Playboy For Hire

12. Quinn

12

QUINN

“ A nd then I get there, and the guy is like a full seven years younger than I am. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he was hot, but I was looking for a daddy , you know? Not a twenty-five-year-old twink.” Jae-won gave me a disgusted look, then took another sip of his margarita. “Did he think I wasn’t going to notice the suspicious smoothness of his skin? The sprightliness of his joints? The utter lack of world-weariness in his eyes?”

I laughed. “I don’t know, you have pretty world-weary eyes sometimes and you’re only thirty.”

Jae-won and I had met in law school and reconnected when we both ended up working in DC. Jae was a corporate litigator though, and his life was way more stressful than mine. He routinely cancelled on hangouts, so I was kind of amazed he’d kept this one.

We were sitting in slingback lawn chairs on a fake beach at Tiki Tom’s on the southwest waterfront. A group of drunk college kids were attempting to play volleyball with a beach ball next to us, and a pack of women were doing tequila shots at the bar. It wasn’t really my scene, but the frozen margaritas were good, even if they were overpriced.

Jae-won made a face. “That’s because trying to make partner puts you on an accelerated daddy track. By the time I’m thirty-five, I’m going to look like Ian McKellan.”

“Then you’ll have twenty-somethings trying to fuck you .”

“I know. And all the forty-five-year-olds aren’t going to be interested. It’s tragic.” He shook his head. “Anyway, enough about my love life. Tell me about yours.”

“Nothing new going on there,” I said, but my response was a hair too quick, and Jae gave me a level look.”

“Nuh-uh. I know you’re lying. Out with it.”

“I’m not lying. You said love life. And I’m not in a relationship or anything…”

“Which suggests that you’re having hot, no-strings-attached sex instead?” Jae said, giving me a hopeful grin.

I rolled my eyes. “Not quite. Honestly, I don’t even know what to call it, and the whole thing is so embarrassing.”

“I got catfished by a twenty-five-year-old,” Jae said. “It doesn’t get worse than that.”

I winced. Ryder was even younger. And that wasn’t the worst part.

“It does if you have to pay for someone else to be your date.”

Jae-won’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god, you used an escort?”

“Not an escort,” I said, remembering how Ryder had bristled at the term. “Just a fake boyfriend.”

“Oh, just that?” Jae laughed. “Come on, tell me everything.”

So I did. I told him about my grandparents’ anniversary and Ryder crashing my date and the night the two of us first hooked up.

“Wait, I thought you said he wasn’t an escort,” Jae broke in.

“He’s not. I didn’t pay him for that. It just…happened.”

“I thought you said he was straight.”

“I thought he was. But apparently not.”

Jae’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure hookups don’t just ‘ happen ’ with any of his other clients? What if he’s grooming you to make you pay for sex later? Or steal your identity? Or maybe he’s a secret cop?”

“Okay, calm down. None of those things are true. Ryder’s a genuinely good guy. Only…” I trailed off.

“Only what? You sound like you have doubts.”

“Not about him. Not about who he is as a person, I mean. But he says he doesn’t do relationships. And I’m fine with that, honestly. I can’t help wondering if he’s using me as some sort of experiment though, because he knows I’m desperate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he already knows my love life is so pathetic I had to hire a fake boyfriend. What if he’s exploring his bisexuality with me because he knows I won’t turn him down? And then, once he’s figured his shit out, he’ll move onto someone better looking who he actually would be in a relationship with. Because it really doesn’t make sense that he’d be interested in hooking up with me.”

“Why not?” Jae-won leaned over and poked my arm. “Come on, why are you so hard on yourself? You’re hot.”

I snorted. “You sound like Ryder.”

“Well, I guess I agree with him on one thing, even if I am generally skeptical. You’re too negative about yourself.”

“I’m just going by experience.”

I tilted my head back against the fabric of the chair, staring into the blue spring sky. The wind ruffled the umbrellas standing around us. It was only April. Too cold to pretend we were at the beach, really.

“I don’t want to be a dirty secret again, you know?”

“Do you feel like Ryder’s trying to hide you?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t met any of his friends, aside from his housemates in passing. But maybe that’s normal, if we’re just hooking up?”

I wondered if Ryder would take me up on my offer to go to that awards dinner. It didn’t exactly sound fun, but I felt like I owed it to him to at least offer. And I wanted to help him out, if I could.

