Premonition of Peace (Her Immortal Monsters #3)

Chapter 28

twenty-eight

NATHALIE

Marcel drove my car with a steady hand, his face etched with concentration as he navigated the winding road leading to Wicked Haunt. We could have probably gone the faster way, traveled with Piper and Ronan through the light realm, or with August and Lucifer through the veil, or Marcel could have just popped us in the cemetery. But I’d asked for this drive. I needed the chance to sit and watch the scenery pass me by before I had to face the shitshow that was to come.

I couldn’t believe I was on my way to attend my sister’s assisted suicide, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Maybe it was the release of Rage and Little that had me feeling the way I did. Maybe it was the fact that a secret part of me had hoped that now that our family was out of the way, Kat and I could have reformed what we’d lost. I mean, if Piper and Bree could scrape back together a semblance of a relationship, then so could the two of us, right?

Except I would never, ever get to find out.

The loss of my sister was as hard to deal with as the loss of my opportunity to know her again. Our time was up. Fuck, I hated feeling helpless and it was a feeling that I was reluctantly becoming used to.

All too soon, Marcel pulled down a gravel road and the large church loomed in front of us. He kept driving until the attached graveyard came into view. My heart rate kicked up and my palms became slick. I tried to surreptitiously wipe them against my jeans.

When Marcel finally parked, my eyes jumped immediately to the clock. 11:23. It felt like I could hear the ticking of an invisible clock in my ears. He turned off the engine and an oppressive silence settled over us. I fiddled with my fingers, picking at the skin around the cuticle. He reached over and grabbed my hands in his, stilling the nervous fidgeting.

I looked at him and saw the same grief I felt reflected in his eyes.

“I know this is hard for you,” he said softly. “It’s hard for me too, but you know that this is her choice. Kat deserves the chance to follow her own path, whether we agree or not.”

“I know. I just don’t know how to accept that.” I swallowed hard, tears threatening to spill. “I used to think I’d feel nothing if she died, after everything that’s happened, and that is the furthest thing from what I feel.”

“She’s your twin. I would be shocked if you felt nothing about this.”

“I’m going to miss her,” I said with a sullen chuckle. “I’ve spent years avoiding her and now I’m going to miss her.”

A tear escaped and traced a path down my cheek. Marcel reached over and gently wiped it away with his thumb before pulling me into a tender kiss. The kiss was gentle and full of shared sorrow, his warmth enveloping me.

“I’ll miss her too,” he murmured against my lips.

We rested our foreheads together, our breaths mingling in the quiet of the car. I worked to match my breathing to his, letting his steady rhythm bring my panic down. Slowly, I regained composure, the tears drying in my eyes.

After a few moments, I pulled back slightly, taking one last deep breath. “Thank you,” I said, managing a faint smile.

“Anytime, sunbeam,” he replied softly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. Not letting myself think about it anymore, I pushed open the car door and climbed out closing it behind me. I walked a few steps forward, stopping to wait at the front of the car as Marcel went into the back seat and grabbed the duffel bag filled with supplies. Slinging it over his shoulder, he stepped up beside me and linked his fingers with mine. Together, we walked toward the graveyard, the chill of the New Chicago night biting through my clothes.

As we approached, I could see Lucifer and August standing by the wrought-iron entrance. The moment we reached them, they fell into step with us. Lucifer on Marcel’s other side, August on mine. The graveyard was hushed, the only sounds were the faint rustling of leaves and the murmured conversations of everyone else. Everybody stood around expectantly, including Kat, who had disappeared from my apartment with the excuse of “getting her affairs in order.”

Piper and Ronan stood side by side with matching faces of consternation. Anders was cradling Sasha’s lifeless body with a tender reverence while Sienna stood by him, holding on to one of Sasha’s dangling hands.

“I will do the setup with Lucifer and August,” Marcel said just before we reached everyone else. “Go talk to her.” With those words, I received three forehead kisses before I was left to walk to my sister alone.

Katherine stood off to the side, a picture of calm while all I felt was turmoil. I walked over to her, my steps slow and deliberate. She looked up when I came to stand by her but said nothing. For several moments, we stood in silence watching as Marcel instructed Anders to lay Sasha down and worked with Lucifer and August to create an extra-large salt circle.

Finally, Katherine broke the tension. “I don’t blame you, you know,” she said, her voice steady but tinged with a sadness that mirrored my own.

I turned to face her, definitely lost. “For what?”

“For Prudence,” she continued. “I believe you. I always have. Pru always had a cruel streak and was too jealous and impulsive for her own good.”

