Perfectly Wedded (Perfect Crush #1)

19. Sloan

NINETEEN

Sloan

“ A re you sure you’re okay with us tagging along today?” Jaz asks me in the lobby as the guys arrange for a ride to the snorkeling location. She searches through her backpack for some lip gloss.

“Since we’re headed to the same place, we’d see each other there anyway,” I say, pretending we had this planned all along.

I take a sip of the hotel coffee. It’s bitter and dark, kind of like my mood when Vale left my bedroom last night. I wanted him to stay, but I didn’t know how to say it or whether he wanted me too. He puts on a good flirting game, playing by the “rules” we created, but sometimes those rules feel too real. When he walked out, I knew I’d made a mistake because he took a piece of me with him, a piece I don’t know how to get back.

Please stay. The words lodged in my throat all night as I slept in that humongous bed alone while Vale crammed onto that tiny couch. So close, but still miles apart.

“I told Brax how you’ve always rolled with change,” she says. “It’s kind of your superpower.”

“I’m not sure anything could have prepared me for your surprise.” I bump her with my arm, so she knows I’m not upset that she and Brax barged into our honeymoon suite last night. “Good thing I roll with the punches.”

“See? I knew it’d come in handy someday.”

The it being my ADHD diagnosis. I received the diagnosis in college, when I was struggling to focus in my classes and my advisor recommended getting tested. When I got the results, it was a surprise to everyone in my family but me. I had the kind that most undiagnosed females have, the typical inattentive type, often labeled as “distracted” and a “daydreamer” by my teachers. It’s why I flew under the radar for so long without a diagnosis. I wasn’t disruptive—I just couldn’t stay focused on a goal and changed my mind too much.

It’s probably the reason I was able to rush into marriage with Vale in Vegas so easily. Taking risks isn’t hard for me. But sticking with something is another deal entirely. Because when I get scared or bored or start to think things won’t work out, I run to the next shiny thing. I get worried people will grow tired of me and I’ll be too much for them. And I don’t want to wait for them to leave me, so I run first.

But I can’t do that to Vale. That’s why I want him to set an end date for our marriage, so both of us know it’s coming. That way, I won’t let myself run away early, and I know Vale will stick around until the end. He’s just that way, the type who keeps a promise, no matter how inconvenient. But his refusal to set a date makes me uneasy. I’m afraid he’ll wake up one day and decide I’m too much work, or he’ll leave me when something better will come along. And I’ll be left behind, just like I was with Anthony. It wasn’t that Anthony no longer cared. It’s that I was a different person after my accident. More needy. Less fun. When he realized that, he started to fade out of my life with excuses about how busy he was. He didn’t have it in him to become the person I needed. I was too much for him, so he moved on. They always do.

Jaz takes her phone out and starts shooting video of the lobby.

“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to lean out of her shot.

“I'm creating a honeymoon video for us. Once I edit the footage, we can watch them on our anniversaries each year. That way, we’ll remember this trip for the rest of our lives.”

Something catches in my chest that makes it hard for me to breathe.

For the rest of our lives.

I can’t tell her there’s no future for Vale and me. Once we end our marriage, this video will only be a painful reminder of how much I wanted this to be real.

“The driver is here,” Brax calls and waves us over.

We pile into a taxi, with Jaz, Vale, and me crushed together in the back seat, while Brax sits in the front. The air-conditioning only seems to be half-working, and I feel smothered in the middle seat. Since Vale’s so gigantic, his legs take up my space too. It shouldn’t matter, but it feels like an intimate thing when our knees brush together or the way his thigh presses into mine with every turn. There’s no getting away from touching him when we’re stuffed together like a burrito in the back seat.

We swerve through busy traffic, and the heat stifles me even more, leaving me lightheaded and dizzy. Brax and Vale talk about their plans for the day while Jaz films them on her phone. I stare out the front window, my hand resting on my unsettled stomach. The bitter coffee isn’t sitting right—or maybe it’s because Vale’s sitting too close.

“Sloan, you want to talk on camera about how you’re going to lose the race?” Brax asks.

“What race?” I ask, keeping my eyes glued on the road ahead, willing myself not to throw up.

Vale pats my knee. “The race to reach the snorkeling beach first—we even have bets riding on it.”

Like that’s going to help my unsettled state.

When we pile out of the taxi at the Jet Ski rental, I hang back on a rickety bench as the guys head inside the tiny building to sign waivers.