Jae gave me a frank look. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

“I don’t know. Do I?”

“I think you should stop seeing him.”

I looked over at Jae in surprise. I hadn’t expected him to say that. The thought filled me with anxiety, and left me feeling cold. Ryder suddenly disappearing from my life made me feel unaccountably lonely.

“What? Why?”

“Because of your reaction, right now. Look at you. You’re supposedly hooking up with no strings attached, but the moment I suggest you don’t see him again, you look like I’ve asked you to cut off your hand.”

“He’s my friend,” I protested.

“Are you sure that’s all he is?”

I didn’t have an answer for that.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Jae said. “You’re already worried he’s using you, and you’re not even together. I just don’t want you to get even more attached, and then have things be worse when they inevitably end.”

“Who says they’re going to end?”

“You do. That’s literally what you said you were worried about. And even if you guys do stay friends, I think that leaves a lot of potential for you to get hurt when he starts hooking up with someone else. Besides, the guy’s an escort.”

“ Not an escort.”

“Which means he’s pretty good at acting and lying and telling people what they want to hear,” Jae continued, as if I hadn’t spoken “Even in a best-case scenario, how’s it gonna work? You guys confess your secret love for each other and get married, while he’s still hooking up with other people…for work?”

“He doesn’t hook up with clients,” I said defensively.

“That’s what he told you. But then he immediately proved otherwise. How can you be so sure you’re the only person he’s done that with?”

“Because he told me,” I said. But the more I thought about it, the worse Jae-won’s words made me feel. All I had to go on was Ryder’s word. I frowned. “I never said my best-case scenario was the two of us riding off into the sunset together.”

“You didn’t have to. I know you too well. You’re too much of a romantic. I mean, look what happened with—whoa. Speak of the devil.”

I looked at Jae sharply, then followed his gaze to see Brandon walking towards us, drink in hand.

Jae shook his head. “I think I’m gonna go get another drink. Let the two of you talk.”

“No, Jae, please don’t—”

“I’m only going to yell at him if I stick around. And I know you don’t like making a scene.” He stood up, brushing his trouser legs free of errant grains of sand. “I’ll be at the bar if you need me.”

“You still—”

But it was too late. Jae was already walking away. He gave Brandon a cool nod and passed right by him. I watched him leave, frustrated. I loved Jae, but I could have used some extra support right now.

Brandon smiled as he approached, then pointed his beer bottle at the chair Jae had vacated. “Is this seat taken?”

I looked up at him, already tired. “What do you want?”

“Well, that’s a nice greeting.” He flopped down into the empty chair. “‘ Hey, Quinn, how are you ?’ ‘ I’m great Brandon, and yourself ?’ ‘ Oh, fine, thanks .’” He sipped his Corona and smiled again. “That’s another way we could begin our conversation.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Just out with friends.” He smiled at me. “Saw you over here and thought I’d come say hello. Didn’t want to be rude.”

The thing of it was, his smile was still gorgeous. His eyes still crinkled at the corners, his laugh was still inviting. It was a pity that when someone broke up with you, they didn’t immediately turn into a troll. But no, Brandon was as good-looking as ever, unfortunately.

I half-smiled, thinking of Ryder. Would he call Brandon ‘ good-looking ’ too? Then I remembered who was sitting right next to me, and my smile faded.

“Oh, come on,” Brandon said. “I just got here, and you’re already giving me that look. Lighten up, Quinn. Are you only here with Jae-won? Where’s your boyfriend?”

“What—” I began, then caught myself before saying, ‘ what boyfriend ’ out loud. “He’s busy,” I said instead.

“With what, kindergarten?” Brandon chuckled, enjoying his own joke. “He’s a little young for you, isn’t he?”

I flushed with anger. Yes, Ryder was younger than I was. But Brandon was in no position to pass judgement on who I dated.

“He’s at work,” I snapped. “Seriously, Brandon. What do you want?”

He spread his hands. “Just to talk, I swear. It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to do that.”

“You’re the one who said we shouldn’t talk anymore. I thought you didn’t want people asking questions.”

“That was months ago. Now that Julie and I are engaged, I think it’d be weirder if we don’t talk. After all, we’re going to be family soon.”

“Forgive me if I’m not interested in spending time with someone who laughed when I asked why we never went out in public together.”