I snorted softly. “That’s putting it mildly.”

A reluctant smile touched Katherine’s lips. She nodded toward Lucifer, August, and Marcel. “Well, we can’t help who we fall in love with, can we?”

“No, I suppose we can’t.” I glanced over at my guys, a warm feeling spreading through me despite the heaviness of the moment. I fidgeted with my thumbnail, looking down at it while I tried to find the courage to say more. “If you didn’t blame me, why . . .? Everything that happened between us started there.”

“Grief. Anger. Jealousy that you got away,” she said simply. “It was a bottomless pit of unimaginable sorrow, yearning for one more chance to be with the one you love, only to be met with denial and loneliness. I had no way to process it. Our family certainly didn’t help it.” She huffed, shaking her head. “I’m also as stubborn as you. We share that trait.”

Silence fell between us again, and for a second, we watched Marcel cleanse the athame in ritual. I couldn’t find the words to say it but knowing that she didn’t blame me alleviated a guilt that was so heavy, I’d grown used to bending over to carry it. But I didn’t let the silence sit between us for too long. This was my last chance, and I wanted to say everything I hadn’t.

“I don’t blame you either.” She looked at me for an explanation, and I gave her the best one I could. “For everything that happened with Marcel, our family, The Morrigan—I realize now that there were a lot of things about our family that I got to evade when I left. You didn’t. You were grieving and alone and left with them . You didn’t deserve to carry the weight of their sins any more than I did.”

For a second she just blinked at me, her eyes misting over before she pulled herself back together. “Our family was so fucked up, but you were always the best of us, Nat. It only makes sense that you’ll be the last Le Fay. You’ll leave an entirely new legacy to our name. Something good.”

I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears. “Tell Prudence I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I don’t regret it, but it was unfortunate all the same . . . I don’t imagine she cares, but?—”

“She doesn’t blame you either, you know.”

“That’s . . . surprising.”

“Oh, she absolutely did at first.” Kat chuckled and shook her head, a sad, tiny smile curling up one side. “She caused it. She knows that now. Death . . . death changes a person, oddly enough. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. If that day had been different, and it had been you dead and Marcel alive, I would have done the same thing. I would have taken the life of anyone in that room if it meant saving you. It wasn’t personal.”

Without thinking, I closed the distance between us and pulled her into a tight hug. Katherine embraced me just as fiercely, something she hadn’t done since we were children, when she was my protector.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion. “I hope that you find everything you’re looking for in the veil.”

Katherine’s grip tightened around me. “I love you too, Nat,” she replied, her voice muffled against my shoulder. “I hope you get to live the life you’ve always deserved.”

We held each other for a few more seconds before the moment was broken by Marcel’s voice calling out from across the graveyard.

“It’s time.”

Katherine gave me one last, lingering pat on the back before stepping away from me and walking with sure steps toward the ritual circle.

“Only one person here knows what this looks like,” Marcel began, flicking his eyes to mine briefly, addressing the others as they closed in around the outside of the salt barrier, “and even now it will look slightly different. We’re trying to lure Sasha back, and she’s been gone for some time. The salt gives us a stronger window, so don’t fucking cross it. Sienna’s blood is our lure. Nothing fancy. Just a cut on the hand.”

Sienna nodded, squeezing her hands together.

“But . . . you’re going to have to”—he paused, swallowing thickly.

“Say it, Marcel,” I whispered.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. “You’re going to see me kill Kat. If you can’t handle it, turn around. Leave. Whatever you need to do.”

“Then what?” Anders asked.

“Then I chant until dawn,” he answered softly.

“All night?” Piper asked, and he pressed his lips together firmly, gently inclining his chin.

“And silence. Give him silence,” I added. “It’s a grueling thing to chant that long.”

There was a general rumble of agreement. That meant we were once again, out of time. I finally dragged my feet forward, moving into the space Lucifer and August had left between them. Everyone spectating took a seat as Marcel held out his hand for Kat and she stepped over the salt.

Katherine assumed her position next to Sasha’s lifeless body, laying down directly in front of me within arm’s length. As she spread out, she arranged herself easily into the proper placement. Marcel set the cleansed athame on top of her stomach, keeping it off of the ground. Kat tilted her head towards the sky, staring up at the stars and full moon that illuminated everything.

Marcel gestured for Sienna, and approached him, holding out her arm.

“You ready?” he asked her quietly, and she closed her eyes, fisting her hand. He used a separate athame and sliced into her arm cleanly, an instant line of crimson appearing as her blood flowed into a stone mortar Marcel held up to collect it.

