Pretty Little Hellion (Rocker Universe: Pretty Little #3)

2. Hayat

Chapter Two

Hayat

Swallowing around the knot in my throat, I mentally shook off the terrifying memories. It didn’t matter that we were at odds. I loved Maddie and would never want anything bad to happen to her.

“Emmie is handling Autumn’s Slumber personally to avoid more strain between you girls,” Pop-Pop announced after a tense minute passed. As if I didn’t already know that Emmie was taking over as our manager. “The guys knew that. Didn’t they tell you?”

“We knew, but we haven’t talked about much work-related stuff except to discuss the set we will be playing tomorrow night for the first show at the club. Aunt Emmie hasn’t given the guys or me a schedule yet.”

Stepping down from the ladder, I crossed to my laptop and made sure the camera was working correctly. “But Jamie and Sparks would have mentioned time with Shane, so I’m sure they didn’t know about our scheduled session at ASM either.”

“You talk about those two all the time,” Poppy observed. “But you don’t bring up Ky often.”

Closing my laptop, I dusted off my hands and shrugged. “Ky and I are working on us. I’m not rushing anything. Whatever happens between him and me, happens.”

“Is something on your mind, sunshine?” Poppy asked, his swirling brown eyes settling into a shade that was normally reassuring.

“Nope,” I forcefully popped the “p.”

“What are you mad about?” Both my grandfathers asked at the same time, but in different tones. Poppy’s deeper voice was softer, while Pop-Pop’s had an almost accusatory hint to it.

There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in my mind that he was resistant to my relationship status with three men. He didn’t understand it. And I kept getting vibes from him that he didn’t even want to try to understand.

Which was fine.

I was fine.

That he and I had never been at odds before over something in my life was new to me, so yeah, I was totally fine. I could give him a grace period, let everything calm down and give him time to accept that I was in love with three men simultaneously.

It definitely didn’t hurt that he hadn’t even talked to me about my situationships. Or that I could see—fucking feel—his judgment every time one of my guys was mentioned. Especially when it came to Ky.

“I’m not mad,” I denied. Growled. Same difference. “There’s nothing to be angry about.”

My answer was met with silence, the two of them waiting for me to say more.

“Well, thanks for helping me move the drums,” I said, giving them both a fake, bright smile. “I’m sure you have other things that need your attention. What with rumors about Demon’s Wings and OtherWorld embarking on a world tour.”

Neither of them moved, not taking the hint that I wanted to be alone. Instead, Poppy leaned back on his end of the couch, relaxing in a pose much like Pop-Pop was still in.

That was one of the drawbacks of having people who knew you so well. They could pinpoint your every tell, no matter what emotion you were feeling or how good you got at hiding your hurt or anger or frustration. It didn’t matter, because there was always something you didn’t or couldn’t hide from them.

Looking at the studio door, I willed one of my guys to come and rescue me from my grandfathers’ penetrating gazes. Or rather, Pop-Pop’s. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t want to have this feeling floating around inside me, especially directed at one of them. These two men, they were why I loved what I did. My passion for the drums was thanks to them. They were a part of me in a way neither of my parents could be. I trusted them with every aspect of my life, every last detail of my day-to-day.

But…

Damn it, I hated that I felt betrayed in a way I hadn’t even fully acknowledged to myself. So, how could I possibly put it into words for either of them to comprehend? Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have mattered. But there was nothing normal about me—or my relationship with my rockers.

My eyes flickered from one to the other. Jesse Thornton and Devlin Cutter did not look like typical grandfathers. They didn’t wear those weird loafers or tweed or crazy socks. Poppy always kept his head shaved to the skin, while Pop-Pop was a slave to his hair, which was beautifully long and glossy. I’d inherited his hair obsession because I would literally die if something happened and I had to cut my hair. Other than the occasional trim to keep up with split ends, I’d never let anyone cut my hair my entire life.

How many grandfathers had their hair insured? Because Pop-Pop did, and not just because he was obsessed with his perfect locks. A hair stylist who started their own shampoo and conditioner line had paid him millions to represent them. One part of the contract specified that his hair had to be insured at all times in case of any possible catastrophic situations.

