Perfect Enough

Chapter One – Josh

Chapter One

JOSH

Three years later

Standing outside the fire station, I wiped a hand across my forehead before I got back to filling the chainsaws with gas.

“It’s hot as hell out here,” a fellow firefighter and friend, Larry Tanner, said as he finished topping off a chainsaw with oil. “Anything exciting happen earlier today?”

I shook my head. “The occupant left something on the stove. We just had to set up ventilation. They did do spot training for the aerial.”

“Shaw!”

Looking over my shoulder, I saw our captain, Eric Hurst, glaring at me.

“What did you do now, Josh?” Larry asked.

I shot him a dirty look. “Nothing. Well, I lost my phone.”

His eyes widened. “Your station phone?”

“It’s hard carrying around two phones!”

“Shaw!”

We both cringed at the anger in our captain’s voice.

“Coming, Cap!” I called out, before I put down the gas can and quickly made my way over to him.

“My office. Now.”

“Yes, sir,” I said as I took one more look at Larry.

Once inside the office, he motioned for me to sit down. I did, then patiently waited for him to speak. I knew from experience that he needed a few moments to collect himself when he was riled. He’d moved to Hamilton from New York City, where he’d been a firefighter for over twenty years. I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t Assistant Chief or Fire Chief. I was pretty sure he had more experience than both of our current ones.

He reached into his desk and pulled out a new phone still in the box. “They had to give you a new number, but it’s been recorded with personnel, and I wrote it down for you here.”

I nodded and took the new phone, as well as the paper with the number on it. All the firefighters who worked for the Hamilton Fire Department were volunteers, except for the lieutenant, captain, fire chief, and assistant chief, who were paid a salary. When needed, they would reach us through pagers or the cells they provided for us. We each took shifts of twenty-four hours on, followed by forty-eight hours off. The days I had off, I worked on our family’s ranch. My father hadn’t been pleased when I’d told him I wanted to be a firefighter, but he was on board once he knew I’d still be part of the family business. I loved the ranch too much not to be a part of it. It was in my blood.

My mother…not so much. She hated that I risked my life doing this job. But I loved everything about it.

I opened the box and took out the phone, turning it on and waiting for it to boot up. While I watched the Apple logo, Captain cleared his throat.

“Josh, you’ve been with the fire department for three years, correct?”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“You’ve never missed a shift.”

“No, sir, I’ve never missed a shift.”

“You’re the first to volunteer to help train probational firefighters.”

Tilting my head, I asked, “Are you buttering me up for something, Cap?”

He laughed. “No, son, I’m not. I want you to know that I see your dedication and hard work, and I appreciate it. Even if you do stupid shit like losing your phone.”

I grinned. “I won’t let that happen again.”

“You know most guys just use that phone for everything.”

I nodded.

“That’s my polite way of saying…do the same damn thing, Shaw.”

“Yes, sir.”

He eyed me for a minute and said, “Josh, the city council will be voting next month on hiring a few full-time firefighters. It would be a paid position, and your name has been mentioned numerous times.”

I gaped at him. “Really?”

“Yes. Eyes will be watching you, so I want you to behave and continue working as hard as you already do. Harder, if possible. Your family has a good name here in Hamilton, and they’ve done a lot for the community—not to mention being major donors to the new fire station. If you get this paid position and you fluff off, it’s going to be said you bought the position.”

I nodded.

“I know your father and mother are proud of you, as is your whole family, but if you want this, you need to show the rest of the town that firefighting isn’t just your passion, but you’re the best at it.”

“I understand, sir.”

“Show it to the ones looking in from the outside.”

“And start by not losing my phone?” I asked with a smirk. He didn’t find my joke funny, and I cleared my throat.

“Josh, you could move up the ranks faster than most. Maybe even make lieutenant sooner than you think.”

That caused me to sit up a little bit taller. I understood precisely what he was telling me. Head down, stay out of trouble, and work my ass off.

“I won’t let you down, Cap. I promise.”

The phone in my hand buzzed, but I ignored it as we both stood. He reached a hand across the desk, and I shook it.

“I know you won’t, Josh.”

Before he could say another word, the alarm for a single-family fire went off. And just like that, we got to work, leaving anything else unsaid—for now.

The smell of freshly baked bread and homemade pasta sauce filled my senses as I walked through the front door of my parents’ home. It was the smallest house out of all of them on the ranch, but damn, did it feel like home. My mother moved into the house years ago after buying it from Aunt Lincoln, after she’d bought it from Uncle Brock. My mother and father had added to it over the years, but not by much.