Her eyes welled with tears as she pulled her arm back, and Ronan bandaged her silently.

“Her hair,” I said suddenly, thinking of other spells. Thinking of how long Sasha had been gone. If I was going to lose my sister tonight, Sasha better damn well return. Marcel looked at me in question. “Take a lock of Sienna’s hair. Wrap it around Sasha’s hand. It should strengthen the lure.”

He didn’t question how I knew it. He just trusted me, nodded in agreement, and did as I’d suggested. Sienna’s blood was poured onto Sasha’s arms, the bloody blade set across her thighs, and her twin’s hair looped around her palm.

I looked away and my eyes connected with Piper’s. Across the circle, she gave me a sad smile. I knew she could tell that this was hard. I didn’t feel the need to try to explain myself to her; after all, she knew well the complexities of estranged sibling relationships.

The church bells began to clang the typical twelve peals as midnight arrived. Marcel knelt beside Katherine as the third toll rang, and he began to chant.

Without breaking rhythm, Marcel retrieved the athame from where it rested on Katherine’s stomach. I knew what was to come and when I prepared myself for this, I told myself I would watch. I’d looked away during Sasha’s ritual, but I wanted to be with Kat every step of hers. So, I kept my eyes trained on my twin’s face, watching my other half contort with pain as Marcel slid the blade across one wrist and then the other.

With the blood of the sacrifice, the spell had begun.

The twelfth and final clang echoed deeply in my bones.

Lucifer reached and wrapped an arm around my waist. I leaned into his comfort, resting my head against his shoulder as I watched the steady rise and fall of Kat’s chest. Fingers threaded in my hair, as August’s nails began gently scratching my scalp. The chanting continued, Marcel’s voice unwavering in its intensity, and I stayed enfolded in the comfort of two of the men who held my heart.

I couldn’t help but think how dissimilar this ritual was compared to when we’d saved Marcel. And how different life was, and how different it would be going forward. Lucifer was alive again and bonded to me as a familiar. August was my Umbra. Marcel wasn’t sick. So much had been gained, but the losses were numerous. If I’d let them, they’d consume me.

I watched Kat’s chest expand less and less as her breathing slowed down. My eyes locked on my sister’s body, finally letting myself fully take her in. She lay still, the flow of blood from her slit arteries slowed, and a massive pool of red framed her body, coating both Sasha and Marcel in the process. Her arms were outstretched as if in a final, silent plea to reach out beyond this plane and embrace the one waiting for her in the veil.

As my sister’s chest gave one last shuttering exhale, I swallowed the sob that threatened to escape me. I stayed pressed against Lucifer’s solid form the entire time, even as I swayed from exhaustion. The warmth of his body was a comforting anchor amidst the ritual’s intensity. August held my hand, and I allowed myself to rely on their strength.

The moon traveled across the sky, time passing whether we liked it or not. Those hours dragged on; it would stay with me forever.

Life as it had been.

Life as it was.

Life as it could be.

The temperature changed slightly, and the scent of dew forming reached my nose.

The night was almost over.

I heard a breathy gasp, and my eyes locked on Sasha. I watched the line across her neck slowly knit itself closed, though I knew the scar would be there forever. Just as Kat had lived with the evidence of death, so would Sasha.

The gray pallor that had turned her light brown skin into a muddy taupe dissipated as brightness flushed over her. I waited, recalling what it was like to see my sister breathe again after chanting all night to resurrect her.

Then the moon crossed over the horizon, and dawn broke through, peeking out with a brilliant orange glow. Sasha’s body shot upright with a loud inhale that cut through the silence we’d kept ourselves in for hours.

She gasped, clawing at her throat before she frantically patted her body as if shocked to be back in it. The entire group held their breath as we waited. She looked disoriented at first, her gaze sweeping around as if trying to grasp the reality of her return.

Then, her eyes locked onto her twin’s, and a sob tore from Sasha’s throat. “Sienna, oh my god.” Without hesitation, she threw her arms around her sister’s neck, and everyone seemed to collectively exhale.

My eyes strayed back to my sister’s body.

Lifeless.

Cold.

Empty.

The juxtaposition of joy and sorrow in a resurrection is something that can never be described in words.

To resurrect the dead, you had to give the living.

All magic came with a price.

With shaky hands, I cupped her face, leaning down to kiss her forehead with tears streaming down my cheeks. “Bye, Kat. Find your peace.”