Other than his hair randomly catching on fire, I didn’t know what possible catastrophes could occur, but they had paid him a ridiculous amount of money to be in a few commercials, several magazine ads, and a few hundred posters for salons around the country.

Both men were still good-looking. Some would even call them hot. Gross. Those are my grandfathers, nasty bitches. But still, I guessed there was some truth to the description. They wore faded designer jeans, although they probably didn’t know they were designer brands since their wives were the ones who bought their clothes. And I’d rarely seen them in anything other than old band T-shirts, except for special occasions.

It was weird that girls my age drooled all over them, screaming their names like they were BTS or EXO or MONSTA X instead of two old men with bad knees and fourteen grandkids between the two of them. More than once over the years, random chicks had even thrown their bras at them when we’d been walking down a street on our way to a restaurant.

Double gross.

Welcome to the land of celebrities, where people thought it was okay to throw their underwear at a rock legend on his way to lunch with his grandchildren.

People needed to work on understanding boundaries instead of being entitled pricks.

“I got all day, Hayat,” Poppy said, entwining his fingers over his belly, pulling me out of my musings. “Either you tell us what is going on in that beautiful, chaotic head of yours, or Dev and I camp out on this couch until you are ready to discuss it. Doesn’t matter to me. Nothing is more important to me than making sure you are okay. And right now, I can feel the hurt swirling around inside you. So, sunshine, why don’t you do us all a favor and tell us what is bothering you?”

Second after second ticked by as I stood there, frowning down at my power tools. Could I get away with rechecking the cameras so I didn’t have to have this discussion? Probably not. These two were nothing if not stubborn assholes. They really would sit there until I opened up about what was on my mind. Even if it took days.

I couldn’t put poor Poppy through that.

“Hayat?” Pop-Pop said in his dad voice that he used with my dad all the time.

“Okay, fine,” I grumbled, and they both tensed. Those were two words every man feared, and I’d just said them in one sentence. But it was their own fault for pushing. “I would like to know when Pop-Pop knew that Ky was actually Kyrie Renchford.”

Pop-Pop tensed even more under my wounded stare, while Poppy gave him a weird side-eye. “I always knew. Even when Autumn’s Slumber auditioned. So, yes, I was aware when you tried out for the drummer position. But I didn’t know that you weren’t aware he was Kyrie.”

I blinked at him in surprise. “Are you saying Dad knew who he was at the first audition?”

“Nat has Barrick do a deep dive on any band that auditions for the club,” he explained.

That still felt like a sucker punch. Everyone had known who he was except for me. At least until after…

“But why did no one mention that Kyrie was in Avalyn’s life? That feels like something we all should have been aware of.”

He grimaced. “I don’t know, Hayat. It wasn’t something I was made aware of until after he’d visited with Avalyn a few times. It was sprung on me randomly when we had a family dinner at Trinity’s house one Sunday a few years ago. I spent maybe two hours with the boy, and at first, I wasn’t happy about it. Because he’s a Renchford, and up until then, I’d never met a Renchford I didn’t want to punch in the throat.”

With a grunt, he got to his feet, shrugging one shoulder almost defensively. “But then I remembered him from when he lived with his dad and Hadley. There were times I wondered how he was being treated by them, how he was coping after losing his mother and had to move in with those psychotic douchebags. He was always quiet and moody, and maybe I should have checked on him to make sure he was being taken care of. But I didn’t. And the longer I sat at that dinner table with the boy, the guiltier I felt for not having at least spoken to him while he was living next door to us. I also realized that though he might have once had a last name I despise, he wasn’t anything like Holden. Not gonna lie, the fact that he’d changed his last name to his mother’s maiden name helped too.”

Heart aching at the thought of what Ky must have gone through living with his stepmother after the death of his mother, I lowered my gaze. “When I realized who he really was, I was blindsided,” I confessed quietly. “I was already catching feelings for him before I knew the truth, so I had all this guilt for wanting to explore a relationship with him. I struggled for days, thinking I’d betrayed Maddie and our family. And then I found out that she and Aunt Trinny and Jarrett knew who he was already. That you and Nana knew. And while that was a relief, it switched things around in a confusing way, and suddenly, I was the one who felt betrayed. Because no one had told me anything.”