Jaz sits next to me. “You seem quiet. You feeling okay?” She studies my face in concern .

“Motion sickness,” I groan, closing my eyes.

“You and Vale didn’t have a disagreement?”

I lift my head and look at my sister. “Not a fight exactly.” I hesitate. I can’t tell her what happened, but I can’t hide it either. “Over a stupid thing. I’d rather not talk about it.”

She looks out at the ocean, watching the Jet Skis in the distance jump the waves. “I know it can be overwhelming at first, especially being married to a professional hockey player. But you’re his wife first. No one else gets that title. You get to see him in his weak moments. There’s a lot of pressure in the industry not just to perform, but to become a celebrity. The fans play into that—constantly interrupting every moment you have alone. It takes so much trust to marry an athlete. But that’s the thing about Vale. I know he’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Of course he wouldn’t. Because he’s too good to everyone he meets. When this relationship goes down, everyone will be blaming me for not sticking with him. That’s the part that irks me the most. Vale won’t come out of this looking bad. I will.

Brax and Vale walk out of the rental place with life vests hooked over their hands. “You guys ready to ride?” Brax nods toward the Jet Skis parked off the dock.

Jaz stands. “Yes!” She shimmies out of her cover-up with one quick swipe, revealing a pretty floral bikini underneath. Brax gives her a quick wink and then kisses her on the cheek before helping her with a life vest.

Last night, I wasn’t ready to let Vale see me in a swimsuit, but I’ve realized I just need to get over it—like pulling off a Band-Aid. Taking a cue from my sister, I try to slide off my cover-up the same way, but I’m anything but smooth. It’s a one-piece dress with an elastic waist that immediately shrinks to miniature size when I try to slide it off. My elbow catches on the elastic, trapping me inside the cover-up while it’s halfway over my head. I’m flailing like a fish caught in a net.

“Do you need help there?” Vale asks.

I can barely see him through the gauzy fabric as I wrestle my way out. “I’m good,” I say in that way that women do when they’re too embarrassed to ask for help. When I get the elastic stuck on my ponytail, I finally give up. “Okay, get me out of here.”

He chuckles. “I wondered how long it would take to ask for help.”

He tugs the cover-up off me, like a tablecloth off a table. I’m grateful to be free, until I realize Vale’s eyes are traveling down my now exposed body. My red tankini isn’t too revealing, skimming just above my belly button, but it’s enough that I feel self-conscious with him this close, memorizing every curve.

When I bought the suit, Jaz told me it brought out all my best features. Judging by the way his eyes flare, he agrees.

I clear my throat. “Ready?” I say, pretending I’m confident in this suit, even if standing next to his muscular frame makes me feel soft and curvy.

“Yes,” he says averting his eyes, before they flick to my face. “What I said before stands.”

“What?” I say, putting on a life vest.

“Last night on our picnic, you were comparing yourself to those other girls on the beach.” His eyes hold mine. “They’ve got nothing on you.”

He straddles the Jet Ski as a fiery warmth spreads through me.

“Hop on,” he says, patting the seat.

I climb onto the Jet Ski behind him, but the seat is so small, I’m practically forced to spoon him. He smells incredible, a mix of cinnamon and coffee that makes it hard to focus on anything else.

“Before we go, let’s take a picture. Lean into each other,” Jaz instructs, even though I’m practically on Vale’s back. “Can you at least look like you’re married?”

“What?” I ask, frowning.

“Your hands are so awkward,” she notes.

“Oh, sorry,” I say, realizing I’ve been hiding them. I wrap them around his waist. Since Vale hasn’t put on his life vest yet, my fingers brush over the tight cut of his abs. Without hesitating, he places a hand on my knee. His touch sends energy spiraling through me, making me wish I could be this close to him all the time. I love the feel of his body next to mine, how solid he is, like nothing could ever hurt me. I steal a quick look at him, and he flashes me this adorable grin that sets my insides on fire.

“Your sister is going to be doing this all day, isn’t she?” he mutters under his breath.

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Well, whatever it takes , right?” Vale reminds me, squeezing my knee.

If he keeps touching me like that, I don’t know how I’m going to survive today.

“Race you there?” Brax asks as Jaz climbs on.

Vale slides on his life vest. “Sure, as long as you...” Before he can finish, Brax takes off, a plume of water shooting behind their Jet Ski. “...don’t cheat,” Vale growls in disgust.

We bolt ahead like a rocket, and I have to grip his waist for dear life to keep from falling off.

