Primal God (The Defiant God Brotherhood #4)

Chapter 9

9

Dimitri

Lilith walks away from me, and I can taste her sadness in the air.

Fucking hell.

What did I say?

I call after her, “Ms. Wolfe, please bring the children to my study at seven. I’d like to spend some time with them before I have to go out.”

She glances over her shoulder, only showing part of her face. “Of course, Dr. Santos.”

Fuck. Why do I want to grab her and spin her so she’s facing me?

I spin, going to my study, where I slam the door behind me. I need a drink, and not just because of what just happened with Lilith.

Today was a shit day at work, but that’s not what’s got me on edge, either. No, it’s what’s happening next Saturday. My induction ceremony to the Defiant God Brotherhood, where I become an Elite Member. As if I’ve summoned someone with ties to the Brotherhood, my phone buzzes as a text comes through.

Jackie

How are you doing, friend?

I smile and type out my reply.

You must be a mind reader.

Because you were thinking of me or because you’re thinking about the Brotherhood.

Wait. Don’t answer that.

The answer is always the Brotherhood.

My ceremony is next weekend.

It is? Congratulations, my friend!

Thank you, though I’m not sure it’s something to celebrate.

It is! Don’t make me come over to remind you that this is a big deal!

We should celebrate!

Ever since Jackie’s husband and former Elite Member, Gerald Smith, died, we’ve been meeting up for drinks or dinner. It’s nice having someone who can relate to what I’ve been through, though I think Jackie might want more than I can offer.

But maybe that’s my problem. Maybe the reason I’m so hung up on Lilith Wolfe is because I haven’t been laid since my wife died. Long before that, really… Except, there’s a deep nagging in the back of my mind that screams that isn’t true, which is absurd. I would remember if I slept with someone!

What did you have in mind?

Drinks and dinner?

Let’s plan on doing that sometime after the ceremony, then.

It’s a date.

Those three words settle deep in my stomach.

It’s a date.

The rest of my evening rushes by in a blur. In fact, the only reason I know Lilith is late in bringing the children to see me is because I pass the grandfather clock in the hallway on my way to the kitchen and notice the time.

Irritation flits through me. I expect schedules to be kept, and she’s late.

In the kitchen, I can hear laughter coming from the backyard. Looking out the window over the sink, I spot Clara and Diego in the pool. Lilith sits on the steps with Isadora in her arms. I’m pleased to see that all my children are wearing the appropriate flotation devices. I’m also pleased that Lilith’s bathing suit shows off her own flotation devices…

Fuck. My cock twitches in my pants as she moves, and I get to see how the dark purple suit clings to her skin. To every fucking curve… Isadora grabs onto the strap of one shoulder, pulling it low enough that I almost get a glimpse of Lilith’s areola. Lilith laughs, saying something to Isadora, who kicks her legs in the water, splashing in response.

Clara yells for Lilith to watch as she dives into the pool, and Lilith claps for my daughter, making her beam. My chest is tight. I can’t recall a single moment where Serafina ever praised our children for anything. The thought has me moving away from the window to the cabinet where I keep a bottle of whisky. I pour two fingers, tossing it back. I should go back to my office, but Diego’s laughter has me moving back to the window.

He's next to Lilith, listening to something she’s saying. I pause, listening as well as I can through the glass. Wait. I think she’s singing. Diego sways to the words in the same way one would if they were singing along. My fucking chest is so tight that it’s hard to breathe, and I grip the edge of the counter.

My sweet boy…

I’m moving before I can stop myself. The patio door opens silently, allowing me to hear what Lilith is actually singing. It’s some song about a shark that I’m certain I’ve heard before. She changes her voice, depending on the character she’s singing about, making Diego laugh. But it’s not just my son who’s enjoying himself. Isadora claps along, too, and even Clara listens in certain parts.

The spell is broken when Clara sees me and yells, “ Papai !”

Lilith turns, and horror fills her eyes. She reaches for her phone, dropping it into the water.

“Oh, crud!”

I move closer, holding out my arms. “Let me take the baby.”

She hands over Isadora and reaches into the water, pulling out her phone. It’s still playing music, so that’s a good thing. My gaze lands on her now wet chest. Fucking hell. Her nipples are hard, pressing against the material of her swimsuit. I’m so enraptured that I barely notice that Isadora is soaking my shirt.

