Perfect Enough

Epilogue – Nathan

Five years ago - Senior year of high school

Haven Marie Larson.

She was going to be the death of me one of these days.

“Hey, Nate, what’s with the frown?” Lizzy Hathaway asked as she flashed me a bright smile. Her blue eyes lit up with that familiar glint of desire.

“No reason,” I said as I focused back on Haven riding the horse around the arena.

“Haven is so weird.”

Turning to look at Lizzy, I asked, “Why do you say that?”

Motioning out to Haven, who was attempting to get the horse she was on to settle down, Lizzy sneered, “She is obsessed with animals. I mean, she walks people’s dogs. That’s her job. Dog walking.”

“What is your job?”

Lizzy laughed. “I’m in high school, Nate. I don’t work.”

“That’s not a reason. I’m in high school, and I work.”

“On your family ranch. That doesn’t count.” She waved her hand in the air again. “That’s like chores.”

I wanted to laugh. It was hardly like chores. It was hard work.

“What are you doing here, Lizzy?” I asked as I focused back on Haven in the arena with my father next to her.

“My mother is here to talk to your mom about training a horse we bought. I want to do barrel racing.”

I nearly laughed. “Do you even know how to ride?”

She scoffed. “Of course, I know how to ride.”

Raising a brow, she folded her arms over her chest. “I can ride a horse, Nate. If you want to go to a private spot, I can show you how good I ride.”

“I’ll pass.”

She huffed before turning on her heels and marching away from me. Turning my focus back on Haven and my father, I watched as she expertly handled the horse. I was so enthralled watching her that I didn’t hear my mother walk up and stand next to me.

“She’s the only one who can ride that mare.”

All I did was nod.

“I just had to turn away business.”

Looking at my mother, I asked, “Lizzy’s mom?”

“Yes. The woman bought a horse and expected us to train it to barrel ride with their daughter, who has never even sat on a horse before. And they needed her to be ready by early next year so she could ride in the rodeo.”

I laughed. “Sounds like Lizzy.”

My mother sighed. “I want you to help Haven with Lady when she is done with your father.”

I looked at my mother and asked, “Why do I have to help her? She’s more than capable of caring for the horse when she’s finished.”

Raising a single brow, my mother stared at me. I took a step back and nodded my head. “Of course, I’ll help her.”

A brilliant smile spread across her face. My mother was beautiful. Her brown hair was pulled back low, and her blue eyes sparkled as if she knew something I didn’t.

“Thank you, Nathan. I know you normally avoid Haven, but since your father and I need to leave as soon as her lesson ends, I don’t want her feeling alone.”

I sighed.

“Nathan, what in the world do you have against that girl? So she had a crush on you in middle school; surely she’s gotten over it.”

Casting a glance out, I saw Haven biting down hard on her lower lip as she tried to get Lady to walk in a circle around Dad and his gelding, Prancer. Her control of the mare was impressive since the damn thing was scared of everything, including the other horse and rider.

“She just bugs me, Mom.”

She laughed and then gave me a side hug. “Oh, Nathan, sweetheart. One of these days, you’re going to look at that girl out there, and you are not going to think about how she bugs you.”

“Is that because she’s going to move out of Montana, and I’ll never have to see her again?”

Her smile grew bigger. “No, you’re going to feel something in here.” Placing her hand on my chest, she slowly shook her head. “And that is going to change everything.”

“If you’re talking about love, Mom, I am not going to fall in love. Ever. I like girls too much to settle down with just one.”

She pointed to me. “I’m going to pretend I never heard that. Go head into the barn; they’re finishing up.”

Doing as I was told, I headed to the barn and did a few quick chores as Haven cooled down Lady. I filled a bucket with warm water for Haven to wash her down next. I could hear the hooves of the horse a few minutes later. I watched as Haven tied her horse up and removed the saddle. I walked over and took it from her.

“I’ll get that for you.”

Haven smiled. “Thanks, Nate.”

I pointed to the bucket. “Brought this out for you.”

She thanked me once again and quickly got to washing down the horse. I took her saddle and brought it back to the tack room. Not many people had their own saddles, but Haven did simply because she was here so much and loved helping my father break new horses in. It was my mother who suggested she just leave her saddle here.

When I returned to the paddock, Haven was rubbing a dry towel around on Lady. She then took a handful of hay and put it out for her to eat.