Vale tails his brother, but Brax is intent to keep the lead, cutting us off and throwing his head back in laughter.

My body tenses, my arms burn. Vale glances over his shoulder, noticing my struggle to hold on, and slows down, keeping a steady pace behind Brax. I can tell he’d love to pull off some daredevil move, but he holds back for my sake, losing the bet.

We reach the snorkeling beach after them, and Brax has the audacity to pump his fist in victory.

“Why were you driving like a grandma?” Brax teases when we cut the engines.

“He did it for me,” I answer, then give Vale a grateful look.

“Next race, I’ll let you go first, but you’ll still lose,” Brax says, then jumps into the water. When he surfaces, he drags his hand through his soaking wet hair. “Water feels fantastic. Who’s snorkeled before?”

“I haven’t,” Jaz says. “And I can’t wait for you to teach me.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, princess,” Brax says, kissing her lips as he lifts her off the Jet Ski like she weighs nothing.

She slides her body into his arms and their kissing continues in the water, arms and legs wrapped around each other, while we stare at everything but them.

Vale fiddles with something on the Jet Ski as I decide whether to jump ship or wait on Vale’s help.

Compared to them, we look like two middle schoolers at their first dance—awkward and ready to go home.

Vale clears his throat, and when they still don’t stop kissing, he leaps into the water, landing a cannonball next to his brother.

“Hey!” Brax immediately pulls away and wipes the water from his face.

Vale surfaces with a wicked smile. “Oops, did I do that?”

Brax pushes water at Vale, but he only dodges it and splashes his brother back.

“Stop acting like a bunch of immature boys,” Jaz says, even though she knows they can’t stop their competitive natures, especially when it’s all in fun.

Vale waves to me. “Jump in.”

I hesitate, looking at my sister who’s hanging on to Brax like he’s her personal life preserver. They look so happy together, and a twinge of jealousy twists inside me. That’s exactly what I want with Vale.

“You need help getting in?” Vale asks, pulling my gaze back to him. “You can jump in or I can throw you in. Your choice.”

“Those are my only two options?”

“Unless you want me to help you down like your sister.”

I think of Brax’s hands gripping her waist, the way their bodies slid together as one. Definitely not that option.

I shake my head and stir one toe in the water before Vale swims over. His brow furrows into a creased line. “How can I help?”

I shake my head. He’s always asking this. He’s so thoughtful, almost too thoughtful, and sometimes it drives me crazy. Every time he offers help, it makes me feel like I should be able to handle things on my own. I need to learn to rely on myself, not always lean on someone else.

He places a hand on my foot to get my attention. “You’re only making things worse taking it slow. Jumping in is like leaping off a cliff. Once you start, there’s no turning back. It’s scary at first, but thrilling once you’re in the air.”

Normally I’m an all-in kind of gal, rushing into things without thinking, like getting married without considering the consequences. But today, I’m thinking too much. About last night. How I wanted Vale desperately. How I wanted to dive headfirst into love, recklessly, completely, without reservation.

But today, I’m running scared. It’s easier to dodge hard things than face them head-on. That’s why I couldn’t confront Anthony after our relationship fell apart. Part of me couldn’t face the truth—that I wasn’t enough for him once I had something “wrong” with me. He rejected me, and when someone walks away, I can’t let them back in. Same with my dad. He was always looking for something better after Mom died. First with my stepmom. And then when he grew tired of her, he walked away from us too. Because someone better always comes along.

That’s what I’m afraid will happen with Vale. He’ll find someone better, and when he does, I won’t be able to come back from that. I’ll be hollow, lost, no longer able to risk everything on someone who might leave me in the end.

“The longer you wait, the less believable this looks,” Vale says as Brax and Jaz swim away from us.

Jaz is getting her own private snorkeling lesson, while I’m hesitating on the sidelines. A shriek, then a giggle erupts from Jaz. She glances over and yells, “Come on, you guys! This is so fun!” Then she wraps her arms around Brax’s neck and he spins her in the water. They might as well be starring in a commercial for honeymooning in Cancun.

“Are you afraid?” Vale asks, his voice lower.

I scoff. “Hardly.”

“Then what is it?” he says, still holding on to the side of the Jet Ski, like he’s not letting it go while I’m on it. “Because you’ve been a little standoffish. Like a wet cat.”

“That’s a very unpleasant comparison,” I huff, even if it’s true. “You mean you don’t remember last night?”