“Josh? Is that you?” my mother called from the kitchen. When you first walked into the house, you were immediately in the living room, with stairs to one side leading up to the bedrooms. Mom and Dad had added a large bedroom with an attached bathroom downstairs at the back of the house when I was about four or five, maybe younger.

“Yep, it’s me,” I said as I kicked off my boots and entered the kitchen. There, I found my mother pulling a loaf of sourdough bread out of the oven. Three other loaves were on the kitchen island.

“Why did you make so much bread?” I asked, walking over and kissing her on the cheek before I turned and stirred the sauce.

“One for you, one for Rose and Bryson, and one for me and your father.”

Narrowing my eyes, I counted them again. “There are four loaves there.”

She turned to me and winked. “I made you two, but do not tell your sister.”

I laughed and kissed her once again. “You know, she gave you a grandchild.”

My mother’s face beamed. “I know, I know. But you’re the baby, and you don’t have anyone caring for you.”

“The crazy thing is, my parents raised me to care for myself. The insanity of it all.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “Don’t talk back, Josh.”

My brows shot up. “How is that talking back, Mom?”

Walking into the room, my father spotted me and grinned. “Well, if it isn’t the prodigal son, returning home.”

Now, I rolled my eyes. “You do know that I live only minutes from you guys; plus, I was just here last week.”

“Sure, but we’d love to see you every day, you know that. Are you going to be at game night this weekend?” Mom asked.

I inwardly sighed. Family game night had been one of my favorite things growing up, but now it was more of a hassle than anything. It gradually became too difficult for everyone to come once a week, so my grandparents, Stella and Ty Sr., changed it to once a month. Even then, it was hard to get to it.

“I’ll try, but I might get called to cover a shift.”

My father shot me a look that said he knew I was spewing bullshit. I simply shrugged.

Voices filled the house as I heard Rose calling out to her son. “Don’t run in the house, Greg!”

My mother and father both laughed as Dad turned, ready to catch Greg the moment he appeared.

Leaning against the counter, I watched my four-year-old nephew run into the kitchen and hurl himself through the air and into my father’s arms.

Rose appeared next, looking tired and frazzled, followed by her husband, Bryson. If I was being honest, he wasn’t looking much better.

“Hey, guys,” Rose said as she put a bag on the island and turned to our mom. “Everything smells so good, Mom.”

“I made your favorite,” Mom said before she kissed Rose on the cheek. “How was the drive in, Bryson?” she asked, moving Rose aside to kiss her son-in-law.

“No issues at all.”

“How was the T-ball game?” Dad asked, looking at Greg, but I was sure he was asking Bryson.

“Fantastic!” Bryson gushed.

Rose huffed. “If you call a bunch of toddlers running around screaming, having no clue what they’re supposed to do fantastic . I would think as a former best pitcher in the MLB you would want less chaos.”

“That was the best part,” Bryson declared with a laugh.

Dad and Mom both laughed as Rose attempted to look perturbed, but I could see her hidden smile.

“I tried calling you, Josh, but it was going straight to voicemail,” Rose said.

“Shit, I forgot.”

“Josh!”

Four voices all called out my name at the same time.

“Little ears,” Mom said with a shake of her head.

“Right! I keep forgetting.”

Rose stared at me. “So, Josh? Your phone?”

“Sh— right . I’m using the phone the department gave me as my personal phone now. I haven’t canceled the other one yet, just turned it off.”

“Okay, I’ll be sure to call that one from now on,” Rose stated as she inhaled the sauce in the pan.

“About that. I need to send everyone a group text. They changed the number, so I have a new one.”

Dad groaned. “I just finally memorized your other number.”

My mother smirked. “Is it that hard to learn seven numbers, Ty?”

He shrugged. “No, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to just find his name and hit send.”

Laughter filled the room.

I pulled out the new phone, remembering that someone had texted me yesterday almost the second I’d turned it on. We’d gotten call after call—at least it felt like it—and I’d forgotten all about checking the message. “Speaking of, I guess I need to get everyone’s numbers off my old phone since I don’t know them.”

“What if something happened and you didn’t have your phone, and one of you needed to call someone? If you don’t know any numbers by heart, you’re out of luck,” Mom said, as she poured the sauce over the finished pasta.

Seeing the text, I opened it—and froze.

Unknown: I miss you so much, Dad. I wish you hadn’t left.

“What’s wrong, Josh?” Bryson asked.

When I glanced up, everyone was staring at me. I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s just that I got a text on this new phone, and it’s…it’s kind of sad.”

“What does it say?” Rose asked.

