Premonition of Peace (Her Immortal Monsters #3)

Chapter 31

thirty-one

NATHALIE

What did you wear to get lunch with the girl whose soulmate you stole?

I held up two hangers glaring at each dress as if they offended me personally. Clenching my jaw, I stormed out of my walk-in and presented both dresses to the mini audience in my room.

“Which one should I wear?” Three pairs of eyes found me.

The guys were scattered around my bedroom. Marcel had claimed the plush chair in the corner, his legs draped casually over the armrest, absorbed in a book. Lucifer was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest. August was occupied by the window seat where he’d been sketching something.

“Blue always looks lovely on you,” August volunteered first.

“Agreed.”

Marcel pondered for a moment before nodding. “Blue.”

I looked at the blue one critically before quickly changing. With the dress on and boots zipped over my calves, I made my way back into the main room heading for the floor-length mirror closest to the window seat. I fiddled with the hem of my dress and took a look in the mirror. I couldn’t seem to stop adjusting it, smoothing it out, and checking my reflection. My nerves had been in overdrive since Sasha texted me yesterday asking to get lunch. She’d been absolutely radio silent for the last month and I’d started to wonder if maybe our relationship could never be rectified.

Family dinners had been temporarily stalled in the aftermath but were meant to start again soon. Things weren’t as simple as they were before, for a number of reasons–chief of which being Sasha. I wasn’t sure how she felt about me and August getting together while she’d been gone, but I couldn’t imagine she was happy. In a lot of ways I’d been avoiding her as much as it felt like she was me. Sienna assured me it would be all right, but I wasn’t so sure until Sasha texted me about grabbing lunch.

I turned side to side, just about to declare that I was changing again, when August stood up and moved toward me. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin on top of my head. We both looked at our reflections in the mirror, his slate blue eyes meeting mine in the glass.

“You look beautiful, sunling,” he said softly. “Stop stressing yourself.”

I grimaced slightly, the tension in my shoulders not easing. “I can’t help it,” I admitted. “Sasha knows we’re bonded but she’s been silent for weeks. I have no idea what she’s thinking or what to expect. What do I even say to her?”

“You tell the truth. You’ve found love and that’s okay. She’s still your friend and you want to be hers.”

I scoffed and said, “Yeah that sounds perfect. ‘Hey Sasha, sorry I bonded with your mate while you were trapped in the veil. Hope you’re doing fine.’”

August’s grip tightened reassuringly. “You’re allowed to make decisions that bring you happiness. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs sometimes. And you know as well as I do that she was never the one for me. Even without you in the picture, I wouldn’t have accepted her. You’re the only one I want, and you shouldn’t feel shame for wanting me too.”

Marcel, who had been absorbed in his book in the corner, looked up and gave me a gentle smile. “You’re always the one to sacrifice. The martyr,” he added. “After everything you’ve done for her and New Chicago, Sasha can get the fuck over it. It’s not like you wanted to hurt her. In fact, you tried everything not to. Sometimes we find people and we can’t help the way they make us feel.” Therapy had certainly helped him so far, but I got the feeling he was talking about more than me and August by the twinkle in his dark eyes.

“Sasha loves you,” Lucifer said, stepping forward. “She might be hurting, but she won’t hurt forever. It might seem like a long time to you, but both of you will see that in the grand scheme of things—finding a friendship like yours is rare. Even if it takes years, which I’m not saying it will, I know she’ll come around.”

I glanced between their reflections in the mirror and tried to let their words soothe the tension in me. With a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts and put my anxieties aside. I squeezed August’s hand comfortingly before I stepped out of his embrace.

“All right, I’m ready.”

Marcel closed his book. “Do you want me to teleport you, or would you rather drive?” he asked.

“I’ll take you up on that,” I said to Marcel after kissing Lucifer’s cheek.

August pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, wishing me luck. Then Marcel grabbed my hand and pulled me close. I felt the familiar rush of magic as we blinked out of my bedroom and reappeared outside the restaurant. It was the same place I had visited with Lucifer when Morgan Le Fay had interrupted our lunch.

