamed herself, yet until Eve’s bombshell, she’d believed in the notion. But if Eve and Lorenzo—the couple she’d grown up admiring for the way they lived, laughed and worked together—didn’t even have that kind of love, then, did anyone ?

Was it even possible?