“I didn’t laugh. I was surprised, is all,” Brandon said.

“Yeah, at the idea that someone like you would ever want to be with me where other people could see.”

“It wasn’t you. I told you, I just needed time.”

“Yeah, you told me that every fucking week. You just needed a little more time until you were ready. And I believed you—right up until you dumped me, and I found out you’d been dating Julie for three months at that point.”

“Quinn, I know you’re upset—”

“Upset?” I glared at him. “You think this is me upset ? This is nothing. This is me calm, with six months to adjust to what you did. You cheated on me, Brandon. With my own cousin. And now you want me to act like it never happened, and like we can be friends?”

“It wasn’t cheating,” Brandon said. “You and I were never really together.”

“No, we were just fucking most nights of the week.”

“Will you keep your voice down?” he hissed. He looked around sharply, checking to see if anyone had overheard me. “And you don’t need to make it sound so crass.”

“How else should I make it sound? You knew I liked you. I told you I wanted to be with you. That I wasn’t dating anyone else. And you said you weren’t either.”

Brandon sighed. “Julie and I…it just sort of happened. I always meant to tell you. But I knew you wanted more from me and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“So you lied. And cheated on me. And made it hurt worse when you finally broke things off.” I shook my head. “Were you ever going to come out? Or were you just stringing me along while you waited for someone better to appear?”

“Quinn—”

“Did you plan on getting together with Julie from the first time you met her? How long were you actually with her, before you told me? Were you with her the whole time?”

“Okay, calm down.” Brandon straightened in his seat. “You’re starting to sound crazy.”

I couldn’t do this anymore. Jae was right. I didn’t like to make a scene, and I was on the verge of doing exactly that. The longer I talked with Brandon, the greater the risk became. I stood up abruptly.

“Well, maybe I am crazy. No thanks to you.”

“You don’t need to be so dramatic.”

“And you don’t need to be such a dick.” God, I wanted to throw my drink at him so badly. “Have a good rest of your night, Brandon. And a good rest of your life.”

I stalked off to find Jae-won.

I texted Ryder later that night, out of frustration.

QUINN: You free tonight? I ran into Brandon and I think I might implode if I can’t vent.

But Ryder took a while to text back. When he finally did, it was short.

RYDER: Hey, busy tonight. Hang out tomorrow?

I sighed. I didn’t want to see Ryder tomorrow. I wanted him tonight. Wanted him to convince me, if only for a few hours, that I was desirable. That I was someone worth wanting.

But that just made me think about what Jae had said. Did I care about Ryder more than I should? Was it possible to be friends with him, and hook up with him, but keep those two things separate?

Jae was right. I’d never been good at being casual in the past. But I could turn over a new leaf, couldn’t I? I would show Jae, and myself, that it was possible.

So when Ryder texted me the next day around noon, asking if I wanted to come over that night, I purposefully waited forty-five minutes before texting back and saying yes. Would someone who was in over their head do that? I felt extremely virtuous.

Ryder’s housemate Raf opened the door when I got there that night.

“Hey,” he said, around a mouthful of a gyro. He was holding the foil-wrapped meal in one hand. He nodded at the steps to the second floor. “He’s upstairs.”

I took the stairs two at a time, smiling—a totally normal, reasonable, just-friends kind of smile—as I knocked on Ryder’s door. It swung open, revealing Ryder sitting at his desk, looking utterly forlorn.

An open textbook sat on the left side of the desk, a spiral-bound notebook covered in indecipherable scribbles on the right. His laptop sat in the middle, a spreadsheet filling the screen. Ryder’s hands were in his hair, and he was staring at the computer with a blank expression.

“Ryder?” I said gently.

He jumped, looking up. “What are you doing here?”

“We were supposed to hang out. Did you forget?”

“What? No. Definitely not.” He smiled sheepishly. “I just…temporarily misplaced the memory. Weren’t we supposed to hang out yesterday?”

I cocked my head to the side. “I asked you to hang out yesterday, and you said you couldn’t.”

“Oh. Right.” He shook his head. “I don’t know where my brain is these days.”

“What were you doing yesterday that had you so busy?”

I couldn’t help asking, but I said it with a smile, like I didn’t care about the answer and wasn’t imagining Ryder spending last night with some super hot guy who made him come twelve times and whom he was planning on marrying next week.