It didn’t feel right reading it out loud, but I’d already opened my mouth, so it was too late now. I read the text, and my mother and Rose both wore the same expression.

Rose placed a hand over her heart. “That’s so sad. I’ve heard of people doing that. Texting old numbers or calling old voicemails while grieving. I wonder if she knows the number has been given to someone else?”

Looking back at the text, I could only shrug. My heart hurt for the person who’d sent it. It was only two sentences, but you could feel the sadness in those words.

Putting my phone away with a sigh, I found myself helping to set the table, then we all fell into conversations as we ate. One of my favorite things to do was enjoy dinner with my family. We didn’t manage it as often as I knew my mother would like, but we tried to get together about twice a month.

“Before we start clearing the table, Bryson and I want to share some news with you guys.”

My mother set down her fork. “What is it?”

Bryson reached for Rose’s hand and they looked at each other as if no one else was in the room. I felt a small pang of jealousy and immediately tried to brush it away.

Looking back at us, Rose said, “You should all mark your calendars for April twenty-first.”

My mother quickly stood. “What?”

Dad blinked a few times, then stood and pulled Bryson up, giving him a bear hug. “This is wonderful news!”

I waited for my parents to stop hugging and kissing Rose and Bryson before I approached my sister and hugged her. “Congratulations, Rose. I’m so happy for all three of you.”

She hugged me tighter. “Thank you, Josh.”

I reached a hand out to shake Bryson’s. He took it, pulling me in for a hug, and we laughed. “Congratulations, Bry.”

After everyone settled down, Mom asked, “Will you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

Rose shook her head. “We want to be surprised. You’re the first we’ve told. We plan on telling Bryson’s parents next weekend.”

Clutching a hand to her chest, my mother sniffled. “We’re honored.”

“This calls for a celebration!” Dad said as he took Greg out of his high chair and tossed him into the air.

“Cows!” Greg shouted, as Rose and Bryson both laughed.

“You kids enjoy some peace and quiet while I take my grandson to the barn.”

Rose looked relieved, but she smiled and kissed her son. “Have fun with Granddad!”

“Josh will help me clean up. Why don’t you two sit on the porch and enjoy this beautiful evening? Before you know it, the cold weather will be settling in, and we won’t have the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors without freezing.”

“Are you sure?” Rose asked.

I motioned for them both to get. “Go, have some alone time. I can help Mom.”

Rose kissed me on the cheek. “You did grow up to be an amazing man.”

My sister and I had always been close. Even with a seven-year difference in our ages, we were tight. I told my sister everything, and she did the same. Sometimes, too much of everything…like how she’d gotten hemorrhoids during her pregnancy. That bit of information, I could’ve done without.

After helping my mother clean the kitchen, I poured her a glass of wine and one for me, and we sat at the island.

“How’s life been treating you, son?” she asked.

“Good. I talked to Cap yesterday, and he told me the city council might be hiring a few full-time firefighters, and that my name had been tossed around.”

Her eyes went wide. “That’s amazing. It would be a paid position, then?”

“Yeah, benefits and all of that good stuff.”

“This is wonderful, Josh!”

Smiling, I added, “They might even promote me to lieutenant eventually.”

She gasped, looking shocked. “But don’t you have to be with the department for several years to make that?”

I nodded. “Five or so. But if that happens, it would be great.”

She placed her hand over mine. “You’ll get it.”

“I’m glad you have such confidence in me, Mom,” I said with a laugh.

She shrugged. “I know you can do anything you set your mind to, Josh. I hope you know how proud your father and I are of you.”

Drawing my hand out from under hers, I grasped it and gave it a slight squeeze. “That means a lot to me.”

The rest of the evening was spent visiting with the family for a few more hours, before Bryson lifted a sleeping Greg and they said their goodbyes. I had asked my mom to keep my news to herself. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, or do the same to the rest of the family.

With leftovers and my loaves of bread in a bag, I kissed my parents good night and headed to my truck. I climbed in, set the bag on the passenger seat, and started the truck, ignoring the lonely feeling that slowly built the closer I got to home.

After showering and lying in bed, I grabbed my phone and re-read the text from yesterday.

Who was this person, and what had happened to their father?

I’d just started to doze off when my phone beeped, and I jerked back awake. I sat up and read the text.

Unknown: Why do men keep breaking my heart, Daddy? Why? Is it so bad that I want to find the kind of love I’ve always dreamed of—the kind I thought you and Momma had? Maybe it doesn’t exist.

I stared at the text until my eyes became strained and blurry before I finally fell asleep.