Primal God (The Defiant God Brotherhood #4)

Chapter 26

Dimitri doesn’t join me in the shower, and I find myself thankful. My thoughts are a mess. It’s more than that.

My heart is a mess.

I love him so much. Hell, I think of his younger kids as my own. But if this is one-sided, then I’m going to get hurt. And I don’t know if I can handle that.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and go to the vanity so I can put on lotion. I meet my gaze in the mirror.

I’m going to tell him how I feel. Tonight.

Having a plan doesn’t help the queasy feeling in my stomach, but at least it gives me something to do. If he feels the same way, then great. If he doesn’t, then I need to look at my options. I know he won’t want me to leave until we figure out what to do about Uncle Wolfe and the arranged marriage, which I understand. If anything, I can move back into my old room.

The thought has me frowning. Because, deep down, I don’t want to move into my old room.

My melancholy thoughts keep me company as I finish getting ready. I put on my favorite black dress, noticing that it’s a bit snugger than I remember. Ah well. I still look stunning. When I step into the bedroom, I find him freshly showered, dressed in all black. My heart is so full of love as I look at him, it steals my breath. Of course, my eyes immediately fill with tears.

“You look beautiful, minha vida .”

I have to clear my throat twice before I can speak.

“You’re looking pretty good yourself.” I move closer and hold on to the lapel of his blazer. “Very Daddy .”

He grins. “Just the look I was going for. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Hand in hand, we make our way downstairs. Miranda is in the kitchen with Isadora and Raquel.

“Oh, you two look so good together. Do you want me to take a photo?”

Dimitri pulls out his phone. “Yes.”

We pose as Miranda snaps the photo.

Dimitri shows it to me and says, “This is going to be my wallpaper.”

“Send it to me.”

Because it’s a great photo and I’m going to make it my wallpaper, too.

Dimitri calls out, “Clara. Diego. We’re leaving.”

“In here,” Clara answers.

We find them waiting near the front door.

“You look so pretty, Nanny W,” Clara says.

“Thank you.” I squat. “I was thinking. How would you and Diego feel about calling me Lili?”

Clara’s eyebrows lift. “Why?”

“Well, I’m not your nanny anymore. Nanny Odell is. And, we’re friends.”

Clara smiles. “Okay.”

“Good.” I kiss her cheek. “I’ll see you later, Clara.”

“Bye, Lili.”

I stand and then kiss Diego’s cheek, too. “Have fun, Diego.”

He grins and waves as Dimitri takes my hand.

“Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

He leads me outside, to his car, opening the door for me. I slide into the seat and notice some papers between the seat and console. Reaching for them, I realize they’re from my surgery.

When Dimitri gets in, I say, “Guess I should take these in.”

“What is it?”

“Discharge papers from when I had my surgery.”

“I didn’t even notice them.” His hand covers mine. “What are you in the mood for? Steak?”

I shake my head, the thought of steak making me sick.

“Fish?”

“Definitely not.” I think. “Would it be really tacky if I said I was craving a burger?”

“Not at all. I know just the place.”

An hour later, I’m eating the best burger in the world. We’re sitting next to each other in the booth, and Dimitri keeps one hand on my thigh the entire time. We talk about everything. His day. Mine. The funny thing Clara said the other day. We talk about everything except for the fact that I love him and that I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way.

After we eat, we head back home. I should just say it. Tell him my fears.

But I don’t.

After we park, I grab the papers and get out of the car. The lights are out in the house when we enter.

Dimitri says, “I’m going to step into my study for a moment and answer an email.”

I nod. “Don’t be long.”

“I won’t.”

I take my shoes off, setting them on the shoe rack, and make my way upstairs. After checking on all the kids, I go to our room and slip out of the dress. God. I don’t remember it being so snug, but maybe I’ve gained some weight.

Sitting on the bed, I flip through the papers, making sure there’s not any personal information that shouldn’t be tossed in the trash. A page in the middle of the stack has me stopping.

Subject: DISCHARGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR FEMALE PATIENTS

Re: Birth Control Drug Interaction with Sugammadex (Bridion)

During your procedure or surgery, you received medications that lower the effectiveness of birth control medications. If you are on any type of hormonal contraceptive (birth control medication), you need to be aware of this:

Sugammadex (Bridion) is a medicine that helps to speed up recovery from anesthesia drugs patients receive during surgery. Sugammadex may decrease the effectiveness of your birth control for up to 7 days.

Here’s what you can do:

Use a backup birth control method for the next 7 days after your procedure or surgery.