“Was she very sweaty?” I asked, walking up and leaning against a pole as I watched Haven put the wick-smart blanket on Lady.

“Not really. It was a nice, cool day, and we didn’t work that hard. Your dad said to put her out to pasture since the sun is out, and it’s warming up.”

I glanced down and watched as Lady took a long drink. I smiled. “She really does trust you, doesn’t she?”

Haven gave the mare another pat before going and getting a bit more hay for her.

“I can put her out if you need to leave.”

Without looking at me, Haven replied, “That’s okay. I don’t mind, and I don’t have anywhere I need to be right away.”

“How is the dog walking going?” I asked as I watched her lift each leg and inspect Lady’s shoes.

Haven’s face glowed with a wide grin, and I couldn’t help but smile back. What was it about this girl’s smile that made me feel…happy?

“It’s going great. I’ve got five now and devised a great way of walking them all simultaneously. It’s a belt I came up with and you attach their leashes right to it.”

My brows shot up. “You’re not afraid of them dragging you?”

She laughed and I tried to ignore how it felt like a bolt of energy raised through my body. “They’re all well-behaved dogs. I’d like to learn to do some training someday.”

“What happens when you leave for college?”

She stopped running her hand down Lady’s neck and looked at me. “I’m not going to college.”

“You’re not? How does your mother and father feel about that?”

She shrugged. “I have a plan, and if I stick to it, I’ll be fine without going.”

“What do they think about your plan?”

“They’re okay with it. They don’t have the money to send me to school anyway. I’ve gotten a few scholarships, but even with that, I can’t afford to go.”

I kicked a nonexistent rock on the ground. “I’m sorry, Haven.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay. I’ve got enough money saved up to hopefully be able to buy my own house someday. I plan on learning how to train the dogs as well. I’ve been reading about it for the last year.”

“Reading about dogs?”

Nodding, she untied Lady and started walking her toward the south pasture gate. “Yeah. And our vet knows a girl who trains, and she offered to teach me. If that follows through, I won’t have to pay for the classes. More money to save up.”

Following her, I marveled at how different she was from most other girls in my senior class.

Haven stopped at the gate before opening it and letting Lady into the pasture. “Will you remove her blanket in a bit?”

“Sure.”

We watched as Lady trotted out to the middle of the pasture where a small group of horses were grazing. She sidled up to Thunder, my horse, and let out a whinny.

Haven laughed. “Spicy girl.”

We turned and walked back to the barn, neither saying anything. Once inside, Haven started toward the small office. I assumed she was getting her things to leave.

I walked to a stall to check on another horse.

“Hey, girl,” I softly said as I opened the door and walked in. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a small peppermint stick and handed it to her. She bit off a piece and started bobbing her head.

Moving my hand lightly over her neck, I chuckled. “Like that, don’t you?”

I heard Haven let out a small yelp. I quickly entered the room and saw her standing on a ladder, reaching for something in the rafter.

“What in the hell are you doing, Haven?”

“There’s a kitten stuck up here, and I’m trying to get it.”

The ladder wobbled.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to stand on the top of a ladder?” I started as I held onto the ladder.

“I can’t reach her; I needed higher.”

“Get down, Haven.”

“Not until I get the kitten. She’s afraid.”

Rolling my eyes, I looked up. “Just get down, and I’ll get her.”

“I can get her; I just need another inch or two,” she said, lifting her toes and stretching.

“Fuck, Haven! You’re going to fall.”

She wobbled, and I thought for sure she was going to fall. Suddenly, a white and orange kitten appeared, and Haven was heading back down the ladder.

“Hold it still for me.”

“What in the hell do you think I’m doing?” I shot back, moving out of the way when she descended. She got off the ladder and held the kitten up to her face.

“You bad little girl. You scared us.”

“No, you scared us. Climbing up on that ladder like that. You could have gotten hurt.”

Suddenly, Molly, the barn cat, came walking into the room. She took one look at her baby and meowed. Haven set it down, and Molly picked it up and carried it off.

“She must have been moving her litter,” Haven said with a smile. When she looked back at me, her smile faded. “Why are you scowling at me?”

“Do you have any idea how bad that could have turned out? You could have fallen and broken your neck.”

“But I didn’t.”

“But you could have!” I shouted.

Tilting her head, Haven asked, “Nathan Shaw, were you worried about me?”

“No. Yes. I mean, anyone would have been. Why do you have to do such…stupid things?”

