Phoenix Found (Brothers of Fire #5)

Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five

Perrin checked the time again. If he didn’t call Rachel soon, she’d think he was blowing her off. The whole process of even being able to talk to her had taken weeks. He should have worked out what to say.

He glanced at Oliver, sitting on the sofa next to him with his French homework laid out on the coffee table. That homework also included several first readers for small children, which Oliver had murdered as he stumbled over words with the most appalling accent.

Perrin had ended up reading the book to him the way a parent read to a child. That had resulted in a small argument over why speaking English with a French accent was acceptable but speaking French with an English accent was not. To which Perrin had no good answer aside from the way one sounded good and the other appalling.

“Are you going to call her, or are you going to sit there and be pensive for the rest of the hour?”

“I’m contemplating what to say.”

“Stalling. ”

Perrin glared at him. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s not going to become less complicated if you don’t make the call.”

That was true, but telling her he didn’t want to marry was different from telling the Coven the same thing. It was more personal, even though he didn’t know her. He hoped she took one look at him and sighed with relief.

“I can’t call her and say, ‘hi, we’ve never met, but I don’t want to go through with this arranged marriage’.”

“Why not? That’s exactly the situation?”

Perrin grimaced. “You could’ve called Everest, but you wrote him a letter instead.”

Oliver fiddled with the end of his braid. “That seemed more appropriate, and besides, I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to him.”

“Same.” Except he didn’t have a choice. He needed to do this before her family made a fuss about how long it was taking for him to send for her.

“Would it have been better if you agreed, and then she’d shown up, and you’d gotten cold feet?”

No, that would’ve been ten times worse. Or he might’ve felt obligated to go through with it. He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Ugh. She would’ve realized something was wrong on the wedding night.”

Oliver grinned.

“It’s not funny,” Perrin cautioned.

“I wasn’t laughing.” No, but Oliver was still smiling, even though he was biting his bottom lip as if to keep the laughter in.

“Then whatever you’re thinking, I don’t want to hear it.” Perrin picked up his phone. He imagined it involved snacks and glory holes, neither of which Rachel would appreciate.

“You’ll feel better once it’s done.”

“And how would you know? ”

Oliver shrugged. “Because often we’re imagining the worst outcome, and the reality isn’t as terrifying. She might be relieved.”

Perrin held onto that hope as he hit call. It rang three times before being answered.

“Hello, Rachel speaking.”

His throat closed as panic gripped hard. He had to force the words out. “Hi, this is Perrin.”

Did she already know he wasn’t interested, or did she think this was a first meeting?

“Hi, I’ve been waiting for you to call. Though it is a little unusual to meet this way.” She sounded excited but unsure.

“We have the technology, so why not make use of it? There’s no point in jumping on a plane and going halfway around the world only to…” The words dried on his tongue.

Oliver waved his hand to encourage him to continue, which was distracting instead of helpful. He swallowed but still couldn’t speak.

“I’m excited to be coming to France. I’m even learning French.”

Perrin rolled his eyes at the idea of being around someone else learning French. Oliver smothered a laugh.

“Who’s with you? Is your family there?”

“No, it’s not my family.” Perrin glanced at Oliver. Oliver held his gaze. It was so much easier to lie, but he didn’t want to drag this charade on, as she was obviously keen on the arrangement. “It’s my boyfriend.”

There were several seconds of silence before Rachel spoke. “What do you mean? Is that like a French thing?”

Perrin closed his eyes. “He’s my boyfriend. I’m gay. Us getting married isn’t going to?—”

“You can’t be gay. ”

Oliver had his hand over his mouth, but his eyebrows did plenty of talking.

Fuck, he was making a mess of this.

“Rachel, I wanted to speak with you to tell you. I didn’t want you coming all the way over here on a false promise. However, because we are a match, I am happy to father your children if that’s what you want and support them.” Dalmon said that the castle was willing to pay child support on his behalf while he worked there.

And that he was a test case for the Coven.

He didn’t want to be a test case. He just wanted to live his life instead of following tradition…one that had only been around for a few centuries and that had served its usefulness.

“But we’re a match. We’re supposed to marry. Ghouls aren’t gay.”

Perrin clamped his teeth together to keep from snapping at her bigotry. “I guess a couple of centuries of forced marriages made it appear that way. But I can assure you I am definitely gay, and my boyfriend agrees.”

Oliver leaned in. “He’s super gay. His favorite snack is?—”

Perrin slapped his hand over Oliver’s mouth.