Continue taking your hormonal contraceptive during this period (oral contraceptives, injectable contraceptives, patches, etc.) as well as backup birth control methods (male condom, female condom, female diaphragm, abstinence, etc.)

If you have questions, reach out to your physician or primary care doctor.

I still, rereading the paper.

Dimitri enters and asks, “Everything okay?”

“What do you know about this drug?” I try to say the name, pointing at the paper.

“Sugammadex? It’s something used in surgery. Why?”

“I found this with my discharge papers.” I swallow, my throat feeling tight. “It says I should have used extra birth control for a week after the surgery.”

“Yes, that’s standard.”

“Well, that’s great, but it didn’t happen.” Using my phone, I pull up my menstruation tracking app and still. “Shit.”

“What?”

I meet his gaze. “I’m late. And I’m never late.”

He moves toward me. “Everything is going to be okay, minha vida .”

“Is it?” My chin wobbles. “How can you be sure?”

I lean into his embrace.

“Because we’re in this together. No matter what.”

My eyes water and a few tears roll down my cheeks.

“Did I ever tell you how Serafina died?”

I look up at him. “I thought she died in childbirth.”

He gives me a small smile. “That’s what the official cause of death was, but it wasn’t the true reason.”

He pauses, looking off into space, so I take his hand into mine, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Things were good between Serafina and I when we first got married. We were both full of foolish hopes and dreams. She was twelve years younger than me and was just getting to see the world as an adult. I wanted to be the one to show her everything. Things changed after Joao was born. Serafina became someone I didn’t know. She would pick fights with me. She was erratic. Nothing I could say or do helped.” He sighs. “I stopped trying after a point. When Joao was two, I told her I wanted a divorce. That’s when she told me she was pregnant.”

He looks down at me. “She was never pregnant, but I didn’t know that. We fell into a vicious cycle with no end in sight. When Joao was close to turning eighteen, I told her I wanted a divorce. That’s when she told me she was pregnant with the twins.”

“She did it on purpose?”

He nods. “She knew I always wanted a big family and did it to ensure I wouldn’t leave her. It worked, but, as before, after a point, the kids were no longer a reason to stay together. So she got pregnant again.”

“With Isadora?” I ask.

“Yes. But something was wrong with Serafina. She wasn’t well in the head. I tried to get her help. I did. But she was good at acting like things were fine, and my fears were dismissed.” He swallows thickly. “Clara and I were at ballet when it happened.”

“When what happened?” I ask in a whisper.

“Diego was hungry and went looking for Serafina. He found her in the bathroom, passed out. She had taken pills, trying to end her life.”

“Oh, poor Diego,” I say, not hiding the tears streaming down my face.

“Somehow, he managed to use her phone to call me.” His head dips in shame. “I didn’t answer the first time because all Serafina and I ever did was fight.”

“Dimitri—”

“I answered on the second call. Diego was hysterical. When I arrived at the house, she was unresponsive.” His gaze meets mine. “I almost lost them both. The drugs that she took had put Isadora in distress too.”

I lift his hand, bringing it to my lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“I was relieved after she died. This heavy cloud that hung over me for so many years was gone. But then I was left with the aftermath. One where my young son stopped speaking. One where I was now a widower with three young kids.” His gaze searches mine. “I vowed never to fall in love again. I’d never put myself in a position to be that vulnerable. But then you came along.”

My eyes water again.

“You’ve always drawn me in, Lilith, from the day I first met you. I tried to stay away then, but I’m not going to do it anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I love you.” He smiles. “I love you more than I knew was possible. You make me a better man. A better father. So, Lilith, if you are pregnant, then I only have one thing to say.” He pauses. “Marry me. Marry me even if you aren’t pregnant. God knows we’ve spent too much time apart as it is.”

“Dimitri—”

He stands, pulling a ring box from his pocket. Slowly, he lowers to one knee in front of me. It should be absurd that I’m sitting in my bra and panties while he proposes. But it’s not. It’s perfect.

“Lilith Marie Wolfe, will you be my wife?”

“Yes.” I laugh as tears stream down my face. “Yes, I’ll marry you!”

He stands, pulling me into his embrace as he kisses me. I hold him tightly, needing to feel him.

When we pull away, I ask, “But what about Joao?”

“Joao will be fine.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I know my son. It may take him a while, but he’ll come around.”

I shake my head. “I still can’t believe this is happening. What if I’m not pregnant?”

“Then we’ll keep trying until you are.” He looks down at me. “That is, if that’s what you want.”

“It is. I’ve always wanted a large family.” More tears fill my eyes. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you, minha corac?o. ”