“Oh, nothing important.” Ryder waved his hand.

“It must have been a little important. You didn’t respond for a while.”

“I was out with a client. Didn’t see your text for a bit.”

A feeling I couldn’t quite identify ran through me. Relief mixed with…was that jealousy? That was ridiculous. Ryder being out with a client didn’t mean his feelings about me had changed, and I wasn’t supposed to care about his feelings anyway. Damn Jae-won for getting in my head.

“Cool.” I grinned. “I hope it was a good night.”

“It was fine. Nothing to write home about, but that’s how most clients are.”

That brought a rush of pleasure. Whoever the client was, Ryder clearly didn’t care about them like he did about me. But did he still think of me as a client?

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re here. You’re giving me an excuse to stop staring at this.” He gestured at the surface of his desk.

“What is all that?” From the textbook, it had something to do with math.

“Homework. I should never have pushed this class off ‘til my last semester.”

“What class is it for?”

“Macroeconomics. A requirement. I put it off because micro was such a pain in the ass.” He slammed his laptop shut and spun his chair around to face the rest of the room. “I don’t even know why I bother. It’s not like it’s gonna pull my whole GPA up, and no one’s hiring me anyway.”

“What do you mean?” I walked into the room and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Just that. I’m not going to get a job, so it doesn’t matter. All I need to do is pass the class. My grade isn’t going to make a difference.”

I frowned. “Have you not applied for any jobs after graduation?”

This didn’t make any sense. Ryder was so confident. Even if he was worried about his grades, I couldn’t figure out why he was so convinced no one would hire him.

“Oh, no. I’ve applied to like, hundreds. But then I found out that I might as well not have bothered because there’s a black mark next to my name on some industry-wide memo that says, ‘ Don’t hire this loser, he’ll fuck up all your shit .’ So, you know. It really doesn’t matter.”

“What? Why?”

“Because they’re right.” He spread his hands helplessly. “I mean, it was a mistake. If I’d been paying more attention, if I could actually use my brain for something useful, it wouldn’t have happened. But since I’m a dumbass and incapable of doing any of that, they’re probably right not to hire me.”

“What was the mistake?”

He ran a hand over his face, stretching his features out. “It’s too embarrassing. If I tell you, you’re going to think I’m an idiot. Which, for the record, I am. But then you won’t want to be friends anymore.”

“Ryder, we already are friends. Did you kill a puppy with your bare hands?”

“No, but—”

“Then I don’t think whatever you say is going to change my mind. So, come on, tell me this horrible thing you did.”

He sighed, then looked up at the ceiling. “Do you know Wadsworth & Lowe? The consulting company?”

I thought for a moment. “Not really, but the name sounds a little familiar. Why?”

“Because that’s where I worked last summer. And you probably know their name because of what I did.”

“What did you do?”

“Most of my work was shadowing a few of their mid-level managers. But I was also one of three people in charge of their social media accounts. They always give that work to their interns, since we’re supposed to be young and hip.”

My brow furrowed. The memory was starting to surface. I couldn’t remember the details, but there had been a big scandal. “That rings a bell for some reason. Why do I feel like something happened with their socials?”

“Because it did.” Ryder closed his eyes. “Because instead of sharing a picture of a meme I’d made about applying for government contracts, I tapped the photo next to it in my phone instead. Which happened to be a picture of my dick with a smiley face drawn on it.”

“Oh, noooo.”

“Oh, yes.”

“That was you?”

I remembered it now. Wadsworth & Lowe had become a huge story one day when, as they later explained, an intern had accidentally uploaded a lewd picture to all of their social media accounts, and left it there for an hour before anyone noticed.

“That was me.” He stared morosely at his hands.

“They said an intern did it, but I always thought that was a cover to save someone higher up at the company.”

“Nope.” Ryder flashed me a mirthless grin. “They let me go that same day. Two weeks before my contract was up.”

“Oh, God.” I tried to stop the laugh that threatened to bubble up from my chest, but couldn’t quite manage it. “Oh, Ryder, I’m sorry. That really sucks.”

He gave me a wry look. “It’s okay to laugh. It would be kind of funny, if it hadn’t happened to me. I should probably be grateful it didn’t happen earlier in the summer.”

“And it really was an accident?” I said, still struggling not to chuckle.

“ Yes . I wouldn’t sext 285,000 followers of corporate strategy on purpose.”