“I thought you wanted help,” Oliver said, his words muffled by Perrin’s palm.

“You weren’t raised to marry?” Rachel asked.

“I was, but I’ve known for a long time this isn’t a good fit for me.” He gave Oliver a warning glare and removed his hand.

Oliver pressed his lips together, but Perrin didn’t trust him to be silent for long.

“And what am I supposed to do? You’re my match. I’ve been waiting for you to summon me for the last five years…and now you’re telling me…I won’t be moving to France and getting married? ”

“I don’t live in France. I live in Mont de Leucoy,” He bit the words out. How could she get that wrong?

“That’s like part of France, right?”

Oliver rolled his eyes.

Perrin sighed. “No, it’s not. But there is nothing stopping you from moving to France and finding another ghoul to marry. I’m sure there is another match you can make. Or you can marry whoever you want, and as I said, I’m happy to?—”

“I don’t want to raise your children. I don’t want to marry someone else. I want a proper ghoulish family.” Her voice had lost all excitement and taken on a petulant tone.

“Then it won’t be with me, and I’m sorry.” His decision had ruined her life plans. Following tradition would have ruined his, but somehow, he was the shit.

“My parents agreed for you to contact me because they wanted us to start planning. What am I supposed to tell them?” Her voice increased in pitch.

“I will ask the Coven to speak with them. They will propose another match.”

“You can’t ruin my life like this.”

All the sympathy he had for her evaporated in the face of her own selfishness.

Perrin gave a low growl. “And you can’t ruin mine…or does that not matter?”

“It’s what’s right,” she said as if following tradition was all that mattered.

“And I am doing what is right. I don’t expect someone to be unhappily married to me for the sake of a three-hundred-year-old tradition.” That’s what he needed to hold on to. They would both be miserable if they married.

“What am I supposed to do?” She sniffed.

He couldn’t tell if she was truly upset or if she was fake sniffing for sympathy. “Talk to the Coven, talk to your parents. If your family is dead set on tradition, the Coven will help find you a different match. But the Coven has already agreed that by offering to father your children, I have fulfilled the spirit of the tradition.”

“Wow, so before you even met me”—there was no trace of her sniffles now—“you had already made your decision and got Coven backing.”

“I like men, Rachel. Meeting you wasn’t going to change that.” There was no point in going into details because she didn’t care about him, only about her own expectations, and it wasn’t his fault she’d been raised to marry a stranger. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“No one can love a ghoul but another ghoul. You will end up alone,” she snarled.

“I love Perrin,” Oliver said. “And it is better to be alone and true to yourself than to live a lie.”

Perrin smiled at him. He kissed the tips of his fingers and placed them on Oliver’s lower lip. Wanting to hear him say that again while at the same time willing him to be silent.

“I need to go. I need to talk to my parents. I can’t believe I was waiting for this call.” She hung up.

“That went badly,” Oliver said.

Perrin glared at him and spoke in a low growl. “Of course it went fucking badly.”

Oliver considered him for a heartbeat. “If she’d been in love with someone else, like your sister, or if she’d been gay, then it might’ve gone very well.”

Perrin blinked and kept his mouth closed, not knowing what to say. Logically, that was true, but he felt like an asshole for ruining her life along with several centuries of ghoulish tradition.

“Like you said, it was ruin your life or ruin hers.” Oliver seemed untroubled by the whole thing .

“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?”

“I don’t understand why you feel bad… You were being forced into something you didn’t want to do, and now you’re free.”

“I seem to recall you being unsettled when you were first freed.”

Oliver nodded. “That’s because everything was strange and weird, and it’s taken me a while to find my feet. There’s also the fear that now my life is my responsibility, that I’ll mess it up.”

Is that what the slippery, sour feeling was?

The worry that because he no longer had to follow tradition and could make his own choices, he might make the wrong ones?

What if being with Oliver was a mistake?

While Oliver loved him now, it was only a matter of time until the phoenix moved on. What would he do then? Who wanted a ghoul? He’d end up on his own. But that was better than being married to someone who didn’t love him and who he didn’t love, wasn’t it?

If he was married, he couldn’t go out and hook up.

But that wasn’t what he wanted anymore. Now he knew what it was like to go to bed with someone. To kiss them goodnight and wake up with them. To know their name and to learn what they liked. To learn together…

How did Oliver know what he liked and wanted when he’d barely lived?