Lilith gets out of the pool, rushing to the chair that has four folded towels on it. She grabs one, handing it to me, and brushes up against me. A low growl leaves my lips, making her look up in surprise.

What in the fuck is wrong with me? Now I growl at the fucking nanny?

“I’m so sorry, Dr. Santos. I completely lost track of time!”

Her eyes are wild, and it hits me. She thinks I growled because I’m upset with her.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. There’s no way I’d call it calming by any means, but it helps.

“Ms. Wolfe, I understand. I’m not upset with you.”

“You’re not?”

“No.” I nod toward Isadora. “I understand that time can get away, especially when having so much fun in the pool.”

She doesn’t seem convinced. “I had an alarm set…”

Clara chimes in, “I turned it off when you had to change Isadora’s diaper.”

I turn to my daughter. “Clara, why did you do that?”

She shrugs. “It was ruining my song.”

Lilith meets my gaze, covering a laugh with a cough.

I say to Clara, “Darling, you shouldn’t turn off someone’s alarm without telling them. What if they had it on for something important?”

“Like what?”

“Like taking medicine.”

“But Nanny W isn’t taking any medicine.” She turns to Lilith. “Are you?”

“No, but the alarm was so I could remember to take you to visit your father.”

Clara thinks. “Sorry, Nanny W.” She turns to me. “Are you mad at me, Papai ?”

“Of course not.”

She grins. “I love you!” And then jumps into the pool, splashing water everywhere.

Lilith turns to me. “Again, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Ms. Wolfe, it’s fine.” I shift Isadora in my arms. “What were you singing to Diego?”

Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink as she says the name of the song. “It’s one of Diego’s favorites.”

“I’ll have to remember that. What made you decide to sing to him?”

“His speech therapist said it might help.”

“Has it?”

She smiles. “Nothing major yet, but he definitely likes it.”

Isadora reaches for Lilith, so I hand her over. Again, Isadora grabs onto the strap of the swimsuit, this time pulling it low enough that I get more than an eyeful. Fucking hell. One large breast spills from the suit, and Lilith scrambles to cover herself. But not before I see the color of her areola. My cock throbs in my pants. It’s a light pink that I’ll never fucking forget.

“Oh my gosh,” Lilith says, turning her body away from me. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s quite alright, Ms. Wolfe.”

Quite alright, indeed.

Lilith gets herself situated and grabs a towel, covering herself as best as she can with Isadora in her arms. There’s a part of me that’s kind of upset about this.

She turns to me, face still pink. “Would you like me to get the children changed and bring them to your study?”

“No, I don’t want to interfere with their normal schedule. I’ll just spend time with them tomorrow.” I pause. “Have you found something to do on your day off?”

The blush deepens. “I have a few errands to run.”

I don’t get to ask more questions because the twins rush over, grabbing onto Lilith’s towel. There’s a moment when I hope my littlest one tugs on the swimsuit again, but she doesn’t. Damn shame, too.

Clara says, “Nanny W, we’re hungry and Diego is ready for bed.”

Lilith says, “Okay, let’s get inside so we can take our baths. Dinner will be ready by then.”

The twins rush inside, and Lilith turns to me.

“I’ll put away all the pool toys before I go to bed.”

Honestly, the pool toys are the last thing on my mind, but I manage a nod. She gives me a small smile before following the twins.

When she’s gone, I exhale. Fuck. I need another drink.

A few hours later, I’m back in the kitchen, trying to tell myself that I’m not here just so I can see Lilith outside. And I know she’s out there, because I saw her on the security feed. She’s standing on the patio, smiling down at her phone, still in her swimsuit. Something pulls deep in my chest. What or who is making her smile like that?

She types on her phone before setting it aside. Is it Joao? Is that who she’s talking to? I fucking hate that the thought makes me jealous of my son. Besides, he has a girlfriend. Does Lilith know that? Is she the type to even care? That thought has me going outside just as she dives into the pool.

She emerges and stops when she sees me. “Oh! Dr. Santos. I didn’t know you were out here.”

“I was just coming out for a swim.” What the fuck. Where did that even come from? “Mind if I join you?”

Her throat bobs as she swallows. “Uh, sure.”