Her head drew back, and it felt like the air had been pulled from my lungs momentarily. A look of hurt passed over Haven’s face.

“I’m sorry, Haven, I didn’t mean to say that.”

Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I need to leave now.”

She started to walk but tripped and stumbled. I reached out and caught her, but I also lost my footing. As I held onto her, we both started to fall backward. Luckily, the bed in the room caught us. Haven lay over me, both of us in shock. Then we laughed.

Her brown eyes seemed to lighten as she laughed. A loose strand of hair fell in front of her face from her ponytail. Before I could stop myself, I pushed it behind her ear. The feel of my fingers brushing over her skin instantly made my body come alive.

Haven’s smile faded slightly as we lay there, neither of us moving.

“Haven,” I whispered as my eyes drifted to her perfectly pouty lips. When her tongue dashed out to wet them, I lost all sense. Cupping her face in my hands, I drew her down to me and kissed her. It was slow and almost awkward at first until she opened her mouth. The kiss turned deeper, and before I knew it, I rolled us over. Haven spread her legs open, and I settled between her, pushing my hard length into her, causing us both to moan. Her fingers sliced through my hair as if she was clinging onto me, afraid I would stop kissing her.

“Fucking hell,” I gasped as I ripped my mouth from her and started to kiss along her jaw and down her neck. My hand slipped under her shirt, and when I cupped her perfect breast in my hand, she arched her back. I wasn’t sure when I did it, but I had taken her shirt off and pulled her bra down, exposing a tight nipple to the cool air. My mouth covered it, and when I gently bit down and then soothed it by licking, Haven moaned my name. I liked hearing her say it as she lay there on the verge of falling apart.

“More, Nate. Please, I need more.”

Still kissing and sucking her nipple, I undid her jeans and slipped my hand inside. She was soaking wet.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered when I slipped my fingers inside of her.

“Do you like that?” I asked as I playfully bit her earlobe while whispering to her.

“Yes. Don’t stop. Please.”

Knowing that I was about to make Haven come did something to me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I wanted to hear her cry out my name as she came.

Her hands were all over me. In my hair, gripping my shoulders, running up and down my back. When she slipped her hands under my shirt, my entire body shivered. When she reached for my jeans, I froze.

“Don’t,” I quickly said.

“I want to touch you, Nate. I want to make you feel good, too.”

And just like that, reality came crashing around me like waves in a storm. I pulled my hand out and sat back. Haven was panting, her chest heaving up and down, as she stared up at me, confused.

“This was…this was a mistake. I can’t do this.”

“What?” she asked, a shocked expression on her beautiful face.

I scrambled off the bed, reached for her shirt, and held it out.

Haven lifted on her elbows. “You’re stopping?”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I said, “It was a mistake.”

She blinked at me a few times. “Why? I thought you wanted…um…it felt like you wanted…”

I shook my head and repeated, “It was a mistake.”

Haven snatched her shirt from my hands and quickly put it on. She stood and appeared to be dizzy for a moment. When I reached out to steady her, she jerked away.

“Haven.”

She cut me off and said, “You don’t have to say it was a mistake again, Nate. I got it.”

She pushed past me and headed out of the barn.

“Haven, will you wait a second.”

Once she got to her car and went to open the door, I put my hand on it. “Wait.”

“For what? You made it clear you made a mistake. I’d like to leave before I’m humiliated even more.”

“I didn’t mean to do that…I got carried away, and it just happens with guys.”

She spun around and stared at me; her mouth dropped open. “Wow. Thanks for making me feel even better. I’m glad to know that any woman can make you hard and want to fuck her with your fingers.”

Her harsh words felt like a slap, and I stepped back. She slowly shook her head. “I would have given myself to you, Nathan, willingly without regret. Just know that I will never make that mistake again.”

I closed my eyes. I couldn’t stand to see the hurt on her face. The sound of her car door opening caused me to look at her again.

Stop her. Tell her how you feel about her.

Opening my mouth to say something, I quickly shut it. When Haven slammed her door closed, I jumped.

I stood frozen in the same spot as I watched her back out and drive down the driveway. Once her car was out of sight, I stumbled back and reached for something to steady myself. I wasn’t sure what in the hell I was feeling, but there was one thing I knew for sure. I could never… ever again…kiss or touch Haven Larson.

Devoted Enough , the last book in the Love in Montana series is now on preorder ! It releases on January 7, 2025.