“Sweetheart…” He sighed heavily, regret in his voice, but I held up a hand, stopping him.

“I get it, Pop-Pop. Really, I do. We have our secrets that are just yours and mine, and I’m sure you have secrets you share with Maddie, Evan, and Banks. Which is okay. I’m not jealous of that. But this…” I blinked against the sting of tears. “For the first time in my life, I felt like an outsider in this family. And that sucked. It hurt. If I’m honest, it still stings pretty badly.”

I swallowed the knot of emotions that attempted to choke me. Of all the ways I’d expected this day to go, having an emotional blowup with one of my grandfathers wasn’t on the list. I hadn’t known what I was feeling was this big until it started coming out like word vomit. I’d made sure to grab my drums while my parents weren’t home just to avoid overwhelming emotions. Only to put myself right in the middle of them with my paternal grandpa.

“Over the past few weeks, Maddie has done some things that don’t sit right with me. It felt like she was deliberately trying to hurt me. And I’m probably overreacting because up until recently, I thought she and I were tight, but the way she behaved tore me up in a way I’m not used to experiencing from family.”

His mouth pressed into a hard line. “I know, sweetheart. It doesn’t sit right with me either. But I have to admit, what you have going on with these three boys…that doesn’t sit right with me either.”

Poppy made an angry-sounding noise, but before he could tear into his friend, I held up my hand to stop him. I didn’t want discord between the two of them over me.

“I’m not asking you to pick sides, Pop-Pop. I would never do that. Please understand that.” My shoulders drooped. I wasn’t ready to discuss the guys with him. Maybe I would never be ready to do that. Not when he was telling me my relationship didn’t sit right with him. Which was fine. It didn’t have to sit right with anyone but my rockers and me. What happened between the four of us was our business and no one else’s.

“I just…” Blowing out a breath, I shook off the sting that came from his not even trying to accept my relationship, and I focused on the conflict between Maddie and me. “Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m asking for right now. I don’t know what I’m feeling because this is all new territory for me. We don’t do this in our family. We don’t deliberately hurt one another. Not like this. And maybe she wasn’t trying to hurt me. Maybe this is just blown up in my mind and I’m feeling raw because of everything else that has been going on. I’m trying to be understanding. I love her so much. I would fight the entire world for her.”

Taking a calming breath, I shook my hair out of my face. “She has my heart and loyalty. But from where I’m standing, she doesn’t share the same sentiments. I’m trying not to let what Maddie is making me feel bleed over into how I feel about you and Nana and Aunt Trinny. But it’s all jumbled up, and I feel…betrayed. By all of you. Which is confusing, and I hate being confused.”

Sadness filled his aquamarine eyes. “I’m sorry, Hayat. That was never any of our intentions. We were so focused on Maddie when he showed up in her life that we didn’t share his friendship with the family. If I’d known this would cause you pain, I would have talked to you about it right after your audition.”

“But would you have, though?”

It hurt in a way I didn’t understand to ask that question. Fuck, it destroyed me to even think it. But I couldn’t stop from voicing it.

He flinched, and I had my answer.

No.

He wouldn’t have said anything about Ky being Kyrie. If I hadn’t become Autumn’s Slumber’s drummer, he probably would have kept quiet about who Ky was until he couldn’t any longer.

Because of Maddie.

“Hayat, honey—”

Closing my eyes, I hated myself for letting a tear slip through. Turning my back to him so I could hide my wet face, I struggled to get my emotions under control before I had to face him. I needed to keep my face neutral, reminding myself that he was a grandfather of five. His loyalties to my brother and three cousins would pull him in every direction. That would stretch anyone thin.

There were going to be moments when one of us had to be set aside so he could focus his full attention on someone else. Because they were the one who needed the extra love and affection.

My head understood all that. Respected it and him for loving us all equally. My heart shouldn’t have been broken over this, not when I knew he hadn’t done it on purpose or maliciously, despite his continued disregard for how I felt about Ky, Jamie, and Sparks. But a heart was a delicate thing, easily bruised and broken.

After the beating it had taken the last few weeks, my heart was already fragile. Weak. And I couldn’t stop the crack down the middle from splitting it open, like the Grand fucking Canyon. Gaping, miles wide. Tearing apart something vital deep inside me.