I point to the pool house. “I’ll be right back.”

In the pool house, I close the door behind me and exhale loudly. Well, now I’ve done it. But I’m also not one to back down from a challenge, so I grab my black swim trunks and change. It takes a bit longer than usual because I have to fight my fucking hard-on, which is still noticeable when I walk out. Thankfully, it’s dark outside, so maybe she won’t notice. I dive into the pool in the deep end, hoping and praying the cool water helps.

When I reemerge, Lilith smiles at me.

“What?”

“It’s just funny seeing you with your hair out of place. You’re usually so put together.”

I shake my head, making her laugh more. “I guess that didn’t help?”

“Not much.”

I swim closer to her. “So, Ms. Wolfe, how did bath time go?”

“Better than usual. Clara was pretty tired.” She snorts. “And I learned my lesson with adding bubbles the first time, so no more mishaps.”

“I’m sure there’s a story there.”

“Just one that involves a lot of bubbles that took forever to clean up.”

I smile. “I see.”

A silence settles between us, but it’s not uncomfortable. Lilith leans back, floating on her back.

“I love it out here,” she says. “Joao never realized how lucky he was to have this.”

She’s looking up at the night sky, a wistful look on her face.

“I bought this land because of the views. Serafina never cared that we could see the stars out here, but I did.” I glance at her. “Did Joao ever show you the greenhouse?”

“There’s a greenhouse? Where?”

“Through the woods. The view of the sky is even better out there, if you can imagine. You should check it out sometime.”

“Maybe I will.” She reaches for one of the pool floaties, hugging it to her chest so she can face me as she flips over. “Your kids are pretty wonderful, Dr. Santos.”

“What brought that on?”

She gives me a small smile. “I know you know they’re wonderful, but just in case no one has said it recently, I wanted to make sure you know.”

“Thank you.” I pause. “And, please, call me Dimitri.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh, I couldn’t.”

“And why not?”

“Well, you call me Ms. Wolfe, for one.”

“Would you like me to call you Lilith, then?”

Saying her name has my cock growing hard again. And somehow we’ve both moved closer to each other. So close that I can smell the sweet scent of her perfume. Flowers and vanilla.

“Lili is fine,” she says, sounding breathless.

“But Lilith is your name.”

We’re so close that her feet brush against my legs as she treads water. In another time and place, I would pull her flush against me, ordering her to wrap her legs around my waist. But, that is a version of myself that I no longer indulge.

Instead, I say, “Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” Her answer is immediate and makes my chest swell with pride.

I hold out my hand, and she takes it. Slowly, I swim us back to the deepest end of the pool before letting go of her hand long enough to spin her so her back is to my chest. Using my smart watch, I open the controls to the pool lights and turn them off. The only sound is the water hitting the side of the pool and Lilith’s soft breaths.

“Look up.”

She does and exhales.

“Wow.”

“I know.”

The view is stunning normally, but when the only source of light comes from the moon and stars, well, it’s something else entirely.

“This is what I do when I just need to breathe,” I admit. “I come out here when everyone is asleep, turn the lights off, and look up. It reminds me that no matter what, I still have this.”

She glances over her shoulder at me. “Is that why you were coming out here tonight?”

“Partly.” My hand goes to her hip. “I wanted to check on you, too.”

I’m playing with fire. I know this. But I don’t know if there’s anything that could make me stop right now. Well, that’s not true. If Lilith told me to stop, I would.

She says nothing, but leans into me until her back is against my chest. Both of us are silent, afraid to break the spell. My erection hardens to the point of being painful. And what does Lilith do? She rubs against me. Twice.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Leaning in, I let my nose graze her ear before answering in a low tone, “I like to play a game when I’m out here. Would you like to play with me, Lilith?”

“Wh-what kind of game?”

“One where we don’t apologize for anything that happens under the stars.”

She’s silent, but then leans closer. “I want to play.”

“Good girl,” I praise.

I move my hand from her hip upward.

“This swimsuit ought to be illegal, Lilith.”

Her stomach trembles under my touch. “Oh? Why is that, Dimitri?”

A low rumble leaves my mouth, and my chest vibrates against her back.

“I think you know why.”

She glances at me over her shoulder. “Is it because of what happened earlier? When my breast spilled out?”