“Who were you trying to sext instead?” I asked, now struggling to tamp down a thread of jealousy that was winding its way through my stomach.

“No one, at that minute. I’d hooked up with this girl a few weeks earlier, and she was coming back to town. She’d been sending me pictures that whole week, and I’d sent that dick pic to her the night before. I just hadn’t deleted it yet.”

“Oh, God. I can’t even imagine.”

“Count yourself lucky. I was just grateful I could still take Heartbreakers clients. Thank God my face wasn’t in that picture.”

That thread of jealousy was the size of a small rope now. Which was silly. I didn’t even know Ryder back then. What did I care who he’d been hooking up with nine months ago?

He made a face. “And to cap it all off, when I met with my advisor a couple of weeks ago, she told me that was why no one would hire me, and I should give up and get a job modeling instead.”

“Modeling?” I stared at him, aghast. “She actually said that to you?”

“That or acting. Or being an influencer. Or sales, or personal training. She basically said to play to my strengths.”

“That’s awful. You could report her.”

“Why?”

“Well, reverse the genders for a minute. Can you imagine a male advisor telling one of his female students to give up on applying for jobs in their field and to try to work as a model instead? There’d be a public outcry.”

“It’s not as if she’s not right, though. Besides, she didn’t proposition me or anything. She was just trying to help.” He sighed again. “Maybe she’s right. Maybe that’s all I’m good for.”

“I still think it’s weird for her to be talking about your looks. But you know, being a personal trainer or working in sales—those are real jobs. Even modeling.”

“Yeah, but they’re not jobs you need a college degree for. They’re not jobs anyone respects. They’re definitely not anything my parents would appreciate.”

He pressed his lips together and stared at a spot above my head. “God, I was so sure I’d show them. I’d prove that leaving home was a good idea. I was going to finish college and live on my own and do something they could be proud of. At this rate, I might as well just go home after I graduate.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, of course not. I never wanted to stay there. I know everyone thinks moving back to a small town sounds quaint and wholesome, and maybe it is for some people, but not for me.”

“Okay, then don’t. Stay here. Get a job in sales, or as a personal trainer, or whatever. To be honest, you’d probably be great at those. You’re so charismatic, you could charm the pants off someone and get any job, even if you were grossly unqualified.”

“Well, now you sound like my advisor,” Ryder said, and his tone made it clear he was annoyed.

“I’m sorry. I was joking. I didn’t realize—

“Didn’t realize I might care about the fact that I don’t have any actual hireable qualities? At least I have Heartbreakers to fall back on, if nothing else.”

“Well, yeah. But wouldn’t you rather have something you could tell your parents about? Something real?”

His eyes narrowed. “You just told me modeling is a real job. But my actual job, the one that’s the reason we even know each other, isn’t?”

“I’m just saying it’s not your only option.”

“I know, but it’s a damn good option at this point. It pays well, and I’m good at it.”

“Yeah, but you have to sell yourself to do it. Doesn’t it make you feel a little…” I trailed off. I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. Wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

“A little what?”

“I don’t know. Forget it.”

“No, tell me what you were going to say.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Cheap? Used? Unfulfilled, if nothing else?”

“Actually, no. It doesn’t.” Ryder gave me a hard look. “I’m not ashamed of my job, you know.”

“I’m not saying you should be.”

“Except you are , by telling me I should feel used and cheap.” He grimaced. “Maybe we shouldn’t go out tonight.”

“Ryder, I didn’t mean—”

“Because right now, the only thing making me feel cheap is you.”

I looked at him helplessly. “I swear, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry if—”

“If what? If I got offended? Because it’s my fault for being sensitive about it?”

“No. I’m sorry if my words came out wrong. I never meant to imply there was something wrong with your job.”

“But you did.” Ryder shook his head. “Just go, Quinn.” He looked more tired than he had since I’d walked in. “I have stuff to get done anyway. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked.

“Busy tomorrow.”

“With a client?”

“Does it matter?” He gave me a level look.

It shouldn’t have mattered. But right now, the thought of Ryder with someone else made me want to punch someone, and I’d never been in a fistfight in my life.

But all I’d done tonight was make him angry, and probably hurt his feelings. I didn’t trust myself to try to answer.

“Nevermind. I’ll go.”

I walked out the door without looking back.