He blinks. “Of course I remember last night.”

I guess if I’m going to pick off the scab, I might as well do it now. “You left me, Vale. I basically invited you into my bed and you chose the couch over me.”

“Wait.” He shakes his head once and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this straight. You told me I should never sleep in the bedroom. I heard that message loud and clear. Then you got a little frisky in the pillow fight and gave me your bedroom eyes. And you’re mad at me for keeping my word?”

I scoff. “I did not give you bedroom eyes!”

“You totally did! And then you dropped the bomb of ‘keeping up the charade.’ Don’t you think I wanted to sleep there? Even with the pillow wall between us, it’s better than sleeping on a couch. Anything with you is better than alone.”

His words feel like a loud drum beating against my chest. Anything with you is better than alone.

“Then why did you leave?” I narrow my eyes, still not understanding even though he’s already said it.

His face grows serious, almost hurt. “Because you asked me not to.”

“But what about the rules? That whole thing about being very convincing?”

“I want to convince you, so you’ll ask me to stay. But I won’t ever force myself into your life. You have to choose me too. You can’t say one thing and then run the other direction.”

His words feel like small paper cuts across my skin. All this pent-up rejection from my past has me running from anyone who gets too close. Even Vale, who would never willingly hurt me.

“So you wanted to stay?” My voice cracks on the last word, the emotion a lump in my throat .

“More than anything,” Vale says, his face softening, his eyes searching my face. “If you asked, I would never leave you.”

My heart goes from bruised to soft in a beat. He wanted to stay.

Is that why I put up my defenses every time he gets too close?

I know past scars never completely heal. But I want to believe that love can be the one thing that heals us, changes us into something better than we were.

“I see you looking at your sister, wanting what she has,” Vale says, his voice a raw scrape. “Just tell me what you need. How I can make things better. How I can be a better husband to you.”

There he goes again, tossing out words like husband, and making me feel like I’m something to him.

It hurts how much he cares, even if that caring is only limited by the time we’re married. But I need this, need him , even if it’s only for now. I want to stop running every time he scares me, every time I worry he’s going to leave. What makes me tremble, more than anything, is the devastating realization that I’m falling off a cliff and can’t stop myself. That when this marriage ends, so will I.

“I want what they have,” I say, looking at my sister as Brax cradles her in the water and nuzzles her ear. “I want to love that way, but I don’t want to risk losing you when this ends. Our friendship means too much to me to ever risk that.”

“Who said you have to lose anything?” he says, tipping his face up to mine. “You won’t lose me if you don’t push me away. But you also can’t wear a mask around me and pretend it’s invisible, like I don’t notice you’re pretending. I see you, Sloan. And I want the real you. Not the you who’s hiding. Not the you who’s trying to be someone else. I want the Sloan who’s not afraid to be herself. Because I can handle the real you.” He holds my gaze, waiting for me to respond.

I know if I agree, I’m risking everything. Risking rejection. Losing my heart. But I can’t stand playing into this charade without letting my heart feel everything, without letting myself fall completely for Vale.

I want to. I already am.

“I agree,” I say, then slowly, “And I’m asking...” I let out a long breath. “Would you please sleep in my bed tonight? Because I can’t stand the thought of you sleeping on the couch... by yourself.”

His mouth tips up in the corner into a smoldering grin that makes hot fire race through my bones. “Yes, I’ll sleep next to your Great Wall of Pillows tonight, and every night after that if you want me there. But with one caveat: As my wife, you’ll jump into this water and let me into your world. No more hiding. Because today, I want to be your husband, if you’ll let me.” He puts out one hand, an invitation to jump. To take a chance, even if it’s scary.

I do it before I can even think, knowing that thinking has confused me more than anything today. Leaping off the Jet Ski, I sink into the cold water, the water whooshing into my ears with a roar. I’m washing off all the tangled emotions in my heart, washing myself clean of the past, of all the fears I’ve buried deep inside.

Vale catches me just like he promised. His hands wrap around my waist, holding me against his hip, our bodies lightly tangled under the water, all the pressure points tingling with pleasure.

This is where I’m meant to be. This is who accepts me, even though I’m “too much.”

I tip my head back and laugh while the sun warms my face and my hair drips across my shoulders, sending streams of water down my chest and back.

From afar, my sister yells, “Finally! What took you so long?”

I can only yell back what’s true, a feeling of newborn hope blossoming in my chest: “I don’t know why I waited so long.”