“That? I consider that a blessing from the gods.”

Her lips tilt upward. “The gods, eh? Are you sure? You seemed mad about it.”

I lean in, so our lips are almost touching. “I was mad.”

“You were?”

“Because you covered up so quickly.”

Her breath fans my lips before she looks ahead. “Oh.”

“You said you wanted to play my game, Lilith. Do you still feel that way?”

She doesn’t look at me but says, “Yes.”

“Then lower your top and face me.”

The only sound comes from where we tread water. Maybe I’ve overstepped. Or maybe this is just the whisky talking. Deep down I know this isn’t the alcohol.

This is me, and this is how I feel about Lilith.

In this moment, I don’t care that she’s twenty-three and I’m fifty-three. I don’t care that she dated my son. Hell, I don’t even care that she works for me.

She moves, slowly lowering her top. It’s pure fucking torture waiting for her to spin, facing me. Her large breasts peek from the water, tempting me. Her smooth, pale skin calls to me and it takes everything in my power not to cup a plump breast.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lilith.”

I meet her gaze to find her blushing.

“I’ll probably regret this in the morning,” she says in a low tone.

“Regret what?”

“Being out here, with you.”

“Why will you regret it?”

“A lot of reasons.” She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “But there’s a part of me that is thrilled that we’re out here, together.”

I cup her chin with one hand. “Me too.”

“Is the game we’re playing out here for tonight only?”

“Yes.”

She moves closer, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Then will you kiss me, Dimitri?”

I exhale and lean in. But she stops me.

“Not there.” She looks down at her breasts. “There.”

My hand works its way up her side until I’m cupping one breast. It’s more than a handful and I fucking love it. Breasts like these are made to feed children. My cock throbs. If she were mine, I would keep her bred all the time just to see these globes full of milk. The thought has me lifting her breast out of the water. Her pink nipple hardens in the cool air. Leaning forward, I lick a slow circle around it before covering it with my mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” she breathes out as her fingers thread through my hair.

I go back and forth between licking and sucking all while she rocks against me.

“I’m close, Dimitri,” she says. “Harder. Please.”

I pull back, making her pout.

“Do you remember that night?”

It’s risky asking this. What if she doesn’t remember?

Her lips part. “What night?”

“The night after I caught you and my son out here. When you called me Daddy…”

“Of course I remember.”

I lean in, brushing my lips against hers.

“Then you should know what to say to make me suck your beautiful tit harder, little girl.”

“Will you suck harder? Please, Daddy ?”

I almost come right then and there, but I want to make sure my girl comes first.

“Good girl.”

I cover her nipple with my mouth, sucking harder. Her sounds of pleasure echo off the pool walls, fueling me. When she comes, it’s with my name on her lips.

But the moment she looks at me, eyes begging for more, I’m overcome with guilt so severe that it has me pushing her away from me.

What in the hell am I doing out here? My wife died less than a year and a half ago!

“Dimitri?”

I run a hand through my hair. “This was wrong. Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry, Ms. Wolfe.”

“Ms. Wolfe?” Her eyes glisten in the moonlight with unshed tears.

I swim to the stairs, getting out as fast as I can. My heart pounds as more guilt assaults me.

And Joao… what will my eldest son think if he finds out I was sucking on his ex-girlfriend’s breast like some kind of villain?

My stomach roils, and it takes everything in my power not to be sick.

A hand touches my arm. I turn to find Lilith—Ms. Wolfe—with her swimsuit back in place. My eyes close, because more desire courses through me, conflicting with the guilt swirling deep in my gut.

“Dimitri, look at me. Please.” Her soft tone has my eyes opening. “We did nothing wrong, Dimitri.”

A bitter laugh escapes me. “I think we both know that’s not true.”

“We were playing a game. Nothing has to change. I promise.”

I exhale through my nose. I should be comforting her, telling her the same thing she’s telling me. Instead, I nod.

“Have a good night, Ms. Wolfe.”

“Dimitri, wait.”

I stop.

“Call me, Lilith, please. We’re friends, after all.”

She gives me a small smile before walking away, leaving me alone in the dark.

I look up at the night sky I love so much, tears filling my eyes.

Serafina was right. I don’t deserve to be happy. Which means I must keep my distance from Ms. Wolfe. No matter what.