I turned to Marcel, capturing his lips with mine before pulling away with a wobbly tilt to my lips. “Thank you.”

He flashed a warm smile and told me, “Enjoy your lunch with Sasha. Text me when you’re done and I’ll come get you.” With that, he blinked out of sight, leaving me standing in front of the restaurant.

Pulling open the door, I spotted Sasha almost immediately seated near a window. Her posture was slightly rigid as she looked at her menu. I made my way over to her, and she looked up, a tentative smile flashing over her face as I settled into the seat across from her.

Fuck, the awkwardness between us was palpable. Sasha glanced at the table. “I ordered you tea and a glass of water. I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s perfect, thank you,” I replied. She nodded her acknowledgment. We fell into silence again, the kind that’s heavy with things unsaid. Picking up my menu, I pretended to pour over it, knowing that I was going to order the same thing I always did. It gave me something to do with my hands.

That distraction only lasted so long before she set her menu down and I mirrored the movement. The pregnant pause just carried on. I fidgeted with my napkin, trying to find something to break the uncomfortable quiet.

Finally, I spoke up, “How has the adjustment been for you?”

Sasha took a deep breath, her eyes flickering away as if searching for the right words. “It’s been. . . . challenging. Being in the veil for so long did things to me.”

“What do you mean?” I had known there would be consequences, but Sienna hadn’t mentioned anything. To be fair, she barely mentioned Sasha to me at all unless I asked.

She hesitated for a moment before continuing, “I see the dead now. At first, I thought I was hallucinating, but I went to Se?ora, and she confirmed it. They’re real spirits.”

I felt a jolt of surprise. “Wow, that is . . . wow.”

Sasha snorted softly, her expression a mix of frustration and resignation. “Yeah, it’s been a lot. Especially being in a city where millions of people died at once. It’s like I’m constantly surrounded by them.”

The thought of Katherine crossed my mind briefly, but I dismissed it. I couldn’t afford to let myself obsess over my sister wandering the veil. For my own sanity, I had to focus on the here and now.

Sasha continued, “I’ve also been having these awful nightmares and dealing with a lot of anxiety. Se?ora gave me some herb blends to help, but she said the seeing ghosts part isn’t really fixable. The herbs help keep me calmer, which helps some since it seems like the spirits mostly show up when my emotions are all over the place.”

I nodded, feeling a pang of sympathy for her struggles. “I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this,” I said genuinely.

Sasha gave a small, shrugging smile. “It’s better than the alternative.”

The silence returned, still laden with the weight of our unspoken thoughts. I sipped my tea, the warmth comforting against the cool of my anxiety. I couldn’t think of anything else to say that didn’t address the elephant stomping around the room.

After several long minutes of us both sipping our drinks and looking everywhere but at each other, the waitress finally arrived, breaking some of the tension that had settled over our table. With a warm, practiced smile, she took our orders. But that reprieve only lasted so long. As soon as the waitress left, the quiet returned, wrapping around me like a noose.

Sasha broke it after a moment. “I wanted to say it was really nice of you to give Mist a chance to work with Sienna at the women’s shelters. It’s been great seeing her start to take on more responsibility.”

I couldn’t help but smile genuinely at her words. “Mist has grown so much,” I said. “She just keeps proving herself every day. It’s been amazing watching her come into her own. I gave her my old apartment because I figured it would be the best scenario that lets her have a little more independence while still being close to Hallie and the Se?ora.”

Hallie had been happy to have her ‘angel’ so close to her these last few weeks and Sienna appreciated the big-sister-like role Mist took with Hallie. It made a world of difference for the single mom, but also for Hallie and Mist’s relationship. All of the kids were growing rapidly still, each looking around eight or nine now.

Sasha’s face lit up with a soft grin. She was missing the edge that made her, well, her. “It was a good solution.”