Perrin stared at his beautiful, magical lover. “You spent most of your life alone. How did you realize you were gay?”

“I don’t think that I am, not entirely. But at some point, in the books that I read, I wasn’t the hero having these adventures and getting the girl. I started imagining getting with the hero. Of course, that depended on the book and what the hero was like.” He put his hand on Perrin’s leg. “When I saw you in the kitchen and I sensed your energy, I wanted to be closer. I wanted to see if I could get the ghoul holding the tub of chicken hearts.” He gave a little shrug. “Now I have. I’m hoping he’ll take me on an adventure.”

Perrin frowned. “You want to travel with me?”

“Did you expect me to sit here and wait until you came back? Unless you were planning on breaking up with me first?” Hurt flickered in Oliver’s gray eyes as if already expecting the worst.

Perrin picked up his hand and kissed Oliver’s warm fingertips. “I don’t want to break up with you. But I also didn’t know how to have that conversation because I thought you’d want to be here with your brothers. You’ve only just arrived.”

“And they will be here when we return…I need to see the world, and I can’t do that on my own.” He bit his lip as his eyebrows knitted together. “That’s not coming out right. I want to have this adventure with you. Unless you need to do this on your own. But we need to talk about it. Because I love you, and I’ll miss you, and maybe I’m sounding a little too needy, which is not an attractive quality.” Oliver glanced away and tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. He sighed. “I’ve read all those books, and I don’t know what to say or how to say it.”

Perrin gave Oliver’s hand a squeeze. “I didn’t want you to feel as though I expected you to choose between me and your family. Nor did I want you to be pressured to explore if you aren’t ready.”

“I don’t know if I am ready, but I want to take the chance. If you want me there.”

Perrin smiled. He would have traveled on his own and hopefully made friends along the way, but having someone to share the experience with was so much better. “Of course I do. It’ll be more fun with someone. ”

Oliver pulled a face. “It won’t just be me because I need to take a bodyguard.”

“Of course you do.” His idea of a holiday had been staying at backpackers and doing everything as cheaply as possible so he could afford to be away for three months.

“Is that a deal breaker?”

He shook his head. “It depends on the bodyguard.”

“Given that you’re a ghoul and I’m a shifter, Kaine will insist on sending a witch with us.”

Perrin suspected he was the last person Oliver had talked to about how he felt about Perrin traveling. It was perhaps better that way, as he’d been able to figure out what he expected out of the situation. “Is this what you were discussing with Monsieur the other day?”

“Amongst other things. Why do you call him that?”

“Because he’s a prince, and I’m not his brother. I’m staff. Is he happy for you to travel with me?”

Oliver tilted his head. “Err…no. But I told him it wasn’t his choice to make. They rescued me, but that doesn’t mean they can control my life.”

“I guess he’s not too happy that you’re sleeping with me, either.” Perrin’s gaze dropped to their linked fingers. His looked human, albeit very pale.

“Oh, that doesn’t bother him at all. And when this moves from being an open secret to something else, you’ll need to stop calling him Monsieur.”

Perrin sighed as Oliver mangled that one word. He couldn’t imagine not ducking his head and using the correct address with the phoenixes. But Lucian had adapted. He should’ve asked more questions while the ex-witch was visiting.

“Since I don’t need to go to America to meet Rachel, we can go wherever we want. I had a budget in mind, but I guess I’m throwing that out the window. ”

Oliver grinned. “I want to go to the beach, and I want to go to skiing?—”

“You can go skiing any time you want here. Monsieur’s estate has a ski resort on it.”

“Please, use their names with me.”

If they caught him being so informal, would there be words, or would they not care? That was another question he needed to ask. What was the next step when they were no longer an open secret? Did they make an announcement?

Not that anyone outside of the castle was aware of Oliver’s existence.

“I’ll think about it. Why don’t we go to bed and research places to visit?”

“Really? You’re going to let me come with you even though I need to bring a bodyguard?”

Perrin lifted his eyebrows. “Did you really think I’d say no?”

Oliver shrugged. “I wasn’t sure. Whenever you talked about traveling, it was like you wanted to go alone. I mean, that sounds like a great adventure, but I’d end up dead.”

“No, you wouldn’t. The castle would never let you go alone in the first place.”

Oliver laughed. “They’d make me take two bodyguards if they thought I was going alone.” His smile faded. “You’re not just pretending that you want me to go with you?”

Perrin leaned over and kissed him. “No. I’d be delighted to see some of the world with you and share that adventure.”