The conversation lulled again, leaving us both in our thoughts. Then Sasha took a deep breath, and I saw her expression shift, growing more serious. “I invited you to lunch because I wanted to let you know that I won’t get between you and August. I know you completed your aurae bond and—I’m happy for you.”

“I’m so sorry.” I searched for more words and just as I opened my mouth again to explain how things had ended up, Sasha cut me off.

“There’s no reason to be sorry,” she said firmly. “I know you, Nat, and you don’t have a selfish bone in your body. If there had been any chance that relationship was meant for me, you’d have never pursued it. Death changes a person.” My heart lurched when I heard her echo the same sentiment Kat had shared before she’d died. Sasha thankfully didn’t notice, and she carried on in her explanation. “Drifting through the veil gave me a lot of perspective about my life and what I want for it. I realized that pining and chasing after someone who doesn’t want me isn’t how I wanted to live. And I don’t want to ruin the relationships I value over someone who was never truly mine.”

Her words hit me with a weight I hadn’t expected. I struggled to find the right response, my emotions a tangled mess. “I value our friendship so much,” I finally managed to say, my voice thick with emotion. “I’ve missed being in your life.”

Sasha’s expression softened. “I missed you too,” she said quietly, her voice trembling just slightly.

At that moment, the waitress returned with our food. She placed it in front of us with a friendly smile and then disappeared again. The silence that followed was more comfortable, filled with the soft clinking of cutlery. The tension between Sasha and me had eased some in the wake of her admission.

After a few moments, Sasha put her knife and fork down and fixed her eyes on me. “I do have one ask, though, if you’ll indulge me,” she began softly. I lifted an eyebrow and motioned for her to continue. “Will you cut the thread between me and August?”

I almost choked.

“I may have the Eye but I don’t like using it unless I have to,” I said carefully, my voice trembling slightly. “It feels like playing god . . . but I can’t fault you for wanting the separation. Are you sure about this?”

Sasha nodded firmly, her expression unwavering. “I know it’s a lot to ask,” she said, swallowing hard. “But I’m sure. I can’t live with this empty ache and still find a way to move on. I accepted the bond on my end and that can’t be undone. I am truly happy you have each other. I do mean that. But still having the rejected bond makes it impossible to get over August, even though that’s all I actually want at this point. I just—I want the freedom to find my person.” She reached across the table and clasped my hand in hers. “Please.”

I could see the resolve in her eyes, and my own heart ached for her. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Would you be comfortable doing it now?” she asked eagerly, her green eyes lighting up. “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“If you’re ready,” I said slowly. “Do you want to come to the bathroom with me? Do it in private so no one watches?”

Sasha nodded, and we stood together, making our way to the ladies room. Once inside, I locked the door behind us. I had gotten more and more used to the Eye, to the point that I had started to see the world again without focusing on the threads connected to everyone. It had made going out far less stressful.

“Okay, so full disclosure, I have no idea if this is going to hurt. I’ve never cut bonds between anyone except, well, you know,” I told her as I materialized the shears.

She simply nodded standing still with bated breath. I analyzed her, focusing on the crossing threads tying her to the world around us. My eyes tracked the delicate, intertwining strands until I spotted a thin, fraying thread that I instinctively knew was Sasha’s connection to August. I reached out, knowing I probably looked crazy right now as I pinched the thread between my fingers. Bringing the scissors up, I lined them against the thread. I didn’t ask her again as I carefully snipped it.

The thread disintegrated and Sasha gasped, her breath catching in her throat. She clutched her chest and bent at the waist. I grabbed her shoulders, panicking instantly.

Had I made a mistake? Was this the result of playing with fate?

“Are you okay?” As soon as the words left my lips, I flinched. Of course she wasn’t okay. She was bent at the waist and gasping for breath. I gently rubbed her back, trying to soothe the pain I caused.

Slowly, Sasha straightened, and a real smile spread across her face. Something I wasn’t sure I’d ever truly seen. Tears glazed over her eyes, and she pulled me into a hug, something she rarely did, and her voice was filled with emotion as she spoke.

“I’m free.”